How do you wipe your ass?

How do you wipe your ass?

I personally wipe sitting down till I see none left, then I stand, put one leg on the sink, Spread my ass, and clean about to the first knuckle of my finger. Like the knuckle with the nail on it deep. Just to be sure.

I then take some TP, Spit on it a bit to get it wet, then do a few spins in there to be 100% clean

have been for about 14-15 years since when I was 7-8 my ass kept getting really really itchy from not wiping correctly. Now I have
n't had an ass itch since.

Bumping my own...SHITTY thread

Sorry... I know, that was a crappy pun.

God, I'm such an ass... Constantly doing this shit.

Knees together, scoot to the edge of the bowl, lean forward, reach back, wipe with tp until there’s no more filth (front to back), wipe with wet wipe, fold over, wipe again. Front to back there too obviously.

Front to back. Obviously.
Back to front seems unsafe.

Can’t get poo on the vagoo.

Side to side
Dont everybody?

SIN

With a cordless drill.

Hey... We all care.
Everyone does it. No one talks about it... Though I'll admit this thread stinks... Get it... Stinks... Ha...Ha..ha..

Use a bidet, then all you need is 2 to 4 pieces of toilet paper to dry your butt.

Bidets aren't around where I live.

I've only ever seen 1 ever. And have no idea where you would even get one nor do I think It'd get clean enough...

I use a melon scoop

That sounds pretty fun honestly

I tell my dog to lick it clean she is a true champ at it

You just need to get a small water pipe, just a bout 1 cm thick. We connect it to a pipeline that is most likely connected to the line that fills the toilet water. The knob to turn it up and down is on the wall so when one hand is wahing your butt you adjust the water with the other.
And I'm not talking about japanesw type bidets either, you just use your hand and water to clean it so it won't be left dirty. It shouldn't matter to use your hand as you'll just wash them with soap anyways.

No

That sounds pretty gross not gonna lie

I use the dprk wan to wipe my ass

>Inb4 that image of the guy leaving over and pulling toilet paper around his leg and through the ass crack and over his back

? What the hell is a DPRK WAN?

the WAN of the DPRK, dipshit

jeezus, i bet you had gender studies as a main.

I don't know either of those thing.

Wan
Dprk

I also have not done genderstudies.

There is not only USA on this planet, neither is Dollar, you fuck.

North Korea is Best Korea.
I bet you have someone handing you a pacifier all day long.
you're too murrican to type "dprk wan" into google?
better use your 2nd amendment rights and look into the barrel of your gun, pull the trigger and check if it still works.

I typed in DPRK WAN into google. Didn't think you were referring to NK, since it does not fit into this thread.

>how do you wipe your ass
>i use some useless pieces of paper
>does not fit
you're def not the sharpest tool in the shed

You fags all have it wrong. You take one sheet of tp and tear off a corner (save it for later). You then poke your finger through the sheet of paper. Next, shove your finger in your ass and give is a swirl. Remove your finger and use the tp on your finger to wipe said finger clean. Now is where the corner piece comes in; that's what you use to clean out under the finger nail. Dispose of paper in toilet, then flush. That is how you properly wipe your ass.

That's the shittiest way to whipe your ass

This guy

you are doin it wrong... buy a roll of toilet paper, then tear away all that white paper until you are left with the brown cardboard tube

when you feel the urge to shit, just shove the tube up your ass and the shit will flow through the inside of the tube, thus not touching your anus at all.

...So the white stuff is like Bubblewrap? Just to keep the tube safe..?

So I’m the only one who uses a stick wrapped with rope?

...

Like... Do you stick the rope in as deep as you can and pull it out? or do you stick the stick and rope in with the rope tied to the stick?

Or is it like... outside only like using the stick with ropewrap like a broomstick and riding it with your ass like a slut rides that dick?

Or...OR, do you stick the stick in as deep as you can, then use the rope to get it out????

>If you pee into the toilet, the toilet pees back at you.

I don't..
I humiliate people to do it for me.

I use water. It's fucking uncivilized to smear your shit all around your ass with paper lol. With water you 100% sure there is nothing left. Even baby wipes can't do that. And no, I'm neither Muslim not Hindu.

In Russia, toilet pee on you.

After living in Japan for 10 years my first purchase upon returning home was a decent quality bidet.
Stop sticking your finger up there you filthy cunt.

You don't know how to properly prepare a shit. You need to have a solid shit with the texture of a pine cone. Then you just hold your asshole open, and it drops out with the exact weight to scrape yourself clean.

Don't those all-in-one toilets just splash shit-smeared water all over your balls and thighs? Or you wipe some off before? I have separate bidet and wipe everything as normally and then clean the rest carefully in the bidet

...

This shitty thread is just about a bunch of ass wipers....

Jesus, nigger, how shitty is your asshole?

>Don't those all-in-one toilets just splash shit-smeared water all over your balls and thighs?
do you seriously think Japanese would stand for that shit?

If you don't use moist wipes you aren't cleaning at all. Also, you have to work them into your anus to really get clean. Dry paper can't clean you. Think about it. If you can't get a bidet, use wipes.

