Tell me a joke Sup Forums the funny ones

Tell me a joke Sup Forums the funny ones

You're not a faggot.

Knock knock

Kek

Funny lol

>Knock knock
Who's there? :))))

ur mom

So the wife of the rabbi dies, and he goes to the diary to publish a obituary.
The girl that takes the orders says "what do you want to put in it?"
"Ana died" replied the rabbi
"Sir the basic obituary covers up to five words"
The rabbi thinks it for a minute and then says "Ana died, car for sale"

> (You)
>ur mom
Very very funny

A German, an Austrian, a nun and a attractive woman sit on a train. The lights in their car are broken so in every tunnel it gets really dark.

The train drives through a tunnel, it gets dark and suddenly you hear a slap and someone cries out in pain. When it gets bright again its obvious that the Austrian was slapped in the face.

The nun thinks: Well he tried to grope the young woman, so she slapped him.

The young woman thinks: He tried to grope me but messed up and touched the nun, who slapped him.

The Austrian thinks: That german guy tried to grope the woman and she tried to slap him, missed and hit me.

The German thinks: In the next tunnel ill hit that idiot again.

Audible keks

Theres a mexican, a black guy and a white guy..
a geenie agrees to grant them each one wish..
the mexican asks for all of his people to be happy and in mexico.
so POOF.. the wish is granted.
the black guy asks for all of his people to be happy and back in africa.
POOF.. the wish is granted.
the geenie finally goes up to the white guy and says, "what will your wish be?"
the white guy says,"you mean to tell me that all of the blacks and mexicans are out of the country?"
the geenie says,"of course! that is what they wished for!"
so the white guy says,"then i guess i will have a coke."

3 men get stranded on a desert island. After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, "Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of fruit."
The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says "Now shove them all up your ass without showing any emotion, or we'll kill you."
He shoves the the first up, and is in terrible pain, but shows no emotion, but during the process of pushing up the second, he flinches, and therefore gets shot.
The second guy comes back with 10 cherries, and gets told to do the same.
He's finding it relatively easy, but when he gets to the eighth, starts laughing hysterically, and gets shot.
He meets up with the first guy in heaven, and the first guy asks, "Why did you do that, why did you laugh?" and the second guy replies,
"Well I nearly finished when I saw the next guy walking up with pineapples!"

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

“Forgive me father for I have sinned, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied: “That was a wonderful thing you did, that's not a sin and you have no need to confess that.”

“There is more Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes TWICE on Sundays.”

The priest said, “That was a long,long time ago and doing what you did, placed the two of you in great danger.Two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh, however, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

“Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. It's good to know that I haven't done anything unforgivable, I do have one more question though”

“And what is that?” asked the priest.

“Should I tell her the war is over?"

Classic.

C'est un gars qui rentre dans un bar pi y crie "HEY !CES MOE" le monde se sont revirer pi stai même pas lui

...

pas fort, ca.

Honk squeak honk beep boop beep. Ding!

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.

He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place."

>What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph because he's not a full essay.

ces ma go-to pc joke sry

Love short jokes.

Flirting Sup Forums Autism Edition

girl - baby im wet.
Boy - want a paper towel?
Girl - no, i want more then that ;)
Boy - want 2 paper towels?
Girl - no, baby i want sumthing big and round ;)
Boy - damn you want the whole roll?

magnificent

...

>recants shit meme
>joke

What do you call an autistic Jew?
Aushwitz-tic