Does anyone else resent the fact that your only two choices in life are to be spoon fed all of the bullshit trauma and...

Does anyone else resent the fact that your only two choices in life are to be spoon fed all of the bullshit trauma and pain that comes with it, or to neck yourself?

I refuse to kill myself on the off chance that it's a doorway to hell. However small the chance, it's an unacceptable risk as far as I see it.

All I see is clumps of meat wandering around governed by a crude autopilot that gets it right just enough of the time for the species to propagate.

The fact that anything exists is completely and utterly fucking absurd, and you just have to sit there and take it while the universe takes a piss on you, before eventually slitting your throat.

If reality really is nothing more than a disgusting anomaly, then that's tragic. That souls can be arbitrarily animated and thrown in to the snake pit.

Please help me get some perspective, I'm so fucking lost.

It's odd, the lack of order and purpose to the universe that you lament is what makes me feel privileged and lucky.
Since everything is here by chance, you being alive and able to communicate on a higher level is incredibly lucky, your personal atoms might have been a tree or a mineral deposit if things had happened differently.
Now if nothing has inherent value, that means it is up to you to decide what is important to you and what brings you the intellectual challenges you need to thrive.
Sure you can be sad sack that laments all of the shit in the world, but why choose that when you can do so many other things with your time instead?

Life hurts. People are a gigantic let down, but you also have to remember that no one owes you anything in life, especially not love or affection. It's unfortunate. But that's just reality. I think what you need is just a better hold on your feelings. You have to find a way to cope with everything and just learn to deal with it. Learn to control your feelings, dont let your feelings control you.

But dont be like these other fucking edgetards that believe that in order to be a man, you have to be an emotionless drone either. Nothing wrong with venting. Just learn to deal with it, keep your head up and keep it moving. Will things get better? Maybe, maybe not. But id at least be satisfied knowing I tried.

Because no matter how much I try to concentrate on the good things in life, at the end of the day I still end up staring at a dark ceiling for like 3 hours.

I don't know how to turn it of, deflect it or dampen it. The only thing that gives me peace is smoking a joint, but I know it's a trap and that dependency lie in wait if I go down that path. So I keep it to a couple of nights a month.

>Nothing wrong with venting.
I agree that's why I'm here, I don't think the people in my life would want me spilling this shit on them and I couldn't think of anywhere else to post this kind of thing.

You say I shouldn't let my feelings control me, where do I even start with that?

>I refuse to kill myself on the off chance that it's a doorway to hell.
how are you this fucken stupid?

>You say I shouldn't let my feelings control me, where do I even start with that?
I'm not the user you asked, but cognitive behavioral therapy is the answer. It works great if you combine it with mindfulness meditation.
Those two things have basically gotten me from a neurotic break induced agoraphobia, to functioning practically normally within 5 years of the nervous breakdown I had.

I think you should consider reading some books by Jed McKenna.

Or try some interesting 'spiritual' drugs.

Or get laid.

Or go to bed.

I'm not religious, but I'm not stupid enough to gamble such high stakes on anything other than an absolute. Hence the wording "however small the chance".

I'm not at that stage yet but I'll google it, better to nip it in the bud. Thanks.

>interesting 'spiritual' drugs.
*mushrooms/MDMA

>I refuse to kill myself on the off chance that it's a doorway to hell. However small the chance, it's an unacceptable risk as far as I see it.
So you were told a fairy tale about infinite time on fire as a punishment for suicide and THAT keeps you here?
A) you are very weak
B) you haven't been under much pressure yet.
>All I see is clumps of meat wandering around governed by a crude autopilot that gets it right just enough of the time for the species to propagate.
That's the basis of it, pretty much, if you have no direction then that's all it is.
this

A good way to get into CBT is to book a single session with a therapist to figure out if you fit, there is no shame in shopping around until you find one that you can be vulnerable around without too much discomfort.

Nothing means anything, reality is cruel and pointless and the world is an objectively awful place. None of that is wrong.

The issue here is that you're fixated on immutable truths that you cannot change, ever. Nothing you do is going to matter in the end.

