YLYL

YLYL
this is kind of a funny story

>rolling a joint with some friends in the car in a mcdonalds parking lot
>everytime we get stoned, one of our friends always gets paranoid
>paranoid friend seems alright this time when smoking the joint (so we thought)
>leave the car and proceed to go into the McDiddlios
>YOU CAN'T PARK THERE" we hear coming from the parking lot
>thought it was a joke, like somebody was trolling
>obviously somebody is trolling or just retarded
>there was no reason to not park there, paranoid friend is visibly worried
>handicap parking is what i thought but nope.jpg
>i say "what?! yeah i can" guy gets out of car and is speakin incoherent nigga speak
>stfunigger.jpg
>pulls out a gun that looked like a paintball gun but we weren't sure
>OHSHIT.png
>screaming, running into McDicks
>trying to explain to the tard employees what we saw, paranoid pat looks like he's about to puke and shit simultaneously
>of course they say calm down guys it's probly okay, unconcerned mouthbreathers that just want to finish their shift
>reallynigga.gif
>you guys have to calm down we'll get the management
>of course the manager has more chins than a chinese phone book and is slow as fuck
>understanding that the sketchy nignog probably left by now, we're not as worried
>right when we look out the window we don't see the car in the parking lot
>maybeheleft.exe
>order a big mac, medium fries, mcchicken, and a mcdouble
>motherfucker fucking jumps through the window shooting paintballs yelling "WE WUZ KANGZ N SHIEEEET" or something like that
>dude is fucking standing on tables knocking over people's foods then subsequently sayin dindu dindu dindu dindu
>i see the frying station where they cook the fries and manage to throw the super fucking hot liquid on kang kong
>everybody in the joint starts clapping
>so much crazy shit went down after smoking that doob and it's all because that crazy nignog read the first letter of every line

try harder

bump

quit spamming other threads with links to this one you attention seeking faggot

quit being a faggot you dick seeking faggot

Can post some stories from when I worked in a highschool as an in-class assistant if people want, or can let thread die.

i respect you for that

yes do it those kind of stories are great

Smoking weed in parking lot
>immediately go inside a public establishment smelling like weed
>shit posting this much
>kys

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samefag

yeah because no one ever goes into a fast food place smelling like weed

retardfag

You're a tard. I go into work smelling like dank every day

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This was seriously so bad, I don't want this guy to ever try again

that was really lame, OP... nice try though, i guess...

Sorry for hijacking this thread but I’m desperate. Lost my job because the store I work for lost their license. Got a temporary job starting February but need to survive until then. I have no one else to ask. If you have a dollar extra to spare, you have no idea how much it will mean to me. My pay pal is haebofficial (at) mail dot com

I don’t really want to do this but everything just fucking collapsed so I have no other choice.

Fuck this Christmas is gonna suck

Godspeed to you all user, hope you have good holidays and a new year

fuck off, this post is all around Sup Forums, nobody wants to pity a faker

I'll start with a smaller one, got nothing pretyped so might take a while.

>be me
>25, just finished britbong university+teaching qualification
>working shit job in a highschool for my resume, about 40 minutes from my old one so I see a couple of my old teachers now and then, in particular Mr G, with his son
>his son is in my class, let's call him Chad
>Chad is a fucking retard
>allegedly (according to students) Chad was supposed to be held back in primary school but Mr G refused that his precious son could be a bit slow so forced him to progress
>he can speak ok but he's clearly mentally lacking
>example no. 1
>walking to class after lunch, see Chad stood in a corner, ask him what's going on
>"IM JUST REALLY MAD MR user"
>yeah but why
>"THEY WOULDNT LET ME PLAY MINECRAFT IN THE LIBRARY"
>uhh, try to explain it's for studying
>he tards out, punches wall, at this point I realise his hand is bleeding and the wall blood all over it
>fucking retards

Ended up having to wait with him 30 fucking minutes until his Dad showed up, he tried to say I was responsible so I just left him there with the office staff, couple weeks went by with no repercussion so I guess he's just venting.

