I don't even know where to start

I don't even know where to start.
Depression thread Sup Forumsros

maybe you shouldn't then whinyfag

I'm 30. Have life pretty good as far as the American dream goes. Fancy house, nice vehicle, amazing gf, good paying job with a pretty cash schedule. But I'm out of shape(not as much as the average Amerifat but about 40-50lbs over normal BMI, I wear it well), smoke, drink like a fish, have anxiety/stress so bad that I'm on more blood pressure medicine than most people twice my age take, and have 0 motivation anymore. My fancy house is a mess. I put in minimal effort at work. I don't pay as much attention to my gf or family as I should. Life is so short and I just waste it being a lazy alcoholic chimney smoking piece or shit. I want to get back on the right track and be a man of men, but it's so hard.

Nah wouldn't hero. I'll have a stroke or heart attack by 40 anyways if I don't change so might as well enjoy my last 10 years being a rich fag and getting laid 15+ times a week.

why aren't you trying to change anything then?

if you're sick of being depressed, then start making changes. You're depressed because you're unsatisfied in life.

The WORST thing that you can do is sit here on Sup Forums

if you're honestly sick of your depression, then you'll close this fucking tab and your computer, and you'll sit down and figure it out with a pen and paper.

Why do you hate life?
When do you not hate it so much?

the American dream is depression.

Check out Richard Alperts story. He was just like you.

Well,it's always good to start from the beginning user.

When did these feelings start? Was there a specific event that happened to make you feel this way? Have you always felt sad compared to the average person,or is this a new feeling that has surfaced?

I hate the fact that people are so judgemental more than anything. That's where 99% of my stress comes from is always feeling like someone is judging me rather it's those I care about or strangers. I say every few days I'm gonna start today, then come home and make a drink and/or go to bed and it's well maybe tomorrow.

I don't hate it because I realize life is short and our time here is precious, and I've been dealt a pretty amazing fucking hand compared to most people. But I feel like I'm folding it more by the day.
When I say American dream mine is a bit different because I'm more financially secure than 99% of people my age. It's not like I'm swimming in debt or having to work that hard to live this life.

Pretty much when I moved out on my own a year ago. I lived with my parents until I was 29 in a very repressed life. It's complicated but I'm not your average basement dwelling b/tard. I had 6 figures in the bank by the time I was 25. Helped care for Ill family is why I stayed, etc. But my parents are very old school and have very religious views so I didn't have the life most had by 29. Any time I tried to defy them they lashed out. While I may be wealthy and successful I still feel this inert need to make them proud as well by accommodating their bullshit on the surface. But that anxiety has transferred to everyone. I'm sheepish at work and in public as well. Just driving with someone following closer behind me than I like makes me anxious because I fear conflict of opinion or altercation. The sadness probably started around 20. Before that I was a bad ass and gave 0 fucks what anyone thought.

I see where youre coming from.

You wanted to try your best to help out the family,but it seems to have taken its toll on you. Id say since youre on your own now,you now have the ability to do whatever you want,whenever you want. You have the chance to accomplish a lot,and your main goal should be doing this to make yourself proud..............not anyone else.

Regardless of whatever you do,family and friends will always judge your actions. Never feel anxious or sad about it,because thats just what people do. Ignore it,tune them out and accomplish what you want. Also...........................get back into the habit of talking to people more to gain some confidence in yourself. Youll find that even though some of them suck,there are always amazing ones that you can run into.

You are exactly who you chose to be.
Dont worry too much.


You feel lile an imposter because you did not live the "struggle" for what you have.
You made the best of your situation, dont feel guilty, thats why you think people are judging you.

When you are gonna be struggling, these people you worry about will be gone anyway.

Spend time on those you can see yourself friends with in 10 years.

Hey op, former alcoholic here. You need to get help, NOW. It may be hard; even forced, but if your goal in life is to go on without these vices, you need to go to a doctor. Don't quit alcohol by yourself cold turkey, since you risk getting a seizure and dying. Go to a doctor, and they'll prescribe you a benzo to give the same reactions in your brain chemistry that act as depressants to your central nervous system. Smoking is still a problem of mine, but it's a lot better to be a functioning chimney than a drunk. You've been through a decent portion of life having a successful job and shit, there's no reason to be drinking yourself silly. You've lost motivation? Try going to a psychologist, man. If you've been thinking so much about life that you just go on a downward spiral of confusion and emptiness (and not only that, but go on a fucking Sup Forums thread), you don't know what you're doing dude. There's nothing wrong with going to a professional that analyses behavioral patterns and can think of something you can do.

Also,try to remind yourself of the bad ass that you were before all of this shit warped your train of thought. That zero fucks person is still inside of you,you just have to find him.

I try. But then I wonder if it was because Oblivion was bliss. If I acted the way now I did pre-20 I'd probably be without a job, hated by all, single, or in jail. Lol I just literally did what I wanted and if someone had beef with it I'd be in their face until they backed down. I don't know how I became the pussy I am today. Maybe it's because I don't feel like I deserve the greatness I have. I don't know.

I'm fully aware of the effects of withdrawal I am a Paramedic. I'm not bad enough I need a detox program/professional addiction counselor yet. I don't go to work intoxicated. But in my time off I'm always drinking. I've considered a psychologist before but my health insurance is shit so part of me says you can do this just quit being a bitch and do what needs done. I'm already on Ativan PRN along with my blood pressure regimen.

You totally would be.

Thats why you need to take the positives of being that bad ass,and understand how to recognize the negative/violent behaviours.

You can be a no bullshit and dominant guy,without being physically threatening.

And........................you became softer because your mind realized that it is impossible being that intense,and confrontational all the time. Its not healthy to do that at all.

