ITT: feels thread

ITT: feels thread.
>be me
>high school senior 2011
>go to shitty dance
>girl i really like dancing with other guy
>cry in bathroom
>i have been best friends with her for like 5 years
>was gonna tell her how i felt that night
>mfw theyre married now

bump, i like this kind of threads even if made me feel sad.

savage.

I've been popping kpins staring at a wall since I woke up ama

Real sad my dude

>i have been best friends with her for like 5 years
>was gonna tell her how i felt that night

that was never going to work out. You were fortunate enough not to tell her that exact same night, she was never going to say yes. Girls are different than us, we attach sexual value to all of our human interactions, they don't. 5 years of friendship never turns into a serious relationship, unless the sexual tension between the two was always there, which would've resulted in you starting something with her a lot earlier.

Now 6 years have passed, and you still haven't got over a relationship which was never meant to work, so there's definitely something wrong with you. I'd say you try a good combination of therapy, workout and force yourself out of your comfort zone, just move on

we're friends. she never knew how i felt. i just kinda look back on it as a sad memory. thanks for the advice though dude.

I am in a Hell that gets worse with time which nobody sympathies with or can coherently understand.

I hope you learned how to share your feelings early on from this.
Regret hurts more than rejection.

kpins?

Try us user, you'd be surprised at how common feelings that make you feel alienated are.

Klonopin. I'm prescribed them. Basically apathy in a pill

Sounds sucky, what are they supposed to be treating?

Anxiety and insomnia. I'm also incredibly suicidal but I don't tell the doctor that. Only reason I'm alive is my dog is dependent on me.

I've drifted so far back from a centralized point in spacetime that reality and all of its simian manifestations have begun to work backwards in order to compensate for behavior deficiencies, yet the compensations they produce fortify punishment further, but I am in a position where I can do virtually nothing but allow them to compensate for me.
This is skimming the surface, and usually described as schizophrenia, which is precisely why I do not talk to officials about this, and shouldn't at all, as people are tracking both my behavior and thoughts.

I used to have anxiety to the point of getting agoraphobia.
What helped me out of it was cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness meditation.
I don't have any advice for insomnia, it only happens to me when I'm severely depressed and I have planned out actions when that happens, so it rarely lasts for long.
Okay user, you were right, I have a hard time relating to this, but you do have my sympathy.
Have you considered that the only way to get away from feeling like this, might be to reach out for the help you fear?

take any benzopamine derivate pretty good to being an souless motherfucker and dosen't give a fuck about nothing

I got a couple of friends who talk like that, do you do psychedelics by chance?

I can't afford therapy and I did meditation for a month with no improvement. I think my issue is more depression because I can't get ahead at all in life. There's no point in continuing to struggle. I'm 20 in college, broke because my car broke down which got me fired from my job so I bought another and I now need to rebuild the engine in the new car. I quit doing drugs but at least they made me feel something other than apathy. These benzos aren't helping.

>but you do have my sympathy
It is undeserved when properly contextualized.
>Might be to reach out for the help you fear?
The only people who can help severed their connections to me and sent me a drift, so I'm in this basically alone, only acting out self-interest so I do not become something terrible and climb out of debt the more I try to get out of it.

Yes.

I'd quit drugs for a year and see if your condition improves. You don't want to be like my friends man. They talk about lizard people, aliens, talk to people who aren't there etc.

consider one of the following:
1) move on
2) end yourself

choose wisely, user

Psychedelics are necessary to grind out chunks that have been lodged in my processing matrix that accumulate with negative behavior.
I will not end up like them.

You already are just judging by the limited interaction we've had. God speed user, if you are going to do psychs just keep it to dmt once a week.

One month of trying isn't much though user.
I didn't see any significant results for about 6 months, but then it started picking up.
It might have been more affective in conjunction with the cbt though.
You could look up how that sort of therapy functions and follow the methods though.
It would also help you with the depression, it did for me anyhow.
I hope you manage to get out of it though, having felt similarly to you, I know how much it sucks.
Try to contextualize it then, part of your issue might be you being to judgmental of yourself.

I just need to get enough money to turn my life around. I don't want to sell drugs again though and I can't get a job because no working car.

Not necessarily, those concepts are ridiculous, and I'm still completely capable of identifying when a thought process becomes corrupt and inefficient.

I put myself here and due to conditions can not break myself out. Everything is an overcompensation, with the only option left being blind submission to a disgusting perspective that I slowly adjust to out of time out of habit.
It is driving me insane.
>Too judgmental of yourself.
This is a byproduct of actions. If I were behaving correctly, then intensive self-criticism would not be produced.

