Sit the fuck down, faggots. Papa’s about to tell you all a story about user and the Weaponized Tards

Sit the fuck down, faggots. Papa’s about to tell you all a story about user and the Weaponized Tards.

Part 1:
>be me
>8th grade
>have adhd (more like autism, but that’s what I was diagnosed with by the shrink)
>have a “special needs plan” to help me “get by” in school
>in the hall between classes
>some bitch with an always-served-with-a-smile face stops me in the hallway
>”Hello, user! I was actually just looking for you!”
>hands me a slip of pink paper
>”The guidance counselor wants to see you during lunch! Have a nice day!”
>she walks away, surprisingly without asking if I wanted it for here or to go
>shit.jpg
>it was that sword I doodled in class, wasn’t it? I knew I should have made it a kid-friendly butter knife
>lunch comes, and I go to the guidance office
>turns out I was right, and he started giving this lecture on how drawing a medieval sword in history class isn’t school appropriate
>he asks me if I’m “okay,” “doing well,” etc.
>meeting ends, about to get up and leave
>”Oh, by the way, there’s this program that I thought you’d be interested in.”
>intrigue.jpg (pic related)
>”Yeah?”
>”Well, there’s this class that you can go to instead of lunch every Monday. While there, you can meet people like you, and you can get some help in class. You know?”
>I did not know
>interested, and inexperienced, I accepted his offer
>my first mistake
>the first Monday arrives
>I walk into the classroom I’m supposed to go to
>all I see is tards, some picking their noses and moaning, others uttering phrases incomprehensible...
>the served-with-a-smile-bitch is there, too.
>shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
>”Oh hi, user! You’re right on time! Come have a seat!”
>she pulls out a chair between two tards
>uneasy about what is to come, and against my better judgement, I oblige
>class begins

>to be continued

>first, there’s one of those school activities preschool teachers use to make the students “get to know each other.”
>the teachers hand us the sheets of paper, and leave us alone
>their mistake
>all the tards look at me
>one of them walks up to me and manages to slur a “hello. What’s your name?”
>weaponized adhd activated
>”user. And I take it you’re Jordan? The teach said it earlier. I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but I think we both know we’re here against our will. So yeah... you probably don’t understand any of this, now that I think about it. So, because of your hinderance in social skills, as well as mine, let’s start by saying my name is user.”
>it works. The tard gives me his name, and introduces me to the others
>ive established contact
>look at the clock
>ten minutes until class ends
>get an idea
>”Hey, Jordan. Wanna play a game?”
>”Ok friend! Oh, I know! You wanna play Tickles?”
>Shit, kid’s like a real life Gir.
>”Sort of. First, you have to go and tell everyone else we’re playing a game. But not the teachers. It’s a surprise.”
>Jordan agrees, and whispers it to everyone in the class.
>Soon, I have a whole room of tards awaiting my command
>”ok, everyone. It’s time to play Surprise Tickle! What you have to do is tickle whoever’s it. And the teachers are it! Now go up to them, and give them surprise tickles!” I whisper
>the tards quietly step to the teachers, including the served-with-a-smile-bitch and the guidance counselor, who had arrived earlier to “check on” the class, and was talking with the served-with-a-smile-bitch.
>they form a semi-circle around them
>their gaze turned from blissful to... feral... hungry...
>all at once, they yelled, “Surprise!” and lunged on the teachers
>the teachers disappeared under a wave of growling, feral tards
>sweetrevenge.png
>bell rings
>the tards don’t notice
>sprint out of class
>mfw I now have a personal tard militia

Fuck off with your edgelord tard bee queen shit

Gwork user

Now, if a social confrontation occurs, I simply have to yell, “Surprise Tickle time!” And the tards come running through the halls. Even the principal is not safe now.

Forget adhd, this is goddamn sociopathy.

Now all we need is to release the tards onto the streets.

Havoc will ensue... good idea, user.

