Feels Thread

Feels Thread

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About 4 years ago (anniversary is in 6 days) my girlfriend died. I was a junior she was a freshman, but we had been dating for a while. She was a cute lil cheerleader, I was a sorta geeky band nerd. We didnt look like we belonged together. She had fire red hair (it was natural believe it or not), kinda short, really smart and fiesty, she would do this thing where she would squint and smirk and say something really mean, it frustrated me a little bit, but I miss it every day now. I was a little chubby, but i lifted a lot, and had arms like a python, I had long hair and these dorky big hipster glasses. She used to grab my hair and tug it and tell me how much she wished i would cut it. She was so cute, 4 years ago her drunk father murdered her mother and her by stabbing them to death. Her mother was stabbed once in the chest, and she was stabbed multiple times and beat. Her father panicked and threw them into a well and just left them there like trash. By the time they were found they were in a pretty bad condition. Of course, no one knew what had happened until they were found, Cops came up to me and questioned me about where she was before anyone knew about the murder. I said they may have gone to virginia for a little while, her mother liked going there. No one told me they found blood in the yard. A week later they brought me into the station, they told me they found their corpses and questioned me heavily. They actually thought i had done it, when they told me what they found it felt like the earth fell out from under me. My heart hurt, my head was spinning, i felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach, I had to keep myself under control for the questioning, they eventually let me go and when i got in my car i lost it. I started crying, i must have cried for nearly an hour before i was stable enough to drive home. I felt so empty for so long, she was the first person i really loved with everything I had, and so far shes been the only one. (1/2)

Fucking hell man

Now, I don't think shed even recognise me; Ive cut my hair fairly short, ive grown out my facial hair, Ive lost a bit of weight, and I wear contacts. I wonder everyday what she would have said to me the day i got my hair cut, or when i switched to contacts. Anyway, todays her birthday, and I visited her grandmother for the first time in over a year, and she gave me a necklace. Its a small heart pendant, and its filled with her ashes. I thanked her and talked to her for nearly 4 hours, just about her, and food, and how everything had been for their family these last years. When i got back into my car I broke down again Sup Forums, all that time we spent together came rushing back and my heart hurt all over again. I dont want to be like this anymore Sup Forums, I just wanna be happy, I want to be fixed. I want everything to be back to the way it was when she was here. 4 years has done nothing to ease my heart or how much i miss her. But, tonight for dinner I went to a restaurant to pick food up for my roommates and I, and there was this chinese cashier/cook I talked to, she was cute, and smiled a lot, I flirted a little and she flirted back and i ended up getting free egg rolls and rice out of it. when I walked out she shouted something in chinese at me and waved really energetically, and for just a second, Sup Forums, I felt a little twinge in my heart, a small happiness like back then. I think im gonna go back tomorrow and try to get her number Sup Forums. And maybe, maybe i can glue myself back together

Like I hope that's bait if not fucking shit man I'm sorry man

Good luck with getting her number dude. That's a brutal story. I was in love once too but I don't think i'm really meant for that shit anymore. And if this is bait its pretty guud.

user please post something when you do it, now I Fucking need to know if actually \b\ people still have a chance to live normally

For so long i didnt either, after she died i tried having sex with anyone I could, I reveled in sex and drugs and nothing helped, but tonight gave me hope that maybe I can be normal agian

I understand man. Some heavy shit happened with my ex and I went off the rails with alcohol women, but mostly drugs. Anyways i've been doing good for a while but its still hard to not fall into old habits.

YEah, this time of year i usually keep myself fucked up, i was on a 5 day bender until today, high and a little drunk every day

Me too buddy, I always get the winter blues. I like smoking weed and shatter but I've stayed away from drinking for a while. Anyways it seems like the last week or two I've been drinking more and more. Always seems to happen the same time of year.

Sometimes I still see you in the sky
Out for a drive in the dirty old streets after the rain
Sun is going down and there is a light formation in the clouds
I stare up not paying the road any mind and I see you there
Soon I will die

youtube.com/watch?v=ZTs9xVCICrI&t=18s

I finally have a girlfriend, and this is not a shill, I'm not exactly happy with it. I must pay attention to all she says and have time for her besides getting in touch with WhatsApp.

