Degenerate shit you did as a kid

Degenerate shit you did as a kid

>Be me
>11 years old
>Go to my bathroom
>Bowl of seashells on bathroom counter
>Conjure an idea
>Start using said seashells to scrape filth from under my balls
>approximately 30 of them
>Over the course of 5 months they all have brown caked filth on their edges
>beandip.jpg
>One day I go to the bathroom to conclude my dick scraping
>Accidentally left the door unlocked
>My mother walks in on me with my balls pulled back and a seashell in my other hand
>We lock eyes for what feels like forever
>She closes the door
>For 3 weeks we barely spoke to one another
>Has never mentioned it since

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=L6-TSUERfhc
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

>>Conjure an idea
This.

I still never figured out the 3 shells.

Lol wtf OP
Full marks to you

>be fat young me
>legs chafe
>smelly rash near balls
>pull some random ass cream from the bathroom closet
>rub that shit all around my little balls
>as soon as it touches my sensitive scrotum sack I notice
>burns like hell
>standin in front of mirror with balls out
>watch my self in mirror sob in pain as silently as I can for a good 3 minutes

Did you ever figure out what the cream was?

> be me borderline retarded
> discovering amazing new things my body can do
> fapping is best thing ever
> family goes out to the mall, leave me alone at home for couple hours
> strip off and fap around the house
> in the kitchen, on the landing, staring at my dog
> get an awesome idea
> go to parents room
> they have big mirror, I stand on their bed
> mirin my pencil dick and first signs of hair and muscles
> lots of poses because research
> turn around bend over, look through my legs to see what my asshole looks like
> without warning mum walks in shopping bags
> 'zomg user wtf I don't even!!!'
> I crash to the ground, she drops the bags and nopes the fuck out of there
> that moment I realise my life will never be the same again
> run to my room butt naked
> stay there for the next three hours wanting to die
> knock on the door, its dad
> righr lad, its father son talk time
> tells me can understand what I did and I must be feeling cringe
> says doing that shit is OK but keep it to my bedroom only
> you've creep your mum out, don't creep your mum out ok
> because she makes me have talks to you and I don't want to do that
> now what have you learned today?
> keep it to my room
> good stuff, now come out for dinner champ
> messes my hair
> go out to dining table head down
> eat meatloaf, my favourite, sit at the table say nothing and can't look my mum in the face
> 10 years later still die from embarrassment every time I remember this

gold

Some kinda wart cream with a z in the name I think

Checked.

i just farted and it smelled like burning plastic

>why

>Be 14 year old me getting a haircut.
>Hot brunette kept rubbing her tits against me when she moved around.
>Start squeezing my dick through my pants, under the smock.
>She's talking to her friend, and doesn't pay much mind to kid in chair who waited too long to get a haircut.
>Feeling really good, not even fully hard because pants but somehow.
>Cum
>Cum like a rocket.
>Feel my pants become soaked
>Fuck
>Next 15 mins dead silent as she keeps cutting hair.
>Pray to whatever I believed in it didn't look like I wet myself
>Dampness was mostly in inner thigh area
>Got lucky

>I'm like 9 or something
>Only dad asleep upstairs
>Get on family computer downstairs
>suddenly have amazing idea
>Search ICarly porn
>Nice
>My name's Nathan
>Search Nathan Kress porn (guy from ICarly) because we share the name no homo I swear
>Hear dad walk downstairs
>Shut off monitor and run to corner to pop out and scare him so he doesn't go on computer suspiciously
>Backfired and instantly goes to computer
>I try to wrestle my 6'3 dad away from it
>This continues with me trying to run and unplug the computer and other various tactics before I give up
>Run to my room and hide crying thinking what is wrong with me
>Still have fascination with looking up random people in media nude
>Parents still not sure if I'm gay or not

So that's where the seashell idea in demolition man came from

Nigger condom stuck in your ass m8.

>Be 12, sister 8
>Tell her I want to play a game I invented
>She says ok!
>Go outside, tell her to lie as limp and dead weight as possible
>tell her the point of the game is for me to pick her up and hold her up as she tries to fall dead weight again
>Just an excuse to rub my baby 12 year old dick against her
>Play it for an hour, get blue balls
I've never figured out what the fuck was and is wrong with me.