So close to Quints

If I see a news report tomorrow about a bunch of tards running loose on the streets...

good stuff

fuck off, tard stories were always a part of Sup Forums

Nah. I’m long out of high school by now. Besides, who needs tards when you have a whole fraternity under your thumb?

You’re obviously new.

Bump

Cont op

But think of what could be done if we harnessed their powers for good

C'mon OP, this is the best thread tonight.

seriously op, got more tard or god complex stories?

not op but i do have a story not pre typed so might take awhile

>be me be 14 in rehab shit for drugs 4 months in NO PORN
>im going fucking crazy i need some fucking porn like now thats when one of my friends hints me in
>one guy whos a really good artist has been drawing hentai for people
>he's making fucking bank overpriced as shit but fuck it i need porn
>then one day i get a great opportunity im on a computer connected to a printer doing schoolwork
>staff watching 24/7 staff has to use the restroom fast as fuck i print 10 pages of porn each page has about 10 images on it

:cont

go on, go on

Hmm... I can think of one. Give me some time to write it,

c'mon tardlover lets hear it

Still waiting. Trying to keep this thread alive while you write.

>daily check of all our belongings i have my porn stashed in a folder staff starts to look through the folder
>ohshit.jpg
>based friend knows about the porn and distracts staff by slamming all the doors shut (doors always open against the rules to close)
>way too fucking close i need a new method so i take a piece of string and i tie it to the folder (now with only porn)
>and lower it behind my desk that is bolted to the floor taping the string right below the lip
>cut up all pages into the small images
>sell for 10$ each if you dont have money i accepted legos clothing and blankets
>soon i have 3 boxes of legos and people coming to me like crack addicts
>it was a good run but im down to my last 5-6 images wtf do i do
>use the last images to buy back more old images from other people who wanted new ones
>3 old images for 1 new one since everyone kept them to themselves none were the wiser


thats how i became the head of an underground porn syndicate more rehab stories or new type

gg, go on with rehab
bonus points for crazy chicks

OP here. I’m back with another story. This one happened later in highshool, but somehow some of tard gang, including Jordan, got into the same high school as me.

>be me
>16
>still diagnosed with adhd
>in every “special” class the school staff can throw at me
>use the same tactics as I did before
>gain the respect of most of the tard groups... save for one
>some bitch named Neil is in my school as well
>he made a friend with another user, whom I shall call “X,” who has him wrapped around his little finger
>attempt to make contact during lunch
>walk up to Neil’s table, abandoned save for him and X
>attempt to introduce myself
>weaponized adhd activates
>Neil interrupts me mid sentence
>“I have hat, please?”
>he points to my fedora
>I wore it that day off of a dare from a friend, to see how long I’d go without getting fucking obliterated by the other students
>unfortunately, I borrowed it from said friend, and the shit was alligator skin or something.
> “Sorry. Shit’s expensive. I’d gladly give it to you, but I borrowed it from a friend. So, in other words, no.”
>Neil’s expression slowly sours, and then becomes downright scary
>fuck.jpg
>he lets out a noise that I can only describe as some kind of... raptor screech
>it’s so loud I cover my ears and fall to the ground and cover my ears
>he won’t stop
>the other tards, even Jordan, begin to panic
>they start throwing shit at the tard wranglers and screaming
>all hell breaks loose
>eventually, one of the tard wranglers makes it to Neil, and covers his mouth
>ears ringing, I escape the cafeteria while everybody else is busy with damage control
>mfw this was going to be harder than I thought
>to be continued...

>some bitch named Neil is in my school as well
>he made a friend with another user
wait, can it be...

this was an all male facility part of the reason porn was so highly valued; however, i do have one crazy chicks story