I miss my space. It is not worth it for 45 mins of sex.

Fall and winter used to be my favourite time of the year, climate always reminded me of home, plus my birthday and favourite holidays are in winter. But nowadays, I just want to sleep through it all and wake up in march. During november and december especially i try to keep myself as busy as i can either with drugs or with classes so i dont think about it

Then dump her or realistically wait until something happens to end the relationship and then be sad about not having it.

It often seams like it will make you happy from a distance but when you get there you realize it's just a bitch making you stressed out and crazy. With the right person it can be pretty sweet but I've had way more awkward relationships than ones that were even half way decent for a certain amount of time.

nice satanic trips. Well good luck with your classes but be careful with the drugs. I'm not gonna tell anyone how to live their life but some drugs probably aren't worth the risk and I should know.

I keep myself around low tier shit, pot, lsd, a couple pills every now and then. Ive tried cocaine once but it didnt work out too well for me

damn son

I'm already falling for her but feel like its going to end up going nowhere. I try to keep my self from texting her, replying to her messages and longing to talk to her and see her but I just cant. The way she smiles at me and looks into my eyes makes me so incredibly happy and makes me forget about all the bullshit I've gone through and she becomes the center of my universe. I know i have to distance myself to make the pain of when it ends minimal but yet here I am putting myself through it and the inevitable outcome.

I just thought of that off the top of my head because that video gave me that feel when thinking about how the ghost of my ex still haunts me from time to time. Corny as it may sound I can see her in the air...the sky...everywhere sometimes. It's a strange and sad feel and for some reason that video nails it. It also happens to be the City I'm moving to partially in hopes of not being so haunted by memories everywhere I go.

youtube.com/watch?v=4-yLbd4O2Ls

Thats probably a good idea but even the pills are spooky. I tried painkillers pretty young, maybe 14 or something. Any opiate or opiod can dig its fangs in you. Its not much different from heroin honestly if you've got the strong tier painkillers. I didn't like coke either until I shot it.

Pain killers, ecstasy, and sleeping pills are the only ones i fuck with, and ecstasy is rare enough for me that im not worried about the bad effects it has

not gonna cry
not gonna cry
not gonna cry
shit, i feel tears

slam dat poetry down

About a year and a half ago, I met the girl of my dreams. Late September this year, we got engaged. I don't think I've ever been happier in my life when I'm with her. But it's hit me only recently that no matter how happy she makes me, there's still such a negative pull in my life towards wanting to off myself.

I go to therapy, and I talk it out with my fiancee often enough, but nothing seems to help shake this feeling off. She's said shit before like, "Why would I bother with someone who wants to kill themselves and get away from me?" Which seems really bad, but then she says shit like, "I want to be there for you and see you improve. I love who you are under the muck of depression."

I just want to be completely happy--at minimum, content with everything. Just one fucking moment would be phenomenal... But I don't think it'll ever happen.

Yeah just don't get into the x too hard. I remember taking like 10 hits in a night once. Woke up the next day at home not remembering driving home because I blacked out. that shit is scary

Yeah, i usually keep it down to a minimum of enough to have a good time. Ive heard horror stories of people getting so fucked up on it they dont drink or eat anything for days and just dehydrate or starve to death

fucking hell m8

I moved to a new state around five months ago and I am attending community college here. Before I moved my friends were the bros from middle-school, tight as all fuck. Tell em anything, and back me up if I needed it. We raised hell together. I have no idea how to make new friends with people now that I am away from them. I think about home all the time. I try, I really do, to make friends. I am pretty average, not fat or ugly. I keep myself groomed and I can hold conversation. I make acquaintances in class all the time, and I am well liked by my teachers and classmates.

I just can't trust people. When I get invited out I turn people down. I rather smoke and play vidya or read. I try so hard to push my boundaries and I can't bring myself to make new friends because I feel like if I do I am admitting that my old life is over, and I just can't let go. I hang out with my friends on teamspeak and play a lot of vidya with them when I am not studying. I study quite a bit and use that as an excuse. A girl I was studying with invited me out afterward to go get a bite and a drink. I told her like an idiot that I would love to but I have to get home to study for the test tomorrow. It hit me days later that could have been an advance.

