So...different kind of feels thread

So...different kind of feels thread...

Anyone else ever come to realize that you yourself were the bad guy when your entire adult life you have been dilussionally thinking you were righteous and everyone else was bad?
I do.. It feels horrible. I literally feel sick to my stomach when I think about the things I did.. How did I become a villain when I was trying to be the hero?...

Don't post if you're trying to be an edgy cringe lord. I did that before and I was better at it than you. This thread is for real men with real regrets.

Op here.

I'll start.

I hurt people.. Many people... Worst of all I emotionally damaged my ex and treated her like shit... Also the damage I inflicted on others unintentionally hurt my family and friends as they were/are upset by how it changed me.. I justified everything because I care(d) about the environment and social justice as well as having been through traumatic events. I saw the world as sick and cruel so I thought the way to win was to be more sick and cruel than anyone else.
I wake up every day like my life was a bad dream where I was the scariest villain I'll ever know.

Somehow I came out with a bright future. I can't help but feel that I need to make it right, though I have no idea how to begin.

Nope. Or at least not yet.

These days everything pisses everyone off, just have fun

It took me a long time and specific events to become self aware...
When my ex dumped my psychopath ass I anonymously contacted her employer and told them how she falsely passes drug tests as well as that there were lewd imagines of her online. I can't believe I did that... She was so good to me and we lived together over five years... I'm such a piece of shit.
Nah man it wasn't a normal amount of being pissed off... It was like if my employer gave me a bad review I gave them hepatitis.

Well it helps that i don't think i'm anybody's goddamn hero.

Yeah wow you're going to die alone

That's good.. I guess what I've learned is that I'm the villain and I shouldn't look for the bad in others when there is or was more of it in me.
how do I get over the bad things I did?

Morality is relative to who's holding the gun, otherwise it's meaningless. Feel bad if you want to, but someone else probably told you that you ought to feel that way.

Op here
We all die alone. Even if I have multiple 18 year old gfs fucking me when I die I will be dying alone.

OP you were shit from the start, everyone is shit no matter who they are. So dont feel sick or horrible about yourself just accept that you are trash like the rest of us.

I thought that way for so long. I've also literally and figuratively always been the one holding the gun. It's unbelievable what actually caused me to have this change of perspective..

somebody told you a story. you are projecting bait

Honestly, i don't care. I especially don't care because you've made it into a big dramatic thing. That tells me that either you're making all this shit up, or that you have that insufferable personality trait where you weave the petty tribulations of your life into a dramatic story to make it feel more important than it actually is.

But on the OOOOOFFF fuckin' chance that you're not totally full of shit. This is how ya do it - feel like a shithead for a while, then stop being a shithead in the future. Don't try to make amends about shit. Just stop being a fucking shithead in the future.

what caused the change?

I don't think I was trash from the start. I used to be the sweet kind person who was stopped bullies growing up, albeit through violence or the threat of violence...and i was a bully at some points growing up. Mostly I was pretty righteous until college.
Told me a story?

Not bait.. All real..shit sucks. I can't tell anyone because they would stop talking to me or if it were a counselor they would try to take away my liberties.

can i go out on a whim and ask what state you live in?

Honestly it sounds really stupid because I had tried float therapy and other shit which made me feel better, but not remorseful. I ate a quarter of shrooms (which is by far the most I ever tried) and I relived all the horrible things I've done. Every other time I did them I took. less, which just felt giggly and fun. Up until that I was justifying everything I have done by getting jacked working out at the gym, sparring, and numbing my emotions.

yeah

i did terrible things to my a couple ex gfs but made the focal point being the fact that they cheated, and there is no worse than that so while what i did was wrong, it wasnt as wrong as them

i regret a lot of that, as well as practically every decision i ever made in terms of employment and schooling. almost 23 now and still a sophomore in college by credit count, no money and no place to live. working on it and hopefully wont make any of the same mistakes in the future.

Share your story through YouTube op! Your opinions are worth hearing for others to avoid what you went through.

You can make a difference. Spread the word as your redemption to help others

Yeah that's the other part of it, you're not responsible for anyone else but you are responsible for yourself.

You have to deal with that, but you decide what's moral and you train your brain to believe it.

Op herr
What difference does it make?
Thank you for making me feel less alone.. Try working a mediocre job and keep applying yourself. Stay sober from everything as you focus on getting better jobs and completing your degree.

I am unusually fortunate that I have opportunities presented by my networking connections and exception social skills.

yeah dont have a job yet either, currently looking for one but as i have to stay with my dad in the middle of nowhere currently, options are slim

but shouldnt be more than two years before i have the degree and can make a decent living doing something im somewhat interested in

but really, i regret most things and while that may not be the best way to live, i cant help it. pick any aspect of my life aside from my parents being shit when i was a wee lad and i blame myself for most of it

Well I always knew it was wrong to hurt others and be cruel, but if I dilussionally presumed it was for the right reason I went all out.
If I make a YouTube video it will hurt my career...I do like the idea of sharing my story though.. It would be great if I could actually stop others from doing the same thing. There's no way I'm the only one who goes down this path... As I saw it I was just having fun and being a tough guy.

This is typically due to trauma during childhood.. I believe an addictive personality typically follows this.

testicles

Op here
Well my advice is do it. Stop making excuses and get the job. You will be that much closer to finishing.

tfw never hurt anyone
tfw can't possibly be a bad guy
tfw people have to make up lies and throw around bullshit deceits to get at me i'm so fucking good
git gud or just an hero, faggot

yeah, none of my options are shit really. just dont have the motivation currently since the reason i dont have any money is because i spent over 3 months in europe this summer (another semi regret)

Op here
Yes I justified it all because my dad beat the shit out of me growing up and I lived in fear of him. I didn't get physically addicted to anything, but I used cannibus constantly for years which only fueled my dilussions.

NO REGERTS BRUH

Stop living in the past and you might become a happier person you mongoloid.

No you misunderstand if you think I'm suicidal. I have more to live for than you do. I just want to help those that I've wronged or stop the cycle, neither of which I know how to do.
Wasted? Take the experience and learn from it. See a career counselor and get your shit together, it only gets harder.

yeah no it was a great learning experience but id be a lot better off now had i listened to my intuition earlier while i was there.

at any rate, as for breaking the cycle of hurting others the only thing that works for me is not getting close to anyone.

I'm a happy person when I'm not reminded of what I've done. Reminders are everywhere though. Relationships and people being hurt are a constant in society.. I'd like to compartmentalize it all so I don't think about it,but it's not easy.

Op here
You aren't close to figuring it out. You're still making excuses for wasting time. I have friends like you.

Op here
I'm going to bed. I have to work tomorrow. So much to do..

Who cares , OP ?
I mean , we don't , you're son won't , their son won't.
In 200 years top , no one will remember you / give a fuck about you
So just don't give a fuck , yeah you fucked up so what ? Admit it and go on

your*
Sorry