This is my story Sup Forums

this is my story Sup Forums

pic is unrelated, sorta... she really liked sunsets

>be me, 16 years old, midway through high school
>i had this friend, louie, he's important in this story, we met the first couple days of school and we were bros for a while
>we had a crush in common the first semester, Adriana
>i didn't like her half as much as he did so i didn't do anything, and let him go get her
>things didn't work out and by the start of 3rd semester he was a mess
>i tried to help him as much as i could
>we then became really really good friends
>time goes by
>there's a girl that sometimes comes searching for somebody in my classroom
>she is stupid pretty
>i mean it, really really really pretty
>she's short, wavy brown hair, HUGE eyes, huge smile, the best lips i've ever seen in my life, small waist, big hips, perfect butt, perfectly formed facial features
>i don't really care about it too much... for now anyways
>some more time goes by
>i've been told i'm a solid 8/10 so i had some things going on with some girls but nothing really serious, i didn't want anything with anyone at that moment to be honest
>i'm also not a huge expert in this stuff, my last relationship was just fine but i feel i'm still a noob at many things
>my circle of friends starts to include other people
>those people are the friends of the cute girl, kathleen is her name
>we start hanging around all together
>i get to know her a little bit
>oh dear lord is she beautiful
>one day we were out of school early
>they were going to go to the mall
>i really didn't want to go
>i go home
>cellphone rings
>didn't hear it, missed call
>next day
>i stay alone in the classroom with paul, a friend of kathleen, new friend of our "circle"
>just to keep the chat going with him i pull my phone and asked if he knew the unknown number that called me yesterday
>i'm 110% he won't know
>he does
>"it's kathleen's number" he says
>oh... i say
>i saved it as "kathleen"
>go out of classroom
>hang with friends

>day's over, im at home
>whatsapp message
>i really don't remember if she texted me first or i did to be completely honest, probably me
>we started talking
>i started to feel really really excited because i was talking to that stupid beautiful hot girl from school
>she was very nice to talk to
>we would usually stay until 2am
>sometimes she wouldn't let me go to sleep so we could talk more
>sometimes the conversation would go way too far, with inappropriate jokes, and a slightly sexual tone in certain comments
>so in summary everything is fucking great, you may think
>she has a boyfriend
>i already knew this, and that is why i was confused by some of her comments
>any normal biological construction with a working dick and half brain would assume this girl wants it
>anyhow, more time goes by
>we still talking
>i talk with louie about it
>he says i should go for it
>i didn't want to, because she had a boyfriend
>he said it was her fault, not mine
>i honestly don't know what to do
>there's a party
>not too big, but she was invited
>i didn't know she was invited
>i'm extremely happy she was invited
>we talked, had a lot of fun, mostly all the group together
>sometimes i would just straight up stare at her like a fucking perv
>she went to talk to another guy from my classroom
>little did i know that they were setting up a date to the movies, but thats irrelevant at this point
>i go to louie
>"i think i'm starting to like Kathleen, louie"
>"who doesn't like kathleen, bro"
>i look down to the floor and think to myself: "he's right, what kind of fucking chances i have"
>party goes on

>i had a cup in my hand
>she was right besides me
>she takes my cup
>kisses the cup
>red lipstick all over it, in the shape of the motherfucking sexiest lips ever
>i stay there mumbling like a retard
>she just smiles lightly, and moves along
>night's over, i go home
>time goes by
>still friends, still talk a shit ton
>theres this social service thing in my country where all high school students should do 150 hours of what is basically community service
>louie and i choose to do it assisting a kindergarden, albeit different kindergardens, i chose one nearby my house, so did he
>turns out kathleen also lives very very close to louie's
>also paul lives nearby
>they do it as a team
>i'm kind of jealous but most of all scared of what could happen
>louie would ocasionally talk about her
>he obviously knows whats up
>i also knew what was up
>this kind of sick competition started
>we were both deeply attracted to her borderline in love
>its cool tho, she has a boyfriend, no problem, not gonna happen
>some time goes by
>one night talking through whatsapp she wants to ask me something
>"go ahead, ask anything"
>"you like me a lot, right?"
>to be honest i wasn't really even pretending i didn't so i was dead honest
>"yes, in fact, i do, but i also understand the fact that you have a boyfriend, and i respect that, and i really enjoy our friendship so why not be friends"
>so far so good
>she says i'm the most obvious guy in the entire world and that my friends didn't help a lot
>she was right, Bruno, one of my closest friends to date, would usually give me weird looks about it
>she kind of ignored this bit of the conversation and moved on