How about mining cryptocurrency and doing whatever online paying things you can?

It sounds like you've messed up your thinking processes by excessive psychedelic use.
I'm not against the use of them, but there is a too much in regards to them.

THAT'S LIFE. YOUR OPTIONS:

1. GET BETTER AT LIFE
2. FAIL

PICK. ONE.

I only have a phone no pc.

>be me
>2nd year uni
>socially retarded, so only 2 friends
>one of which I will refer to as Cuntlord who will become relevant later
>meet girl through a friend in chemistry
>qt 3.14, hates most people, smart as fuck, pretty much perfect
>also married
>mfw
>end up striking up a friendship, despite spurgery
Fast forward 1 year
>we're pretty close at this point
>Cuntlord is also friends with her by now
>feels have been growing, getting unbearable
>she starts wanting to hang out more and more lately, keeps inviting me to do things
>fine by me
>keeps finding excuses to be near me
>keeps passing me water bottle then drinking from it herself
>suspicion mounts
>one day, chilling at her place
>must've been acting particularly beta that day
>"you've been acting kind of weird lately, user, whats up?"
>fuck, not ready for this
>"Its nothing, probably just the exam stress"
>bulletdodged.jpg
>she looks up at me
>"do you have feelings for me, user?"
>impulse mode: engage
>"yes"
>...
>weird, that sounded like my voice
>OHFUCK
>she sees my panic, laughs
>"its okay user.. I.. I kinda like you too"
>wut
>"but what about husband?"
>"we're splitting up.."
>makes sense, they didn't seem all that into each other and they married young
>what followed were the most amazing 5 months of my life
>only time I can look back on and say I was actually happy

Cont in part 2, where Cuntlord makes his showstopping appearance

Partially. I may have expanded past my ability to cope with them adequately, often tripping in solitude without any external reference point, and since external reference points gradually became a source of dependence, this further developed into paranoia.
Much of this, however, is not paranoia, even though there are paranoid fluctuations here and there.
If anything, they amplified residual trauma and malformed networks that are now more difficult to resolve. Psychedelics will help strengthen opposing patterns now that I know how to properly direct them.

user I went through a phase where I thought psychs were the answer. I was doing lsd/4-aco-xxx psychs, shrooms, 2cb and also ketamine, dck, 3meopcp. I did those 4-5 days a week spending thousands on drugs to deal with the tolerance. It just fucks you up it doesn't help

Well user, I hope you manage to find your way out of the woods at some point.
Yeah I can see how that is an issue. You don't have any temp agencies nearby that provides jobs within a public transport distance?

god you sound like a faggot
>senior 2011
I bet that's really
>senior 2018
you fucking baby

I'm taking online classes and forgot about the mid term exams for one last week.
My professor says it's too late for me to take it

Can you pass a class if you got a 0 on your mid term exam?

>Psychs were the answer
I do not think they inherently.
They are a tool that must be properly utilized.
I used them improperly beforehand, often believing they'd release my spirit and I could behave erratically and the universe would magically resolve any potential hazard that I happened to come across.
This was the wrong mentality to adopt. The universe is blank and apathetic. This is to be used for invasive surgery.

Nope, all the jobs are 45+ miles away that use temp agencies. I've looked for options that's why I'm so discouraged and low now. Selling drugs is probably the best option I just can't handle the paranoia of prison and stress from it. I used to not be able to leave my house without being followed by a cop.

Hope is pointless, but I may.

bump

beta

>Dated a girl for five years.
>In love deeply, talking about marriage.
>Never argue, never fight, perfect happy relationship.
>We "take a break" (six years ago) promising to get back together after a few months.
>She begins sleeping around and says she needs time to get the hoe out of her system.
>I give her time she requests while she bangs anything with a pulse.
>Today I demand an answer, I have waited long enough (six years).
>She tells me she found her soul mate (a dude she knew before we ever dated)
>Flash back to past, 8-10 years ago
>This is same guy she always talked to while we were dating.
>I always asked her not to talk to him (when we were dating) because I knew she had feelings for him.
>She said she would stop talking to him
>Never stopped. Visited him out of state while we were together.
>Slept with him.
>Told him she loves him all the time
>Flash back to present day (today)
>She finally admits she loved him all along
>I waited for her
>Our relationship was built on lies
>She loved him the whole time
>She broke my heart for the last time
>Feelsbadman
>I am feeling that I can never trust a girl again.

They aren't tools, they're drugs. Go to rehab or some shit dude drugs are literally never the answer. They can be used for fun that's it, not some universe bending change your life shit that's delusional.