After getting out of a LTR a few years ago I finally discovered what butterflies feel like again. I have had a bad attitude about women after we broke up (she was co-dependent and I was so deep in shit it covered my eyes from seeing it). Recently however the most unlikely crush began to develop on one of my professors. I know it will never go anywhere, I am literally just enjoying the feeling of admiring someone because I haven't felt anything like that in so long.

I have been crying at weird times lately. I cried for the first time in years a few days ago. Ever since I just impromptu cry.

I feel you man. It takes hard work to get out of that hole.

If you decide to do it, at least do psychedelics first. Magic mushrooms saved my life.

Sending good vibes.

I'm a epileptic, I can't drive, use any tech for too long and I could supposedly have a seizure one night while walking down the street and just walk onto the road...It's okay that I'm not that worried about that, right?

Be that it is moderately out of your control, it's probably healthiest to just live on and whatever happens then fuck it. Better than constantly being worried over it you know? Don't let it run your life.

Im sorry user.

Holy shit, man. That's fucked. I really hope you can glue yourself back together. I believe in you, user.

It's not that I'm worried about it, I'm more suprised at the fact that I'm not worried about it...and hell, my life has never been a easy one:
>Born with a operable tumor, was removed when I was 1
>Born into a disfunctional family, always been the "black sheep"
>Rheumatic arthritis started when I was four, never learned how to properly socialize thanks to spending most my life in hospitals
>Roughly a year ago, got diagnosed with epilepsy
>Supposedly the scar tissue from the tumor removal is causing the whole thing
>It just proves that I was supposed to die as a toddler...

well, um. my grandpa has liver cancer. lost my grandma/his wife a few years back due to dementia and hes been struggling. i fell bad about kinda wanting him to die so he can see my grandma again. hes depressed without her

Try and make his time on earth a good time, so he doesn't feel alone, he's your bloddy grandfather for christ sake..

It's fucking bullshit man and you deserved none of it.

Chin up bro. Illnesses don't define you. You're the fucking man.

You’re dating the wrong people.

Thanks for reminding me that...but fucking hell, every person that I've ever tried to get close with never looks past the whole slight limping and the fact that I can't drink anything that can alter my blood presure/make my brain release any chems...I guess if I'd meet you I'd drink myself to the point of passing out with you..

I clicked really well with the last one. Or at least I thought so. Was my best friend. Was engaged to her. Then she ran off with someone else and was married to him about two or three months later. Bitches.....

You're welcome man.

You smoke weed by any chance? I heard somewhere it's useful for epilepsy. Definitely useful to keep me from gassing myself.

Can you play vidya? Reading any good books lately?

Im this user btw

Also fuck yeah man we would get rachet fucked up.

she sounds like an asshole. you can find another girl that wouldn’t do that to you. nobody deserves that but you can come out stronger from it. you’ll be okay

youtu.be/q0p9XgYxzVs

I just want to die anons. I don't know why, but I just want to stop.

I'd say evil cunt but same thing I suppose.

evil cunt is more fitting

>1 year ago
>supposed to visit parents for a week
>feel sick to my stomach about it
>realize i dont like my family, don't love my family
>end up just missing my flight
>a few months later I finally cut them out of my life
>this year friend asks if i want to do thanksgiving with him
>agree
>next day 'oh im going to leave early to go to my girlfriends house for thanksgiving
>he does this to me every holiday
>tell him im just gonna cancel, no need for me to spend al lthat money and cook all that food if hes going to be gone and I'll be home alone all night
>decide to spend thanksgiving wtih boss, his kids wont visit this year
>hes now hospitalized cuz he cant walk
>gonna spend all day at the hospital with him

so tired of this shit. still beats visiting my parents tbh.

Weed caused a seizure last time I smoked it, roughly four months ago. I can play vidya, as long as there's not too many flashing lights etc so no more speedruning Hotline Miami for me and I've been reading Murphy's Law lately. And I'd say you should try going to bars and maybe getting to know the bartender, a smaller type of bar ofc. And don't worry about crying, it just shows that you are human, if none of us cried, we'd all end up working in a 9-5 and seeing everything grey...

Do all the drugs first.

>but i don't know an-

Darknet.

Start with the psychedelics, they are the only ones that could pull you out of this. Molly as a last resort.

