I need your help Sup Forums. My ex roommate has about $5000 in cash sitting in his closet...

I need your help Sup Forums. My ex roommate has about $5000 in cash sitting in his closet. He is probably going to blow it on meth and alcohol. I have access to this money if I wanted to grab it I definitely could. I have a couple plans to do this but they suck:

>go in and just take the money and leave
I can't really do this because he will know its me since I am the only one that knows its there. He knows all my friends and family.

>take the money when he isn't home then set fire to the place making it seem like an accident to cover my tracks
Not such a smart plan to add arson to theft in case I get caught. Its also pretty drastic and the fire could spread to someone elses place and put people at risk.

>make it seem like a robber broke into the place and take other things as well
This sucks because he keeps the cash with his clothes. Not too many robbers take piles of worthless clothes. Again, he will know it was me.

I am open to suggestions. To show my appreciation, I have $280 worth of bitcoin that I will give to anyone who can help me come up with a good plan to separate him from his cash and not have him know it was me. Post your bitcoin address with your plan. Thanks Sup Forumsros!

I'm the best room mate ever

Break in from the outside make it look like a burglary. Get out of there and create an alibi for the day. Stick to your story no matter what. It's not what they think it's what they can prove.

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Quads confirm. He is an ex-roommate though. Overall a nice guy but a bit of a drug addict. In a sense, I would be helping him by taking the money.

Also make sure some of your shit gets taken as well

Ok these fuckin gets and this story, this thread is gonna be good.
Here's an option, bleed out the money little by little. Let him think he's the one who spent it all. It is commonly used in money laundering schemes.

I would just toss his room. Throw shit everywhere. This happens quite a lot during home break ins. Toss your room too and break a few things.

Yea that kinda goes along with my third plan. I think that I could do it and make it look like a burglary for the cops, but the ex roommate would for sure know it was me when his clothes with the money in them go missing but his other expensive stuff doesnt. Meth heads are already super paranoid.

Dont live with him anymore.

If you do go with a burglary story, rehearse it backwards. That's often how they catch a liar

Even if I toss his clothes he has a lot of them and the money is in envelopes in the pockets. I don't know if the story is so believable if the clothes are tossed everywhere but the money happens to be missing out of one of the hundred pockets.

I got a good one for you, Don't be a massive faggot and steal someone else's shit because you are inept or too lazy to make it on your own. Im a drug dealer of about 7 years and I've had plenty of fucktards rip me off. The common thing all these people share is that they have nothing, and will never have nothing because they're mentality will always be their worst enemy. Do yourself a favor and stop being a faggot

>helping him by taking his money
you would be stealing thus becoming a bigger piece of shit since he has every right to spend his own money on whatever he wants. You are rationalizing to convince yourself that you are not a scumbag.

Ok then bring someone else in on it. Get your alibi going and have them take the money when your somewhere being seen. Split the money. Even if he suspects you he'll know it wasn't you because of your alibi.

Yeah +1 go earn your own money and don't steal from people you live with. If you aspire to be a burglar, go do it for real elsewhere

>wanting to rob someone
>thinking it's justifyable because he does drugs, as if you have the right to tell anyone how to spend their cash or live their lives
kill yourself you worthless sack of shit.

Naw OP's right. If he's gonna waste it on meth and booze take his wad.

Stealing from a meth head. Your going to die.

>don't steal
You've sold me.

Good point.

I actually like that idea, but I still think he would know it was me. He would figure I just had someone else do it. I need some way to cover the tracks.

Naw I can't really justify it. I don't really consider it that bad though.

OP, don’t be a faggot and steal from a druggie dude, you’ll get fucked. just let him do his shit and fuck himself over

Op do you have access to a printer??

Yes.

Ok what kind of bills does he have? 10s 20s 100s??

All $100s.

No lie stays uncovered forever. Just remember that, J

You could easily pay someone else who has the balls to go take it, and you could work out a deal to split that 5k. Find some crazy drug addict or someone that steals shit to begin with. Even if you give 1k out of 5k, I bet that there's plenty of people willing to do that for that much money. You just gotta go fishing for people willing to do it. Don't pick flounder, pick the fish that you know is gonna fuck something up and steal shit anyways. Doing that, and giving them that amount is like an overtime raise to them. That's your only chance. If you do it yourself, you're left prone to physical evidence that can be held against you, like fingerprints, DNA and the like.

