Mortician AMA

Mortician AMA

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Do you get a lot of repeat business?

how many dead children do you fuck in an average week?

Im the sense that families use me for different loved one's yes

u bang the bodies?

Let's hear your dead jokes in response to "How are you doing today"

Nope never had an urge either. Bv doesn't sound great nor do countless diseases. I love my job and it's never entered my mind. Not my thing. I enjoy living partners lol.

Just the embalming and funeral direction, or do you also operate a crematory?
And if so, how much money would it cost for me to burn some bags of garbage in your place's cremation oven and then forget you ever saw me?

I do all of the above. It would depend... What can you do for me?

Have you ever been curios of seen naked a corpse of an attractive person?

I got cash. Depends on whether we hit it off or not. Btw I don't really need an funerary urn, I was thinking I'd just bring over my Shop Vac and vacuum the dust out of the ash pan afterwards, if that's ok with you, in case there happens to be any jewelry or dental fillings in the garbage I'm going to cremate.

Have you ever had dead teen girls? How have they died?

I have seen good looking men and women. However I've never felt an attraction because they are deceased. Often they are good looking in live pictures that the family would like me to try and replicate.

We would remive it before hand. If they have a hip replacement or metal joints we recycle them. If you've driven a car or flew in a plane you've come in contact with some artificial joints.

Maybe not for attraction, but more for curiosity... like "wow... I expected that where smaller"

Yes I've had every age group. Worst one I saw of a teen girl was a car accident. She no longer had a face. It was caved in and resembled lightly ground steak with bone

Any pics?

How many attractive young people do you see regularly? men/women?

Anybody you'd be down to love if they were alive?

asking for a friend

What do you use to cope with the reality?

-former mortician

How realistic is the 'nonchalant eating around the dead' trope?

Well yes. Some men have death erections. Ever seen a micro penis rock hard? Hilarious.

It’s gotta be kinda hot seeing them naked though right? Like you might be the only guy that ever did.

No I would be fired and receive jail time.

>hip replacement or metal joints
>If you've driven a car or
My car's pretty hip, so yeah, I can see it

how do chicks react when you tell them your job, also how did you decided you wanted to do this

No I guess I'm just not hard wired to have that feeling for a dead person

That's a hard one to this day. I guess I cope by leaving work at work the best I can. Or I do these AMAS just to talk about things and release some info without the fear of being fired

It's real lol. I've pulled 36 hr shifts and my mentor had hand fed me pizza so I can keep working. We never really get a break so when you see that in a movie It's pretty spot on.

I'm not a guy

I started out with crime scene clean up. Chicks are curious but I am a chick so it's simply friend talk.

Do you get murder victims?

I work in a rather urban area. So everyday.

Ever get gas eecaping from the mouth/nise sounding like a moan/whisper? What about muscle contractions causing eyes to open, bodies to sit up, etc. How frequent?

What's the most fucked up case you've seen?

Did you go into this expecting to not be asked several questions about necrophilia?

Pretty much everyday. When you move the decedent you're always going to get escaping gas or decomp mist I've been sprayed in the face with decomp mist. The decomp mist normally occurs when they have been in water, extreme heat, or were not found for awhile.

ooh in that case how do guys react? and were u scared when you first started? has anything creepy ever happened?

tits or gtfo

4 year old child death by being struck in the face with a baseball. Kids are always hard cases. I never fully recover from them.

tits or gtfo

Always. Over half the questions most of the time.

have you ever had to do the work on the bodie of someone you knew ?

are you fascinated with death generally?

I wear a full face mask now. I've had rigor set in and they have curled their fingers on my hand. Or put a body in the body rack and pull it out to have it in a different position than when I last saw them.

No we try to stay away from that. People have come in that I knew but I personally didn't embalm or cremate them.

Yes that would be fair to say

what do you do when you arent being a mortician? taxidermy?

curled their fingers on your hand? fuck if that shit happened to me id legit punch a corpse on the face

Nope. I also work as a book keeper for a family friends construction company when off the mortician clock.

You just wait for it to pass or massage their hand to try and break rigor

DO you watch Rekt threads ? Do you like death or what? Why would you wanna be a Mortician?

Do you ever see pregnant people with dead fetus?
What's the strangest death you've ever seen?
How much is the salary?
If you had to cremate people, how would they know if you collected peoples parts? Say like eyes, brain pieces, organs etc.

How would you like to die and what would you want the body to be done with?

Nope I get my fill at work. I never wanted to be. I happened to get a job cleaning up biohazard waste. From hoarder, suicides, murder, natural death, and anything potentially dangerous. I met my mentor through them and he asked if I wanted to part take. I said yes quit my job and went to school for mortuary science. Now I enjoy the freedom. I have 1 coworker and work by myself. Great benefits and pay. Why wouldn't I want to do this?

How does one do this? Not a necrophiliac, just not so bothered by death and i dont have so many traits lol.

what was the most heart-breaking corpse you ever seen

youtube.com/watch?v=rRB_ab60wPc

you've got balls, I don't even think I could look at a corpse in real life without feeling a bit sick specislly if the cause of death was murder

Why you do this?

I have yet to see one. Strangest death was a 82 year old man with a light bulb broken in his rectum. I make 53,000 a year as a paid apprenticeship. I would like to die the way everyone says. In my sleep and cremate me. They wouldn't know at least where I work but that goes along with ethical issues.

