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I cannot tell if i'm losing my mind. Is there a way to find out?
Im genuinely concerned.
Please help.

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youtu.be/MRBZDmf1jSw
twitter.com/AnonBabble

Self bump.
Internet resources, hotlines, etc. No psychiatric help.

The mind is a very subjective experience and difficult to measure science.
Please clarify. I'd be happy to listen to what you have to say. What makes you feel like you're loosing your mind?

I cannot be a normal person. No matter how hard i try. Ive spent years trying to put on this facade of normalcy but my brain just never stops doing weird shit. I convince myself to do things that i think would be normal then ill sit in my car and just scream until my throat bleeds cause all i can think about is how not okay anything i do is. I dont know if ill be able to go back to work after today.

The atrocious shit ive done in the past come flooding back if theres silence for more than 10 seconds. Every interaction i have wth anyone ever dwells in the front of my brain for hours and no mattwr how insignificant the interaction is, i just keep replaying it until im just staring at nothing and crying.

It's the finger family pajeet AI psyop playing tricks on you. Break the conditioning. Don't let them force feed you (((SSRI's)))™.

Used to happen to me a lot, just bury it with distractions and vices.

Has this been an occurrence your whole life? When did it start, if not?

The easy solution to the little game in the pic is to bite the rat's head off.

atrocious shit?

I think im incredible, most of the time. People are lucky to know me, i have many friends. Im an 8, as far as attractiveness goes and i tested at a 144 IQ in grade school. For all intents and purposes i should consider myself lucky. But the fucking moment i do anything that is perceivable by another person i just feel like a hole in my fucking chest would be such a gift. I asked a girl out last week after everyone if her friends told me she wanted me to ask her out so i was, thinking itd be normal. She shuts me down but her friends convince me she was nervous and to try again so i did today by leaving her a note (she was still working and professionalism and whatnot) that said "If youre still interested id love to hangout sometime" with my phone number under it and a shitty drawing for lols. She never texted me. And i just sat in my car for 20 minutes staring at nothing then just screaming and screaming and screaming like never before. I can still taste blood. I hope to never see anyone i know ever again.

are you jerking it to thoughts of your mom getting brutally raped?

No..it started after a bad breakup, relationship of 5 years ended poorly. That was in 2014 and i havent been able to not be this way since. Every waking moment, i wish for death and love and solidarity and i just cant. Do. Anything.

No...so. at least theres that.

then dont talk to me about madness, fucking peasant

Self aware narcissist or psychopath?
Or maybe not.

Do you do any drugs by chance?

Do you meditate for extensive periods of time , 30min or more? If not I GREATLY advise it, semi solved my issue of surrealism

What is your definition of madness? Peasant

I once tried to kill my mother. I ruined a 13 yr old girl mentally because i wanted to see if i could. I left my best friend stranded homeless in WA after he moved up to support me. I got 3 people arrested because i was bored. I left my sister crying, drunk and throwing up in a gutter. No reason. Just because i didnt wNt to deal with it. Thats just off the top of my head. I am not a good person. Im hardy a person.

Would you describe the relationship having a bad affect on you, or just the fact that it ended?

Was there any problems before the relationship or?

I'm sorry for all the questions, but I think it's reasonable to believe that the problems you're feeling are connected to you in a very specific way, and the only way to understand them is by understanding you.

If you at any time don't feel comfortable answering a question, even though it's all anonymous, you don't have to answer it.

I smoke weed occasionally. Nothing else, at all. Ill try meditation. Thank you.

You just sound like an edgy kid needing to vent to somebody tbh, straight shit bro no offense.

Get a shrink (Therapist)

true madness is knowing what drives you to insanity, but at the same time having the resistance to suppress it and lead a normal life

Shit, you right

Do you know why you were screaming?

I've screamed in difficult situations. Maybe the context of your experiences show that this is less unreasonable than you feel it is.

I don't think you're crazy, user.

Faggot alert. Sound the bells boys.

