I am the exiled...

I am the exiled, former leader of Anonymous here to transform you rag tag group of Bad News Bears of the Internet into REAL lulz-chasing trolls.

Per our charter, I must best each of you in combat to reclaim my throne. What is your weapon?

a kettle full of boiling water

You've been scalded beyond recognition. I win. Who's next?

a human placenta

The stem cells have given me super strength. I've torn you in half. I win. May I have my throne or are there more comers?

your father's ejaculate

My Father is DEAD you sonofabitch! Therefore his ejaculate has been kept frozen for the last fifteen years. I've stabbed you through the eye with a dead dad jackoffcicle and you've died. Next.

Your social life

No social life = no weapons. Except for my HANDS! Which are registered as deadly weapons in six states. You've been knocked out by just one punch. I think I've made my point people....no? NEXT!

Scientology.

Well well...my old arch nemesis. Look I got no problem with you Scientology. That was the old me. Keep walkin' and forget you saw me.

>No problem with Scientology

GET THE FUCK OUT NEWFAG

>doesn't understand sarcasm
>offends easily
>is faggot

Go back to snapchat millennial.

Nigga I'm a veteran of Project Chanology, the Boxxy Wars, and I made Tom Green do a muthafuckin barrel roll.

Who the fuck are you?

Pic related.

Resume:
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Former exiled leader of Anonymous.

...

Nothing but my wit and a glass of dry chardonnay

Your micro penis.

3 of the 5 brain cells you have left

You've died laughing. You're dead. Next...

I've used them to think of a way to out smart you.

I know what you could use...

You get to be my number two, but I'll call you number one like in star track.

...

I say unto you again, Who the FUCK do you THINK you are steppin in MY boards?

So your going in empty handed?

This thread is pathetic.

this is me

Nah this is you

god damnit I was 2 off :/

is that Taylor Swift

What isn't my weapon? In this battle, everything is fair play.