>so did i
>more time goes by
>things are still the same
>same cheeky conversations
>same sexy looks
>i just don't know whats up anymore, but i keep on rolling with it
>some friends one night told me a couple things about her, like a... love affair with a guy back in 1st semester and a few other things
>"she's not really that good of a person" i was told
>this made a lot of sense with everything i was seeing from her, but i decided to completely ignore it and put a big "BULLSHIT" tag on it, and store it in the depths of my brain
>more time goes on
>by now its already 5th semester
>i had to choose something to specialize in this last year
>i chose economics
>she was also in the economics area, most importantly, in the same classroom, so we would be together half of the day
>i was super happy
>this friend of mine who i've known since middle school is planning a huge party for his birthday
>i was invited a month earlier
>the day of the party we also had dinner with kathleen, bruno and some other friends
>kathleen said if we wanted to go to a park nearby her house after dinner
>everybody had to leave, except me
>i, of course, said yes
>bruno is going to the party, asks if i want to go with him directly from the restaurant we were in
>i say that i would be there later
>everybody leaves
>we head to the park,just me and her
>it was this nice park that had a small football field and some steps to sit and watch
>of course, being 9-ish pm this was empty and dark
>we just talked and talked until 11 something almost 12
>i had this stupid voices in my head telling me that i should say this or that, give her a kiss and what not, but i couldn't, because she had a boyfriend, there was a huge wall between us
>i'm still a human however so i couldn't hold it any longer and asked if i could hug her
>longest, nicest hug ever
>i'll never forget her hands goin back and forth in my back, in complete silence and darkness, just me and her

>my breathing was kind of heavy, and if i am honest, maybe i kinda wanted to shed a tear
>"don't cry, everything is allright" she said
>my dad called me and said if i wanted him to pick me up
>i went to her house with her, and then my dad picked me up
>he asks if that girl is my gf
>"no,she's not" and replied with a light, sour smile
>he then said: "well, soon will be, right?"
>"uhmm, not really" i said
>"then why do i have to pick you up at midnight in some random ass house because you were hanging out god knows where with that girl?" replies laughing
>"oh well" i say, "its a long story..."
>so i told him the story and when we arrived home, in the darkness and silence of a garage at 12:30 am he told me
>"even if your intentions with that lady are good, you're not the good guy of the story, you're the douchebag that is doing secret shit with her, again, even if you're not doing anything, people make up shit left and right, you have two choices, leave her for good or go full on it, turn the friendship into love, so she can leave the other guy, and when the time's right, you and her can be together as it should be"
>this was a friday night. those words from my father haunted me all weekend and on monday, i had taken a choice
>i was going to leave her for good
>i sat down in a small break we had because a teacher was busy
>"listen, i'm going to be completely honest, this is getting out of control. Everybody tells me I should just ask you to be my gf, but i know that ain't gonna happen, i need time for myself, you're just giving me wings to fly and then crash land"
>after that, i stopped talking to her for a while
>time goes by
>i started to feel like i should talk to kathleen again
>we started talking again

