Who else here >>/broken/?

Who else here >>/broken/?

>No friends, and no idea how to make them

>Family thinks I'm a disappointment, and blames me for all the issues they have.
>>at the same time, dependent on me to fix everything.

>terrible at my job. Just started, and within a few days, people already thought I was strange.

>slowly becoming more and more distant from everyone and everything

>emotions feel supressed, if they come up at all

>one thing I still feel is constant hatred, either toward myself, the world, or both.

>want to die, but can't even summon up motivation to kill myself.

Right now, I'm basically a ghost, just drifting through the days, lost in my own head.

I'm not looking for advice, or even sympathy really, because I know damn well there's none to be found here. I just feel alone, and I had to get it out before I exploded.

I'm sorry.

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I can tell you're under 25. Move away from where you're at and take ownership for your life. It's your own damn fault your a ghost.

drink, thats howe people have gotten through tough times for ages.

SHIT ADVICE


I'll hang out with you, California?

Explore yourself and the world until you find something that makes you happy. There's more to life than feeling sorry for yourself

it's been hard for me to contain my hatred lately. i've been snapping at customers at work, leaving early and coming in late, just because i hate myself and what i do so much. people always tell me it's my fault but every time i've tried to connect with someone they've eventually left me behind with no explanation. sometimes i feel like other people don't consider me to be on the same level as other human beings.

mm man I'm sorry you're going through this shit, sometimes things get worse before they get better though

My brother, I would if only I could.

greetings fellow ghost, how ya bud,

Depressed. But otherwise great, how about you?

trying to appear again, instead of bieng invisible, its hard

You see this place? Who do you think comes here that isn't broken or running the amusement park?

Your fam alcoholics?

Are you the kid that always posts those shitty pictures of himself?

i wish i could just set up internet in a cave and hide there for the rest of my life

You're not alone

how would you have power?

On Sup Forums
so yeah,completely >>/broken/

you belong in /r9k/

The word depressed is the result of the words "deep"+ "rest". Your mind is tired of playing the ego (the name, the one they tell you you are, the one society forces) and needs to rest (from playing the role). Also assosiated with growth, everybody goes through periods like those and grows "better".
Push trough. The magic is life. Everything is magical and fantastic. You dont need drugs or stuff to be happy and fullfilled (but they help to brute force it sometimes).

it's hypothetical dubs
clearly i'd need power and food as well

Idk user...
Y was watching out my crush's Instagram and she has a boyfriend now man... It's so sad
And i feel a obsession...

Maybe because you're not. But you can change it. Seek professional help. Look up motivational videos on youtube in the meantime. I recommend Tony Robbins and an audiobook called "The Myth of Charisma"

I've become the 'North Korea' of my family.
>misunderstood
>heavily isolated
>a level way-beyond the 'black sheep'
>no one wants me around, not even my parents
>in fact, even my parents are ashamed of me and talk about trusting a retirement home instead of my ability to take care of them when they get too old to tell their asses from their elbows
But yeah, friends and 'family' have etched me out of their lives, and I'm pretty much on my own now with the internet being my primary source of human interaction outside of work (which is on a freight dock).

I sometimes wonder,
>which is more broken?
>myself, or this skid/pallet?
I cope by sticking to my hobbies and slowly but surely learning (and executing) to just let people leave my life as they see fit, and stop caring so much. Haven't even had a gf since 2005.

tell me about it.

I'm in the same boat.

>Who else here >>/broken/?
I R broken, chronic disease will do that

>No friends, and no idea how to make them
No friends, but it's from drifting apart and them having families, gets harder to make new friends as people get older it seems.

>Family thinks I'm a disappointment
I don't think they do, if they do they hide it well

>at the same time, dependent on me to fix everything
No one depends on me for anything really

>terrible at my job
don't have one, disabled

>slowly becoming more and more distant from everyone and everything
>emotions feel supressed, if they come up at all
understandable, depression will do that

>one thing I still feel is constant hatred, either toward myself, the world, or both.
This I haven't experienced, I'm too tired to hate, it's not worth the effort.

>want to die, but can't even summon up motivation to kill myself.
I've had suicidal thoughts before, but I wouldn't want to hurt the people that care about me, they'd miss me, my family is close

>Right now, I'm basically a ghost, just drifting through the days, lost in my own head
It's the same thing day in and day out, it's boring, lonely and depressing

>I'm not looking for advice, or even sympathy really, because I know damn well there's none to be found here. I just feel alone, and I had to get it out before I exploded.