>had a dog when I was about 8
>he was a cocker spaniel mutt
>loved that fucker to death
>would do stuff like chew up crackers into big cracker spit balls and feed them to him cause he loved it
>not the weirdest thing tho
>would watch him try to hump our other, bigger black lab
>fail.exe
>thinking about it now brings the greats keks
>didn't know what he was doing but I could tell he loved that too
>figured if I could teach him to do it to a stuffed animal he wouldn't need our other dog
>would get completely naked and go to town on this stuffed orca I had
>right in front of this dog
>he was obviously never interested but I would position myself in front of him when he'd walk away and force him to watch
>cucked my dog with a stuffed animal

Fucking golden mate

zNerve gas. Very dangerous dude.

Pasta

Good one user.

I'll have to watch that tomorrow, thanks.

It was fuckin capzasin lmao! I rubbed that shit on my arm trying to fix a pulled muscle when I was young and it burnt the fuck out of me!

Oh Jesus fuck why is this so funny

But I'm pretty sure it only burned when it came in contact with my scrotum

>Be 10
>Use to sleep walk all the time
>My family and i went to the coast for some vacation
>Hit the bed after a long day
>Fucking wake up at 2am locked out of the room
>Being the little pussy i was i didnt do anything to alert anyone i was there
>Really needed to shit
>Popped a squat down the hall in the corner, took a massive dookie and walked away back to the door of our room
>Finally someone opened the door a few hours later
>It was basically the morning so we were leaving in a few
>Walking past brown town down the hall with my family
>Everyone looks in disgust and no one questioned me, i just had a cheeky grin the entire time
>Staff of the place were bitching about it at the front desk
>Had a chuckle
No one ever found out
Did a few things like that over the years, somehow managed to end up in the laundry at home taking a piss into peoples dirty clothes

Thanks man. Doesn't make me feel better!
Yep, ive posted it before. You must browse a lot. Its my OC. Nice to have something i can contribute, just unfortunately I had to live it.

>>Start using said seashells to scrape filth from under my balls

wtf is under people's balls? i've never had this issue.. someone fill me in

Capzasin is the only thing I can think that's a cream and has a z in it. Was it in a tube by chance?

Checked
Probs just not showering for a few days and having sweat and shit build up on yer nuts

few days? i've been in the field and not showered for weeks and never had this issue... still confused

Phew lad.
You poor bastard

Dunno then, ive never had it personally, probably these tards just not wiping properly and having an build of tp and shit on their nuts

>staring at my dog
fucking keked.

Holy fuck this thread is gold. Clapping like a retarded seal right now.

>be me
>grade 2 or 3 can't remember
>hanging out with group of friends in our usual area of the playground
>we were playing some stupid game that involved seeing who could hurt themselves the most
>via jumping off of a hill, running in to shit, etc
>some grills see us playing
>want to play too
>we're all doing stupid stunts and rolling down the hill and shit
>have to take a piss
>get away from group and hide behind tree and start pissing
>grill comes running up to me
>doesn't know i'm pissing on the tree
>sees my dick
>screams
>runs for the teacher lady who monitors the little monsters at recess
>i get hauled in to the principals office
>she tells him what I did
>triesnottolaugh.jpg
>The fucking principal actually had to turn away from me because he was trying not to laugh
>Mom comes to pick me up
>dayvacation.avi
>She's like "I can't believe you got in trouble for something so stupid. Just don't pee outside anymore, okay?"
>Pissed because my Dad told me it's no big deal
>Go home
>Dad gets home from work
>Mom tells him what happened
>He laughs his fucking ass off
>"Am I in trouble?"
>No user, you piss on any tree you want whenever you want"

Excrement was currency

people who are large get swamp groin and jock itch to the point that most people get athletes foot. basically fungal dying skin peeling off their nuts

>be me
>cleaning my room
>start washing the floor, tough stains wont come out
>i start to pour bleach on floor
>still stains on the floor
>smart idea to pour hot water over the bleach to make it more work better
>after 5 minutes of being there i leave due to difficulty breathing from the bleach fumes
then i realized you shouldn't inhale bleach fumes

Silly bitches just jealous they cant do the same
Im sure if they had a fucking hose inbetween their legs they would shoot that shit everywhere

Love it. I'm guilty of similar

I think you freaked your poor mutt out mate. He thinks youre retarded

gross dude lol, thanks for the input lol

probably cortizone. you're a fucking idiot lmao

I'm glad I never got caught doing it. I'd wait for my mom to leave to get groceries or something and run straight to my room for that orca. It was like Christmas but instead of unwrapping presents I was performing an underaged sex act on a stuffed animal

holy shit never knew that
fat cunts balls peel

>be me age 9
>have brother age 11
>bro always offers me five dollars to do shit
>I mean it literally in this case
>sitting in room, playing with my balls if I remember right
>bro runs in
>"user come to bathroom"
>why the fuck not
>go to bathroom to see shit in toilet
>"I'll give u 5 dollars if u touch it"
>without even fucking thinking, my hands rocket into the toilet
>the force of my hands impacting the toilet water splashed the latter half of the bathroom
>squish that fucking log like its a mashed potatoe
>bro is screaming at this point, and runs out of the room
>awestruck, I still have my hands in the toilet
>not even a minute later, my dad marches in expecting the worse