>she wasn't very happy with me, and in the meantime i was "abscent" she was really... reaaaaally good friends with, you guessed it, louie.
>i changed my mind and decided to go after it
>fuck everything, i need her and im not going to let her turn into just a memory without at least trying
>we started talking more and more again
>we're great friends again
>so far so good, except for the fact that louie is also "in the game"
>our friendship turns into absolute fake shit, there's no other way to put it
>we lowkey extremely annoyed by each other
>she started to "confuse me" again... cheeky comments, suggesting looks, she started to get into my personal circle of friends (another, smaller group of people)
>she's super warm with me, we share a lot of things, we help each other a lot, sometimes we would just lay together in the grass or the cafeteria while i fell asleep on her shoulder or legs
>there are some "best friends" that do these things, i know, but this time just felt.. different, special, almost
>by now she's just pumping into this huge hopes tank of mine
>time goes by
>louie really makes me uncomfortable because he goes out a lot with her and shit, basically in the same boat as me
>her boyfriend would come sometimes to visit her during breaks
>i started to feel sad again
>i really didn't see the point in being this dedicated to her
>at this point 99% of my thoughts are about kathleen
>i decide to leave her again
>so, i did it
>semester ends
>christmas time
>new year

>i was sad but tried to play it cool for the festivities and well, it worked, I remember being pretty much ok through december and most of January
>her birthday comes
>its january, we still dont go to school
>i decided to send her a congratulations message, you know, to let her know there is no bad blood
>she politelly answers, but in a very cold and almost painful (for me) way
>i went back and talked to her and tried to fix things because, hell yeah, you guessed it, I couldn't let her go!
>she was angry at me, very
>she didn't like one bit me leaving her like that
>it was very hard but i finally was back to where i left
>time goes by and comes one of the most painful, stomach-blender, heart-tearing, sadness-inducing dates to me since last year, Febraury 14th.
>i woke up, did the shit i had to do and went to school
>i had prepared some gifts and candy to give away to my friends
>teachers gave us 1st and 2nd class to hang out and have a good time
>i came to the classroom to leave my stuff
>she was there with his boyfriend
>i say hi
>there was this box with a lot of hearts in my seat
>no tag,no anything
>i save it in my backpack
>fast forward that night
>i get to my house extremely excited to see if the gift was from her
>it is
>i knew it because i opened it and there was a bag of some synthetic tortillas that i told her i absolutely HATED because of their taste and texture
>i laughed, and also found lots of chocolates in the box and also a letter
>it was a print with a TON of emojis
>there was also another letter with another TON of emojis, but this time each one with a letter
>i had to descifrate the message, how entertaining
>well, lets get to work

>i spent at least 30 minutes doing that shit because it was so damn long, but hey, it was my own st valentine's letter from kathleen
>FUCK YEAH
>letter is about how good is to have me back and that she appreciates me a lot, also something something friendship
>still, FUCK YEAH
>Febraury 15th comes, and you'll see here why 14th was fucking crap
>she looks terrible, like she's having a breakdown, about to cry
>all day goes by and just before her mother comes to pick her up i say:
>"is everything allright, kathleen?"
>"yes, i'm just a little tired" she replied
>"come on, i know you too well, and i know there is something wrong, if you want to talk, i'm right here for you" i said
>her mom arrived and beeped the horn so she just looked at me and gave me hug
>not just a hug
>it was the "i'm so glad i dont have to fake this shit anymore" hug
>we went home
>she texted me that night that indeed, something was wrong, and that i was the only one who realized
>she said she would tell me about it tomorrow
>16th
>we were at school, little break
>"what if someone you don't want to kiss, kisses you, user?"
>at that point, i immediately thought about louie, but i dont like to jump into conclusions, so i said: "what do you mean?"
>"look, i went to this friends house the 14th and..."
>"wait", i said, "did he go to you house or you went to his?"
>"i went to his place"

