Can we get a feels thread?
I don't know why I still have dreams about her. It's been five months...
I've realized what I did wrong and I don't even want her back. I do want to see her again in my life though and try to apologize for my actions.
Why can't I stop dreaming about her even when it seems like it's all behind me?
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Bump
Op here
Thanks for bumping me bro. I don't get upset when I talk about her. I'm actually pretty comfortable explaining to people (most of) what I did wrong. Not like most guys where they just go "she was a bitch" and act like women are dogs. I hone up to my mistakes.
Closure man
How do I get it? She's afraid of me... I was a scary guy and did horrendous things.. Im changed now and mostly serve to help others. How can I reintroduce myself to her and put her at ease that all I want is her to know I appreciate her caring for me as long as she did and didn't squander it. Also that she is safe and I would never hurt her or anyone she cares about.
...
...
I know I still care. I love her in a certain way. Though I'm still firm on that I wouldn't ever marry her or even date her again.
That is actually good wording to articulate what I want to say to her. Thanks man.
Op here
This just made me cry. I never cry. Now I'm thinking about how she takes baths and probably misses me sometimes. We had so much love and so many good memories... Then I became a monster and said horrible things... Why do we hurt the ones we love? Fuck.. I miss her so bad now..
Why did I do all that shit?...
I hate myself for it...
Just message her that and be done with it. Would you want to talk to some faggot who tormented you?
I'm just so fucking tired of the self-doubt. The depression. The 15 minutes of dry heaving before class everyday because I'm so anxious. I just wish I was a normal fucking person who could function in society. I'm tired of the constant feeling that time is fleeting and that I'm wasting my youth, that I'm running out of time.
Sorry OP. I was just posting for the feels. Didn't mean to bust your eye dams. Hang in there, buddy.
tell her you are sorry and move on
She probably won't believe a message. Torment isn't the right word. I was scary and hurt strangers for revenge. After we broke up I did something really bad, but non violent. I wasn't thinking straight. Pretty sure there's no way she will ever want anything to do with me. We lived together over five years.
Trip hard on shrooms. Then take benzos if you ever feel social anxiety and ease your way into confidence as you get in shape while exercising.
If talking to her in person is impossible then just send her a long ass message of how sorry you are and everything.
Op here
It's OK man. I'm fine really. I just wish I hadn't made her so sad. She loved me more than I loved her and I feel terrible for making her feel so bad. I really just want to make her happy even if it doesn't include me ever seeing her.. She did so much for me. She was beautiful and sweet, then I destroyed both of those aspects with my horrible attitude.
Everything is fine, my future is bright. I just wish I could right that wrong.
I hope this is sincerely not just about freeing yourself from guilt but to actually mend things for the both of you, with her in priority. If you know you're sincere, then know to yourself that you've atleast tried. What's done is done
She will probably ignore it or think it's me pretending to be nice before I do something terrible. It's not irrational for her to think that way, I was a dangerous person. If I came up to her in person she would be terrified most likely. I'd have to strip naked so she knew I didn't have any weapons on me.
I guess finding her and stripping naked isn't a bad start, but not going to perfect the message that I don't want a relationship with her.
Op here.
Goodnight guys.. I'll be OK.. These damn feelings don't go away no matter how much I block them with pharmaceuticals designed to stop emotions. Eventually my feelings resurface. It sucks, but it's reality.
I wonder if I will ever cry during/after sex? I never used to understand that, but now that I have regrets I totally think it's possible I would.
Sounds like solid advice, not OP but I'm probably going to have to do this too