>I'm sorry.
I know the feeling, don't be sorry, everyone needs to vent, and talk sometimes.

Get a dog. They will unconditionally love you no matter what. Can't get a dog? Get a lizard or something.

> Pic related
> My fuckwits

You will not be punished for your anger, your anger is your punishment

Stop being a little beta bitch.
That's you're only problem.
Who fucking cares about any of that shit.

>your

rats are fine too

lol, but it's funny because he is

dude, so deep.

OP do you have any hobbies

He's on /b, that is his hobby.

Mine too sadly.

well i was going to suggest that if he had any healthy/constructive ones, he becomes very skilled in it and focuses all his energy towards it. that's how i picked myself up out of my depression at least.

Yea everything is dull nothing excites me anymore even things I want to be excited about.

>went to strip club after work (I also work at a strip club) for my buddies girl friend bday
>all of her friends are fucking adorable
>24 virgin but I don't even care
>don't even think my dick works I have zero sex drive
>lap dance by stripper... no boner
>lap dance by the hottest friend in her group that I'm crazy about she plays with my hair the whole time... no boner.

Everything sucks it's all dull and im numb nothing is fun and spontaneous like it used to be when I was little. All I want to do is ride dirt bikes and it's like everything in the world is working against me to keep me from doing it. I don't care about anything or anyone else. I don't think I ever have. I've never taken anything seriously not even my own life. My lack of commitment is fucking insurmountable.

I hate the feeling too because I know there are about a billion other people that feel the same way it's not like I'm alone. I'm not a special little snow flake... but it doesn't stop me from feeling any different. We all just live and die and that's it. It's all fucking pointless.

Go ride the shit out of some dirt bikes.

Girls get boring.

Faggot

We all die, but not all of us truly live!

The TV told me that.

Get on some antidepressants, if you already are try a different type.

Then ride dirtbikes until it makes your junk hard or numb.. or both.

There are countries where people live on less than $500 a year. Move there and get some fucking perspective faggot. Steal some shit, sell it, leave forever.

At least you have a job

Sold my bike to help pay off student loans. Was close to paying off my second and affording a new bike but then my truck took a shit on me. Sucks. Also it must be the dad engrained in me but I don't believe in pharmaceuticals
Especially for some girl brains mental bullshit like "depression". I'm too stubborn I know I just need to man up and fix it myself.... and also jerk off more or like get testosterone tests done? Idk

I know that feel OP, odds arent good that I can keep going till Christmas. I've gotten pretty bad lately, and the only thing that keeps me going is the thought that, if I cant hang with it anymore, I can always kill myself.

Honestly it's looking better and better ever time I think about it.

Like every dude I know jerks off every day sometimes twice a day. I'm lucky if I do it once a week and even then it's more like a chore... it's like *sigh* "well I guess I better jerk off now." I don't even think it really gets that hard. Maybe that's my issue it's like a lack of sex driven depression idk.

I like being alone though. I've always been alone.

>gee Billy, why'd your mom let you have two BOODAWGZ!

I loved my Bully. Best fucking dog I ever had.

Start working out. It really helps. Speaking from experience

I don't think you ever get undepressed, but maybe you just learn to deal with what depression is.

Everybody learns at a different pace and it is why so many people are pissed at depressed people because aside from unprecedented events and trauma the lessons for dealing with it are the same but depressed people are so damn combatatve and offense taking that without huge networks of support we don't have they won't take their own medicine.

But mostly because it just seems like growing pains at large.

>I don't think you ever get undepressed
That just made me feel really hopeless

Someone who took SSRI's here, don't and especially don't take sleep medication Zopiclone etc.

Fix your sleep pattern, fix your exercise and personal hygiene routine, then fix your diet in that order. This is not alternative medicine they are pillars of physical health that will affect you mentally if you let them crumble.

