Ask a heroin addict of 4 years anything, been clean about 3 months now

Ask a heroin addict of 4 years anything, been clean about 3 months now.

Heroin dealers and users are usually scum by the way, all they want is more heroin and are willing to do scummy shit to even good friends to get it, it's disgusting.

Whats the lowest point of you lyfe?

Being in a parking lot begging to get a point fronted with no money, everything pawned, just my sunglasses and some old $60 silver chain, and my dealer taking that point of my lowest low to make fun of me and make me wait 4 hours outside the hotel in sheer pain so I just left and promised I won't deal with her anymore. A month later I was clean.

I was devastated bro. 4 to 5 days no sleep, sick, throwing up, shitting myself, and with not a single penny but debt, lots of debt.

It's not a good lifestyle.

You ever suck dick for a hit?

What could have lead to the first time? Did you have a strained relationship with your mom or dad or did you ever feel guilty for something? I have a hypothesis.

How did you objectively improve your financial and social situation to give up the having in favor of a healthy existence? Surely you weren't an addict just because you liked the stuff. What made your life horrible enough to turn to heroin, and how did you manage to fix those aspects of your life thoroughly enough to give up the drugs?

Yeah I grew up very lonely with no friends, i've been to counseling.

I didn't fix anything besides having a bit more money and being able to buy food and pay my rent. I'm still lonely, still sad, still depressed, still anxious, just without heroin.

You'll slip man, I am sure. You need to get out of this situation, I just don't know how, it's not as easy as some people say. Can you go back to college?

I'm 27. Used to have 1 best friend for a long time but he finally had enough and now I'm really friendless. I'm not ugly, quite good looking actually, but as it usually goes the trouble is in the head.
I know loneliness. Growing up with no friends or lovers, surrounded by incompatible people I only began to hate as time went by.
Point is, I kinda just suppress everything instead of turning to hard drugs. I smoke weed, of course, but I still wonder whether suppression causes as much harm in the long-term as drugs would. I'm sure my lifespan has been shortened quite a bit. Misery can't be good for a human's longevity.
Just sharing.

Yeah I'm thinking about it. I just cut off everyone that does heroin. But funny how they can slip back into your life by a random meet up or something at the store, it just happens.

But yeah, once I have my car working again I'll go to regular counseling brother. Thanks for replying.

Well dude I was lonely, sad, depressed since I was young...then when i was 17, 18 I started losing my hair to even help me feel even better about myself, like I didn't hate myself before. A lot of thing went wrong. I'm not bald or anything though, I started using Rogaine about a year back and it's working a bit...just gotta use it every day.

My whole life is a mess. I'm constantly feeling bad about myself man, I'm constantly in emotional pain, constantly feeling like I'm being dragged down. So that's why I started using, for sure. I just wanted a breath of fresh air, something to relax with. I don't mind being lonely I just want to be able to feel okay.....but ever since I was little nothing went right for me...sigh.

Sounds like you're a ticking timebomb. Better than being a pile of rubble already, I guess. Good luck.

Yeah constant emotional stress is definitely unhealthy.

I just feel like I might wake up one day and just start not giving a fuck and stop being polite to everyone, stop being nice, stop being civil, because if I was dead who would miss me? Not many, if any....so I just think if I was dead would I care? So I could pretend like I died and just be whoever the fuck I want, because if I died I wouldn't matter, it owuldn't matter, so why should it matter now?

But I just can't quite get there. I don't know why. I'm constantly being held back by my brain, my anxiety, my social anxiety, my sadness, my depression. I feel shit about myself.

I'm just maybe not meant to fit into this society so that's that. Maybe I should be living somewhere in the mountains alone.

College is a great time. You'll learn a lot and gain a better all around knowledge, might travel abroad, meet new people. I see people around me that have no degrees. They are miserable because their bosses threat them like shit. Get in touch on what career you could pursue. That's all the advice I have, I graduated just this year. Looking at a promotion after barely 3 months of work.

I know how it feels when nothing goes right, when opportunities to make something great of your life, real opportunities that I saw and chose not to act on wither and crumble right in front of you. With each one it becomes harder to believe that something will still work out well in the future. After all, you already had your chances and you missed them again and again.
It's hard imagining how much is already lost

I had the same prob with porn, and now, I hate it.

>Thoughts?