>go to the park to sit in silence and stare at clouds alone
>notice group of teenagers around my age at the time (15-16)
>smoking weed i happen to smoke weed as well and feeling adventurous i walk up to the group
>huge ass smile on my face "i smelled some dank shit and decided to come over"
>all of them high 2 guys 3 girls they start laughing
>i sit down because no fucks given just listening to them talk after like 5 mins they offer me the blunt
>success.jpg
>take it and smoke a bit before passing ask the group as a whole their names and shit
>keegan, jason, jessica, rebecca, and mya (still in contact with jason and mya)
>start asking philosophical questions because i know that shit hits you when you're high
>talk for like 30-45 mins they decide to go to jason's house to drink since he lives alone with his dad and his dad is at work
>i get up sad the experience is over but decide its ok
>then jessica asks me if i want to come
>didihearyouright.carrierpigeon
>surprised as fuck but somehow accept and follow them into a car to drive to jason's house
>(keep in mind at this point in my life i was a lonely kissless virgin who considered suicide every day so i didnt care what happened)
>make it to jasons house without a hitch
>start drinking girls get drunk quick keegan kinda woozy but good jason and I are fine
>then out of nowhere keegan starts to grope jessica
>being a kissless virgin im mesmerized not sure what to do just watching keegan
>jessica does a drunk laughs and drags him into the bathroom
>5 mins later moaning noises
>mydreamsarecomeingtrue.cumsock

:cont

Perhaps...

that would be a hell of a coincidence

>jason starts to laugh his ass off i get rock hard
>i have a fairly large dick so when i get hard it is very visible
>mya notices it and whispers to Rebecca
>they both go to jasons room without saying anything
>i look at jason to see if he knows wtf is going on
>he just goes into another laughing fit me and jason talk for like 15 mins when keegan and jessica come out of the bathroom
>jessica asks where mya is jason tells her in his room keegan goes to check it out
>i follow him also very interested as no sound has been made from that room
>mya and rebecca are just chillin on the bed talking still drinkning
>mya's sluring her words rebecca notices keegan and I and starts to say some shit to keegan
>all i can do is stare at one thing mya's tanktop had been moved slightly too the left and her bra was on the floor next to her
>so when she turns to the door when it opens i can see her nipple
>first nipple ive ever seen rebecca leaves the room leaving mya i stand there for a bit before sitting down on the bed next to her seeing my chance
>keegan gives me a sly smile and closes the door its just me and mya on the bed now

:cont

>mya basically collapses on my lap her face right on my crouch this with the nip slip
>i am the hardest i have ever been fucking diamond status
>she feels my dick and starts to rub it
>amiinaporno.gif
>she takes her shirt off and pulls my pants down and straight up sucks me off after i cum we smoke more and talk trade contact info
>go on a date with mya a week later and i lose my virginity
>jason and i play league together
>mya and i pretty much friends with benefits jason one of my best friends
>mfw i am the luckiest mofo around

>a month or two later
>decided to keep the fedora
>so far, efforts to assimilate Neil, whom I later found out is named Neal, have failed
>I’ve tried everything, from sending some skinny down syndrome kid named James after him to confronting even his friend, X
>X played cuck, and asked me what the fuck I was talking about. He either knew the tard war at hand and chose to hide it... or he actually didn’t know shit
>Either way, I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere with him
>As for James, all he did was activate Neal’s raptor screech over and over again
>sitting in class waiting for the bell to ring
>see X trying to read a book to Neal
>Neal asks a question to X
>X tries to answer
>Neal starts getting frustrated
>Frantically, X tries to reword his answer
>yeahright.png
>the animal can’t be reasoned with
>but X doesn’t stop
>Neal’s expression changes
>shit.jpg
>raptorscreech.mp4
>myears.gif
>the class goes apeshit
>See some smelly bitch named Lucy or something run at me with a look on her face that was something animalistic.
>panicking, I throw a stapler
>Lucy dodges, and it hits the teacher behind her, trying in vain to calm the class
>she’s out cold
>I vaguely recall she was in as a substitute for the day
>she’s going to leave one hell of a “note” for the teacher, that’s for sure
>Lucy grabs me by the neck of my shirt
>begins lifting me up
>Jordantotherescue.webm
>he barrels into Lucy, who is forced to let go of me
>gasping, I fall to the floor
>I grab my fedora and sprint to the door, making my escape once again
>I manage to alert the tard wranglers
>they head down to the room, but everything’s calm
>whattheactualfuck.jpeg
>apparently, X was able to calm him
>X seems to be smarter than I originally thought
>turns out he was there as a helper, and not for the tard reasons I’m in for
>I get an idea, involving spying, that bitch Lucy and, most of all, X.
>to be continued...