You just do. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I cry or get pissed off but it's apart of life unfortunately.

youtube.com/watch?v=9RjBePQV4xE

how often do bodies move on their own? dont some nerves still work, like if you tickle them do they react? Id probably fuck around with them a little bit to see if i had that job but past that I think i'd be too creeped out to get used to it. I have a friend who does mortician work, but i dont ask him much about it

So are you saying that you could totally take a piece of whole legs or other big chunks of meat, take them home and eat them?
This would be a cannibalists heaven!

my dad was an embalmer way back in the day. How is your job different from his? He moved on and became a scientist, but has fond memories of his job.

Tells one story from when he was training:

>Be him
>Be training
>Cut corpse along vein in neck to begin embalming process.
>Corpse spurts out blood.
>OMGWTF, They dont do that.
>Asks his master embalmer teacher guy. He responds "It happens sometimes".
>Dad embalms another 10 years
>Never happens again

He's pretty sure he killed a guy who was comatose for some reason. This was in the late 50's/early 60's...so you know, technology.

The 4 year old. Simply because he was the same age as my child at the time. His mother came before the service. She asked if she could put his "blankie" with him. I said yes. She looked at me and said "this is the last time I will ever tuck him in." No lie tears in my eyes just typing this. It changed me forever.

I've never tickled one. They do move often but we normally get them hours after death. They mostly contort due to rigor. I've yet to be blessed with a weekend at bernies experience.

How does one go about getting a job at a place like that? Not asking for creepy reasons like necro or defilement. Always found the dead more peaceful an easier to deal with than the living.

what happened to the boy? accident, other kid knocked him or what?

Most have a guard or cameras. I work at a mom and pop run place. Dudes wife died and I came in to help as he ages.

Not OP but I'm gonna do some searching. I'm certain this also happened in New Zealand in the 90s. I was a kid and I have vague memory of this being a big news story.

Most places have camera's or a guars. I work at a mom and pop home. His wife died and I'm helping as he ages and will eventually take it over when he passes.

It's possible. I've never had that happen. I'll ask some of my friends if they have. I've honestly ever heard of that. I've seen eyes pop from an over embalmed body.

Fuck, man. Had a similar incident as an EMT
>call for unresponsive 5 year old
>arrive at scene, caller has already started doing CPR
>load the girl up and start CPR cycle
>as I close the door to the back of the ambulance the mother runs up, grabs my arm and stares right into my eyes and says
>"please save my little girl"

I've never frozen before. Not when I was in the infantry, not in EMT, and I haven't since but I couldn't move after she said that. The paramedic had to grab me and pull me to the side seat, mother collapsed and refused to go in the ambulance. I get a shoulder spasm whenever I think about it.

Go to school for mortuary science and get an apprenticeship. Most are unpaid. I got lucky

It was an accident. He was playing with some older boys. Freak occurrence.

What is the process like? Simply drain blood and replace with embalming fluid? What does it consists of - is it still formaldehyde? How much do the chemicals cost and how much are used? How long does that process last? I mean is it simply good for a week or so until the open casket funeral or would they last say a month and then a funeral could be done then?

I was going to say where and when it happened here...but im going to look it up to see if there is any information. i know it was the 50's/60's and i know the funeral home/state. Don't want to give away too much personal info. Dad is semi well known in his current profession, even though he is retired now

I ran to the bathroom and cried like I never had before. I think about him all the time. I'll tell you what it made me appreciate my crazy 4 year old.

I understand completely. Everyone assumes I'm sherk because I don't post a picture if myself. I'd lose my job and do serious time. So I get it.

Embalming fulid is different for everyone. Depends on skin tone, amount depends on weight as does the amount of time. Cost again depends on brand and function

well I guess the thread is over then

So… since you've seen many dead bodies… what would you say is the least suspicious way for someone to go? Or so to say: most common and hence could be overlooked.

How do you get rid of the smell? I've dealt with bodies in a different job. That sickly sweet fatty gross smell would just linger get in my clothes. Or is my nose just too sensitive.
Do you have to do different things for different cultures? For instance I'm Jewish, we are pretty strict on no embalming, autopsy etc.

I didn't realize it was so specific like that. I thought it was kind of a one size fits all type of thing. Lol

We see a lot of cancer, heart attacks, strokes and aneurysms gunshots are also common because of the urban area I live in so they're never really fully investigated

can't find anything about what happened here in the states with dad in news articles from then. called him up, he said that they didnt even report it to anyone because the "corpse" was thought of as dead and the boss said that it happened sometimes. He said there was another apprentice with him at the time (which he had never said before). Both of them saw it, and were surprised. He doesnt know what happened to the other guy because he got his license in one part of the state, then moved to another to continue education while working as an embalmer.

Yes we do different things for different cultures and religions. Sometimes you can't get the smell out. If you're hit with decomp mist you might as well burn what you're wearing. I get what you're saying. I often ask my family if I smell like death or if the smell is just stuck in my nose.

Is that a no? What will you do?

I don't doubt it though. I've seen so many unbelievable things.

Seen many 10/10 corpses?

OP here. End of thread. Death has no schedule and it's time to go in. I'll do another ama around this time friday. I'll post same thumbnail. Good night have an awesome one and I might be seeing some of you sooner than you think. Love, Dellamorte.

What happened to the kid

is working at a morgue really as scary as you see in movies? like is the room literally just you and the corpse on a metal table? and how does storage work?

another question is what the smell is like and how you deal with it

when a new body comes in do you have a little test to see if they're really dead?

Will look out for it.

I teared a bit too

How do you cope with the dread of your inevitable death, seeing death all around you? Do you ever find yourself lying awake in bed and just being afraid of the thought of utter nothingness?

Big black dicks in my mouth thread. Relax nigga.

Do you smell like dead bodies? Also show tits