It is a kind of death, yes. I can certainly say I've died a couple of them. Twice would be my estimate. A state where you realize that as the person you currently are there is nothing left but to await death. It's a conscious choice to, figuratively, die then and try again with what's left as though the past doesn't concern you anymore.

Yeah I would love to get a social sciences degree, maybe go into education, or even something with computers, I'm very good with computers but my passion is social sciences and maybe educating middle school or high school kids.

Yeah plus I've had actual a few close calls where I almost died and I wondered what would happen if I'm not there...nothing, I wuld just be gone. And since I came so close I told myself I'm gonna live fearlessly now, but then you just go back to your old self, it's genetics or something, i don't know...I'm just lost man.

Porn? Don't we all. Just stop watching it. Block it, there are ways to block it.

Just meditate or pray or go for a jog or take a cold shower every time you wanna watch porn. Discipline yourself brother.

It's hard to commit to change when what bothers you is something that applies to you universally, no matter who you turn into. Whatever changes you bring about, you can't change enough to no longer be affected by what causes you misery in the first place.

Yeah I've had my opportunities, plenty of 'em, but I was so engulfed in my anxiety and depression, and then heroin addiction that I messed it all up brother...now I got some debt, 5,000 college loan to pay off before I can start doing something productive again. It's tough living in a hole. I'm real close to giving up.

Yeah, well for some reason I feel like this loneliness thing is gonna be a life long pain for me. I have no facebook, no social media, not a single friend I can call to pick me up or to hang out with. Literally. Imagine that. What kind of existence is that? But sometimes I feel like I've got no one to blame but myself.

I'd say something to lift your spirits, but I can't imagine anything that's available to humans that would put all this anxiety to rest for good, only keep it at bay.
I suppose that's the best you can do, and the way to do that is to have people in your life who you enjoy. College is certainly a good way to go about acquiring that, if you're ready to sincerely have a positive outlook.

ok guys I'm gonna go take like 6 or 8 melatonin and try to fall asleep, I just want the weekend to pass already, everybody does something on the weekend and it's where I just stay in my room and feel alone, so I just want this Sunday to pass and I'll be okay, I'll just go back to working MOnday morning and another week will keep my pace beating and moving forward. I hate the weekends.

Thanks for listening to me rant guys. Sorry for kinda bringing this negative depressive move about but just wanted to share. Thanks for listening to me. Wish the best to all you guys. I'll just keep trying to work my way out of this hole, that's all I can do. I just hate the weekends sometimes.

Yeah I'm thinking about going back to college after paying off my debts, it's either back to that or back to heroin and I don't wanna go back to heroin.

Nice talking to you Sup Forumsrother. Cheers.

Don't have to imagine it, I live the same. Those deepest pits that come along now and then can really make things seem hopeless.
Practically, of course, you still have plenty a chance to improve everything. It's the ultimate questions that make it all seem pointless though.

do you have a steam by any chance bro? hit me up on there, i havn'et played CS GO for like 1.5 years but I logged in last week and might play a litlte today

I hope your march ends at something other than just death.

I believe so. I don't wanna die bro, I don't wanna kill myself with drugs either. I want to help poeple. Maybe one day I'll guide students how to live better than my teachers did at least. I don't know.

I do, but, to say it directly, I'm not interested in wasting time on people half a world away.
It's already a bitch starting up a new friendship and I don't want to waste that effort on someone who will never physically be next to me.

True, you're right. I actually need a friend that maybe lives in my state at least.

True that brother. That's kind of how I feel too.

Take care and all the best.

Godspeed user, best of luck. On meeting new people, there is an app call Meetup. All kinds of different groups into all kinds of stuff, maybe you might find something of interest there. Maybe some cool people as well.

Yeah my counselor showed me a few apps where you can meet people by interests and stuff, I just need to fix my car first. Thanks user.

ITT fucking losers trying to justify their retarded decisions, when they are really just pussies who cant help themselves and are to stupid to ask others.
Grow some balls.

I tried stuff like this too, even chatted some people up and started feeling like this stuff might do the trick, but it proved useless because I live in a low-population country in eastern Europe and there's practically no chance to meet anyone on those apps/sites who's also from here.
In a country of 2 million you don't have as many fish in the sea.

Yep, that's the same kind of attitude I'd have if I'd already found a way to be successful at work/love.