Autistic stories thread. I'll start

Autistic stories thread. I'll start
>be me
>be young
>be climbing tree
>reach top of tree
>look down, about 20 ft off ground
>think about assassin's creed games and how they fall off of super high shit and are fine
>think "I can do that"
>fall like that
>take an eternity to hit ground
>hit ground with my flat back
my mom was mowing the lawn and FELT the thump from 50 ft away
>mfw I told my mom a branch broke
>mfw I was totally fine

Self bump so it doesn't die just yet

nice nigger

congrats, you have proven you are a 12 year old autist

>congrats, you have proven you are a 12 year old autist
>are
Use past tense for things that happened in the past, I'm now an older autist

> young when AC came out
Fuck off kiddo

The young rule the new world, even if we are autistic. Fuck off oldfag.

A lot of Indiana Jones shit.... two broken arms and a broken leg I can directly relate to me thinking I was indy

Last bump for this thread

Qt redhead sits in front of me and sometimes makes conversation with me
>how did you do on the test yesterday, user?
>oh I don’t know I haven’t looked
>oh dang, wanna guess what I got?
>not really
>go back to doing my work
>realize about ten minutes later

Bump

OP here, I got another retard moment that I remembered
>be me
>playing vidya on my pc
>sister's friend comes up
>older, solid 7.5/10
>"so, what are you playing user?"
>Overwatch
>she asks a few more questions in a flirty manner before leaving
>didn't realize she was being flirty until my sister told me
>play it off like I knew the entire time
>never had a goddamn clue
I lost an opportunity that day, and I'm not proud of it.

Cringe

>fuck off op

How did you even pull this off. Also 10/10 got a good chuckle

Holy fuck the memories are coming back to me
>be me
>still be retarded
>have knife collection
loads of retarded knife stories, but this one takes the cake
>for some reason (likely no reason at all) bring knife to school
Note: this was one of the most menacing knives ever, 2 blades on opposite ends that were both neck knives, one serrated
>bring with me through most of the day
>goodtimes.jpg
>last class of the day
>robotics
>"a use for my beauty!"
>pull out knife to cut zip ties because lazy teacher wouldn't get us scissors
>leave knife out
>teacher sees it
>wasn't fucking lazy then
Keep in mind I had a super liberal school, they taught us about how fragile masculinity is and had a literal poster showing a racist comment which was "you're pretty for a black girl" portrayed as something said often
>cop that takes care of school gets called
>get suspended for 10 days
>I actually contemplated myself being autistic that day

>be me
>quite drunk out with friends
>8/10 femanon friend and I go back to my place to crash
>(Sidenote:was not uncommon for us to crash in same bed, she had a long distance bf (they broke up a month before this story happened) and I was secretly dating a loli nobody knew about, we would cuddle but not do anything, I had a big crush on her)
>we get into my room and start getting ready for bed
>asks to borrow some pjs, I give her some
>try not to look as she's changing
>takes off her shirt and puts on my t-shirt
>takes off pants
>"Hey user look"
>I turn around, she's standing in her panties and my t-shirt
>walks up to me so we our bodies are 2-3 inches apart
>"look at my undies, isn't the frog on them cute?"
>look down, see cute as fuck light green panties with darker green edging and a large animated frog silk screened on front of panties right on her pussy area
>"y-y-yeah, they a-are super cute"
>"I have to go brush my teeth"
>I stumble out of room and brush teeth, realize wtf just happened
>go back to bedroom and she's in bed rolled away
>get in bed and cuddle, try to get my hand moving around on her body
>she takes my hand and holds it and falls asleep
>mfw I could have fucked her brains out
>mfw I was just at her wedding last month
>mfw it could have been me
>mfw I have no face

bump for interest

>be watching Spongebob

>at 17
Enough said

big (((((F)))))

This one's not about me but still autistic
>on snapchat
>girl I know from school added me a while back
her looks are of no concern in this
>see her story
>video of her taking 13 TABS OF ECSTASY
>shitmyself.jpg
>wondering if she's gonna die
one hour later
>open up her story again
>video of her in a full on orgy
>not a gangbang, I mean full fledged orgy, chicks and dudes everywhere, she's in the middle of a fucknado
>saw her the next day

>in the news
>she had to go to the hospital
>I died laughing at the way they showed her taking all those at once
>never hear from her again
>assume she's a prostitute fucking in exchange for cocaine
Party is life

Me at first job interview

>walk in
>guy shakes my hand and says hi im mike
>so nervous i blank out
>say first thing that comes to mind
> mfw i say "good how're you"
>awkward af the rest of the time

Did not get job

>Be me, drinking with 3 friends. A, B and C.
>B and C are brother's.
>C is 100%, clinically diagnosed as autistic.
>C says something really fuckin' stupid.
>"What the fuck? Are you autistic?"- Literal quote from me.
>Silence

>"Yes you FUCKING idiot"- C.
>"My bad... Sorry, buddy..."

>That day I had achieved Full Autist. Never go Full Autist

Kek'd, good one user

Earlier today i tested the sharpness of a knife with my wrist
>mfw i didnt realize something was wrong for a solid minute

>aspie almost fucks 8/10
You should of known it was too good