I would say the feeling guilty part is spot on. I feel like I didn't earn my greatness it just was more of a right place right time and I put in a lot of hours at work with a low living cost thing. The lot of hours at work is literally the only reason I can claim any worth of my success, and my job isn't that hard I just worked multiple ones because I wanted to get experience and get wealthy early in life while I had a low cost of living so the rest of life was easier. I still feel judged though even by those I wanna be around. It's more of a instinct at this point to worry about what everyone else thinks of my choices because it was bred into me by my parents that their opinion was right and that was that.

So I'm assuming you drink daily. How much are we talking? What type of alcohol, and what's your drink of choice? I was a straight whiskey kinda guy, I just loved the burning throat feeling. If you start having a fucking fetish for that burning feeling, that's when you know you have a bad problem.

ONE THING AT A TIME

QUIT smoking first

It's hard for me to distinguish how I was from how I need to be now to get my life back. But yes I would say part of it is that I am intelligent enough now to realize that sometimes others opinions can be insightful but that it shouldn't bother you either if you choose not to have the same, and that a healthy companionship with a good woman or with anyone for that matter involves you thinking Beyond only what you yourself want

What's the best way? Any insight?

Well I work about 10 days a month 24 hour shifts because I am a firefighter paramedic but every day I'm not at work my go to is wild turkey 101 and Coke zero, and I don't even like the taste of the first one or two, makes me gag, but it's a clean whiskey and that + no sugar in Coke=zero hangover so I can do it as much as I want without repercussions.

I just paid for a GOOD program and they successfully helped me quit or find a doctor with a long record of helping smokers quit

hypnosis is rather useless

My cat is looking really sick. I don't know if I should put him down or not. I can take him to the vet in two days but I can't tell if he's suffering.

What was the program?

How is he looking sick? Cats can get viruses just like humans.

He's dry heaving a lot. He's clearly trying to vomit but he can only throw up small amounts of liquid. He's pissing outside of his litter box, he doesn't really enjoy being petted. He's not running away and hiding, there's no blood in his vomit or urine, and he's still drinking and eating normally as far as I know.

STOP SMOKING CLINIC

"What will the neighbors say?!" - something my mother used to say

We lived in a big city, we had many neighbors, none of them gave a fuck i was sure.

But she cared so much about apearances.

How was your mother user?

Sounds sick. Most cats who are dying go hide somewhere. How old is it?

He's very old. Almost 18 I believe. Like I said, he isn't hiding though. He'll still come up to us and ask for attention.

Fun game for depressed people....imagine a time when you were really excited. Then live into it. Try to copy those emotions to goals you have to day.

Also run. HIT is great.

The fastest acting anti depressent is ketomin.

She is the main cause of my stress TBH. I have a 15yo brother who while I love dearly, I get harassed by my mom if I don't see them once a week. They live 20 min away. My mom has just always been the type that it's her way or the highway and she has an opinion about everything which usually isn't similar to mine. She enjoys telling me how she thinks I should live life. My step dad will even jokingly say she supports everyone as long as it's what she thinks they should do. But on the flip side when I stand up to her and things get heated he will tell me to quit being an asshole because she is never going to change and I just need to learn to ignore her bullshit and not engage when she tries to argue about how she thinks I should live my life. Yet I still stress over pleasing her because I don't like confrontation from anyone and in fact fear it but most importantly dislike it from those I care about. I think it hard she supports me and her intentions are good but her delivery is just entirely fucked up.

I'd take him to the vet and see what they say unless he's literally acting like he is suffering more time then he is not

It's hard to remember the last time I was so excited that it was worth reflecting back on. Wtf is ketomin? I'm a med fag and never heard of that. If you mean ketamine that's a drug and it's illegal to do recreationally lol

29 is late to break that umbelical cord buddy.

You are financialy dependant so you are not tied to her.
She fear of losing you and its troubling her so she make a scene out of everything.

She'll get over it but will make it a drama.
These type of people will never change.
Her opinion is irrelevent, she made you into her perfect boy and now you are as miserable as her.
Just so you dont leave her.

Your mother is threatening you of "her way or the highway".
Chose the highway nigger.
Go live that life you forgot to start.

That's what my gf says is she is still having separation issues.

I also agree that she makes her own life miserable. Poor with money. Always wants what she can't afford. Up to ears in debt, so my financial success bothers her. Even my gf has said it's uncomfortable how often she talks about how rich I am and how I should cut loose. That being said, I don't want to leave her, just wish there was an easy way to get her to respect my opinion, choices, and life in general without always belittling me for not doing how she thinks I should. I think her heart is in the right place her delivery is just piss poor. When you look up narcissistic parenting disorder it fits her to a T. And my step dad just goes along to get along, just like I used to, so when shit gets real between me and her, he takes her side. Otherwise he's a very wise man though.

You're right man. While I do wanna spend time with my parents and brother as much as I can, I gotta put me first, and that means taking the highway. It may mean some nasty fights at first, but I guess she'll eventually get the picture. We've not spoken for as much as a week before over this shit, which normally we text at the very least goodnight every day. Might sound pussy but my job gives me an appreciation of that everything you have when you go to sleep might not be there when you wake up. Ive seen so many unexpected deaths it's worse than anything you can dream. But then also she'll make snide about how I never text or call and I will rebut with the phone works 2 ways but nothing ever changes out of that.

With that being said I think my financial success also bothers her a lot though because they let me live at home for a long time basically for free so now it's like since I have a bunch of money she feels that I owe them even though when I used to offer them money when I lived at home they would refuse it other than the few knock down drag out so we had about paying rent where I said if I have to pay rent I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want and they weren't kosher with that and still had the my house my rules mentality so I said kick me out but they never would but also like I said I would offer them money time to time to help with their struggles and they would always refuse it