Jerk off less, treat women like they act. Fuck you're young they'll find you if you get that dirt bike

> mom has a week to live and no way to stop her death
what to do other than an hero

I've had 2 friends kill themselves so they took that liberty away from me.... but it really isn't a release it devastates the people you left behind and if you don't care about that then like the other user said.... leave. Risk it all and uproot yourself to a completely different place to start anew. Whats a better thrill than delving deep into the unknown and find a hobby that you can put every once of yourself into. Id say something healthy like working out but that's too routine and might not solve things lol this isn't healthy but I think that's why I've always done things like dirt bikes and skating it's feels good to push my body to the limits and get hurt its funny that a bit of a deathwish and being on the edge of death is what makes us feel the most alive. No fear and no bars held.... and remember you wanted to kill yourself anyway so there literally isn't anything holding you back from going as hard as you can. If you die then you die it's what you wanted anyway

Don't take the literal meaning of the words I used. I'm sorry the hurtful part, won't keep hurting forever. It will be a lesson.

You don't need to believe in them, science is neat like that, it just works.

Be there for your mother as much as you can. You only get one of those user... don't fuck it up and cherish the memories and time you spent with her before her death.

Not trying to be a dick most people don't get such an accurate window of closure. Say what you need to your mom, show her she didn't do a bad job maybe.

Nothing to lose.

none of that bothers me, i honestly dont have anyone that cares about me in any sense outside of a ATM, or if I can be used for personal gain.

My sister had one of her psychotic episodes where she actually tells the truth, and she gleefully told me the only reason she has anything to do with me, was to beg money out of me so she wouldnt have to pay her own bills, and take care of her kid, who every time I see him asks what did i get him, and tell me what he wants me to buy him.

mom is dying, and out of her mind. brother is a fucking cuck numale who robbed my place 3 years ago, and the cops "lost
" the security camera footage, since he's a snitch. Father is dead and never did anyhting for me, same with his family. no one cares, I'm honestly better off dead.

>NB4 I WANT MY $2

why dont you go cheat on your wife you insolent fat fucker.

No problems. Good to get it out from time to time.

What kind of drugs do you do?

I'm gonna stop in and share a few pieces of advice that helped me when I was in your position. idk if they'll apply to you but I'm gonna do it anyway.

You mentioned having a job. If you're in school, that's good too, in the sense that it forces you to interact with other people.

One practical piece for getting people to like you is show gratitude. People like to feel important and helpful; even if it's something as simple as lending a pen, act like it really helped.

Mentality-wise, this is a huge thing: you are NOT so important that a bunch of people you barely talk to give you a second thought, let alone dislike or disdain you. Consider how much thought you give people walking past you in the street -- they give a similar level of thought to you. You're working from 0, not from negative 100. Ego kills.

idk what your job is, so I can't really speak to getting better at it.

And most importantly, and not to be that fucking "world is now your oyster" meme, but you gotta take a few chances. If a coworker mentions a party, maybe ask about it, they might invite you along. I have been suicidal before too, my mentality was "worst case scenario this gives me that last push I need to finally do it". There is something to be said for hitting rock bottom.

I'm writing this out as I go, I'll be glad to sit in on this thread for any questions/criticisms.

If nothing else, user, here's some tits and the reassurance that you matter enough to me that I replied to your thread.

It sounds like a lot of what you define as your life is a collection of the actions and feelings of other people that affect you because of their physical proximity, if not the means of communication you allow them based on a familial tradition which may or may not actually be healthy in practice. Maybe.

My sister is the same way. Told me I "you are lethargic and use a non chalant care free attitude to hide a crippling depression." I guess she wasn't wrong. No offense dude but your family sounds parasitic. And this is going to sound so fucking wrong and i have no right to tell you this.... but maybe your mom dying can be a good thing for you... or healthy. Spend as much time as you can with her and when she dies use it as an opportunity and driving force to move away and make A new life for yourself from what you said it seems you at least hold your mom in high regard I think it's what she would want deep down inside. I'd hate to be holding my child back by being ill and when I finally pass they stay just as stagnant as when I was alive. Go make some noise and let the world know "I am here!"

>Right now, I'm basically a ghost, just drifting through the days, lost in my own head.
>slowly becoming more and more distant from everyone and everything

This one hit home dude. I´m a husk.

I feel like a ghost too but i love it
You dont need any if these normie friends, they are stupid and annoying.
Focus on earning money to do what you desire when you get older, thats what im doing. ;)

“The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.”

youtube.com/watch?v=KgzQuE1pR1w

That's Bill Hicks. I dunno if it'll help you like it helped me, but I thought I'd share it, because, user, I love you, and I want to help you, however I can, even if that's sitting here letting you call me a faggot and taking out your frustration on me.