There's a couple more stories about waster stoners and dumb jocks and shit if you guys want, pick one I guess.

You'll just squander it. Ever heard of a savings account?

you replied didn't you

rename chad to something more retarded and ill listen, he doesnt fit the description

pretty fucking kek'd actually

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His actual name was Codey, with the e. High hopes, I guess.

moar store E pl0x

stoners, go

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tell moar stories user

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advice: don't use chad, it's a reserved term (jock-types)
now hurry along, child, before you get called a newfag

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moar funneh greentext pl0x

Sure, since you didn't specify I'm gonna post the stoner one, has a second part so a bit more entertaining.

>be me, teaching here for three months now
>got a pretty good idea of how social dynamics work
>'popular' group sits inside and cuts wrists or whatever is popular now
>smoker group stands around the corner of one of the football fields
>kid called Kieran is focus of todays story
>Kieran liked the 'erb. Kieran liked the herb so much he would flaunt it to anyone and everyone, so it was well known that he was doing it we just had to catch him
>and boy was it easy

>Kieran comes in a class I'm substituting this week 10 minutes late, 5 minutes is usually fine but 10 we have to keep them back etc
>doing german history arbeit macht frei etc
>couple minute later, he's being quiet so I ask him if he knows anything about ww2 to try and engage him
>he proceeds to tell me the plot of call of duty
>not a ww2 one, black ops
>notice at this point his eyes are real fuckin squinted
>you dipshit
>send email to head of discipline etc
>takes about 15 minutes but there's a knock, Kieran is leaving at the end of class I'm to go over too
>kids notice something's up so I just do relatively easy stuff so at least they learn something

>finally class is over, Kieran still clocked out in his chair
>rest of kids leave, head of discipline comes in
>looks at Kieran
>looks at me
>sighs, visibly pained look on this 50 year old guys face
>"cmon kid, up you get, we're having a chat"
>Kieran opens his eyes, laughs, lurches up
>"sure thing Mr S, haha, whatever you say"
>it's so fucking cringy and stereotypical he could've been faking
>can't fake the smell though
end of pt 1, sorry for takin a while, not long left really but fuckin word limit

and then?

Thats a pretty funny story lmao

also I realise other people have asked for it since but at the time they hadn't.

Anyway.

>fastforward to office
>Kieran's mum is here
>Kieran's dad
>and a police officer
>moment we walk into the room all three cringe at the smell
>his mum starts pre-crying, that sniffling shit, dad gets mad, officer gets his work face on
>Kieran sobers up real fuckin quick
>"I DINDO NUFFIN"
>not exactly but words to that effect
>he tries to turn out, me and other teacher tell him to sit down, he begrudgingly complies, hands go straight to his cock
>idk why but this is something chavvy kids do these days, grab their junk
>his mum chokes a bit as he sneers at her, hands on his cock
>visibly trying to think of something to say, he looks at his dad, face settles, back straight, hands at his sides
>I look at his dad
>fucking
>rage
>face red, had those bulging veins, could tell this kid was going to get his ass kicked
>his story goes like this
>X kid gives him this 'cigarette', he just innocently has a go
>that's why he smells and why he's been out of it
>obvious bullshit, he smelt too fresh
>officer asks if he's got anything on him now
>no its not mine
>can i look in your bag then, son?
>..no its not mine
>this fucking kid has forgotten to think of a different excuse, his dad gets up and walks outside, I have to hold back a laugh
>officer looks at me, frowns, back at the kid
>I'm going to need you to pass me the bag, Kieran.
>ITS NOT FUCKING MINE, YOU CANT TOUCH IT I SWORE
>his mum starts
>officer now angry, me and other teacher uncomfortable, little do we know what's to come
>Kieran tries to run for it
>bolts past us, through the door his dad hadn't shut fully and
>straight into his dad's back, who was on the phone raging
>kid just gets back handed, told to get back in the fucking room and take some responsibility
>kid goes quiet as fuck and complies from then on he had a gram on him and got kicked out of the school

>surprise bonus

>walking through city centre today, getting shitmas shopping with gf
>go for mcdonalds for lunch, why not, been forever since I ate that shit
>Kieran serving me
>obvious whipping boy, has to do all the work

Checked up with some of the teachers who still work there, apparently he ended up in juvie over some more drug stuff and by the looks of things got made into someone's bitch.