Boy did I give him the worse

>the toilet is smeared with shit
>inside and out
>my hands looked like I was the first runner for the role as Charlie in the chocolate factory
>daddo is pissed
>like
>FUCKINGLIVID.jpg
>grabs me by the collar, shit in hands, and drags me out
>my feet weren't even touching the ground
>my fucking face when I didn't even know what I did wrong

I never got that five dollars man

you evil mother fucker...

top kek

>be horny weird kid
>always looking for new ways to get off
>hold my cats down and rub my dick on them and rub their cat vaginas
>penetrated one of them with a ds stylus
>still have those cats

I used to babysit when I was younger.

>be 11
>babysitting gig for the next 3 weeks (thursday and friday nights)
>kid is a 9 year old girl (I was very tall and "mature" for my age)
>little did they know that I had already been on Sup Forums for a year


>sitting and watching TV, eating some of the snacks the parents left me
>hear an electric toothbrush from the girl's (Chelsea's) room
>my horny as fuck 11 year old brain starts imagining her using it on her vag
>I creep up to her room
>look through the crack in her door
>she's literally just holding it in her teeth while playing with her dolls
>cucked.jpg

>go back to watching TV but with a strange boner
>hour and a half pass by, I'm watching Beavis and Butthead at this point, going to town on some veggies and dip
>think I hear Chelsea calling me
>stay silent, turn down the volume a bit
>I can hear her whimpering in the room
>oh fuck
>I get the biggest boner I've ever had at that point
>I hear her getting a little more intense
>I start touching my dingus
>fuck it, I stop caring
>silently dash back to her room with my dick in my hand, hoping to peer in
>fuck, she closed the door
>wipe my hands on my pants and hold my breath
>open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>cucked my dog with a stuffed animal
topkek, i just spit out my cornflakes.

>my hands looked like I was the first runner for the role as Charlie in the chocolate factory

Holy shit dude

>be me
>probably like 12 or something
>discover porn on Newgrounds
>beat off to mario x peach hentai parodies and shit
>move on to anthro furries, becoming increasingly degenerate
>finally discover Rule 34 and just go fucking ham
>vaguely remember beating off to phineas and ferb porn where candace is getting DP'd on the beach
>since my step dad knew how a router worked and had a monitoring program on my PC, the fucker would stalk my web history
>fat fucker probably scarred for life, gets concerned i'm going to have the feds wrassle him over my spank bank
>rats me out to my mom, who promptly gives me the most awkward fucking talk
>tells me to "cool my jets"
>mfw to this day, i have never cooled my jets

How do I like this status?

Pretty sure it's just dead skin

>Excrement was currency
You. I like you. Urine speaks louder than words
Pic unrelated. Flock of seagulls.

+1

>never cooled my jets

I fucking died

>To this day, I have never cooled my jets

You are a gentleman and a scholar.

I remember when I was a kid, this girl at daycare walked in after I had taken a shit, reached into the toilet, grabbed my log, and smeared it all over the toilet/floor/walls. It was a fucking disaster and I definitely told somebody that story as an adult when they mentioned her

>be me, impressionable 6 year old
>with my older cousin who is a dick
>he gets a brilliant idea
>go to some random persons yard outside
>take a massive dump in his yard with my cousin
>guy catches us shitting
>run like mad
>he finds our parents and tells them
>get away with it anyway because my cousin is a dummy and he takes the blame

I also pissed in my dresser drawer once and had it blamed on him somehow, my cousin was quite the scapegoat.

...