Two greentext series in one thread? The mods better keep this shit alive.

>Neal
>James
>Smelly kid named Lucy

It... can’t be...

It has to. There can be no other explanation.

user’s story happened at the same time and place of Neal the Tard’s

Now all we need is Timmy the Destroyer and the ritual will be complete.

OP here. What is this you speak of? Seriously I never thought that user actually posted the story.

>doesnt know what neal the tard is

Bumping for rest

I just looked it up.

Pretty fucking cool that the other user actually posted his side of the story. And now, you hear mine.

Ill help with some bumpinos

No fucking way, oh that's dope as shit.

Fuck, someone screencap this shit.

holy fuck
what a small world

Must keep thread alive

>Two weeks later
>school dance happens
>some kind of 80’s costume party gig going on
>decide to contact Lucy, figuratively whispering sweet nothings in her ear about Neal being madly in love with her. Apparently the bitch is a real life yandere, and I wanted to assess her skills
>tell her to enter the gym from the outside, where I will be waiting
>yes, I know I was a real edgelord faggot during this time, with the fedora and weeaboo knowledge and all. Please don’t remind me.
>go to the gym, where the dance is held, and hide in the bleachers
>spy user sitting awkwardly in the corner
>understandable.jpeg
>Enter Neal
>dressed up as Michael fucking Jackson, white tuxedo, fedora and all
>dresses up like a cuck, yet somehow manages to pull it off like a pimp
>Lucy walks in the door next to my hiding spot, and begins eyeing Neal hungrily
>”Lucy!” I whisper
>she turns around. “Oh. Hi Ex-ex-puss-sleer-ex-ex.” She takes some time to pronounce the words. I made sure she thought my name was that instead of user, so as to witness the hilarity of her trying to pronounce it in front of the tard wranglers.
>”Hi, Lucy. Now remember what I said: Men like force. Be forceful!”
>”Forfeful?” Lucy asked. She didn’t understand.
>”Remember when you ran to me that one day in class? Act like that.”
>She seemed to understand.
>Ran up to Neal, and started talking to him.
>Neal was not amused.
>I was just beginning to start taking notes on how user reacted when I heard “user? What are you doing here? It’s been such a long time!”
>ohmyfuckingmercifulgodpleaseno.jpeg
>it’s the served-with-a-smile-bitch. She’s back.
>apparently, after getting out of the hospital, both she and the guidance counselor immediately returned to school.
>their funeral
>”Oh... hey...”
>”user! Don’t you think you should be making friends? You should try to socialise some more!”
>To be continued...

oh boy, oh boy

Holy fucking shit. I can't believe this is happening.

>ahh... the socialistic approach. This one I was prepared for.
>”Oh? But I thought I was already friends with Jordan! Actually, we have this amazing game we play... SUPRISE TICKLE TIME! YOU’RE IT!”
>the served-with-a-smile-bitch’s expression suddenly turns to one of horror, and she takes a step back, ready to run.
>but before she can, a wild Jordan appears
>like I said earlier, kid’s a real life Gir. And saying the words “Suprise Tickle,” have become his new Murder Mode activation key
>he appears out of nowhere, running, and barrels into the served-with-a-smile-bitch
>sweetjustice.gif
>suddenly, the raptor screech sounds
>this one comes in waves, almost like that sound you get when you speak into a fan
>I pull a set of earplugs out of my waistcoat, put them on my ears, and watch the mayhem from afar
>everything has gone apeshit
>James is curled on the floor in a fetal position
>two black tard twins are dry humping Lucy, yelling “My fault,” for some reason
>and this one downie with fucking super strength known only as “The Destroyer,” by those in the halls was yelling shit about justice as he clocked a tard wrangler in the jaw
>in other words, fucking amazing
>Before I could truly enjoy it though, I get a call from Jordan’s mother
>I’ve become something like a baby sitter to Jordan, in return for his protection. His mother occasionally asks me to do shit like walk him home and come to get his lunch for him
>”Hey, user. Mind getting Jordan to come home? It’s past his bedtime, and his teachers haven’t sent him home yet.”
>looks like the fun would have to wait
>I contact Jordan, who was busy banging his chest like a gorilla while screeching at the kids dry humping Lucy, and we head towards the back door
>I wave goodbye to X, watching the mayhem from afar as well. Although his expression is much different than mine, a look of shock rather than pleasure, and walk Jordan home, before heading home myself
>to be continued...