Man, most of my advice depends on living in a country with a more comprehensive safety net for people, since I'm from Denmark. I dunno how to give you advice for the US.
You could save money by going dumpster diving for food and things to sell perhaps.
I disagree, the universe might not care about your hope, but it is a human valve to survive situations that might otherwise break them.

Do go on, I'm reading.

The US isn't bad necessarily, just have to live in a big city. Nearest one is 1h30m from me where the jobs are. Thanks for the help user I'll find a way eventually.

They're so much drugs as the pharmaceuticals administered by quacks who want to enforce their commercialized version of reality.
I will continue using them, and nothing anyone can say or do will convince me of that, especially since many see the potential they have, and don't want me to access it for their own benefit.
Fuck them.
They are unnecessary at this point in my life.

Break what?

Some backstory on the lord of cunts. Pretty asocial, fuck smart, plays in a fairly popular local band. He's always been slightly better than me in most things, so always felt inferior. Still really good mates, so it didn't bug me too much. Picking up from part 1...

>4 months later
>happiest I've ever been
>but there's a storm brewing
>a storm called Cuntlord
>they've been friends since I introduced them, we've all hung out before
>one day, find out they hung out alone and played music together
>hm, okay, didn't realize they were that close but whatever
>happens a few times again
>I'm getting pretty annoyed by now
>talk to her about it, she laughs it off, fine
Fast forward 1 month, now valentines day
>neither her nor I give a shit about it and I have a test soon after, so we don't make plans
>mfw the next day I find out she hung out with him
>absolutelyfuckingnot.exe
>lose my shit
>huge fight, she ends up apologizing, keeps saying nothings going on
>a few weeks later, she goes to one of his gigs
>he confesses feels
>she confesses back
>tells me the next day

2 years later theyre still together. we study in the same department so I still see her frequently. Pretend to be over it, chat to her every now and then. Kills me everytime. Only 2 years till graduation

Got no feels for you bro, you acted beta and she found her alpha. Now move on, like the rest of us

> Dating a girl who is in love with someone else
> Dating a girl who "needs to get the hoe out of her system"
>Taking a "break"

Man, I don't want to kick you while you were down, but you're seriously a stupid cuck and you never should have been with her in the first place.

Not every girl is her user.
Getting over this is connected to regaining your capacity for trust.
I'm not gonna say it will be easy, but having burned in the past, I do know that it is possible.
It's okay to feel like that, just don't let it stop you from trying at some point where you've got a bit of distance on this.

>A month.
>20.
>school.

Shut the fuck up and either borrow enough money to fix your car via student loans to get your car working and thus a job or quit school.

You are simply a pussy.

Quit being a pussy.

Like break them mentally to the point that they can't carry on living anymore.
I've had low points where I doubted I would ever feel better, but I still held out hope that it might happen.
Eventually with a lot of work on my part, it did.

I just got a bj from my girlfriend a few minutes ago. Feeling pretty good right now.

Idiot.

>waited 6 years
>took a break
>she didn't stop talking to this guy she liked
>visited him
>slept with him
>told him she loved him

Dude, you totally deserved that. No offense but if you were stupid enough to not dump that bitch after the first 2 months of dating her then you probably got what was coming to you and should only blame yourself.

Already at my max for loans, and you don't get that money instantly dipshit.

Regardless that would mean that I am intended to look out for myself, since nobody else really will without corrosive strings attached, and certainly not the universe without worse.

Underage and stupid.

You'd probably be better off telling her how much that hurt and asking her not to engage with you unless you're forced to.
Pretending everything is okay is a great way to slowly die on the inside, take it from someone who's been there.

No, you're right completely. I had no business dating this girl. I was just blinded by the idea of being in love that I got lost in the rush and disregarded the red flags. I'm so obsessed with finding true love that it clouds my judgement. I have since learned a lot from the whole experience. Thanks for not sugar coating it though man, you're absolutely right.

Oh don't get me wrong, I don't think the US is bad.
I've been there several times visiting family.
It was more of a lack of experience in getting through things like that in your area that i was lamenting.
The US is generally better than how it is perceived by outsiders.

While I disagree that I "deserved" it. I agree that it was stupid to pursue a sinking ship, so to speak.

when u know u are being followed dont do it ...
too big risk ...

> Dating a chick who is married
> Butthurt when she cheats on you
> Still talk to her

user...just...come on man.

