Feels Thread

Feels Thread

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youtube.com/watch?v=z4hQG-XTVa4

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feels like I shouldn't be on Sup Forums

Sorry for trying to reduce you into a footnote of my self-involved narrative.
Thanks for... whatever it was you showed me.
But know you're leaving here alone.

I'm sorry I just wasn't a good enough person to be with you. I hope he treats you well.
I'll just smoke the pain away.

There was a girl I fell in love with back in highschool, her name was Kyland.
She was always kind and sweet to me. At this time I was in a shitty relationship with my ex. I realized I fell in love with Kyland during our relationship, so I broke up with my ex. But by the time I left so had Kyland, she moved to another country. I never even got to say goodbye.
To this day she's still my biggest "what if".

I love you, goodbye.

wait dude dont fucking be an hero

the longer you let her be a 'what if' the longer she will be a 'wasnt was' and the more it'll twist your guts. It didn't happen. Just like it didn't happen that you got malaria, or you didn't get that one job or didn't eat breakfast. Keep inventory of your regrets like that and you're going to sink into your own core and become a mumbling, sighing sack of fat trash.

dont.

same situation but my kyland rejected me

You're preaching to the choir right now man.

I'm not

Sorry about that amigo.

good

I work as an investigator for child protection services. One night around midnight, I received a call that 2 kids were alone after their mom had kicked them out of the car and set it on fire. After interviewing the oldest kid, he said "I could hear my mom screaming and I knew she was dying." I still lose sleep over this case, but I can't imagine what those kids go through to this day.

I don't really miss anything we did together as much as I do getting to explore everything about you.
Now I have to do it from the outside.
More cruel than intimate in all honesty.
I didn't realize I was stepping on you.
My bad, b.
Hmu soon.
You know I will anyway.

Oh shit, that poor kid.

>Be me
>22 now and started reflecting on things in the past
>Think all the way back to as a kid
>Had this childhood friend until I was 12. Went through preschool and shit together
>I move away at 7 but we were still in touch
>One day bitch mother finds out I'm talking with my friend
>Gets pissed because my friend was half black
>Tells me I can't talk to her anymore
>Something about muddling our blood. I'm half Mexican, already muddled bitch
>Secretly meet with friend until she has to move away
>Final day
>Meet at our usual spot in the ball park
>She tells me she's moving to a new state
>Dammit
>Dumbass 12 yo me goes
>"Well, let's meet again when we're like, 16."
>She agrees
Cont.

>Years go by
>Enjoying life. Modest highschool life
>No girlfriend. Never felt a need to for some reason
>never forget the promise I made to friend (I'll call her B from now on)
>Literally counting the days till i turn 16
>Wait and wait and finally turn 16
>She was a month older than me
I forgot to throw in that since the day I left we only talked on fb. No other way and I had to make sure nobody saw who I was talking to.
>We start scheduling the day we will meet
>Agree to go on the day we made the promise to each other at the same place, at the same time
>With my license I go down to our hometown and she convinces her parents to let her visit the town again
>Things are looking up
>I get to see B again...
>We can catch up on everything we have been doing
>That's what I thought anyway.

the knowledge of her dying was probably a dimension of reality that could've waited until they were older

Cont.

>Arrive in hometown a day before we decide to meet
>She is on her way but will get there by tomorrow in the afternoon
>Definitely will make it on time
>I say it's cool and check into a hotel
>Take the time to go around town, talk to a couple old childhood friends
>Funny thing really - We always liked baseball in our town but when me and B stopped meeting, everything kinda...froze
>The town was mostly poor, nothing much to see
>My old buddies lived in overcrowded trailers with their families
>I guess it could be worse
>Its getting close to the evening
>Plan was to meet at 5 PM sharp
>3 PM now
>Start to head to baseball park
>Arrive at 4 PM cause early bird autist
>Message B to make sure she's alright
>Get a message I will never forget to this day
>"Hey user, I'll be there soon. Traffic is kinda bad, but it'll be fine. I can't wait to see you again! There's something I've been meaning to tell you...but that's a surprise (wink emoji)."
>I sighed and just waited in the stands
>And waited
>And waited more...
Cont.

I found a pizza box in the fridge but was empty inside. Worst day of my life.

>It gets to be 5
>She's not here
>Message her to see if she's doing okay or if traffic is jammed
>No response
>Minutes pass
>Then hours
>It gets to 7 and the sun is about to finally set
>God dammit...guess She can't get here
>I message B that we can meet up in the morning tomorrow
>No response
>I tell her the hotel I'm staying at and where we will meet in the morning
>Little coffee place near the hotel
>Nothing
>Hope for the best and head back to hotel
>Get there, head straight to my room
>Crash. Emotionally drained
>All that buildup to see her again was wasted it seems
>Wake up sometime at 10 in the morning
>Weekend is almost over. Have to head out today since it's Sunday
>School and shit
>Turn in tv as I get up to get changed
>Hear on the local news
>"Young girl killed in drunk driving incident. Driver reportedly swerved from an oncoming lane and hit the young 16 year old."
>Damn. Sucks to be...
>Wait
>Pictures of the girl's truck come on screen
>Its B's car
>nonononono.jpg
>I send a frenzy of messages
>"B! Are you okay? Tell me you're fine!"
>Nothing
Cont.

It's two guys in suits drinking beer on a roof. This is serious bullshit. Stop trying so hard.

the song fucking faggot, the song not the video, are you fucking retarded, jesus

>I don't care about getting dressed at this point
>My ears start to ring
>My blood runs cold
>I freeze
I don't know how to describe it besides that. I knew she was dead, but it's that feeling you get when you just lose someone. Shock, kind of.
>TV breaks my shock
>"We have confirmation that this girl is named..."
>They say B's name
>I don't have a reaction
>I sigh
>I sit down
>I smile
>I knew it. I wouldn't be able to see her again
>That little light I had at the end of the tunnel
>My life isn't bad...but She's gone...
>I don't know how to react
>I just sit there for a long time until roomkeeping knocks on my door
>I snap back to reality
>I open the door
>"The fuck do you want?" I snapped
>"Well fuck you too, ya lil faggot."
>One thing led to another and I leave the hotel.
>I go back to the baseball field and cry my eyes out
>Make a little cross out of sticks in the outfield
>Don't know what else to do besides put a little B carved into the dirt
>I sigh, sit at her little memorial I made for a good hour
>I decide to never talk about it
>I go home, dont talk about my trip to my family

To this day I never found out what B wanted to say. I've only told 5 people, and they are close friends. Since that day she has been in my thoughts constantly and won't leave them. Hell, every girl I've been with or tried to be with has been just like her. Nobody knows about her besides me and her family who I don't talk to.

Every day I dream about her smiling face when we made that promise. Yeah we were kids, but it's the only real promise I've ever broken.

Maybe when I die I'll see her again.

I know it hurts user. I can't even imagine how this feels. We're here for you.