>I pull a set of earplugs out of my waistcoat, put them on my ears, and watch the mayhem from afar
damn, you were ready for this

I had to be prepared in case a raptor screech ensued. Only taking precautions.

I admit I practiced in the mirror.

Just the right amount of autism

>two black tard twins yelling “My fault,”
>and this one downie with fucking super strength known only as “The Destroyer”

you gotta be fucking shitting me. It can’t be...

I'm screencapping this shit. We must keep the legacy of Neil and Jordan alive

Please, don’t die. Please.

Posting in this magnificent thread

Put me in the fucking screencap

Screenshot

This has to be the neal from the older greentext, there's way too many links it can't be just a coincidence

Shit so im not crazy thinking this is familiar

Neal, James, lucy, the destroyer, black tard twins. There's no fucking way it is coincidence

also the micheal jackson shit too

Its like lore expansion of Neal the tard this could be a whole book saga at this point.

God fucking damn.

Today a legacy is reborn

Op don't die

We need this

Thanksgiving may have been yesterday, but this is something truly to be thankful for

Bump

Give op some time

Keeping thread alive.

Bump

>the next day
>now was my moment, the time when I would, finally, get Neal to join my tard army
>all the pieces were in place
>all the plans had been made
>it was time to execute my greatest idea yet
>and it involved Neal’s prized turtle
>it was show and tell in the tard classroom
>apparently the new teacher thought it would be amazing if everyone brought in something to show every day
>all the tards had brought in something to display
>as for me, I of course showed off my fedora
>no one was impressed, obviously
>and then Neal walked into the classroom, holding a box in his hands
>I knew what lie in that box, even if everybody else did not
>it was Neal’s prized turtle, Jimmy
>I watched his displaying of the turtle, and waited until he started to pass it around. As a fellow tard passed the turtle to me, I hid in in the folds of my shirt, but not before the turtle but me on the finger
>I really hate turtles now, because of that incident
>I placed the turtle on the floor before it could bite me any further, and doned some winter gloves from the cubbies, grabbed the turtle, asked to go, and hid in the bathroom, and waited...
>then it happened
>X walked in, and took a leak
>I was right behind him as he zipped up his pants over his absurdly tiny penis and walked to wash his hands
>it was during this time that I struck, and our stories truly diverge, for X never told this in his greentext
>I walked up behind him from the shadows, and grabbed his throat
>not enough to choke him, but definitely enough to scare him, as practiced with Mother’s dildo back home the night before.
>”Hello, X. I believe we haven’t met.”
>the only sounds from X were that of gagging and sputtering.
>I let him go, and he whirled around to face me
>”WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?” He asked.
>to be continued...

OP LIVES!

lolwut

That, my dear user, is the beautiful sound of autism at its finest.

What a time to be alive

Tell us when you're done, OP
This is a historic thread

Alright. I Already saved a pdf of the thread in its current state as well, just in case it gets ninja pruned