>i just asked this to confirm my theory, louie lived literally a block away so it could've been only him
>"we were in his room, just talking, and then he kissed me and tried to touch me and.. i feel really bad about it, because of my bf, because i also feel its my fault, i cried a lot, and so did he, and he apologized a lot"
>at this point, i was riding an emotional rollercoaster without seatbelt, I felt rage, an immense sense of just pure absolute sadness and so on, but i couldnt let her see that, not at that time
>some rape victims talk like that, they say its their fault, which obviously it isn't
>if i made a big deal out of it, it would just do her more wrong than good, so i played it cool, and drove the conversation away quickly
>she said something to louie that day and stopped talking after
>couple days later she was just fine again
>she told me: "hey,remember that thing i told you about the kiss?"
>"yeah, i remember" i said
>"well, it actually happened to a friend of mine, not me" she replied
>"why you said it was you then?" i said
>"i dunno, i wanted to see if I could trust you" she said
>"oh hahaha, allright, no problem, you certainly can trust me" i replied, knowing she was lying
>don't forget this, comes in handy down the road
>there was a place in my high school where the sunset just was perfection, and we used to watch it together every time we could
>sun was going down and suddenly started talking about her plans to break up with her bf
>"oh dear lord" i thought
>they had been together for 3 years or so, so i told her to try and talk to him and fix the situation, you know, what you normally would say, but deep down, i knew what was up, i knew it was hard to fix and i was the happiest motherfucker in the world.
>long story short they didn't break until long time after, but holdonthereismore.jpeg
>louie ain't even on the map anymore
>things with her boyfriend are going wrong
>"is this the time?" i said to myself

>keep in mind, its been about a year and 8-9 months since the beginning of the story
>i start to play around with the idea of properly confessing my mad love for her
>paul is throwing a party for his birthday
>i didn't want to go
>i said i really didnt want to go because homework and honestly, because her boyfriend was going to be there
>"he's not going to be there, it'll be you and me" she said
>that was enough to get me in the shower an on to what would be a very long night
>i arrived, waaaay before her
>louie was there
>we talked, we had some drinks
>i was having a good time with a friend that i thought was long lost
>a friend comes to me and says: "kathleen is here"
>"uhmm,yeah, thats great" i replied
>she then said something i really didn't want to hear: "user, she's with her boyfriend, be careful with the guy, please"
>at that point two lightnings hit me
>1, well she fucking lied and 2, i'm going to really get my ass in trouble with god knows who because of a girl...
>i started to play with the idea of, again, leaving her, this time for good
>i was outside, louie came to me
>"i broke up with my gf" he said
>oh yeah, he had a gf, forgot about that lol
>"damn, are you allright man, why was that?" i said
>"some stuff, it wasn't just working out, you know" he replied
>we then talked for a straight hour or so
>then, i told him about kathleen
>what i was thinking to do
>he was completely on my side, giving me a lot of arguments on why i should just dump her and keep on going with my life
>he, for some reason, was very angry at the idea of me and her together

>he said: "she's just fake, i feel like i should just go right here right now and tell everything to her boyfriend to fuck up everything"
>it was there when I realized, as i thought, he was mr. can't keep my dick in my pants from feb 14th
>weekend goes by
>monday, i decide to finally leave her for good, this time, once and for all
>classes are over
>canwetalk.jpeg
>i explain to her, this time extremely carefully, why i dont want to be friends anymore
>she just says "okay, fine, whatever" and leaves furiously
>i just say "goodbye" and leave on a different path
>seconds go by and i hear my name
>"user, waaaaait" she said
>comes back and sits me down
>holds my arm tight with her hand
>"i really appreciate you" she mumbles
>"uhmm, what?" i say
>"i like you too okay, i adore you" she said
>i sticked to my plan, told her things weren't working out, and left.
>longest. night. ever.
>i couldnt sleep, i couldn't have breakfast, i was having a shower when i realized i couldn't do this anymore
>I WASN'T GOING TO LET HER FUCKING GO LIKE THAT. NOT AT THIS POINT
>rushed to school
>waits in hallway
>she goes by
>"kathleeen", i yell
>she comes and replies with the driest, saddest yet angriest "what?" i've ever heard
>"i can't let you go, i adore you too, i can't see you go" i replied
>her face just changed completely
>hug
>i wanted to kiss her so bad, but there were people watching