>be me
>probably 13
>one retarded friend, one regular friend
>attending YMCA daycare bullshit together
>one day we are outside during outside bullshit time
>retarded friend is annoying us
>waaaay more than usual
>tell him to seek new friends today because we are on a secret mission and no tards allowed
>still won't leave us, blowing spit bubbles and shrieking
>getidea.jpg
>"ok you can come with us on the mission but its dangerous"
>he claps and makes overzealous commando poses pretending he has a rifle
>mfw his dad actually owns a rifle
>reasonswerefriends.jpg
>we tell him we are off on our mission and head to the farthest edge of the park
>still time on the clock before we go in so we decide to hop fence and break from the grounds cuz staff don't pay attention to diddly
>I act like I'm panicing and take cover behind a trash can, friends follow as I yell that were taking fire
>retarded friend pretends to be Rambo and shell everything
>gettingold.jpg
>"quick, Tardley (Charley), you gotta get in the turret!" pointed to trash can
>He lights up like a Christmas Tree and dives in
>ratatatatatatatatatatatata noises all day, he is loving life
>praise Tardley for his efforts, give him a medal (shiny penny with fresh gum I spat on it)
>tell him he needs to watch this post, at all costs, until we outflank the enemy and return to his position.
>tell him to mow down ANYONE who comes his way, anyone.
>he salutes, and crouches ready for battle
>normal friend and I swing around nearby housing complex, make a quick turnaround leading back to children holding center and go back unabated
>totallyditchedtardley.jpg
>hours later the staff are freaking out over tardley
>we told him he lost us in the heat of battle and we told him not to leave but so it goes
>they are highly unamused as they interrogate
>Charley literally walks in during the questioning with horrific smelling shit stuck to his pants and shirt
>shock and surprise at seeing that he made it back from his mission
cont.

how did you pass out in the bed, but wake up in the corridor, is my question.

>Walking past brown town down the hall with my family
>brown town down the hall

Mighty good chuckle me m9

>mfw to this day, i have never cooled my jets

12/10 would laugh again

>be 11 year old user on first pc
>msn.exe
>"send dirty pics pls"
>receives chinchanscreamer.avi
>scarred for life
>sleep a year inbetween parents

my nigga

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the creators of logthreads are born.

Lost hard as fuck to this.

Chinchan?

>be me
>4th grade (so 9 or 10 years old)
>last one still in the class
don't remember why
>use this magical time to do weird shit
>only thing I remember is deciding it would be interesting to try humping the corner of the plastic drawers in the class for whatever reason
(pic related is closest I could find)
>doing this for maybe 10 seconds
>realize what I am doing is fucking autistic and turn around to leave class
>as I turn around I see one of the "supervisors" has just finished poking her head through the door to look inside to see if anyone was still there
>heart sinks through the floor
>have absolutely no idea if she saw what i was doing or popped in 1 second too late
>silently leave class, avoiding eye contact

Still fucking horrifies me to this day not knowing if she saw me humping the drawers or not. If she did, what would she have told the other staff?

It is genuinely a 50/50 if she saw or not, either way I cringe every time I think about it.

Ahh Newgrounds. I showed my mom that video of the buttplug board game and as soon as the "Double penetration, grandma!" part came on she made me close and told me to never go on that website again

Shin-chan*

Yeah I still have no idea what you mean

>showed my mom Newgrounds porn parodies

you sir are a fucking champion

Some kind of kids-show anime thing that was popular in my country when i was around that age

>Tardley exclaims "I MOWED THEM ALL DOWN CAPTAIN!" and salutes without missing a beat
>handlers are shocked at his bemusement
>ask where he was
>he says he was protecting their freedom and guarding the shitty YMCA building with his life as commanded
>scowls from the handlers
>I stared at them and with a straight face said "Our orders were from God himself"
>regular friend trying to breath normally gives his two cents
>"Ya, we had to leave or the Devil was going to make us die from Saddam Hussein, Charley did everyone a great service"
>they ask why Charley was off grounds
>"What? He was never off grounds. He was hiding in plain sight"
>ask wtf I'm talking about they searched everywhere
>"Clearly you didn't search hard enough, its a good thing Charley was on the case"
>Charley oblivious cuz 'wtf r boundaries lol'
>Perfectaccessory.jpg
>regular friend has aneurysm from trying not to laugh and dies
>just kidding but he was pretty red
we sure baffled those cunts, was a mighty good day even for poor Tardley, my good and loyal friend.

post it faggot

What country?

Searching for it but can't find it, the avi was basicaly the shin-chan introsong but slowed down then all of a sudden exorcist bitch pops up.

>youtube.com/watch?v=L6-TSUERfhc

ohh kk. this show is still on tv.

Oh well in the Netherlands it isn't anymore as far as i know,mind that was around 10 years ago.