If you are gonna kys, remember that after that decision means nothing matters anymore. You could take your money and run. You're free to do whatever. Enjoy that time. Maybe who knows, by the end of it you might be ready to start over.

I hope you don't man. There are a ton of great communities online to help you.

if all else fails wwwlostallhopecom so you can do it properly and leave a presentable body. They will know you died peacefully and painlessly.

Everyone has a right to their own life user, I wish you the best.

I've poured my everything into my art, but it never seems to fully pan out. I would sacrifice anything to be "successful" at it.

I don't even know what that really would be other than to not have to worry about the basic necessities and just do art all day. It's literally the only thing that makes me happy or fulfilled and it still is glossed over by everyone.

I feel like a man without a soul

Post some of it then, I'd appretiate anything that isn't some bs 'modern' art shite... or just flashing lights

i made a comic today about the max headroom incident. I post everything on instagram just cause its easy to do and I get some interaction on it

instagram.com/p/Bb0te6dFgPx/?taken-by=foolianogram

I’m a reporter. Don’t wanna say where or what I do but you can kinda guess some things.

I think I have PTSD. Not like Iraq war level but kinda bad. I can’t concentrate sometimes. I get irritable and keep that bottled up. I breathe heavy and get hyper-aware and just freeze in place. It’s hard to think sometimes. I had to lie down for half an hour today to deal with it. I’m still functional though. It’s not like being a veteran.

At work I’ve had teargas, homemade and Police flashbangs thrown at me, m80s exploding at my feet, people bloodying their faces fighting in front of me. People I talk to for stories are dangerous. The other week some other reporter tried to smear me to some dangerous people and say I’m untrustworthy and don’t talk to me. It put my life in some danger.

Sometimes I can’t hold stuff like forks or my phone or pens. I just drop them.

I get along fine with women in my organization but I have really bad social anxiety. I haven’t been with anyone in a year and a half. I can barely remember what it was like to hold someone. The women at work had me help file a complaint about a man who was treating them badly. Every day really pretty women who I like a lot come up and talk to me about their fucking problems. I don’t want to be around anyone. Most of the women in my life are more concerned with getting me to do something for them than whether I’m okay or not.

I’m visiting my parents for thanksgiving. My dad’s mentally unstable and my mom has never done anything about it. My parents fight and like I’m a fucking child again I just internalize all of it and think it’s my fault. And then I tried to explain to my mom what my symptoms are and she doesn’t care and tunes out and makes excuses as soon as she realizes it means I can’t do as much for her.

Pretty much most everybody treats me like that. I’m like a punching bag. I don’t even want to fight back. Don’t want a gf or friends. I just want to be alone.

I have always envisioned having a little thanks giving with just myself one year. I feel like it would be empowering. Get up at noon and start cooking, smoke a bowl, create a mess of dishes and watch the games on TV.

Remember that your mother and father did the best they mentally could with where they were at. Remember that they are a product of another culture, before the internet. If they were abusive I am sorry, and your hate is not misplaced. Carrying it around though weighs a ton.

They are sorry, deep down. They don't understand you. They want things to change but fear making things worse.

Be strong in whatever choice you make user.

Nice, I've always enjoyed seeing art like that..so I'd honestly give you a 10/10

you can see some of the other stuff ive done here too instagram.com/foolianogram/

That's too bad Sup Forumsro. Thing is I am 20, and in the USA. So I am fucked when it comes to drinking usually. And yeah I know crying is ok, it's just I have been realizing how disconnected I have been lately and I feel like I am finally warming up again. But I don't know what caused me to go cold in the first place.

Are there any medical options for you that you have considered or haven't looked into yet?

and i sincerely thank you man. makes me feel like its been worth it

Sitting in my room, waiting for everyone to go to bed so I can go outside and burn one. Thinking on love lost out on. Damn my fucked up psyche. Why do I have to be this way guys?

Look into Joe Rogan Experience #470 with Amber Loyn. Sounds a lot like what you are describing.

Chin up bro.

I’m gonna download it now. Thanks dude.

As far as I'm aware, there's nothing in the way of medical options for me. And I'm a EUfag from Latvia, so getting shitfaced is easy for me. And it might just be that you are coming out of your teens and so forth. And then wait till your 21 to go to bars, but try hanging out with people, next time when someone offers you to go out, go. It'll help you feel better.
Already started following you mate, I'd recomend you'd try drawing comics that make fun of modern day politics etc. I know there's a word for 'em but I can't be arsed to remember it..