>moral of the story
>don't get caught dipshits

This thread is a mess

pretty entertaining user , got anymoar?

why did the semen cross the road?


i wore the wrong socks today

Sure, want to hear about the super normies or one super autistic kid (not the one I mentioned earlier)?

>This thread is a mess
says this guy like pic related

which ever one you want to tell first go foar it

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This is what entertainment has become. Just making faces and trying to get reactions.

memed on

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Will tell about the autist then, he might read this so Will W from the north west if you're reading this, you dun goofed.

>so william had a big head, was overweight and wore glasses
>he loved call of duty and he eventually bought a PC (I actually gave him some tips for that, he wasn't that bad at first)
>but Will had a crush
>Lauren
>Lauren was one of the popular girls, but a less attractive one so 'easier' to approach for Will, who had english class with her
>they got talking, chatted on text and facebook
>relatively generic shit until Will told her he liked her
>and she said she didn't like him like that
>and he got very upset
>upset enough to put two other moderately autistic students he got on with into a groupchat to talk shit about her
>and he went hard
You see, they'd become quite emotionally intimate. Something about that generation, they were all fucking depressed or pretended to be, don't remember it when I was in school.
>so, being intimate, Will knew she cut herself
>and he knew that it was because she was molested
>he called her all the variants of slut, spammed that she should go cut herself, kill herself, whatever he could think
>and her popular friends didn't like that
>so they all ganged up on him, at once
>at least 50 kids all there chatting shit inches away from him, he got slapped kicked punched but never retaliated just kept saying she deserved everything thats happened to her (implying molestation)
>until her boyfriend showed up, two years older than him and a trained boxer
>and he ran home
I don't mean at the end of the day. I mean he just left the building, ran across a field and ran the 20 minutes to his house
>and he was never seen from again

Seriously. He just stopped coming in. His parents said he was depressed from the bullying, but when they came in to discuss it, some screenshots were shown and they stopped backing him up too, he ended up installing a lock on his door and didn't get any grades/qualifications.

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iz dis how u make fried chikum fangurz??

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The last I heard was from an ex-student, one of the two autists. He'd basically robbed a couple hundred from his grandfather to upgrade his PC, was supposed to work for him to pay it off but just didn't leave the house so never went to work. He had plenty of chances, pretty bright kid but just gave it up in pursuit of pussy.

are you sure you didn't smoke lsd?

kek'd

I can answer some questions you guys might have about the school if you have any?

that was too long for the same damn thing fifty times

fuck the captchas

you got it OP

.bump

what this guy said

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moar storiessss

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Fuck you, OP.

Alright. Poo in loo curry head story.

>work ~40 minutes from oldhamistan, big town with big western asian immigrant population
>none group liked the other groups (e.g, paki vs bangladeshi)
>led to interesting in school interactions
>pakis and banglas seperated into two distinct areas by themselves
>occasionally fucked with each other in retarded ways
>throw actual shit at each other, dog or human
>throw rocks too
>paki girl beat up a bangla girl for not wearing hijab
>one paki guy was into yuugiohs, was beaten up for 'gambling'
>turned into a massive problem, had to have different teachers teach each group because they'd start shit in class and often with the teachers
>point in case
>teaching poo in loos, bangla class for ITC (computer training so they can work in call centre ayy)
>door swung open
>paki at door in full letterbox
>throws bag in and runs
>immediately book it, just out of there as fast as I can
>turns out it was one of the studentts bag in my class, they'd forgotten it, kid was too awkward to just say something
>ended up with school on lock down for a couple hours, bomb squad etc
>fucking poo in loos

Go on...

