Hey Sup Forums.
Long time no post.
So, it's 4am here, I can't sleep, and it's becoming clear to me I am chronically depressed.
Problem is, I have a partner and 3/yo child.
Fuck.
Seriously, fuck.
Realising it's all meaningless is not a way to parent.
People are cunts and I can't keep caring and trying. It just hurts too much.
I love my family, but I don't have anything to give anymore. I tried so hard.
I'm not going to an hero (sorry to disappoint), but what the fuck do I do?
Have you considered seeing a doctor and getting help?
Optimistic nihilism is what keeps me goin' every day. Shit sounds rough, user. Hope you can find something to cling to for the time being.
I've tried counselling before, and therapy with my partner. Obviously hasn't made a lasting impression.
And I don't want to go on meds. It's a cop out. I know why I feel this way. It's real.
how about you don't do that because you will be leaving a 3 year old without a dad
go to a doctor, get some help please
>Hitler wasn't at least kinda special
shit book
when i feel everything is meaningless and i cant keep going, i just remember saxton hale. the concept of an ubermensch is kinda inspiring. id see a doctor, though. i realise that they just reveal the problem, but not fix it most of the time, but they can help you, because in revealing the problem, you with it reveal all know cures.
>I think of a shitty tertiary videogame character
Sounds like you need to go back to therapy, then.
I have sympathy for the shit hand you've been dealt. Mental illness is a tremendous challenge. But it doesn't have to destroy your life. You don't have to let it. Get help and get used to putting in the effort to cope with your disease, or you will ruin not just your life, but the lives of your family as well.
You can't get better until you focus on yourself. You can't focus on yourself with a family. You do the math.
Go do what has already not worked.
Thanks for caring, man. I mean that. But I'm over therapy. Over talking and not getting anywhere. Fuck that shit.
Most of us are kinda special. Most people who ever lived ate berries and lived naked in the woods. We have high technology and don't die from the common cold.
On lexapro myself, not a cop out. Just makes me not an angry depressed asshole. Still feel and have fun. Had what you got after my 2nd was born. Don't knock meds till you try them. If you are deficits in something it just sets you right.
That will not change this fact:
>People are cunts
I'm on lexapro as well, totally agree. It was genuinely life changing.
Think about how you're making the world a worse place by bringing an unloved child into the world. So not only is the world shit, but you are making it worse.
>Problem is, I have a partner and 3/yo child.
Now imagine what it's like for people that have been dealing with chronic depression and anxiety their entire lives and don't even have a wife and a kid to validate themselves. Some of us have never even been laid yet.
You know what you should do? Enjoy your life when you get those moments of clarity, and the rest of the time you ignore your feelings and just go through the motions.
If you really need help getting through a low point, make a tally of all of the things you have going for you in your life. Sometimes it can really help when you remember that no matter how shitty you feel, at least you accomplished something.
Smoking weed helps a ton with what you are describing, but I know many are opposed to having a crutch like that. Been through therapy and every med too and I see where you're coming from not wanting to try shit that hasn't ever worked for you.
>insinuating getting laid solves real depression
You're not depressed, you're just pathetic.
have you tried prostate massaging?
I might look into this. Lexapro hey? I've tried Propanolol, basically just took away the physical symptoms but still felt like shit.
I know man. I know this. Thank you. Seriously.
I think it's hard because tomorrow - we could go to the park. Cool. My daughter would love it. And I know my partner just wants me to smile and pretend everything is okay. I mean, can I go to a goddamn park, feel miserable, and still love my girl? Damn, I love her, but I can't pretend this world isn't shit. I want to pretend it is for her (I have been for so long), I want her to believe the world is good forever, and I know I'm the one tasked to perpetuate that lie.
Part of me knows we go to the park tomorrow, or we don't, result it exactly the same.
I'm on both, but I started lexapro first. Great decision. It's for anxiety but its surprising how much else it helps with.
Are you hitler?
>it's all meaningless
It's really not though.
>People are cunts
Some people are not "cunts". Find these people in your life and disregard everyone else. This is on you, you have to look out for yourself first.
Why are you here? What's the point of feeling depressed? Do you think that your interpretation of the world and other people could be wrong? What does sadness do for you? Are you passionate about anything? Do you want to leave your family? Do you think you have a chemical imbalance? What do you want to get out of life? Mediate on this and discuss this with professionals. Don't look for more reasons to further embed your negative feelings and make them your identity. Good luck.
No, doesn't that make us both just a little more special?
What's meaningful about it then?
Thanks man. Really.
No, I don't want to leave my family. I want to focus on them more and everyone else less.