>love lost out on

Let's hear it man.

Can't give /adv/ without more info.

If not I am sorry brother enjoy the green and have a great night.

you have no idea what you are talking about. I'm trying not to get angry at you, but jesus christ dude, chill out. do not try and sound wise with platitudes. jesus. im sorry but jesus christ that made me cringe.

dig you're single thanksgiving though, basically what i did last year minus pot.

No problem. Just letting you know she found serenity in psychedelics, I don't know how you feel about that but there are a lot of studies done on the benefits of these drugs for PTSD. It's definitely not bullshit, just a lost culture frowned upon by our society.

Enjoy it though, if anything you will be able to relate when she talks about her struggles as a reported and it's fascinating none the less.

Thanks for your public service and putting your balls in the wind to get the truth out there btw.

Thanks man. I will try.

Sorry I came off that way. All I am saying is that parents do the best they fucking can man. It's no one's fault. There are tons of shouldacouldawouldas. And however they treated you is a reflection of their bullshit and not your fault. Unless they are sadistic crazies.

I am not dismissing what ever they did to upset you. All I am saying is that they are your parents and usually those people love you and shit. They probably don't know how to communicate or connect with you.

Does that make sense? If I pissed you off more feel free not to reply.

>sorry i came off that way
>let me just repeat my self again

dude no.

>im not dismissing what ever they did to upset you
>im just going to give advice on a situation i know literally nothing about cuz im so certain that i know better

>unless they are sadistic crazies.

i did not like lasagna, so my dad would force feed me lasagna until I puked and then call me a sissy. averaged this event about 3 times a year.

it gets worse from there.

when they found out my brother had molested me their solution was to make us share a bed.

they didn't do the best they can. it is their fault. please think before you spout absolutes and platitudes in an attempt to sound wise.

look into neuropace, user

You are dismissive though. instead of asking him about what happen you sum up his emotional complexities by talking 'at him' with 'one size fits all' middle school advice, and then tell him if he disagrees to just not reply. So in addition to being dismissive you are just unwilling to listen it seems.

but hey as long as you got to sound smart saying 'THEY DID THEIR BEST'.

It could be great, I just have to save up money for a trip to the States then. But I still have to look into it a bit more, thanks for pointing them out man!

I gave general advice to a general complaint. What did you want me, or anyone for that matter to say to you if we have no context into how bad it is. I am not trying to sound wise, why the fuck do you search for ways in which people are belittling you man. My tone was sincere. I am sorry for what happened to you.

In that post I

A) Defended my notion
B) Restated my point
C) Told him if I upset him we didn't need to fucking flame so we could just drop it.

I at no point dismissed him, you fucking moron.

>what did you want me, or anyone for that matter to say to you

anything along the lines of 'that blows man' would suffice. if you want to know how bad it is, feel free to ask, but this wasn't an advice thread, so why are you getting mad that someone isn't sucking your dick over your 'advice'?

>why the fuck do you search for ways in which people are belittling you man

i didn't have to search. you honestly can't look back and see how that could sound condescending, just telling someone who said virtually nothing how to live their life, as if they got no moral compass and are just festering away? I don't doubt your sincerity, I appreciate it, and like with you, gave you advice on what to do. clearly you didn't appreciate it either.

but i dont doubt your sincerity. but its like going up to an introvert and telling them they need to go outside, they need to go talk to people, they need to do what you do, because you're so happy. but true introverts are happy the way they are, thats why they're introverts. one size does not fit all.

all I'm trying to say is that you'd alienate less people by simply sympathizing or discussing instead of throwing a paragraph of unsolicited platitudes at them that basically say 'get over it otherwise /you're/ in the wrong'.

cuz thats what that advice boils down to, if I am mad about something then im doing something wrong by your advice.

nah man. shit sticks with people. I live a happy and healthy life, i mean fuck I summed up my shitty thanksgiving on an optimistic note about how things are still better.

TL;DR sincerity doesn't make it good.

