Sup Forums I am having a shitting problem. For the past several days I've had a turd I can't pass...

Sup Forums I am having a shitting problem. For the past several days I've had a turd I can't pass. I am fairly certainly it's one very compact turd. I have shit daily but when I get near the end of the bowel movement there's this fucking poop I cannot get to move. I get it like an inch out and no more. I REALLY feel like I have to shit but it's incredibly hard to move this thing. I wiped what I could get out, it's very dark and looks sort of thick. No I'm not touching it but this worries me.

What do I do? I just want to totally empty my bowels. No work today so I could spend all day on the toilet if I had to. I just don't want to blow out my asshole.

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You gotta put on a glove and dig up in there. It works. If it's really dark like almost black and kinda has a consistency like tar, see a doctor ASAP. That's a sign of serious internal bleeding.

Buy an enema.

Can I just take a laxative before I go rushing off to the emergency room. I got a clean bill of health earlier this year and I eat a fairly balanced diet.

Drank two fucking gatorades, been up about 20 hours now. Earlier today I was pooping a lot quite easily but this fucking turd is back.

If you can get it an inch out, grab on to it with a pair of pliers and pull. Should come right out.

Drink a glass of water with a bunch of table salt dissolved into it.

Coffee and cigarettes.

Sorry OP. But this.

Ive done it before. Its not fun, but its more fun than the feeling of being sodomized by your own excrement.

God speed, TC. Take a stool softener and start digging.

Eat a shit load of dill pickles and drink the juice.

That 7 feet tapeworm is holding on to his food.

Dude... I can't do this. I have put things up there but this is too much.

More detail, you're trying to break it up into smaller pieces that will actually fit through your tight asshole.

I'm getting some of it out it just like I'm bearing down and getting mere centimeters.

Anyway to tell if it's really blood, I don't want to die. I took some execedrin and had some beers (not today, yesterday), could that cause bleeding?

This

That's a good advice actually
The 3 c's
Cig, coffee, crap

Hey man. It's your call.

Would you rather have to go to the gid damn hospital because yoire constipated.

BE A MAN USE YOUR HAND

No lie, I've had to do it gloveless because ive mwedes to use my fingernails to make actual progress. You do what you gotta do.

Maybe you can try breaking it uo with a butterknife. I dunno. But it's a bad problem that's only gonna get worse. You need to take care of it before the hospital is actually required.

>mwedes
what

can i use lube if i'm putting a finger up my ass. i can't believe i'm going to do this

OK go to target or Wal-Mart and get some milk of magnesia and some miralax. You prolly need some more fiber in your diet. If there is a lot of bright blood after turd release you might have a hemorrhoid. If the blood is dark red you should see a doctor because it could be something worse. First take the milk of mag and miralax to get it out. If those don't work get some cenna. If you have to use cenna you won't leave the toilet for multiple hours so be careful of forming a hemorrhoid.

The problem, in my experience, has been the peice being too broad to actually fit through the narrow circumference of my b-hole. Breaking small pieces off one by one eventually makes it fold in on itself and fit through the opening.

Also, if it is so condensed, it probably will be quite dark in color, so don't freak out right away when you pass it.

Lol.

*needed

Should I take both Milk of Mag and the Miralax together? That sounds dangerous.

I mean i have to take a shower and get in the car so this will take a minute, but it's preferable to fingering my asshole

Your intestine is probably full of worms, that's why you can't shit.

Use tweezers

I never stuck my finger actually up there.

I try pooping, get the "head" out, and scrape some peices off while it's exposed, before it retracts back inside of me. The I wait a minute while my streched out asshole recovers, (read: sodomized by your own excrement) then push and scrape again. Repeat the process until eventually the bitch pops out of you.

I think childbirth is somewhat similar.

Milk of mag + miralax is not dangerous.
Milk of mag + cenna bad idea
Miralax + cenna bad Idea
Use cenna as a last resort. The milk would help soften and the miralax add fiber. Cenna will be like an oil drill to your b-hole

Guys modern medicine exists we don't have to finger ourselves like Roman faggots just to poop.

amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Sugar-Assorted-5-pound/product-reviews/B00DE4GWWY

And I'm not even kidding, these things will move your bowels like the hand of god.

JFC sugar free gummies? Just use fucking medicine.

Brown rice or Yerba Colon Cleanse.

Dude, just look at the reviews.
I bought a bag because i though they were joking but those tastey little bastards will cleanse your colon better then any medication science will ever invent.
When ever get backed up i'll eat about 10 or so and within an hour my system and about half my internal organs will be completely flushed.

They're cheap, they're effective and they're fun to give to people you don't like at work. What more do you want?

those gummies have some artificial sweetener that causes immediate bowel evacuation

far more effective than over-the-counter solutions

1 good night o drinkin

Guess I'm just biased toward medical products because when my cat ass wants candy I don't want it to double as a colon cleanser. I see where you are coming from though might have to pick some up for work tbh. But for OP he can just get the meds where as the gummies will take time to get there.

Also the meds will help soften Ann bff not just evacuate.