>be 13-14 helping family friends move
>taking boxes and items from master bedroom closet into garage while adults load into vehicles and drive to the new house
>finish loading both vehicles and they decide to leave me to continue loading things into the garage while they leave and unload at new house
>ok
>continue emptying closet and discover framed black and white picture of Madona
>instant 14yo horny mode engaged
>half playing with myself, half knowing I need to keep moving items
>after a few more trips hormones take over
>begin furiously fapping in their closet
>midfap notice a black tackle box with tiny ass padlock
>now horny curiousity takes over with my ass thinking it's some treasure box of porn
>try to pick lock, no go. Try to slide the hinge pin from the back of the box out, no go.
>genius idea! Smack small lock with hammer!
>success, lock busts. I open my bounty.
>tackle box is literally filled to the top with dildos, beads, double sided dildos, vibrators, plugs, etc.
>still horny
>wonder what it's like to suck a dick, but don't actually want to suck a dick
>grab a dildo and walk over to mirror
>smells kinda funny, pretty sure that's a pube stuck to it
>don't care, horny and curious
>proceed to suck a dildo dick while fapping
>hmmm this isn't that great, not for me
>go back to madonna and finish my fap
>INSTANT ohgodwhathaveidone.jpg washes over me after I finish. Pretty sure I ran a couple of oh fuck laps around the room
>panic because I literally busted the padlock and it's no longer functional, obvious tampering marks on the tackle box too
>rinse dildo off, pack everything back in best I can, close it, at least loop the lock back into the boxes lock hole.
>decide to put it in the garage and tuck it away behind a bunch of other boxes and continued to pile more boxes around it as if it had been there a long time
>never moved the modonna picture
>not a word was ever spoken about it or mentioned to me
>they had to have known

Right they're in the story like the first lines, user said he sleepwalks

>the force of my hands impacting the toilet water splashed the latter half of the bathroom

> be 6 old enough to know better
> on way home from school stop at the shop
> have 50c which was a shitload of money for a 6yo in 2000
> shops full, schools out rush
> I'm lined up, being good patient kid while tards ahead of me cant decide what they want and idiots behind me try to push in
> damn gotta pee
> its taking forever to get to the counter
> start jumping a little, just have to hold on, not gonna lose my place
> shopkeeper paki doing a good job, things are moving
> finally my turn, put my order in for a mixed bag and a lollipop
> this dude better hurry, I can feel leakage
> big kid behind me reaches over my shoulder
> pushes my stomach into the counter
> bladder releases
> cant stop it, meh no problem, just let it go
> warm all down my legs
> say thank you to the paki as he hands me my lollies
> stand there a few seconds more because I'm still pissing
> walk through crowd and out the door
> my grey trousers have a massive dark patch from the crotch all the way down my inner leg
> what can you do, shit happens
> walking the 3 blocks home eating my crap
> woman walking towards me, looks at my legs in disgust
> say hi, smile at her and keep eating
> think to myself its only piss lady, and I wasn't gonna lose my place for no one

>Pretty sure I ran a couple of oh fuck laps around the room
Top kek

"its only piss lady" I did this same shit about the same age playing the ninja turtles arcade game. My uncle gave me a fat roll of quarters and I wasn't going to lose my spot. Besides, I had on bright yellow sweatpants, my retard kid logic dictated that no one would be able to see the pee cause it's also yellow. Fail miserably at hiding it at the pizza place and have to go home after smelling of piss.

Least you handled it well.

Fucking GUTS

lel
>be in flatshare
>german girl with no brain whatsoever
>leaves pan with thick crust
>gets scolded by everyone
>other german girl with brains tries to help
>tells her she can try solving crust with washing agent
>stupid german girl is home alone
meinkampfbegins.bmp
>puts pan with a shitload of washing agent on stove
>stinks up the whole house
>roommate comes home, eyes burning
>"the fuck did you do, Gretchen?"
this girl gon kys by accident some day

>be like 8
>me and sisters play sumo wrestlers sometimes
>Involves just stuffing shirt with pillows and bouncing into each other
>i enjoy it. too much.
>anytime I'm alone long enough, i stuff as many plush toys and pillows as I can into my shirt and panties until i can't move
>panic to remove everything if i hear any sign of anyone coming toward the door
>thank God for creaky floorboards

I developed a fetish for inflation pretty early.

...

How fucking autistic are you I literally didn't understand any of that

Made sense to me
I am autism incarnate though, so...

don't put the blame on others for being retarded as fuck, user

>this girl gon kys by accident some day
Nothing wrong with a little cleansing from time to time.

Holy shit. Are you me? My dad did the same thing. Was actually cool with the whole situation which was weird.

?????????????????

she did more shit like that
>we share chores around the house
>everyone has to wash dishes
>we get stomache ache, don't know why
>one day german grills just washed dished
>italian roommate sees that all the dishes left to dry still have foam from the soap on
>they didn't ever rinse off the soap
>italian guy throws a tantrum like i've never seen
>tells off the stupid bitches like they just pooped on the floor
>almost burst out laughing, but realize they've ruined my food too with soapy residues

yeah user stop defending your retardation
we know you don't get it