Leaning slightly forward, I wipe front to back from behind with my left hand, using initially 4 folded sheets, decreasing to 2 as the mess is cleaned. I wipe until there is no visible shit on the paper when going one knuckle deep in my ass.
Some assitional information, I check that the seat is clean of any debris and cover it with a layer of toilet paper (I wouldn't if I didn't live with a dirty fatass).
On occasion, if I have a really messy shit shortly before going to sleep, I'll finish with a good saturated wipe of rubbing alcohol. Clears any sticky residue, and eliminates any smell. It also feels warm and fucking fantastic.

Wipes aren't flushable and no one over the age of 1 should be filling trashbags with literal shitwipes.

>digging into your anus
what the fuck?

>assitional
Should've proofread better, although that's probably the best that could have turned out.

They do make adult flushable wipes. They are in the toilet paper section of the grocery store. I've been using them for several years.

I guess you like itching and skid marks.

They do not. They might say "flushable" on the label but your local sewage technician will disagree violently.

When you shit on the beach, there's lots of water to use, Pajeet.

Same. I wipe then clean with water. I never feel clean without washing. I could shower afterwards too, since I don't shit much, it can coincide with my daily shower.

What the fuck? No? How unhealthy do you have to be to have such sticky shit? Eat some fibre, holy fuck.

I'm talking about Cottonelle, Wet Ones, Kirkland (if you go to Costco), Charmin. I'm not talking about baby wipes. Either way, dry paper isn't cleaning. I don't think wipes take up more room than paper. No moisture, no clean.

...

Check it next time. I'm vegan. Shit comes out of your anus. Wiping outside doesn't get rid of everything. I guess it comes down to standards. I don't want to fart fecal leftovers into my underwear, or have it find a way out as I sweat. You think your cavity is clean after passing a log?

1. Lean over to one side
2. Take folded paper, wipe
3. Repeat until no poop on paper

>checking seat for debris
>reaming own asshole with tp
>needing tp, wipes, and a sink to clean ass

I literally wipe 1-2 times. Very rarely is there any brown on the tp, even on the first wipe. There are no smears of shit pasted to my ass and the toilet seat when I'm done shitting. What the fuck are you guys eating?

Call your mom. She races over and tongue fucks my shit hole. Best cleaning method I’ve found.

...

Use TP beforehand.

>I'm talking about Cottonelle, Wet Ones, Kirkland (if you go to Costco), Charmin. I'm not talking about baby wipes.

Doesn't matter, still not flushable.

i wipe back to front

I have one of Donald Trump's aides
lick it clean for me.

..... They have it down to a fine-art.

YOU AND YOUR TRIPS ARE AUTISTIC

U WIL GET PU ON UR BALZ, AND UR WEEWEE, AND UR ASS HAIR

You ever meet the Donstar? He's so pretty. I want president to trump my ass

>flushable wipes aren't flushable
says so right here on the label

They flush. I've been using them for several years. Beside, don't you flush the first eruption? You shouldn't be flushing everything at once. Don't you flush for the sake of others?

stop.

I squat a little

I am only the top 3 of those.

...

with money

>never flush more than one wipe at a time
I flush four at a time and never have a problem, but I also flush at the beginning. As in, I don't want to bath in stench, or share it.

you have stronker plumbing than NYC apparently does

Maybe. I'm in Miami. I also did this in Tampa, Orlando, San Diego, Texas, China, and Japan. Never had a problem.

Sounds like you have a very tossable salad.

see:

I flush four wipes twice a day. So does my girlfriend. They flush.

"Technically fits down the drain" is not what flushable means, despite the dishonest labeling.

Flushable means it disintegrates in water. Flushable means it won't clump and clog pipes in the sewer.
Flushable means it won't collect fatbergs that need to be extracted from the sewage system and broken up at great expense to the taxpayer.

Baby wipes are not flushable.

I'm not talking about baby wipes. I'm talking about adult wipes.

I very rarely wipe my ass, I can't shit in public toilets so i'm always home whenever I take a shit so I just hop in the shower and rinse my hairy ass in there

cleanest of the lot of you

Calling them "adult" wipes doesn't make them not baby wipes and it still doesn't make them flushable.

I'm sure your legs, feet, and toes thanks you. I'm sure your shoes smell great.

It's made of different material. It's made of material that does break down. I've seen it happen. I used a wipe to clean my counter after shaving, put it in the toilet, and it was in pieces the next time I went to piss.

Also, they are a lot smaller.

I eat bananas with the skin on

Never had any issue with smell, if I have diarrhea then sure I'll wipe before getting in the shower. I am really not a hairy person but for some reason I got a really hairy arsehole and if I don't take a shower after shitting and use toilet paper to wipe instead it never goes away, like there's an infinite amount of shit stuck in my hair.

Better question for OP:

How do blind people know when to stop wiping?

That blind youtube guy answered it.

Basically they just keep whipping way more than needed just in case.

or you know...Service dogs.

>it never goes away, like there's an infinite amount of shit stuck in my hair.

Of course. You only use paper. Try to wash your car with dry paper. You can't clean with out moisture. It's not rocket science. However, wiping by showering puts all of that fecal matter on your feet. Unless you truly scrub those things, they will always have shit in every little crack, including your toes and nails.

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This struck me funny