I fell in love with a girl when I was in high school.
We broke, badly, she will not even talk to me anymore.
That was over 10 years ago...
I dream about her, I have nightmares about her, I can't stop thinking about her even when I'm awake.
I need this to stop, but I don't know what to do.
She is getting married soon, probably this weekend, I would guess.
I saw her Facebook profile picture, it was posted just a day ago. Her sister is helping her put the dress on.
I have never had feelings for anyone else, the way I had feelings for her.
I'm a nobody though...
I dropped out of school and got entangled in a web of drugs, addiction, and anything and everything that was self destructive to myself.
Meanwhile, she just got her Ph.D.
She has friends and family and a husband.
I have few friends, only a bastardized version of "family", and I while I have a "girlfriend" it's a relationship with no definitive goal and will likely dissolve.
Seeing her in her wedding dress, I tasted an emotion in my mind that I had never felt before.
On one hand, it was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen.
On the other, it felt like dying.
The only person that I feel like I love, more than I love her? Is her husband.
He is what makes her happy, and I would die to protect that.
I just wish I could get the chunk of asphalt out of my chest, that feels like it's strangling my heart.
Why haven't I been able to forget her?
Will I ever?
The more I think about it, the more I just want to walk out into the ocean, and not stop, until swallowed by the abyss.
I can't watch them grow old and happy together, I want it for them both...
I just don't know if I can handle seeing it happen.
Please? What can I do?