>aaaaaaaaand, she still had a boyfriend, so "another time" i thought to myself
>i finally had her, she was finally between my arms, and we were both in love
>that's what i thought
>i go talk to louie
>tell him what happened
>he says im an idiot and that i should not believe everything she says
>i couldn't not care less about what had to say to be honest, but i still wanted to know what exactly happened febraury 14th
>i decided to go for it
>"look man, i know something happened between you and her, tell me, tell me and hopefully thats what i need to leave her for good"
>whatever it was i wasn't going to leave her, i was lying
>"i can't, there's two many people involved, its a delicate situation" he replied
>"if by a lot of people you mean you and her then yes" i said
>"i can't, i'm sorry" he said
>"its allright man, i understand, still, i took a choice and i am not changing it" i replied
>the next day
>he comes and says "i thought about it and you definetely should know, user"
>we leave in history class to talk in the cafeteria
>story goes something like this
>febraury 14th
>kathleen and her boyfriend wont go anywhere god knows why
>she calls louie
>letshangout.jpeg
>she goes to his house
>they're in his room
>she puts some music
>"turn off the lights, louie" she said
>at this point, louie was very nervous
>she was laying on the bed
>"come here" she said

>they were both laying in the bed, talking
>they got up very very close
>"i can't kiss you, you know that" she said
>he was trying to avoid it aswell, because at this point he still had a gf
>she started kissing his cheeks and chin
>obviously they ended up lips to lips
>they started making out
>clothes almost off
>hands everywhere
>louie told me they didn't have sex because she was on her period
>"your parents are going to come in" she said
>"they won't" he replied
>they kept going i dont remember for how much but eventually stopped
>kathleen started to cry
>he started to cry
>she said she felt raped, used
>he couldn't handle it
>she said she wanted to hurt him
>she dug her fingernails on his back and dragged them all the way, leaving pretty some serious scars
>she left
>louie told me she had a hard time choosing between him and her boyfriend
>i, at that point, was completely destroyed by this story
>at the same time i was reading over and over that stupid emoji letter like an idiot with the biggest grin in my face she was doing that with my friend
>hard pill to swallow, to be honest, but i didn't care about it, as i said
>he kept talking to me about how the day after the first thing in the morning was to set up a date with his gf to break up
>i would elaborate more what happened about that but i honestly didn't listen
>i was too busy, thinking
>bell rings
>day's over
>"well, thank you, louie, i'll definetely do something about that" i said
>yeah, i was also lying about that
>meet with kathleen
>everything is fine, i dont say a word
>days go by

>everyday is best day ever because i'm with her
>it wasn't official, she still had a boyfriend, and I was still undercover as a friend, but i was with her
>one day i asked
>"can i ask you something? its a bit of a harsh question, if you dont want to answer it, dont, i'm just curious and whatever is the answer its not going to change anything"
>i was pretty much like "fuck it" at this point, i just wanted to be with her
>i asked "why do we talk about all this beautiful things and you tell me that you want me but you're still with your bf?"
>"its not time for us to break up yet, it would cause too much trouble, my family loves him, i dont want to ruin high school for him, its a balance i dont want to mess, just hold up for me, it'll be worth it i promise. Just wait until school is over. I don't love him anymore, i'm just with him because i'm used to it. I want YOU." she said
>a tiny voice in the back of my head told me to run, to leave it, "she ain't good, she is not loyal, she's going to hurt you"
>as you can probably imagine, i ignored it completely
>i was not going to let her go, not at that point, yeah it was a shit situation, but i was already midway through, hardest part was done
>or thats what i thought... again...
>besides that, i'm super happy
>louie won't even talk to me anymore
>i have these awesome friends who were with me through all this bullshit story, at this point they're happy because i finally had her
>one day i go to louie at the end of class
>"hey man, look, i know not everyone has to like me, im an asshole sometimes but if i did something or i said something you didn't like, apologies, tell me, we can sort it out, we're bros remember that"
>i truly wanted to fix shit up with him
>"nah, its not really anything man, its okay, its not your fault, life problems" he replied
>"oh, okay man, i'll be around then, have a good one" i said
>i go home
>whatsapp message from louie
>huge message

