Hi Sup Forums, suicide thread

Hi Sup Forums, suicide thread.

Currently contemplating suicide, since I feel my life has gone too far in the wrong direction and with that I lost too much precious time. I'm 27. I guess I'll write short resumé of the past 10-ish years..

My passion in life has been music since I was 15, I play electric guitar self-taught to the point of shredding and have a pretty good degree in music industry and production. My problem was one could not expect to live off of music alone, so since age 15 I was also dealing drugs on the side. I guess I was too lazy of a fucker to get a job next to school (most of which I skipped anyway) and really put a lot of hours into playing guitar.
Anyway at first I sold weed, then speed, then at some point I moved on to RC's after a period of a few years of playing around with psychedelics and selling weed again.
I move out age 19 (or, actually my mother moves to her home country), left me with an apartment which cost me 95% of the scholarship I was receiving, so all other money had to come from selling drugs. At age 19 I found sources for different RC's while still experimenting with psychedelics. These were very pure and dangerous drugs (commonly known as "bath salts" or "designer drugs") yet I had no problems with them ever, although a lot of people who bought them from me did.
Age 21 I get a girlfriend who ends up being with me for five years. She was very psychologically demanding but hardly very intelligent.. Why I kept her around all this time? God knows. Pathological attachment, perhaps.
Anyway I try to run a couple legal businesses over the course of three years, but fall back on selling RC's eventually. This time around I encounter a drug called fentanyl which was new to the market. It turned out to be a heroin substitute between 10x and 200x as potent as morphine. I had been prescribed tramadol for toothache for five years and taking morphine for it as well, even for fun sometimes. But I never got close to addiction. Enter fentanyl.

So you're addicted and that's it? Oh come the fuck on. Get help. You've obviously got 1) iniative to learn a skill and start a business (most fail, keep at it and you'll succeed eventually) and 2) social skills sufficient to get a gf - more than probably half the guys on here have. So clean the fuck up and you'll be fine. Hell you'll probably even have a good decade at least if you don't clean up. Suicide in your case would be gay af

>>conitnued
>That shit was exponentially more addictive than morphine etc., turned out one needed to redose it for 24-48 hours and you would be hooked. I got hooked on smaller portions a couple of times but managed to ween off them using morphine bought for my fentanyl profits. Then I ordered 100 grams, and smoked about 80 grams myself (even though the intention with the order was to sell it) ended up on an unrealistically high dose and decided it had to stop so I did what I could to sell it cheap and even give it away before it could kill me, then tapered using morphine again but this time for nine months and again spending all my profits, quite a bit this time.
>I fucking got off it. I got my gf off it too.
I split with my gf at this point, I send her home to her parents and ensure she has no further contact with out old addict friends.
As I get off it, my mother returns 'cause she has some business in the country I was at then. She decides to "save me" by taking me to her home country. I speak the language so this is no problem, but she locks me in financially so I am forced to live with her. Basically she whines that without my half of the rent she can't afford her luxury apartment she moved into as soon as I got here.
Then she begins the mental torture of what kind of piece of shit I am etc etc, basically breaking apart my self-confidence entirely. This has gone on for six months, and she keeps claiming I am the one "torturing" her by answering back to these kind of insults.
Today she decided to make a huge scene, faking that she would kick me out (not an option due to her financial situation), threatening to call police etc all just to suck my blood. Bitch is a psychological vampire. I cannot ignore her since she is literally throwing around my things "packing" them, yelling at full volume.
>to be continued.

>psychoLOGically

Normally I would deal with this kind of mental torture for six months just fine, after all I had that crazy ass girlfriend around for five years. Thing is as a recovering addict I have lost many things- most of my teeth, time, some very hard earned music skill, all that shit. Drugs, basically.
I cannot find the motivation nor capital to move back into any real business, my passion for music is dying along with my feeling of being a human fucking being.

