Tell us your best dark jokes

Tell us your best dark jokes

I will start:

At a first date:

He: “I work with animals every day!”

She: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”

He: “I’m a butcher.”

Santa arrives to Africa.

Santa: Hello kids, have you already have dinner?

Kids: Nooooooo! (excited).

Santa: Then there aren't gifts for you hohohohoho (flies away).

Kids: (just cry).

wat

What the fuck is this even?

this is approaching banana levels of unfunny

>What's better than swinging a dead baby around on a rope?
>stopping it with a shovel

>Two men fighting with swords
>One cuts another's hand off
>"Tis but a scratch"

whats funnier than dead fetus?
dead fetus in a clown suit

At a first date:

She: “I work with animals every day!”

He: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”

She: “Well, I’m doing porn"

Why did the Indian abortion clinic close?

Because the ferret died

What do apples and niggers have in common?

They both look good hanging from trees

Why is the black power salute a clenched fist? So they can hold onto the branches.
Why is the facist salute an opened palm?
They're too dumb to hold on!

what's the best part of banging a 12 year old girl?

turning her over and pretending like she's a 12 year old boy

How do you make a baby float?

Remove your foot from its head.

Its like driving a drill into your head, at first its not funny, but if you drill long and hard enough you get to the juicy part

>a pig goes to the complaints department
>the pig says to the cashier "I wish I were taller"

On the first date:

> I work with animals.
> How cute.
> Yes. I put live puppies into a machine that mushes them and make canned food.

Mom: Stop picking your nose
Black kid: but mom, all the other kids do it
Mom: Yeah, but not with a fucking spoon

On the first date:

> I work with animals.
> How cute.
> Yes. I work in a Jewish kindergarten.

Best one yet. And the thing is, so many people won't even get it.

> I was one very close to killing a man.
> But you didn't?
> No, I hit the Jew next to him.

What's the difference between a German sausage and a Jew?
About an hour at gas mark 5

Thats kinda deep. Like some positive viewpoint bullshit but in reality your just cutting up pigs and shit.

Funny joke? No women is left handed. They all think their right.

What's the best thing about banging twenty-nine year olds/
There's twenty of them.

I once stopped a guy beating up a black guy, told him that animal abuse can land him on jail.

>only funny if read with Norm Mcdonald voice

You know what ? That Santa guy sounds like a real jerk !

What's the best part of banging a 12 year old boy?
You don't have to pretend.

that's a classic.
my best buddy's straight laced, Christian dad has got hundreds of these kinds of jokes. last time I saw him he said "what's a baby sound like in a blender?"

"idk I was too busy jacking off

damm thats dark... you made me look at my adress if i acualy was on Sup Forums

I hate you for making me look up the history of that joke...

What is the hardest part about eating vegetables?
The weelchair

Did jew died?

How do you get a Jewish girl's number? Roll up her sleeve.

> Whats the different between a death baby and Sir Isaac Newton?

> Newton died virgin. The baby didn't

Goodness I just shivered. That's dark, even for you Sup Forums

How will I sleep tonight

Police takes a DUI suspect on a dancing game

Police: Sir you have to show me some moves
driver: B-but b-but sir
Police: (xD face)
driver: O-oh okey god darnit...

*does dancing and moonwalks to the woods behind him and disappears*

Fucking kek.

Newton survived a heavy object falling on his head

Did you hear about the new transit system they're installing in Compton?

They're moving the trees closer together.

what is that, that 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
gang rape

So my wife walked in on me fucking my son, I don't know what is more shocking, the look on my wife's face or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep him.

How many faggots does it take to change lightbulb?

I think just OP will do

What's worse then showering with a 14 girl?
Showering with a 12 year old.
What's worse then showering with a 12 year old?
Slicking her hair back and forth pretend is a boy

Arguably showering with zyklon b is a whole lot worse

Faggot

Whats the history?