I’ve got a Green text for you guys.
This maybe not the most intresting one I ever wrote but I’m gonna write it anyway.
It may or may not help if you play this whils you read
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(feedback please)
>Be me
>Be 27
>Be last night
>A shadowy figure stands just beyond the doorway
>Its face is covered by a mask
>A muppet style mask
>Looks like one of the old man muppets from the balconey
>I’m covering the wall to the left of the door
>I can see in the door
>Him/her
>And darkness
>Nothing else
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>I keep checking over my right shoulder
>Make sure nobody is coming
>Nobody can see
>And then it starts
>Screeming beyond the doorway
>I can’t see the person stood diaganily opposite me’s face
>But I can see the fear in their eyes
>I see the eye balls turn
>We stand and stare at each other
>It seems like an eternity
>Just staring into each others eyes
>F.f.f.f.f.f.f.
>FUCK
>All I see through the door is red
>A splatter hits the wall just beyond the door
>My new friend is gone
>I have no idea what hit them
>It was too quick to see
>But it got them
>And it got them quickly
>Too quick
>I litrally shiiting my pants by this point
>I may be the only one left
>I begin to shake
>I mean shake hard
>I was frozen to the spot
>what do?
That is as far as I've got.
Tell me anons is it OK?
Should I con't?
I'm just confused wtf happened
>My legs have gone to jelly
>I mean spaghetti
>If you’ve never felt this before
>I assure you it is horrible
>I was thinking about running
>But I wasn’t running
>I felt like I was colapsing
>But I couldn't crawl
>I was literally frozen
>I start hyperventilating
>And I feel my back press against the wall behind me
>My knees finally give way
>I’m on the floor
>Everyone walk the dinosaur.
Is this crap like a heavy metal version of techno?
...
I didn't think I had any readers
This was me but it's only an alt end if you think the story is any good?
Honestly I need some reader reviews on the opening to my story?
If you guys say it sounds good I'll fin it but if it's a load of horse shit then it goes on the pile?
I got some green I've wrote previously?
But I want reviews on this beginning 1st guys?
Honestly, if you're attached to it, try going with the second ending. Otherwise, trash it. It's not very original, and I don't think it really does a good job of setting the scene or instilling terror in the reader.
We are the true weekend warriors user!
Good advice and I do heed it.
How would you go about setting up the tale better user.
This is basicaly a repeating nightmare I had last night and I just thought it would go into a good tale.
I thought the suspense of what it was in the shadows would aid the story TBH. Kinda like old films before CGI?
Re-reading it and I now see what you mean...
Don't you have a shittier thing to listen? Are you 13?
I like hardcore. It reminds me of my youth.
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...
You put alot of work into that. Thanks.
I'll make all them changes.
I just took my "go to sleep when taken with alcohol" pill. But I do appreciate your efforts user so I'm gonna try and implement them.
I'm working on the second part now. Just keep this tab open on Auto and it should be finished by the time you wake up.
>Be me
>Be 27
>Be last night
>A shadowy figure stands in the doorway
>Its face is a dark mask
>Bright black
>Nothing but two bright white, peircing eyes
>Looks like one of the old man muppets from the balconey
>Glancing back at me
>And then forward
>I can see the bright white dim as it skints into the darkness
>I’m covering the wall to the left of the door
>I can see in the door
>It
>And darkness
>Nothing else
Think I nailed it on this try?
>Be me
>Be 27
>Be last night
>A shadowy figure stands in the doorway
>Its face is a dark mask
>Bright black
>Looks like one of the old man
>Nothing but two bright white, peircing eyes
>Glancing back at me
>And then forward, into the dark
>I can see the bright white dim as it skwints
>I’m covering the wall to the left of the door
>I can’t see much
>I can see in
>the door
>It
>And darkness
>Nothing else
Rather than doing a whole flamboyant paint edit on my original.
How about I drop you a temp email and we work on the story together?
We can create a tinychat or something and make a really good story together?
Line 3: lose "Be"
Line 5: lose "is"
Line 7: change to "looks like an old man", and add description in some more lines.