Basically I fucking hate my mother, this type of torture has been ongoing from age 13 to 19 as well. She as a degree in psychology which she uses for this shit.
I hate her so much I am resorting to hurting her by slitting both my wrists "down the road" then grab my guitar and spread the blood squirting from my left arm all over her unaffordable luxury apartments ceiling and walls, and left the blood from my right arm cover the guitars body. She'll see she drove me to this, leaving this earth with my only love left in my hands. If I'm lucky whatever requiem I may have been playing might puzzle her as well.

Any further suggestions?

How long have you been on Sup Forums?

Longer than you can imagine, but with long breaks in between.
I was there chanting for swastiget in Habbo Hotel, newfag.

Why don't you find the strength to carry on, OP?

Habbo Hotel raid's frowned upon by oldfags tbqh fam

And what exactly makes you sure these are actual oldfags?
Back when we raided you'd join the thread or ignore it. I don't remember anyone bitching.

Could be worse. You could be 36 and unable to get a job, without a single friend in the world and living in your parents basement with serious and probably deadly health problems. It all fell apart for me when I broke up with my gf and made the terrible decision to move back to my home state.

I've thought about an heroing many times but it seems pretty redundant

To me, you sound like dropkick addict cunt who's victimized himself.

You've put your mother through hell with your drug addiction, she moved countries to get away from you, was nice enough to take you back into her home on the condition you help out. You then refused and are making both of your lives hell. Now you want to kill yourself despite your own mother.

GOOD, do it. Just don't wreck her beautiful house you selfish prick

Oh I am unable to get a job. I'm on welfare illegally in another country. I have few "friends" but I have zero in common with them and practically nothing to talk to them about.
God knows if 50 different chinese drugs invented "last week" have left me with serious health problems- only time will show. My but is lung cancer, I had a tendency of smoking everything I got hold of.

Our situations seem pretty similar tbh user. Move back "home", everything falls apart.

You'd be right, except she was absent for the entire time except me smoking some weed.
I had the decency not to tell her about it at all until she got back the last time and I had just kicked it.
She moved countries since she prefers it here and has been doing the same welfare hustle I currently am doing for the past seven or eight years.

gtfo, I'll bleed on whatever the fuck I want.

Should've never wasted your time on that girl that's for damn sure

Damn straight, I couldn't agree any more. She was difficult to get rid of, but something kept me attached for some fucked up reason every time I got close to kicking her out.

you sound like your life is a waste just an hero

You could just stay on Sup Forums. It's kind of like death. I just wasted 10 years on this place. Usually I hang out on Sup Forums but it's pretty bad today, and I was originally a Sup Forumstard so I thought I'd drop by. There are a lot of suicide threads today, for some reason on Sup Forums and [r9k]. Life is pretty shitty without money, but I got a script for speed so that brightens my mood from time to time, despite my lack of hope.

If he's feeling suicidal he should visit 8ch tbh

Fuck those kikes

complaints?

I have near infinite access to drugs from China and they're cheap enough for my welfare check to allow me to buy 100g of a benzodiazepine and still have money left. I already went down that path, smoking so much acryl fentanyl and flunitrazolam you could easily consider me to be in 9 months of general narcosis. Tolerance builds but you just up the dose.

You mean other than the fact that those no fun allowed cypto kike naziboo faggots are the most insufferable group of fags ever to plague the interwebs

I used to do a little bit of meth.

Sorry, forgot to add the point: I already did the whole drugs thing, what's the point going down that road again? You eventually get so tolerant you're 100% aware and numb. It's bliss but it's also very much like being caught in your own body just "playing" life like it's fucking GTA or something. You could have put a gun to my head when on those two drugs and it wouldn't have raised my fucking pulse.

You're right the pedos are the best part.

go talk to a counselor for fuck sake. at 27 you've lived just over a quarter of your life if you're lucky. put the next 5-10 into rebuilding your fucking self and enjoy what the future holds instead of ruining yours and your mothers. sounds like she needs some therapy as well. giving up is the worst thing a human can do. keep moving forward nigga.

I had access to 2-FMA, 3-FMA and 4-FMA back in the day. All meth analogs that at the time were legal. That kind of stuff could never really get me hooked.

what region do you live in?

Europe, currently outside the EU.