>always had friends as a kid never needed to learn how to make them
>moved away due to family shit never had friends since and never learned how to make them
>no longer see any joy in life and when i look back at memories I can't comprehend why i was happy
>im very wealthy so ive moved alot and have tried most anything but in the end i always feel worse
>knowing another thing i thought could bring me happiness failed
>thought about suicide but im just drifting in life and death could be worse than that
>read a shit ton physiology books and books about relationships
>makes me feel worse because i know that therapists copy the same shit with all their patients
>seen hundreds of therapists all of them do nothing to help me
>on antidepressants but they dont help just make me jittery
>see my life in the third person like im playing chess and im the king but im still the player

i feel you man

When did he say/write this?

I found that quote in his special, "Revelations", which is on Netflix at least in my country. Would have been near the end, like 1993. He probably said it for the first time sooner but idk.

they're terrible people. I'm really sick, got lung failure from sarcoid, and discovered i have mini strokes tath make me pass out, get disoriented, and do dangerous shit since im out of my head when they happen.

i just do what im told. i hate my mother, she let men molest me when i was a preschooler, because they told her they loved her, and i deserved it. she would be so fucking insane she got kicked out of crazy cults. I just want to be there to see her die and make sure the last thing she hears is "i hope you burn in hell you fucking whore".

people are going to laugh, but im almost 40, all my luck is used up. I just hope you little bastards jump at your chances like i never could.

Do you smoke weed? that shit normals people out.

Ehh at least you have a goal. Fuck some shit up then dude! Have fun ^-^

And buy a dirt bike too.... they re the shit.

idk if you are still here
she abused me a lot when i was smaller and we basically don't speak because of that. how do i fix any of this?

You know. You should get a doctor thats well aware of everything you have in conjuncture like no shit find a doctor you trust and copy paste that whole post. Get medicated and work on making your life about something besides those memories what an amount of anger to carry.

I only suggest that because I assume you aren't going to try and travel for your health. You really have all the reigns holding you to feeling like so much crap that you won't let go of.

Not like anyone can stop telling you to feel the way you do. A doctor/therapist will work on helping you feel better aka more comfortable towards working on your life, which is still up to you.

Especially at 40. Get some decent help for your ownself if you suffer that bad.

The doctors ive seen treat me like im full of shit, and did that "let me write a script for you, now get out of my office you weirdo" manuver on me. I've got a high threshold for pain and bullshit, and "normal" people cant fathom life being as shit as mine is.

im not saying any of this for attention. I'm genuinely stuck, and after all this time i dont see a way out, and ive gotten to the point where i dont care if I ever find a way out of my life being shit. I'll just ease on out with help from a shotgun.

"Eventually I can forgive you but I can't exactly forget. I thank you for raising me to have the ability to discern between right and wrong, and to correct our mistakes"

Did she do right? No. Did she teach you what you don't like and once you've come to terms with it that you will understand is unhelpful? Yeah. It sucked but she did.

That's the gist of what you're asking. It's different for everone but come to terms with your regrets as best you can.

>Be 22
>Also no friends and no idea how to make them
>In psychologists and psychiatrists offices since age 10 (Treatment resistant depression, agoraphobia, social phobia, and PTSD although I always feel that one's bullshit for me)
>Spend the year experimenting with mushrooms and microdosing from Feburary
>Now don't want to kill myself or die (change happened in April)
>Everything I enjoyed is very quickly boring me (vidya, masterbating, food, weed)
>No fucking clue how to relate to people, kinda just dislike everyone my own age as they're mostly massive faggots (Get along much better hanging out with anyone 35+)

So now all I do is exercise and watch the Sopranos. Getting my shit together and figured a career path; registering back to college tomorrow. Shit always starts to misfire in my head when I'm around other people, fight or flight instinct; it was always flight.

But fuck it, shit I've been doing for years isn't working. So I'm doing the exact opposite of what my brain tells me to do with people and go outside more often to try and expose myself and rid these annoying fucking phobias.

Just lonely as fuck now, but my dog's all I need until I can get my shit together.

Okay. Do it if you want.

There are doctors out there that will help you if you are dead honest with them. The rest suck. Keep trying or don't but you obviously need a little help up from how you feel.

Lots of them are just business people and not passionate practicioners. Its the same with many things. Sorry its so hard.

I would toss you in a detox ward for quarter of a year where they teach proper coping behaviors.

You are a roller coaster of wut.