Line 8: lose "Nothing but"
Line 9: "Glaring" might work better here, but it's your choice.
Line 10: *squints
Lines 13 and 14: Combine these
Otherwise, seems good. I've got some edits here for the second part; I'll leave the last bit, as well as checking over what you really want for part 2, to you. Just some general tips:
>Be descriptive, unless you're intentionally being vague.
>Stay in present tense
>Be concise
That should do ya!
Ignore the first tag.
We should collaborate on this friendo?
Please contact me?
[email protected]
^ not a fake email BTW just a funny one.
>I keep checking over my shoulder
>Can anybody see me?
>And then it starts
>Screeming beyond the doorway
>I can’t see the figure stood diaganily opposite me’s face
>But I can see the fear in the eyes
>I see the eye balls dart back and forth
>We stand and stare at each other for a moment
>It feels like an eternity
>Just staring into each others eyes .
>FUCK.jpg
i stopped reading at "screeming"
were on computers and/or phones, no reason to have words spelled incorrectly in prepared pieces
It's un-finished dick jockey?
Anybody know how to turn that type over mode off on libreoffice?
Shit's really annoying?
Sorry dude, I'm not giving you my email. I don't really have one apart from my personal and student accounts, and I don't just give them out willy-nilly. Good luck on your story, though!
A Pepe falls in love with a Wojak
Unable to confess, he is gifted with by a deus ex machina with the wojak's phone number. Never minding the strange area code, he immediately calls him, and is overjoyed to find out that he has a crush on him as well.
But, the next day, when he recounts the previous day’s confessions to the wojak, he only looks at him with a perplexed expression. After some investigation, he finds out that the wojak he called is not the same wojak he fell in love with. In fact, he doesn’t exist in this memeverse at all. He is the wojak's alternate memeverse counterpart, who has fallen in love with the MC’s own AU self, who too is blissfully unaware of his crush.
Hijinks ensue as the two strike up a deal to give each other their darkest, most private secrets in order to equip the other with the weapons they need to conquer the heart of their other selves. While the two chase their respective loved ones, DRAMA ensues as they begin to fall in love with each other instead and question the NATURE OF SHIT MEMES.
FINDS
...
...
Keit-ai is already a movie. Your post has been DMCA'd by Makoto Shinkai, Toho, and Funimation.
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It's not difficult to create a burn email dude?
You don't even have to post yours? You just reply to mine?
I could list the email servers that take minimal registration.
Use proton mail
Or even easier cock.le (less reg but you should prob use VPN.)
>be me
>be britbong
>be 16
>last year of school
>Tech class
>sat opposite a right dick head
>Initially try to be friends
>No dice
>Already hates me coz I smoke cigs/weed
>Dickhead is fwends with "jocks"
>I have my own friend circle but they are either older than me or in a dumber class
>No offense meant
>I begin to hate this kid...
>Everbody used to meet up in a near by village
>Village had all the amenities
>So it's just a social accept
>Me and my gang took some pills (E) that night
>But I was gunning for him anyway
>As soon as that E dropped I was in kill mode
>I told my plans to my friends and they all agreed it was a good idea
>Why wouldn't they
>In a 16 YO mind, it is a good idea
>I necked some more alcyhol
>We went on a "stomp"
>Stomp means we walked fast
>We stompped up to the park to look for this hardass kid
>He wasn't there
>We cont
>We march across the cart park
>And down the hill
>Onto to the football field
>We see a group of kids congregating in the distance
>I march across the grass
>Small army in tow
>They wanna see
>Me in my drunk/drugged state
>I don't like you very much!
>Punch him
>He stummbles but dosen't fall down
>Fuck
>His 'jock' friend wraps his arm around mine
>Double fuck
>Fuck
>Fuck
>Fuck
>He punches me again
>Black eye
>Ouch
>He really is a sports fag
>I don't quit easy though
>I shuffle backwards
>Knock friendo off balance
>A light backwards head butt
>He falls to the ground
>I'm like a 1960 murican nigger
>I'm free!