My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.
Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch. I’ll have you know my name is John, and I woke up this morning 5:30 sharp to the smell of wet pussy. I was getting a blowjob from two bitches (Shit was SO Cash), one was trying to fit my humongous 3 pound balls in her mouth while the other was choking halfway on my 18 and 3\8 inch dick. She started to squirt hard, she was convulsing and having 6 orgasms at the same time. I gave it to them and they were on the floor squirting like motherfucking fountains. Must have come about a quart of sperm and compressed air. Imagine your best orgasm, then multiply it by 35. I had to go to base camp so I front-flipped from my 14th floor barracks into my valet parked 2012 Ferrari (I got connexions). Pushed my shit to about 4 hundo (mph, mind you) and I was at base camp in no time. When I entered, I became a top sniper and was granted access to the entire arsenal of the USMC. I learned how to kill someone in over 700 different ways and was assigned to be the leader of a squad that will kill 300 terrorists using gorilla warfare tactics. Also did 6000 push-ups, 8000 sit-ups and bench-pressed 30 plates in 16 minutes. After basic training, I met a network of secret spies who will help me trace your IP address, while eating gold plated sushi and 15,000 $ champagne. My unit got the rest of the day off and I became captain of our base’s football team and starter of the basketball team. I got straight A’s on the military entrance exams and received more awards. Meanwhile, you were jacking off to pictures on Facebook and naked drawn Japanese people. Went back in the Lambo to my barracks and now I am getting ready to go to sleep. I am going to graduate at the top of my class in the Navy Seals tomorrow and I want to look pretty much perfect for it. Don’t be a stranger and remember, I did more in one day than you will your entire life.
Parker Edwards
About ten thousand years ago, I told you faggots that I was going to inherit a shit ton of money from an uncle who use to fuck me as a kid. Now, after winning the legal battle for sexual harassment and all kinds of shit, It's official, I am the wealthiest mother fucker on Sup Forums..
First to roll trips gets $50,000.00 on their PayPal account.
I am genuinely in love with Anne Frank. She was beautiful, witty, and graceful young woman who light was snuffed out far too early.
I frequently fantasize about being Peter van Pels hiding with her.
Oh god, just imagine deflowering that sweet girl on a lazy Amsterdam afternoon, lying and learn what each other's bodies were for.
Now imagine nine months later, she's got a massive bulging stomach from carrying your child inside of her and it seems like she’s gonna pop any moment now. Her popped belly button makes it look like she's got a giant third boob where her stomach once was. She waddles around and can barely move half of the time. She's developed an insatiable craving for your dick and you've likewise developed a taste for her pussy. You’re both cooped up in an attic all day have nothing better to do besides fuck like an unsustainable third world population. You lie down on your back, she strips off her almost comically too small clothes and kneels on top of you. She grabs a hold of your rock hard cock, inserts it deep inside of her, and begins to ride you like a stallion. You feel the pressure from her incredible weight and huge round belly bearing down on you but the indescribable pleasure of her tight pussy throbbing on you cock negates any discomfort. You sink into her beautiful soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go. After 30 minutes, you and her are both moaning with ever greater intensity, you know it won't be long now. Suddenly, you feel your cock shaking like a V-2 rocket and the orgasm reaches it's climax as your cum literally explodes like an 88mm AT round inside her Sherman tank, blowing the turret right off. You and her both join as one, souls screaming from the sheer ecstasy. As the elation wears off, she lies next to you. Too exhausted to do anything else, you simply hold her in your embrace. In that moment, there is no family squabbles, no Nazis, no war. Just you and her, watching the sky turn pink with the setting sun.