>i at no point dismissed him

except for how you did. you don't need to literally state 'I DISMISS YOU'.

instead of listening or asking you just, you know, threw a 'its not their fault :D' without even knowing what they did. thats fine if you sincerely believe its never anyones fault for what they do, but consider that most people prefer personal responsibility.

Always been an outcast, since being an child I never really had many friends and was typically alone a lot of the time. 2 Years ago someone joined a teamspeak server that I go on to daily, tldr she was a girl from the same town as me, and we lived pretty close to each other too, we talked for ages and decided to get together. I was so happy that I finally found someone that liked me, someone to love me and someone for me to love back, it was one of the best feelings ever. We got together in November 2015, at the time I was 19 and out of a job so little to no money, we really wanted to meet up before xmas and spend actual time together, we tried to, we made a plan and everything but we wasnt able to do it. Early January she was rushed into hospital because she collapsed due to a lack of sleep and her body basically giving up. Turns out she had leukemia, a small tumor on her brain that was preventing her from being able to sleep properly. Towards the end of January she decided that she couldn't cope with the lack of sleep/energy and said she felt like she was going insane, so she decided to take a lethal injection to put her down. On the night before she was set to have her injection, she was talking to me, saying "I really dont want to die but I cant cope living anymore, its just painful" and other related things (im sure you can use your imagination). Wake up on the day, check my phone to message her to tell her I love her and ill miss her, but she had already gone to the hospital, her last message was "Im sorry (my name), the last few months have been some of the best in my life and im so greatfull to of had you in my life even though it was short. Im sorry for just leaving you like this but I can bear to tell you over the phone or ill end up crying, thank you and ill always love you x". All ive ever wanted in my life was someone to love and the first chance I get its taken from me.

that beginning made me want to shit on you, but god damn that took a sad turn. jesus dude, how are you doing since then?

no worries, my dude. hope it can help you out

Could be worse tbh, out of all my original friends I have about 2 left, and im not even sure if they consider me their friend. I spend most of my time in my home playing or watching something. Diddnt mention it in the other post but my anxiety and depression get the best of me a LOT more than it used to. I just dont want to be alone, im scared/sick of being alone, it feels like im not allowed to have anyone. I dont want to die alone and im scared thats how its gunna end, one drunken night of bad memories and 1 bullet

>if you sincerely believe it's never anyone's fault for what they do,

That would be the philosophy. We are who we are today not because of ourselves, but because of the experiences that have made us who we are. Everyone, including horrible people, have fucking trauma and shit they are dealing with. Every action we take is a direct result of our past experience. Therefore, sympathy even towards people we dislike or who have hurt us allows us to gain perspective.

I stand my ground, I wanted to be clear that I didn't want to flame and therefore told him that he doesn't need to reply if he doesn't want to because the arguing doesn't solve fucking anything and is pointless.

see thats the kind of stuff that makes me want to shit on you man. incredibly depressing middle piece about the gf dying aside, you're setting your self up for failure it seems. this is echoed in your final line, you will die alone, but only because you kill your self instead of filling your life.

i really hope you don't user.

Keep on trying man...I don't want to live alone in this hell, I'm the epileptic in this thread...I know how it feels like..

Holy fucking moly, I'm sorry man.

I'm so fucking sorry.

thats a bad philosophy. its never anyones fault is how we get a government that can't operate, let alone personal lives that can't grow or change. taking responsibility, understanding that you can do better than what has just been pushed upon you is the only way to really fix anything.

be greater than the sum of your parts, and expect the same from others. otherwise i can just forcefeed my kid til he pukes and have it not really be my fault. fuck that. Learn from everyones mistakes, especially your own. take responsibility for them.

>Everyone, including horrible people, have fucking trauma and shit they are dealing with.

absolutely. excuses nothing. succumbing to the trauma is not doing your best. its doing the absolute minimum.

>but sympathy!

never said they are unworthy of sympathy, but thats a far cry from the extremes of 'its not their fault'.

>i stand my ground
>BUT ITS HIS JOB TO NOT RESPOND SO THAT FLAME WARS DONT HAPPEN

nah.

>arguing doesn't solve anything
>but i will argue anyways its his job to stop

you could do better. and arguing does solve a lot, without an argument people are just agreeing and that solves nothing and leaves nothing to be solved.