Literally just steal EVERYTHING from the closet. Problem solved. Leave a couple clearly useless things.

Ok good. Print off fake 100 bills. Doesn't have to be perfect. Just enough. Print maybe $4500 worth. Take $500 of the real cash and put it together with the fake money. Take the real cash. Then soak the clothes in water or something. When it's good and wet tear it all to hell and shove it back in the pockets. He'll think the cash got ruined. He'll be puzzled and pissed But eventually he'll just think it was some bullshit

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I'm really not worried about him going to the cops to be honest. I would totally do it if I could do it in some way where it doesn't look like he got robbed (i.e. housefire but thats too crazy and I don't want to destroy his stuff too). The problem is that as soon as he sees the money missing, even in a robbery where other shit is missing, he is going to know immediately it was me. That's a big problem.

stealing is wrong, user. get evidence of your roommates drug use and contact his family, friends and police, in order to get him help. then work hard and save up your own five thousand dollars.

Maybe he'll think he accidentally washed the cash.

find out the max money to steal that will result in a felony.

Steal one dollar under that amount.

Best plan yet. This might be doable. The only thing I'm thinking of is that all the money is in bank envelopes so must come straight from the bank. If he realizes its paper and not cash the he is going to be super suspicious because the bank wouldnt have given him counterfeits.

I'd soak envelopes real good. If all that shit gets mashed together I don't see how he could tell it's regular paper. Might try using soapy water.

The water thing might be something to look into... if the clothes were flooded wouldnt it just be stuck together cash though? It would take more than water to make the cash unrecognizable.

Could OD him, take money, call amberlamps.

Acetone could remove all the ink off the fake money.

take his $5000 and use it to buy him a month of rehab

>Month of rehab
>$5,000
Those places close $1,000 a day easy. Unless you have some good insurance it's not enough

I really like the way you think though. Gonna go eat for a bit and leave thread. I will wait until it 404s and if nobody has any better ideas I will send you the bitcoin. Thanks for the help Sup Forumsro!

>put camera in room
>without compromising identity, post Craigslist ad asking someone to go into room and take the money and deliver it to somewhere of your choice
>pick up money
>show roommate footage of sketchy dude coming and burglarizing the place

Are you a nigger, OP?

It sounds like you're stealing from your friend.

Payback is a bitch, and you'd have it coming to you.

That's why the important thing is the person you're paying. The more proxies, the better. And not only that, but if the guy is a drug addict who constantly gets away with stealing, chances are he knows what the fuck he's doing. Tell that guy to steal from other people nearby. Just enough to get people talking and noticing something funny. As soon as that information hits your roommate, he'll have another alternative as to why the money's gone missing - it's the rampant homeless crackhead who has nothing to lose. just tell him to throw shit around and wreak havoc on the room. Knock over cabinets and drawers and stuff. Steal a ton of shit like he usually does. Only problem is that it takes long term planning. I'm not sure with the situation on how bad you need this money, but if you're just aiming for results (meaning that you get what you want with low risk), this has got to be the best plan there is.

No probably bro. I've been in a similar situation as you before watching someone waste good money on weed and escorts. I relieved him of it. Wasn't easy. No regrets. I used it to pay my bills off.

bro, the fact that you even think $5000 is enough money to risk criminal charges for says you are either really fucking poor or really fucking young or really fucking dumb

either way it means you need to seriously re-evaluate your life

$5000 is fucking jack shit in this day of age, it's definitely not nearly enough to do something risky and shitty for

fucking go back to school, get a better job, do something with yourself man

this should be your rock bottom

five grand, jeez dude grow up

5000 bucks, what a nigger.

$5000 is nigger rich and that is all, it's nothing

thinking like this makes you a nigger

1. get a job
2. keep adding to your "friend's" stash
3. kill yourself
4. ?????????
5. profit!!!!!!!!