>to summarize: "yes i'm actually mad at you. i'm jealous, i can't stand the idea of you and kathleen, I love her, and she didn't care about what happened between us, i didn't have the balls to tell you in your face, i'm sorry"
>we chat all night
>nothing gets sorted out
>we definetely stopped talking afterwards
>he hates me
>life's good tho, i have kathleen
>one friend, bruno, is also mad at me because im with her, not because he likes her, but because "she's bad for me" and because i'm ruining a lot of shit just to be with kathleen
>he was kinda right but i didn't listen
>i was getting pretty mediocre grades at school, if i am honest
>a lot of people would tell me how much i was fucking it up
>i didn't listen
>end of school is coming
>random day
>in charge lady of the yearbook comes in the classroom
>"is kathleen here"
>she stands up and leaves with her
>comes back half hour later
>"i was chosen by everyone as the girl with the most boyfriends, user" she said with a noticeable concern in her face
>"that's ridiculous" i replied
>"you have just one guy" i also said
>of course not counting me, or that guy from first semester, or louie, or the guy from the party... anyways
>she obviously refused to take the "title"
>time goes by
>last day comes
>everything is honey & milk
>classes are over
>we're hanging out

>we're far away from everybody
>we take some pictures
>she looks at me
>silence
>gives me a kiss
>a small, quick, brief kiss, but fuck me what a FUCKING KISS
>mindblown.jpeg
>so what, a kiss ain't shit, you may be thinking
>to understand my feelings at that point you got to have in mind that at this point, it's been almost two years since i started talking to her, two years of hopelessly falling in love with the same girl every fucking day
>i still couldn't control myself when i was with her
>in my head, she still was the prettiest, most beautiful thing breathing in the entire fucking world
>we hang out a bit more
>they pick her up
>happiest motherfucker alive, period.
>i was also having a fucking great time with my friends, bruno wasn't mad at me anymore and everything was cool
>prom is here
>i started to feel kind of confused again
>she still was with her boyfriend
>prom night
>she comes
>basically all night was just a huge pursuit
>she was following me while her boyfriend was following her
>it was extremely uncomfortable
>i noticed her boyfriend's tie was color matched to her vest

>turns out she made that tie for me, but her mom found it and thought it was for her boyfriend (you know, the sensible thing to think) and gave it to him
>its 2am
>im about to leave
>she comes to me
>her boyfriend is right next to her
>"what if you're not accepted in college, user?" she said
>quick pause to the main story, i forgot to say that she helped me to choose college and... well... casually... we applied to the same college, same subjects, same everything
>back to it
>"i will be, don't worry about it" i replied
>"okay user", she replied
>we hug, and she wispers something along the lines of "i love you"
>i thought it was my imagination or something like that so i ignored it, and went home
>arrived home
>instagram message from her
>"did you hear what i whispered?"
>i was, at this point, more angry than anything
>"yeah, i heard it, its all nice and sweet if it wasn't for the fact that your BOYFRIEND was right next to you. I dont want to do this anymore kathleen, i can't, its too hard, its wrong, i want to do things properly with you, you're not just a girl to me"
>she apologized a lot
>we keep talking normally
>shit aint working... AGAIN

>i take my time again
>we stopped talking
>college reaches back
>i'm accepted
>group 59
>guess who is also in group 59
>yup
>we're in the same fucking group
>i talk to her again
>back to it
>imissyouandshit.jpeg
>she did too
>midway though summer
>we're the sweetest, sick inducing secret couple ever
>i would bring down the moon for her if i could
>my birthday comes
>i'm back home from my grandma's, we had a small family celebration
>she randomly says we should go to a food court-park thing very famous in my town
>its like 10 pm
>i think its a great idea
>we go
>she meets me there

>we didn't have any dinner, the place was pretty nice to hang around outside, weather was perfect
>FINALLY FUCKING PROPER KISS
>we just welded our lips together for like 3 hours straight
>this was fucking nirvana, yes i know its "just a kiss" but it was such a rewarding experience
>i separated from her for a bit just to say "i love you"
>yes, i said it
>no, i didn't plan it
>i felt the need to, "fuck it" moment
>we keep kissing
>her sister comes pick her up
>i call an uber
>i sleep like a fucking baby that night
>next day
>sweetest most sick inducing secret couple ever x2
>she also said she loves me a couple days later
>i eventually ask whats going to happen with her bf
>she says she would break up that same week
>week goes by
>she didn't break up
>she says she'll do it next week
>next week goes by
>she didn't break up
>i was rather confused at this point