>HOW
>COULD
>THIS
>HAPPEN
>TO
>ME

>I
>MADE
>MY
MISTAKES

>GOT
NOWHERE
>TO
>RUN

>LIFE
>GOES
>ON

Eh, worst case scenario I'll hopefuly make it to international news if my life goes so far as to force me to go to my backup plan
>I met this Norwegian guy a few years ago, he's one of the rare people that look past the medical bs in my life
>He offered me a 'job'
>Jewlery store in the middle of the day and all that jaz
>I'm still considering it as my plan Z

No it doesn't dismiss anything, but it does explain an awful lot.

We as human beings are not nearly as conscious as we lead ourselves to believe. Our actions are dictated by what is perceived as free thought but that is simply not true. From a cognitive standpoint we are driven not by pathos, logos, or ethos, but by our ego. Our ego shapes and defines us, and is constructed from learned behaviors, structures and experience that can externally.

With this notion I can safely say that it was not his fathers fault, as that fucking piece of shit didn't get out of bed one morning and decide to be a piece of fucking shit. So it's hard to HATE someone when you know deep down they hurt just as fucking much as you do.

>heres my opinions though, treat them like fact

no. hard no.

It's science.
It comes down to neuroscience and the basic premises learned in a psychology class.

>its science

hypothesis does not equal fact, even if its 'science' lol.

just as much evidence supporting that you're retarded and that the whole point of firing off synapses is that you can choose to overcome.

otherwise string theory would only create universes that are entirely the same.

take your opinion, shove it up your ass, mines already pretty deep up there.

Mutual ass shoving, then.

Thanks for sparring, it was the most words I've talked with anyone all day actually. A decent argument is one of my favorite things in life.

It's thanks giving here. PST. Happy thanks giving.

not /s

Happy early thanksgiving y'all
>be me
>speech impediment growing up making it hard to say r's
>fix that shit, weird voice still lingers
>everyone thinks I'm retarded because of it
>closest thing to friends is in school acquaintances
>fall hopelessly in love with any girl that talked to me out of pity
>attempt suicide with a rifle in my mouth at 13 and 15
>too pussy to go through it both times
>meet girl from area while playing cod (I know, red flag) at 16, talked for a month
>told eachother problems, she suggests being my gf
>ghosts when I talk about going on a date
>no emotions left, haven't been happy since early childhood
>take asvab, score high enough to do any job, know I just want to die
>join army, airborne infantry at 18, 100% convinced I would an hero before I'm shipped to basic
>get to unit, no friends for a few months, then start drinking hard when hanging with them
>become full fledged alcoholic by 20, finishing a bottle a night and smoking a pack a day
>a few one night stands with desperate fat chicks, but view sex as pointless without a meaningful relationship
>out of 30 jumps, have a few close calls but worst injury is a broken leg
>After 3 years of bullshit training unit finally goes to a combat zone
>literally nothing going on, no one from battalion has fired a shot yet after several months
>start talking to qt3.14 on ig while over here who has same interests
>come up with greatest line ever to get her number
>ghosted
>other people have things to look forward to going back to, family, friends back home, gf's, kids
>just have boring family since I cut ties with anyone my age back home, going to be sitting around the house for 2 weeks of leave
>still have another year left when I get back
>can't stand higher ups so not staying in
>Going to college to pursue my dream job when I get out
>know because of my lack of social experience I'll be a loner drunk for all college, struggle to find a job because no connections, and will probably an hero before 30

Life isn't about women. Pursue a far-fetched dream or 2. Travel the world (cliche, I know), go to Egypt and visit all the stones that aline perfectly with the stars.

You might even find a woman that loves you once you figure out your shit and learn to love yourself and be happy by yourself. Nobody wants to be with someone who isn't happy (and they shouldn't relationships like that don't work)

i'm just here, laying on my bed looking up to the crackled paint on the ceiling, realizing nobody has ever fell in love with me, not even once.
people say i'm not ugly, that i'm interesting, and a person that should be listened to, but i always end up alone, i don't know if they are lying to me or if there's something else that scares people that nobody wants to tell me, some say that is my negativity.

whatever what it is, i'm here, looking at the ceiling, realizing nobody has ever fell in love with me, listening to this

youtube.com/watch?v=3XZS2hOfGmY