I was weird before the relationship...my life was very very not good. But i was a kid so i bounced back. Folks were on meth since i was 7, in and out of jail for them and foster homes for me, or hopping from relative to relative. The breakup was the thing that broke me thiugh. She was the only thing that kept me...healthy. When i lost her,i lost it. Im not dwelling on it anymore, that i know of. It was 3 years ago now, she and i talk from time to time and were on good terms. This, whats happening now is...unprecidented. I do not feel like i am a real person; every singke thing i do is scripted. No emotions are genuine, just what would come across as normal. I plan my bad days weeks ahead so people think i have emotions.

oh god op... i can feel you...
>i have an sister with schizophrenia
>i also heard voices and i felt empty and suicidal
>told my mom
>went to a doc
>threw me in an asylum for 2 months
>they wanted me to chug pills "Aripiprazol" also called "Abillify"
>didnt want to chug pills
>ended up sitting 2 months in an asylum surrounded by mental sick people
>still feel that emptynes but the voices disapered...
>could have somthing to do with stress i think

If you go to an doc user be aware that he sends you to an asylum...

Weed CAN do some weird shit to your brain if youre underage, ~24 I believe. Some studies suggesting that weed can cause schizo like traits before brain maturity. But you have to be smoking a LOT of weed, like everyday for a long time

Because for 5 minutes...5 fucking minutes. I let my guard down. Actually acted on something i felt. I like this girl. I wanted to date her. I put myself out, unprotected, for the first time in so long. And nothing. She probably thinks im a fuckin weirdo.

Thats exactly why i dont want professional input or influences. I dont want to be deemed a problem. Im sorry you went through that...i imagine it did far more hrm than good.

you should really embrace that emptiness, its what we all go back to eventually anyway

i think its just a phase in life... the worst thing you clould do now is taking drugs..

Ill take the advice. Probably gonna cool it on the psychoactives.

You seem too self conscious, and a lot of stress especially social stress can cause some weird mental issues.

Life is very subjective so I cant fully relate to you man but what I can say is that people are fucking losers bro. Everyone has some psycho issue to some extent, probably the most normal kid you know masturbates to the thought of his mom dominating him.

That girl is bound to be fucking crazy in some way so get over it man.

I used to see opening up to girls as letting my guard down too, then I realized that's some pussy beta shit that you subjectively create. Embrace being psychopathic and step your shit up.

Kids are brainwashed these days like crazy so think outside the box, why doesn't letting your guard down even bad. Shouldnt it be good? You are allowing yourself to truly new emotional experiences, just dont take it personally.

Nothin' personal kid

So would you say ever since the breakup you've became more sensitive to rejection and less prone to letting your guard down?

That sounds like reasonable behavior from a very difficult and traumatic breakup.

I'm no expert, but I'd say you should try being vulnerable in very small ways at first. I don't know if it was in this thread but "Life isn't about how many shots you can take, but how many times you can get back up."

It's not your fault. You're doing great. This too shall pass.

Why does letting your guard down*

My bad, big difference

It sounds like you're a little bit unsure by your posts of what you feel.

You say that you let your guard down and acted on your romantic attraction to someone, but you're also saying you're completely in control of what you feel, or that you don't feel anything..

Is it possible that you're over-thinking a little bit?
Has it gotten worse or better since 2014?

I just avoided any situation where rejection was a possibility..
But. Look. Youve seriously, just by talking with me, calmed me down so much. I actually feel good. Thank you, dude. Maybe i just need to talk about whats going on more often.

I cant fully express how much reading that helped. I appreciate it, user.

See, thats what gets me. Im usually completely fabricating what/how im feeling, but this chick got to me. And it made me do things i would have mever ever done had my dumbass actually thought about it.

If you still feel depression, you're still sane.

What you are suffering is very normal in your case. You show all symptoms of self destructctive behavior, conjective behavior disorder and depression. If you can get a baby Zoloft 25mg and you will need therapy try Rewire by Richard O Connor and Self-compassion by KRISTIN NEFF you will fail in first week of therapy again it's very normal keep with all mind excersises for a month and you will get better in 6 months.

