*hoofs it to you up front*

*hoofs it to you up front*

*catches the ball with my hands*
*runs to the opponent's goal*
*throw the ball in the net*
*win*
Woo!

*shins it out of play*
i'm helping

why am I up front, I'm a right back

Good job I'm Emile Heskey.

*I open my ass and the ball goes directly into my anus, effectively ending the game

>effectively
kek

Do you even cut inside?

*puts too heavy of a touch on the ball and the goalkeeper simply picks it up*

*puts on robe and wizard hat*

*ends the game 0-0*

Greatest living passer of the ball to be honest.

*flicks it on the big man*

*collapses under my own weight*

*presses on his chest repeatedly, breathing sweet life into the fat fuck*

*grab defenders dick as I shit my pants*

Nothing personnel

*torpedoes the ball under the crossbar*

nothing personel you smelly chavs

*complains to the ref*

As a defender, I usually either did this or passed it sideways. My record is: 2-1, 1-2, and 1-0

I'm a center back, sorry laddie

>not cutting inside