>i talk to her about it
>she says i was acting weird, and over exagerating the situation and that we shouldn't talk until she could do it
>i was now properly confused
>some days go by
>i cant wait
>i talk to her
>didn't bring the bf thing
>normally talking
>she randomly says "ahggg, i'm super happyyyy"
>"heyy, thats goood, why's that lady?" i said
>"i dont have a boyfriend anymore, user" she replied
>this felt like somebody took a Cadillac ElDorado off my back
>finally, at last... i thought
>we set up a date to get some ice cream
>we're having a good time
>she tells me the story of how the break up was
>turns out it wasn't a normal break up
>the guy wanted to keep the relationship at least until summer was over
>the guy had in mind they would come back and marry after college was over
>she said no
>she explained that things weren't the same
>but agreed to keep hanging out and doing the same shit they used to do
>"sooo, you still have a boyfriend?" i said
>"i dont, user, i'm yours now, finally" she replied
>we kissed afterwards but i couldn't get off my head how fucking weird of a breakup that was
>as i was used to, i ignored the logical thoughts in my head and "followed my heart"
>i was lost in her beautiful eyes, looking at her sharp, well defined face
>knock knock in the table
>it was her dad

>"i need to go to the bank, and you should come with me" he said
>i completely froze, i dont know why, but i didn't introduce myself, nothing, i just moved
>she said bye, i said bye, and off we go
>later that day she told me her dad didn't like me one bit, obiously and that i screwed up
>i was very ashamed
>she also told me how her mom was very angry at her for breaking up with her boyfriend
>she told her about me briefly, about "another guy"
>her mom was even more negative at that point and said i was just keeping her (kathleen's) hopes high because i was probably a jerk
>"don't worry, i just need 10 minutes with your parents and everything will be allright"
>i wasn't sure about this, her parents didn't even know me and already hated me just because i wasnt that other dude, but hey, at least these were more "normal" couple problems
>time goes by
>i order a shirt from her favorite band from england
>time goes by
>college starts
>her parents complicated things a bit, but i tried to keep everything going
>couple days go by
>first week was just a lot of introductions of staff, security, college programs, etc
>kisses by the end of the day and shit
>she would let me kiss her just by the end of the day, when everybody was gone
>the shirt from england arrives
>i plan to give it to her in some future date
>one weekend she had a terrible humor
>monday comes, i bring the shirt
>she adores it

>she's super happy again
>i'm even more happy
>"oh user, thank you sooo much, i'll wear it every single day" she said
>comes close to me
>i was ready for a small, discrete kiss
>"i would kiss you, but i can't"
>they come pick her up
>literally runs to her dad's car
>"her smile was enough" i thought to myself
>gets home
>instagram dm
>picture
>shirt fits, hell yeah
>couple days go by
>talking randomly, i asked if the shirt was the proper size, even tho i already knew, because she sent me a pic
>"oh yeah, it does, i may have to fix somehow the bottom part, its too long, but other than that is perfect. I absolutely love it" she said
>then went on to add "i don't know how im going to explain it to my parents and everyone, though... I think i'll just say it was a gift from Roxy" (a good friend of ours)
>i honestly felt pretty shit at this point, almost two years and i was still no more than a little dirty secret
>"uhmm, dont do that, keep it hidden if you want, dont use it, but it was a gift from me, not Roxy" I said
>she looked at me and mumbled "okay"
>this shirt thing is important because a new idea came to mind thanks to it
>was all this really worth it?