Mate, you are not the problem. The world is the fucking problem. You are a fucking god among men. Fuck everyone and their shit, and do whatever the fuck you want to do.

im and i just wanted to say i was in a mental institute for 7 months and it didnt do shit just made me want to kill myself out of sheer boredom got so bored i ran away and got frostbite long story then was sent to another one for 8 months pretended to be good got out and nothing about me changed all i ever learned during all that shit was im never angry anymore i just accept things

There are voluntary places, not psych wards - and not always for rich people. If you hop up the doctor chain with referrals that say, I don't know: You've had a damaged childhood and have a messed up development of interpersonal relationships.

You get structured schedules, diets, and outdoors and activity practices. You aren't packed in and surrounded by mentally disfunctional cases.

These places do not welcome people who aren't straightforward about their problems and that they wish to work on them. It develops structure and goal for people lost in direction.

But yes I have ended up in psyche wards too. Poor bastards.

>Take poison that increases suicidal ideation during adolescent development
>Makes shit worse
>Take fungus for 9 months
>After 4 don't want to die
>After 7 appetite is controlled for drinking/smoking
>After 9 clarity and a somber, before dawn trip
>Literally only downside is I'm generally pissed now, like a 2.5/10 (Might just be the holidays and shit happened during these months)

I'll take fungi for 400 Alex; why the fuck do you think a lockup would help someone that the same treatment wouldn't work for a decade? What Einstein (possibly) said nigga

>Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

Mental health facilities that dehumanize and rampant prescription meds are making the world a better place huh?

i used to be evasive about my problems but i just accept them now and tell everyone the truth and try anything suggested to me to try and find happiness
>of course aslong as it doesnt actually fucking kill me

Drug minimal therapies. Usually physical ailments only.

You'd be surprised most people are very upset that they don't usually offer meds.

RIGHT lool

Good that they're moving away from tossing Zoloft and shit at everyone.

>lool
What a faggot

i really feel like you're being sarcastic here but i can't quite tell

first quads wasted

It was funny to me because every decision in life is basically a roll of the dice and its not like anyone fears putting the seat up or down, but we all fear stuff we aren't sure of. Like what final destination shit might result because of our decision to leave the seat up or down.

Nowadays its a 50/50 toss up between water pills and no shit drugs that depends on the attending physician.

Phenobarbital vs trazodone and neurontin

Yo OP, if you're still lurkin', you're worth it man. I'm sorry shit seems so shitty. Life's always going to seem shitty when you compare it to what you think it should be. Only you define your own happiness. My honest opinion, from someone who's been where you are, if you're not happy doing what you're doing where you are: go somewhere else and do what makes you happy. Find God, find yourself, take chances, take glory.

they just tossed me a ton of zoloft and added wellbuetren on later

Happy that the fungus helped, had 4 years of anti-depressant and mood stabilizer attempts; had a printed list from the doctor but it was about 13 different medications. I mean I know people who've had them work really well, but every single one made we want to kill myself more or turned me paranoid and anxious as fuck.

Only had Trazadone a few times as my doc wanted to try something other than ambien. Gave me 3-4 hour morning wood.
>Happy with wood
>Wood gets annoying
>Stop that shit
>Mild pain

Turns out priaprasms or whatever (extra-long lasting wood) can cause nerve damage; so now that's listed as an allergen.

Jumping off point from this nigga. Things you need to help get out of the pit.

>You are the sexiest motherfucker alive
>People would be lucy as fuck to talk to you
>You're still the sexiest motherfucker alive
>Someone's fucked up to you? Then fuck em, you don't need em. Cut them out of your life or ignore them
>Work out regularly, it seriously helps

>lucy
>lucky
Fuck.

you are the supreme gentlemen if women dont liek you thats them being stupid not you you're fine you're perfect now kill the women who rejected you

They both sort of do what they were made for in ideal conditions. Bupe helps with addictive personality and zoloft can help with social difficulty even though in most cases just comes off as uncomfortable mania.

I would never combine the two. And I really feel like medication is poor at best compared to support. It just isn't there so we have meds.

It always feels like its shit that people having problems thinking have to make healthy choices on taking thinking meds.

Because in any other conditions the effects and side effects and interactions are an unwarranted risk.

To admit that would expose far too many issues

See, now that's just going full retard.

You never go full retard.

Entitlement isn't the same as arrogance/being caviler fagget.