I've replied with others since. Is there a story I've mentioned I have but haven't written that you want in particular?

the dumb jocks one?

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lost hard

Sure thing.

>my school has a rugby team
>nothing fancy, they win some but never champions or whatever
>they all call each other 'bro' constantly
>like everything they say has to start with bro
>started noticing the coach picking it up, was pretty funny, anyway
>one particular jock was Callum
>callum was fat for the first couple years of highschool until he bulked up through puberty and made up for lost time
>constantly talking about how much he could bench
>meanwhile, failing every class
>callum is in my class, first class I actually taught on my own fun story
>he was put into the highest achieving set because the previous teacher liked him
>i'm not a charity, try to make him actually put the work in
>he never gets anything right
>what's a similie
>uhh like a rhyme but the rap kind?
>no, class laughs, he gets upset
>couple weeks of this shit go by
>callum is particularly angry today, can tell when he comes in
>its his turn to read from the book we're doing, of mice and men
>unplanned, he's voicing lenny (retarded guy from the book)
>he changes nothing about his voice but I swear it's the best british lenny impression i've ever heard, he drew out every letter
>entire class laughing at what should have been the performance of his life time
>he thinks it's an insult against him
>stands up and starts chimping out, slams on desk, people think its still part of it
>he flips a desk
>no more laughter
>throws a chair in my direction, misses because it's a fucking chair
>fuck
He wasn't bigger than me but he was definitely fitter and this really isn't the shit I signed up for
>I leave the room, trying to stop him from lashing out at another kid
>he follows
>I walk quite fast, straight through these glass double doors from the wing I'm in to the main staff wing (offices etc)
>he runs towards me, doesn't give the door time to open, smashes head off of thick glass and bounces off onto the floor
>ends up with concussion, was a meme in the staff room for a while

god fucking damnit man

I'd recommend Craig's list temp jobs. I was homeless for a week after my wife left me. Worked temp jobs on Craig's list for 2 months until got something more permanent. Own apartment. Own shit. New car. Stop being lazy.

haha thanks

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I'll add one on about the Stacey they banged too.

>be stacey
>16 year old 'hot thang', treat people like dirt but bc my tits came out first I win
>basically a slut
>the rugby team really like her
>and since she's a slut, she really likes them too
>all of them
>she likes them with her mouth
>she likes them with her vag
>she even likes some of the biggest ones with her ass
>entire thing is recorded by one of the team, she frames it as some kind of service to the team/school to keep up motivation, basically just as excuse to hoe around
>of course the tape gets out, gets passed around
>not convinced it wasn't her who did it tbh
>all the students know about this, teachers have had it reported and there's a PSA email going in to detail about our responsibilities in this situation and how we categorically cannot look at the video
>but also how we have to delete it from the students phones if they mention it
>sigh
>multiple meetings about the 'explicit content', training on sensitivity bc one teacher had made comments, basically 3 months of constant reminders that this bitch had slept with the entire rugby team on video
>but it didn't stop there
>because of course they didn't wear condoms
>and so, of course, she was pregnant
>she ends up trying to abort it with birth control pills (like four, 0 risk to anyone) and then has a 'suicide attempt' by drinking and falling down the stairs
>more training, more meetings
>so sick of this kid I actually still have a grudge
>she gets hers though
>kid is soon and obviously she wants the 'dad' to come forward
>how the fuck she expected them to know was beyond me
>but it was pretty obvious after it's birth
>kid is black
>entire rugby team is white
>turns out some random black guy got her pregnant and she was sleeping around to try and get one of the richer rugby kids to fund her baby

>moral
Stay in school kids

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What u did there.
I didn't see it.

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bemp