Great, so then what's worth doing? Only the things that make you happy. Congratulations. Even if free will is an illusion in a deterministic universe, it's still an illusion, and you can still "make" choices. You can decide whether or not you want to reply to this comment, and sure, that might be predetermined by the universe, but what difference does it make, because you "chose" to do it anyway. Likewise, if the universe is predetermined and deterministic, then your handwringing over the subject is also predetermined, and you're not particularly bright or special for being sad about it.

The illusion of choice will probably never be resolved, so quit worry about it and actually make your own damn choices. If there's no point in doing anything, then there's equally no point in doing nothing.

The logical thing to do is to do things that make you happy and improve your life, because you have nothing else anyway but your happiness. That's ultimately the only thing anyone wants. So find ways to maximize your happiness (and yes, that can include the happiness of others), and make your own choices. Try to live a good life and leave the world a better place, because even though it will eventually end and nothing means anything, you still have 80 years of time to use up like everyone else, and you might as well use that time to make yourself and others a little less miserable.

You're not going to find a satisfying answer to this question. The best advice I can give you is to not waste your time thinking about it too much. It's not a productive train of thought and it doesn't do anything for you, so why keep musing on the subject?

Listen to Slipknot

My father hasn't talked to me in years and my mother has a new boyfriend that lives with us and abuses me. I'm an adult now so I can't technically claim abuse, but she had other boyfriends that abused me when I was a kid so it triggers me hard now.
I tried to leave for Boston one time and she cried and begged me not to leave. Now I am 22 still living with her and my life has no prospects. I pay for her boyfriends dog and have to listen to them fuck at night. The little money I make goes to my mom to bail her out when she steals from work or her boyfriend needs cash.
I've fought a lose-lose situation too long. Tomorrow night I'm hanging myself with a belt like Robin Williams. I think it will be easier for my family this way and as for myself I've wanted to die since I was 14 so it doesn't matter. I haven't eaten or drank water in 36 hours

You could do anything with this life, have anything or anyone but nothing's going to save you from irrelevance. Some people are just able to turn a blind eye and force feed lies down their throat, giving them a false sense of purpose. If you can see past it even a little and recognize that none of this is real or matters, then atleast take pride in knowing that you're not ignorant, even if that pride is still a product of irrelevance.

Sup

>Please help me get some perspective, I'm so fucking lost.

Meaning is entirely subjective. Have fun with it.

Shit, dude. If you care enough about your mom to not leave, why would you kill yourself? It sounds like a dog shit situation, but it would be easier on her to just disappear. even then, if you cherish the relationship, it might convince her to take initiative and earn you back. There's always a chance out there, and I guarantee that it will come right to your door seconds after you kill yourself. Don't miss out on life, cause there's nothing after death. and there is NOTHING worse than nothing. No matter how disenfranchised you feel, you can always find your way back out. And are you really about to let your mom's faggot boyfriend be the thing that convinces you to end your life?

How long have you lived to come to those conclusions? What are your experiences that led you to believe what you type? I'm generally curious

I don't usually recommend this, but go join the army mate.
It'll teach you how to survive and how to handle yourself in a fight, which by the sound of your stepdad sounds like a good idea.

Thanks for the advice

I can fight fine. I'm actually so self-deprecating I convinced myself I couldn't fight and then got into a fist fight with an ex-football player friend that had me on weight and experience...I kicked his ass in a bad way. I don't want to fight anybody, it makes me sad and it would just make my mom sympathize with him more. I've already threatened to fight him and she said she'd call the cops on me. I also had a friend that punched his step-dad for hitting his mom and he ended up going to jail and just regretting it. I'm killing myself to make things easier not complicate things. As for the army you may be right, I'll put some serious thought into it.

I'm 22 years old. I've had a pretty bizarre and shitty life so far, and I can say pretty confidently that I've done more in my 22 years than most people do in a lifetime.

I've also experimented with psychedelics before and had an experience where I was convinced I was literally dead (thanks DMT), so that trip alone really changed my entire outlook on life.

I could try to explain why and how I came to those conclusions, but then I'd basically be telling you my life story, and no one wants to read that shit.

Killing yourself is going to completely ruin your mother though. You seem to have strong feelings for her, so you should consider that as well.
I mean losing your child to an accident is hard enough for parents, having that child kill itself is way worse for them. It's like you are negating their procreation drive and making sure they would be failure parents.