Sorry about the anticlimax, lads. The last part is pretty painful to dwell on so I abridged the fuck out of it. The day she told me is mostly a rage blur anyway. Got shit faced, did a mountain of coke and picked fights with whomever looked at me wrong. Not a proud time

I get what you mean. Once I complete my degree I'll start around 40k and top out over 100k just need to finish school this year.

I can't really blame you. I got really close ti falling into one of those before I met my fiancé. Falling in love with love is dangerous as Hell.

Also it's worth mentioning that I didn't find out about her cheating on me until after we decided to take a break. I was willing to look past all that because I figured time may have changed her but apparently not.

>Already at my max for loans, and you don't get that money instantly dipshit.

So, what are you going to do in the meantime? OH I KNOW!!!! Complain on Sup Forums instead of being proactive about your situation.

Then I guess you refuse to do work study too?

Are you too good to look for scholarships?

Can't or won't tutor for money?

Won't work in the book store or union?

Won't sell your junk car to finance a new one or a bike to fix two problems of not having transport and you being a whiny lardass?

You decided to go to college, which is expensive and bitch about it costing money.

Please kill yourself and save the world a ton of hassle.

You're absolutely right. You can get to a point where you are more in love with the idea of being in love, than you actually love the person.

Well we're all supposed to look out for ourselves.
We only have people to take care of us while we are too small to survive on our own.
You can vent and share things with friends and loved ones, but expecting them to take care of you fully will ultimately fail, because that is asking a bit much.
Well you have my best wishes for you success user.

>45 mile drive to school, get a bike kek
>selling worthless junk car to finance something else
Are you actually retarded? I am doing shit to get it running I just can't afford the parts. What do you expect me to do, drop out in the last semester and have to still pay for the education?

>We only have people to take care of us while we are too small to survive on our own
And this is the bind I am in. Unfortunately I can not work my way out of my current state without being ushered further into debt by it. It takes time to resolve, but the debt also increases with time.
>You can vent and share things with friends and loved ones
Hahah, not in the slightest.
Maybe for you, not for me.

Stupid, yes. Underaged, no

It won't accomplish anything, and at least I can hold on to my pride this way. Mostly though it's so I don't give that cunt the satisfaction, imagined or otherwise

Like I said, her marriage was on the rocks long before she told me. She'd been in contact with the lawyer already. That's not to say it didn't bother me, but at that point I'd have crawled across broken glass to be with her.

Aren't you letting him win by agonizing in silence and not letting them know that their actions were majorly shitty?
You might think cuntlord is superior to you, but at least he isn't as good at being a proper friend as you are.

Wait.... you've maxed out your loans and you aren't even living in student housing????

Housing accounts for 1/3 - 2/3 of total collegiate educational costs that are loan limit applicable and you MAXED it living off campus with a job.

Fucking. Idiot.

LOL!

I hope your degree is actually something you can make money with.... but likely it is something like interpretive cat fashion photography.

>Imma go to school 45 miles away instead of moving!

>Imma gonna go to hugely overpriced shit box university and TAKE OUT SO MUCH MONEY!!!

>Imma gonna let myself get fucked by my own choices

You are totally at fault for your situation and deserve everything you get.

It's a community college fuck wit, not a university shit works differently at them. You're just being a little bitch for whatever reason. I applied for all the scholarships for my program and didn't get shit, took out loans to buy a car/pay for tuition. The housing there is for athletes and rent is outrageous commuting is cheaper. I'll be a lineman in 4 months so it's only temporary.

I raged at her on the day for a while, told her to stay away from me and to tell him that I'll break him in half the next time I saw him. So they know exactly how it made me feel.

A few months later, my options were to ignore her or to pretend I was over it. I'm going to have to see her for the next 2 years regardless, so I may as well pretend that it didn't consume my life.

I'll be called a massive faggot for this, but a small reason as to why I still talk to her is so she won't feel bad. She didn't do what she did out of malice. I know she loved me, but he's a better fit for her. Past all the angst I know that she'd be happier with him than me. So I decided to man the fuck up and suffer in silence.

As for cuntlord, he did stab me in the back, but I would've done the same thing in his position. As much as i want to, I can't really blame the faggot

YOU MAXED OUT YOUR LOAN LIMITS AT A FUCKING COMMUNITY COLLEGE!!!!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

I went to literally a state fucking college for a lineman program and has 4 paid internships, lived on campus, and managed to walk away with less than 11k in student debt, get paid to go to school and be recruited.
OSU-IT Motherfucker, go cowboys.


You college is shit... Everything else aside.

Good luck to you.

Huh alright, I just wanted to make sure you weren't suffering in silence without having let them know just how fucked up the thing they did was.
How you deal is up to you.