You're bored, and it's driving you crazy.

youtu.be/MRBZDmf1jSw

Have you try pscotherpay? No meds self therapy? Also how was your childhood? And drugs or alcohol? Mastrubation? A rough estimate will do.

Childhood was okay, shitty things happened but i have a good family. They have always supported me and the things i do. I was smoking drinking and partaking in the recreational use of marijuana by 12, 15 for the cigarettes. Didnt really masturbate too often, as i lost my virginity at 15 and had (the girlfriend) til 20 so i never really needed to rub one out more than normal.

Fair enough...thats something simple enough to get behind. Ill give it a shot.

Use piratebay or audiobookbay.nl start now also take a good warm shower stay under the water as long as you want it's therapeutic

edge

OP got turned down by a girl and thinks he's insane.

>I think im incredible, most of the time. People are lucky to know me, i have many friends. Im an 8, as far as attractiveness goes and i tested at a 144 IQ in grade school.

That's the only insane thing you've said this whole thread. People who think of themselves like this are true autists, and I don't mean it in the funny ecks dee meme way.

Just found it online for dirt cheap, totally down.

Thats just the most recent thing to fuck me up. But it wasnt the rejection. Its how i went about it and how fucking abnormal it was. Like...leave a note for her? With a doodle on the backside? I fucking quit.

You suffer from depression and the feeling of empty or being numb is very normal in your condition and using Alchol is a coping mechanism and you need to take few steps to heal. Do not drink Alcohol it's fuel for depression it numbs emtions and feelings in your case it's poision. Smoke the blunt but as a therapy but if you feel like it's too addictive don't use that either. Try undoing depression by Richard O Connor and Self-compassion by KRISTIN NEFF ask your gf or mother to be your support during therapy and stay with all mental excersises and you will be better in 3 months.

Unless the doodle on the back was you sawing her head off and fucking her neck hole there's nothing inherently wrong with it. You approached her in person once which is how it's done, then got more information and approached it in a more passive manner, which also isn't bad because it doesn't put her on the spot a second time.

Women don't enjoy turning men down (most of the time), and it can be as uncomfortable for them as it is for us.

I don't really see anything wrong with the situation, though you could be leaving out details.

Sounds like a lot of guilt.

I made amends to people I thought I'd done bad shit too, guess what, most of them didn't remember who I was or have any idea what the fuck I did to them. Most people are busy everyday and have loads of social interactions that they don't keep up.

Shit 2 people even hugged me when i either apologized or gave them back what I'd stolen.

No, true madness is going full throttle, and saying fuck all to a normal life

No...thats about it. Her friends were saying she wouldnt stop talking about me, and that i should ask her out. So i did. She says shes got a boyfriend in Michigan so i back off. We all go out last night, as she and i have mutual friends, where they say she was nervous and really wants me to make a move but i dont wanna put her on the spot again so i stay backed off. She seemed butthurt that i didnt make a move, so i left a note to give her the option to just ignore it or go for it.

God, dude, i try so hard to convince myself of that. Shit im dwelling on from years ago probably never pass through the other persons mind ever but i cannot, just cannot, forget it.
Youre right though, and if i could wrap my head around that i think itd do some good.

Whoops, meant to reply to.

I hear a bullet to the head usually helps you figure these things out pretty quickly.

If that's all that it was then you're just being hard on yourself for no reason. Which is also normal. You approached the situation properly as far as I can tell. Either she is really that nervous, or her/your friends are fucking with you which I also don't understand.

It sounds normal, now that its been laid out that way. Your first reply struck a chord with me, it didnt strike me as that cringey. Ty, duder.

i smoked weed but not alot and i drank a bit

i can confirm this works

No problem dude, we all get hard on ourselves over silly stuff. I have a fucking slideshow of perceived cringy/embarrassing/painful stuff I go over every night while I'm trying to sleep. Feels like your own brain is trying to sabotage you sometimes. Saying stuff out loud can always help you sort it all out(even if it's on Sup Forums).

Feel better man, we've all been there.