I have some advice for you neanderthals

I have some advice for you neanderthals.
You've been wiping your ass incorrectly your entire life; I bet not a day goes by that you're not scrubbing shit smears from your hand or walking around with a disgusting muddy asshole after bathroom breaks. Let me clue you in on some next level technique.

Step 1: Pull out a 2 foot long length of toilet paper
Step 2: Fold the length in half and begin twisting both half lengths around each other. You'll end up with a toilet paper rope and a loop at one end.
Step 3: REPEAT Step 2 with the current formation of t.p. You'll end up with a loop at both ends.
Step 4: pull one loop through the other and then fold the rest of the mass behind both loops.

Congratulations. You now have a t.p. spoon that you can scoop shit out of your ass with. The lip at the ends will wipe your asshole ultra clean and protect your hand.

you can even put some soap in the middle if you want to feel fresh the rest of the day.

holy shit you actually do this don't you

Sauce?

I wouldn't tell you about it if i didn't. Been doing it for years. My ass is as clean as a whistle.

could you upload a demonstration video? not of the wiping but of the assembly of the tp rope?

post pics of the paper you use

...

I can't believe there's people out there who put this much effort into wiping their ass.

gone as fast as he came

The tp spoon

Idiot, you're supposed to shower after a shit. Inbred uncivilized redneck.

I just use wet wipes

>I pull my balls to the side and wipe from the front.
Yes, it might seem weird, but my asshole is cleaner than anyone who doesn't use a bidet desu. I'm really able to dig in there.

sorry playing rocket league.

I prob won't go through the trouble of uploading a pic.

follow the steps

There is. It takes all of 10 seconds, so about 8 seconds more than wadding a bunch of paper into an inefficient ball. Worth the extra work

Eat more fiber and your shit slides out of your ass stealthier than a Navy SEAL, requiring a wipe for only good measure. If your shit is smearing around your butthole every time you go to take a shit, something is wrong with you.

this, but I usually don't have any and just wet the tp

Good advice for like 1/10 people with a healthy diet.

who in fuck wipes from the back? Lmfao

butt mucus ftw

I thought everyone but me. Did we just become friends?

you guys know how sometimes you wipe, and wipe, and wipe, and there's still shit left? Note how this is specially true when you're in a hurry.

After years of thought, I've come to the conclusion that this happens when you didn't shit properly, that is, you didn't finish. There's shit inside your anus, and every time you wipe, a little bit if that shit gets pushed outside.

Solution? Instead of spending 5 minutes wiping, spend an extra 2 minutes pushing. I guarantee you'll be out of the bathroom sooner if you shit properly. That is, unless of course, you're a muslim or hindu, then you really won't care about walking around with shit on your ass

8/10 surprisingly amusing thread would read again

wow that escalated quickly

who the fuck wads it into a ball? take three squares at a time and fold it neatly in half twice like a fucking normal person

Pics?