Thats just it, I have a hard time blaming either of them for it. The only shitty thing she did was not be upfront with me about her feelings for him, and shes the type of girl who can very easily lie to herself. I'm pretty sure she wasn't fully aware of her attraction until she was confronted with it.

He acted like a cowardly cunt, but I've done martial arts and I'm half a head taller than him. He also knows I have a habit of losing my shit, so again, its understandable.

I really wish I could just hate those pricks and be done with it

deutsch? - angst thats why .
user dont be a bitch (no hate) ignore them and in situations were u cant ignore them show them ur fellings toward what happen like hatred and warth and dont be a petty bitch
i had a similar situation but i am still pretty young and its more like teenager gossip where a frind of mine started fucking my girlfriend she kept it secret but i started to see whats going on especially when she started too turn to a real whore and started to flirt with him even when i was with them.
But back too cuntlord u would maybe had done the same shit but u didnt he was the cunt to fuck u over

>top kek
good rant

You had some fucking time to move on, user.

>Deutsch
Nope, angst is an English word pretty much synonymous with being edgy. Probably shares the same root as anxious

To ignore them and act like a prick would me petty bitch behavior. Controlling that shit and acting civil regardless is the mature thing to do. What would bitching them out accomplish?

Sorry to hear about your situation user. I hope you've gotten outta there

Sure. Get perfect on final to get average of 50. Ace everything else and you might just get above passing. Gonna be a struggle, though.

Hey buddy just know even if you say things people don't understand someone out there can understand you, I can relate to what you've been saying so far

Don't listen to, every girl is like this. They are creatures built upon the instinct to constantly seek satisfaction and gratification. It's evolution's way of ensuring a female felt safe enough to birth young into the world with the knowledge they would be provided for. I can't blame them for that, its biology. That being said, be advised that this mindset exists in women and plan around it. No matter how much you may love one, always be somewhat suspicious of them. How do you think the prenup was born?

>theirs defintley something wrong with you
>giving advice on Sup Forums
>larping as a psycologist
Youre on Sup Forums asshole
Your no better then ths next guy

...

Yea man that young heartache sucks and lasts the longest but let me tell you something. I was there. That was me. Was alone for a long time. Had many heartbreaks like that. They suck bad. At the age of 34 I met a 17 yo. 10 years later, married, house, dog. When I see those bitches I loved at 40+ years old, I laugh my ass off cause they are old, fat, kids, divorced and broke. Take a page out of my book. Get old and score a young hottie.

I've been a loner for most of my life. I had the luck that my parents were always there for me, maybe that's why I'm not a total fuck up. I'm about to graduate and go to university, everyone is proud of me. I have made friends in the last few years and I have a pretty good reputation I think. But when I am honest with myself, I know that I wouldn't be sad if my friends were gone all of a sudden. I like them, go to parties with them and all that but I can't remember anyone that I really miss. Everyone keeps telling me how good I look and girls hit on me all the time, yet I never had a girlfriend. This might be cliché but apart from my parents, the only creature that I am happy to see all the time is my cat but she is already 10 years old, and probably won't make another 5. I always have my windows covered and try to be in my neighbourhood only if necessary, because I permanently feel watched. Everytime I am outside, I hope that I don't meet anyone I know because it always just results in bullshit smalltalk and awkward silence after that. I sometimes wish I had no family, because sometimes it feels like they are the only thing that prevent me from giving up. Everything is so hard. And for what. On the one side, every choice I make is made with responsibility and selflessness in mind while on the other I just bury all my feelings just to make sure that no one suspects anything. This is the only place I can say this. The few people that have slightly more access to my feelings than everyone else are the ones that I can't tell this because it would change their relationship with me to the worse. I know that there are people here who have bigger problems than me. I don't want to pretend that I am at their level. I just don't know if I can keep this up.

He is not lying.

Any woman over 35 is not worth one second of your time.

This was me for so long.
Then I finally got into my head that making everyone happy without taking care of myself was slowly killing me.

Angst form german to english means being scared
u dont have to be a dick what i mean/did was to show the emotion towards the shit that happend not toward the person but toward the actions they did

Comparing emotional pain and invalidating yourself through that only brings more pain, as you end up telling yourself that your feelings aren't legitimate.
You might think burying all of your feelings are sparing your loved ones, but it's really just escapism.
If you wanna take responsibility for how you feel, seek out professional help and let people around you know that you are hurting, so they can have the chance of offering you moral support.

I appreciate your answer, but I don't think that I am that far gone. I just had to put all that in words for once.

i am now 3 days awake and my eyes starts too make my screen look 3d