>be me
>go to a bar last night
>don't remember much but a ton of whiskey
>wake up this morning hungover as fuck
>roll over and dick is inexplicably in pain
>find pic related
>no one else in the house, wallet phone keys etc all accounted for
>no calls or texts from unknown numbers in my phone, no unfamiliar contacts in list
>no notes left anywhere around the house
What the fuck do I do Sup Forums ?
timestamp....
Cut/pick the lock off of it and then take it off
Just cutut the lock you fucking cuck.
Saw the padlock off, obviously.
On the microscopic chance that this isn't bait, just pick the lock. If you don't have a set of picks, you can buy them from just about any auto parts store. A lock like that will take you under a minute, even if it's your first time. Get a youtube tutorial if you aren't familiar with lockpicking.
I don't believe you
go be a cuck somewhere else
Hahaha yet another pathetic larper. Whats the matter? Too shameful to ask other anons outright about their cuck fantasy? Probably a good thing seeing as none of us have sunk as low as you. Just take your fantasy to fetlife already. None of us think this shit is hot.
This
the only way to free yourself is to cut your dick off... This happened to me last October after having one too many pumpkin spice lattes- dw tho, you can always get surgery
You're goning to have to get used to it. Learn 2 cum from anal.
I got you, fam.
Get a hacksaw, molitov cocktail, and a workshop with a vise. The vise has to have a removable handle.
Put this saw and molitov on the bench in easy reach.
Clamp the cuck cage in the vise. Clamp it as tight as possible. If there is any way the cuck cage could slide or wiggle out of the vise, this won't work.
Take the handle off the vise and toss it at least 15 feet away.
Light the molitov and toss it at a far wall.
The rest will work itself out.
this
Literally the only useful suggestions so far, no wonder no one likes 4chinz
Op is larping. Why would you take his post seriously?
I don't think you understood my reply.
Not even in an alternate reality does this have any chance of being real
Fake and gay
You didnt understand mine.
I suppose your name is Rick Sanchez and you've been to most if not all other realities?
>What the fuck do I do Sup Forums ?
1. Stop talking bollocks and lying on the internet for attention
2. Cut it off