moar op

I think we got trolled.... lol

Bamp

>I bowed. “An autistic faggot who has a special interest in your friend, Neal.”
>yes, I also practiced that in the mirror with mother’s dildo.
>”What the fuck? Wait, who even are you?” Asked X. Apparently, he wasn’t listening to what I said.
>”Alright, if you really wanna know, I’m one of the other kids in the tard class. And I know your motives with Neal...”
>X stayed silent.
>”I know that you are aware of Neal’s tard abilities. How his so-called “tard screech” has the power to drive other tards to madness, and bend them to his will. Almost as if Neal is the queen bee of a tard hive. But be aware, X, you are not the only one who seeks dominion over the tard army. For you have a competitor, and that competitor is I.”
>I bow again for effect.
>X takes a step back.
>I sprint behind him to the door of the bathroom, and close it as quietly as I can.
>”In other words, you are friends with the one referred to as Neal, are you not? Well, I seek to be “friends” with him as well. I know more about your little relationship than even you realize... yet I can never seem to directly confront Neal. I wish for you to influence him to have a more positive outlook on me, so that I may one day confront him as a “friend.””
>The poor bastard, X, looks like he’s finally putting it all together. My, no wonder he’s able to strike up such a positive relationship with a tard. He’s an idiot.
>”Umm... okay, I guess... but I don’t really wanna lie to him. I already did it once, and even though it was in self-defense, I kind of...”
>”Alright, then. Allow me to provide some insentive. It’d be a pity if that rascal, James, was up to no good as we speak, no?”
>X paused, and looked at me with shock. I was finally getting through to him.
>I walked closer.

Drawfags should make a manga of this shit. I'd read it.

I'm out. Great fucking thread. Somebody screencap it all. I need it for when I get off work.

Physical descriptions of everyone involved would help for sure

Thinking of going to sleep and making a new thread later today. I’ll post the pdf link as well as a collective screen cap in the next thread. What do you guys think about this? Because I’m fucking tired.

no men, sleep is for pussies. We need a good night story

if this is real, this is gold
keep going, you'll sleep when you're dead

I hope you ain't lying

Do you have a specific time in mind?

As you wish.

Oh shit.

kekd. thnx user just the right amount of everything without going cringed overboard

Deeper down the ran it hope we go

>Rabit hole
Fuck did I have a stroke typing halfway though that?

>”be warned, X, I have influence everywhere. Do me a favor in the assistance of Neal from time to time, and perhaps I won’t have to use it.”
>I stuck out my hand.
>”Do we have a deal?”
>Hesitantly, X shook my hand.
>”Good. And if you tell this to anyone, I will invoke the wrath of the Destroyer. I heard he does not take kindly to tattle-tailers.”
>I stepped away and opened the door, and almost stepped out before...
>”Oh! I almost forgot.”
>I leaned inside and tipped my fedora to X.
>”Good day!”
>I sprinted back to the classroom and placed Jimmy under a beanbag chair.
>Neal had already let out his tard screech in distress at finding his precious turtle to be missing.
>Jordan was crying in the corner.
>and I had already sent James to the bathroom earlier
>looks like James was going to get into trouble today whether I wanted him to or not
>sit down to watch
>disgunbgud.jpg
>Enter X.
>He first looks at me absurdly, and then runs up to Neal.
>”Neal, what’s wrong?” He asks.
>”JIMMY IS GONE!” Neal yells. I begin to fiddle with the earplugs in my pockets. Just in case...
>”Ok! ok! I’ll find Jimmy!” X responds, and begins frantically looking around the room, so as not to invoke the wrath of Neal.
>James walks into the room, wearing a goofy grin upon his face
>he truly has no idea
>X takes one look at him, and makes his judgement. Neal seems to catch on, too, as his expression quickly soured.
>Hurriedly, I fetched the earplugs and put them on.
>raptorscreech.mp4
>all hell breaks loose
>looking upon the hilarious carnage, I spy out of the corner of my eye X shaking James by the scruff of his shirt, screaming at him to ask where Jimmy is.
>I spy Jordan wandering by the beanbag chair.
>his foot is almost positioned over... Jimmy...
>to be continued...

Probably.

Bump to keep the thread alive for long enough to make history

Please tell me Jimmy lives!

>Somebody hasn't read Neal the Tard.

>gets in trouble for drawing swords
>meanwhile there’s a person who was in my school who screamed animal noises and jumped on tables and wasn’t put into special Eds

Git gud