>i had lost friends, time, credibility, even my reputation with some people was down the toilet, just to be the dirtly little ashaming secret of some girl
>we distance ourselves a bit, passively
>i really really want her, i feel like i need her, i still love her
>i try to let her know i'm still there, just for here and that i am all hers
>end of first week
>she says she may finally introduce me to her family january of next year (2018)
>"that is a LONG time" i think to myself
>"uhmm, no, not january, i still need to be alone febraury 14th... yeah, after that, user" she said
>i didn't like that idea if i'm honest, long time ago, just right when we were about to finish high school, she said to me "our time" would come by the end of the year
>"uhmm, you know, a lot of things could happen in such a long time, kathleen" i replied
>"you know whats never going to happen? that i stop loving you, user... i need to go, please, trust me, we will be together"
>i tried to smile, and then she left
>i still remember the beautiful blue summer vest she was wearing and the way the breeze moved it left and right while she walked through the street
>i distanced myself, a lot
>i felt used, i felt like i was just wasting my time
>i was in pain, huge pain because the idea of me and her, finally being together was now in danger of becoming, again, just a silly dream.
>i was sad
>new class partner that started chatting with kathleen, comes to me
>says i shouldn't be sad about her
>"why you say that?" i ask
>he's very afraid to answer at this point
>"uhmm, she's... not really a great person, and also, she's not even that hot"
>"what are you trying to say exactly?" i replied

>"look, she's just too...friendly, you know what i mean? i was talking to her for some homework and shit and we ended up talking about our sex lives..." he said
>then added "she also sent me some pictures, bro... suggesting pictures"
>i didn't ask to see the pictures, i didn't want to know any further
>i was completely shattered, true or not, why would he say that?
>i went with a friend, Alex, right away to talk about it. I needed it.
>he says that i should use that to finally leave the matter for good
>time goes by
>you guessed, i feel like shit, again
>you also guessed it, i come back to her, again
>i explain everything that happened, everything they told me, and everything i felt
>she said i misunderstood what that guy told me and that my time was not being wasted
>"do you want to be my future boyfriend?" she said
>i just smiled, and gave her a hug (because, you know, i couldn't kiss her yet)
>time goes by
>we're back to square 1
>i dont know shit anymore
>does she even want me anymore?
>should i keep trying?
>wtf is going on with my life
>should i just quietly go away this time?
>i really need to forget her
>our talks are now about how much fun she has in the clubs with her sister, in the casinos with her mother (and sometimes, ex-boyfriend and mother) and to all the places she visits with her ex-boyfriend so he doesn't feel sad
>i'm in zombie mode by now
>one saturday night i go out to have dinner with a very close friend of mine, Susan.
>we were having a good time, eating and chatting

>she then says "user, i have something to tell you, you probably already know, but i need to make sure, please, just, be calm, i do this because you need to know it."
>i was quite scared at this point
>"go ahead" i said
>"Mary told me the other day something about kathleen, user. something big, and she told me you should know it. Do you remember Erick?" she said
>in fact, i did remember Erick, he was some dude from high school that once invited kathleen to his birthday party, we were going to go together, me and her, at the end we couldn't for various reasons.
>"Well, mary is very very close to erick. he told her that kathleen went to his house (erick's) a couple days before his party to... well... give him his birthday present... in fact, she went twice, and they did some stuff, im not so sure if they had sex or what, but she was there"
>i was in blank
>too many emotions to compute
>my brain just decided to turn off
>i wanted to laugh, but at the same time flip the fucking table, and at the same time just lay in the floor and cry
>i thanked susan for being so open with me
>i took a choice that weekend
>leave her, this time, for fucking good, once and for all, everything was fucked up anyways, this was just the cherry on top
>monday morning
>weneedtotalk.jpeg
>i wanted to make it brief
>"look, im going to be brief. i've been trying to hang on to this idea of me and you together very very hard, but i can't anymore. i just can't keep going, i've run out of ideas, some people have come and told me many things about you, and i just realized you're not really the person i thought you were. I don't want anything to do with you anymore, kathleen. no bad blood, we have pretty good memories you and me, so lets be cool because of that. allright? good luck in everything, have a great one" i said, and walked away
>"wait" she said
>"you're not going to say what they told you about me?"
>"i just told you everything i had to say, goodbye, kathleen"
>i start making new friends