Have a shot of olive oil or any other cooking oil.

Lubes your gut up

This. The darker the coffee the better.

And a vindaloo

just stick a turkey baster filled with warm water up into it to break it up

>oil up youre ass
>try to pump it out with youre but and after muscles

If it dont work proceed with following
>wear a glove and oil it up
>stick it up youre anus and try to destroy the turt with youre fingers
>try to pull out some pieces

If this dont work go immidiatly to a doctor, eat more healthy and avoid drinking bear and mix it with medics.
If youre shit is black go to a doctor too.
Because this means you have internal bleedings.

>drinking bear
Fucking keks

OP here. Time to roll.

Thanks for the advice, have bad english just wanna help here :)

Sorry Sup Forumsro, that was just funny

It's not a turd it's a hemorrhoid.

Taco Bell, extra saucy

Godspeed OP

Well it's definitely shit, I don't think I have a turd-sized congealed blob of blood in my asshole.

I've never bled from my asshole before but the shits earlier yesterday were blood-free

If it were piles, it would hurt as fuck.

How long until I feel the urge.

Hour or two at most

Post pics when the deed is done

Will do lads

Thanks for the advice.

buy some amyl nitrate (poppers) chain sniff a load of bottles, let that rock just slip out

And get a massive headache!

Faggots

The headache would just make the relief of finally shitting even more intense.

haha found the fagoot.

yes, alcohol and spicy-ass-food solves most things

I have had some serious constipation from pain pill abuse and being on methadone for years. Magnesium shitrate is your friend. After you drink the entire bottle you may experience some anxiety about whether you will be able to shit out the monstrosity inside you but don't worry, it will explode out of your ass like a cannon ball. Last time I did this it was about the size of half a baseball bat. Good luck and God speed

Yeah coz taking poppers makes you a faggot.
You're the fag here, faggot!

use some enemas man.

if you push too hard or the turd is too big you could end up with hemorroids which blow major dicks.

It's just when I go on craiglist in the m4m section (no homo) I always see these guys talking about poppers.

Seems like a gay thing.

just relax and wait and it will come
>constipated 24/7

Oatmeal and salad for a few days. High quality fiber supplement.

No opiates, kratom, cheese.

Albeit the sore and itchy arse for a couple of days.
Aaand the inevitable piles

Magnesium deficient diet.

Drink a lot of water.

Dont fap...you need to relax your sphincter muscles down there and fapping causes swelling as well.

Next take a warm bath.

Change your diet too, eat some fiber and not hot pockets.

Fleet now makes a liquid suppository that works in minutes.

Go to a gay bar.
One of those dudes will finger and eat your ass out.
Shit all over his face.
Profitt!?!?!

My diet is great, I eat better than most the people here I bet. Had a plate of (high fiber) pasta with sausage and marinara sauce. That was several hours ago.

Not eating right now, want an empty asshole first.

I had that problem once, used the hand held shower head and blasted my ass with warm water.

Spent a half hour cleaning the tub after that.
But fuck it was worth it.

OP you sound faecally impacted, laxative wise you could do with a class of laxatives known as macrogols like movicol (try taking 8 sachets at once). Have fun waiting a few days for your laxatives to work. The only thing that will work straight away pretty much would be an enema or suppository. If you do want to use one of those you'll probably have to dig the shit out of your rectum first with your fingers.

If you do manage to shit and tear up your butthole, probably should try get some more fibre in your diet.

Have fun.

Tfw when you finally pass a huge log

Enimas are cheap, embarrassing to buy though. Checkout at the pharmacy window. They understand and see that all day.

...

get some more fiber and fat into your diet. fat will lube the poop shoot.

Eat a whole bunch of popcorn ( lots of fiber) and maybe a can of peanuts.

Guys I'm feeling some movement here.

Time to man the station, maybe.

Don't forget your phone

The best thing you can do here OP is if you have a pet dog or cat, to get them to lick your asshole. That'll soften it up & then it'll come out easier. The sensation of their tongue is also a trigger to push.

its a sex thing, but knowing the effects doesnt make you a faggot, the fact you knew to say faggot makes you a faggot with that logic

>Wake up today
>Saturday
>have a whole 24 hours to do whatever I want
>open Sup Forums
>day well spent

False alarm. Gave a couple experimental pushes but no movement.

Still waiting...

OP, I feel for you.
When I was on oxy for my fucked up back constipation got so bad that I had to stick my finger up there to break off my massive log piece by piece.
It was fucking terrible, and so much blood, but it was worth it to get those massive shits out of my ass.
Just wash your hands well after, especially your dick extraction finger.

Get off the opiates retard

I swear to god I don't take them, no pills. Just excedrin for a fucking toothache. I even quit weed like a month ago.

Still feels backed up. Fuck.

Trying not to strain. My asshole is already sore.

Prunes.

Does it every time

You could take real laxative or an enema OP.
that would just be too easy tho right

Drink a liter of black coffee on an empty stomach first thing in the morning.

I bought some exlax but I need to wait since I took the other two laxes.

A good line of coke can do the job too.