Austin Morris
>copypasta, but just imagine that a real human being actually sat and typed that up once
Connor Watson
TO BE FAIR, YOU HAVE TO HAVE A VERY HIGH IQ TO UNDERSTAND RICK AND MORTY. THE HUMOUR IS EXTREMELY SUBTLE, AND WITHOUT A SOLID GRASP OF THEORETICAL PHYSICS MOST OF THE JOKES WILL GO OVER A TYPICAL VIEWER’S HEAD. THERE’S ALSO RICK’S NIHILISTIC OUTLOOK, WHICH IS DEFTLY WOVEN INTO HIS CHARACTERISATION- HIS PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY DRAWS HEAVILY FROM NARODNAYA VOLYA LITERATURE, FOR INSTANCE. THE FANS UNDERSTAND THIS STUFF; THEY HAVE THE INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY TO TRULY APPRECIATE THE DEPTHS OF THESE JOKES, TO REALISE THAT THEY’RE NOT JUST FUNNY- THEY SAY SOMETHING DEEP ABOUT LIFE. AS A CONSEQUENCE PEOPLE WHO DISLIKE RICK & MORTY TRULY ARE IDIOTS- OF COURSE THEY WOULDN’T APPRECIATE, FOR INSTANCE, THE HUMOUR IN RICK’S EXISTENTIAL CATCHPHRASE “WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB,” WHICH ITSELF IS A CRYPTIC REFERENCE TO TURGENEV’S RUSSIAN EPIC FATHERS AND SONS. I’M SMIRKING RIGHT NOW JUST IMAGINING ONE OF THOSE ADDLEPATED SIMPLETONS SCRATCHING THEIR HEADS IN CONFUSION AS DAN HARMON’S GENIUS WIT UNFOLDS ITSELF ON THEIR TELEVISION SCREENS. WHAT FOOLS.. HOW I PITY THEM.
AND YES, BY THE WAY, I DO HAVE A RICK & MORTY TATTOO. AND NO, YOU CANNOT SEE IT. IT’S FOR THE LADIES’ EYES ONLY- AND EVEN THEN THEY HAVE TO DEMONSTRATE THAT THEY’RE WITHIN 5 IQ POINTS OF MY OWN (PREFERABLY LOWER) BEFOREHAND. NOTHIN PERSONNEL KID
Joshua Williams
Who Am I? I am the type of guy that cuts in front of you at McDonald's, orders some fucking thing that is not even on the menu, argues with the person behind the counter for a little bit, then I end up getting her number because she has big fucking titties, then I fucking order something, and I leave without the item or paying because FUCK McDonald's, I aint got time for your fucking shitty excuses, like i couldnt give a flying shit if your dick is stuck in the frozen fanta machine!!!
Parker Cruz
The mind of all on Sup Forums is as overcooked as this image of a burning corpse i browsed for not long ago .
Angel Powell
I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s. Its terrible. Its just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I'll tell you. First of all the number 2, by the way I love the number 2. It's probably my favorite number, no it is my favorite number. You know what, it's probably more like the number two but with a lot of zeros behind it. A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of zeros. Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a zero that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy but he's like, "10101000101", on and on, like that. He's like a computer! You know what I mean? He's like a computer. I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these numbers and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of operations than me. You wouldn't believe it. That I can tell you. So, we're gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me. OK? Alright.
Isaac Lewis
Ive seen this repost so many times.
Eli Wilson
Number 1 you look like you're trying to impersonate "The Situation" faggot off Jersey Shore just with a way shittier haircut. I'm sure you get fucked in the ass on a regular basis. Number 2 as far as you're supposed "banging hot girlfriend" goes, she looks like a blow up doll with a fucking pulse, way too much makeup, fake ass tan, and you have better fucking eyebrows than she does. She's got a face like a fucking iguana. You guys kinda look alike, related perhaps? Number 3, yes, I heard straight A's are pretty easy to get in special school. You look like the kind of kid I used to beat the shit out of for lunch money. And lastly as far as what I do for fucking sports, I'm over here in fucking Iraq wondering why I put myself in danger everyday for a country with a bunch of assfucks like you. I bet you've never done a hard day's work in your life, you have no idea how to be a real fucking man. I wonder how it feels to go through life completely devoid of meaning. Stop going online and disparaging other people just because you're existence is so dull and meaningless, you're embarassing yourself. A shit like you wouldn't last ten minutes out here. And btw how much did cost to take a picture with your sister?
Justin Butler
You look like your sex smells of fake tan and James Bomb puke. Your collective IQs are probably so low you could count to it in one hand, you small-minded plebeian moronic troglodyte.
P.s. when you were born someone walked past and said "Oh look, there's some cunt coming out of some cunts cunt"
Easton Adams
Medium quality bait. Fuck off.
David Powell
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Kevin Thompson
was this originally posted here for real? like i just want to know what he thought he'd get out of it
