Put spanish and french on my resume

>put spanish and french on my resume
>the fell for it
>they're going to have me make calls starting monday to spanish and french speakers

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Put an O after everything you say.

That's basicallyo espanisho familiao

>we still have call centers in the US
Look, if pajeet can do it, so can you.

thiso OPo io amo oneo mexicano

Just get rosetta stone or some shit.

Why are you speaking Italian?

>call translator service, ask for an english to french translator.
>call another translator with very secret burner phone, ask for french to spanish translator.
>figure this fucking shit out yourself
>profit

>he thinks only call centers call people in other countries

lmao

el americANO......

You fucking idiot you don't lie about actual skills, only lie about shit that nepotism would have got you like job experience or something.
[spoiler] ay ay ay es muy estupido este gringo [/spoiler]

user es un pendejo

>lied on your application
Nigger detected

just speak jibberish and you will be fine.

Omlette du Fromage.

You are fortunate that spanish and french speakers can learn more than one language so you should be ok with english.

Donde esta el bano

bullshit through at least one paycheck while looking for another job

Nice meme

the stuff you want to lie about are like proficiency in computer programs that you know are a requirement for a job. It's a lot easier to learn a program in a weekend than to learn a language you dumb fuck

>tfw I applied to a job that said speaking Portuguese was a requirement

>I don't speak Portuguese at all


>applied anyway


>still got the job and am still working there 3 years later.

Just apply to every offer you see fellas. Lie if you have to. Who cares?

Yeah. You're pretty well fucked, OP. They're going to fire you and blacklist your ass. Why the fuck did you tell a lie that's so verifiable? The best lies cannot be proven one way or the other. I guess this will serve as a valuable lesson learned.

Frog knows

How does that pay?

I heard here call centers pay 650 dollars a month which is quite good here

Underrated post

Ya really think he has $300 to drop randomly on a language learning product?

Download Duolingo right now and practice with flashcards.GO!

>paying real money for software
Fucking pleb

>he doesn't fudge his resume to make it look as good as possible.

i bet you don't even bathe.

did you expect training to include teaching you french and spanish? dumbass.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the harshest punishment for lying on a resume is simply getting fired isn't it?

That's for italian
For spanish, put an E or A at the end
And if you want mexican spanish, just say "wey" at the end

This will be a complete disaster.. The only thing to do is to record yourself having those conversations for our entertainment.

OR somehow set up a 3 way call with a translator whom you can ask questions to in English and they reply in spanish to the person on the phone...

Another option is if you can type fast .... you can type the english into google translate and read it to them in spanish... assuming you speak and can pronounce some french or spanish...

Another option is to just say you don't have "verbal fluency" just reading and comprehension in those lenguages... maybe they can give you a position elsewhere since you are already hired?

....

gg

Heh. In bocca al lupo! Maybe you shouldn't bullshit in the future.

This

>Lie about driving license in your application
>get hired by taxi company
>"wooow guise how do I drive car?"

fucking retard

you're fucked

HEHEHE. That was a nice joke frogbro!

How much Spanish and French did you say that you knew?

Michel Thomas 2 disc Language Builder for each language. Total of four hours of material. A holiday weekend to get four hours of material. Totally possible.

People like you actually buy Rosetta stone?

At that point, your unemploymed. Which you would be anyways if you didn't lie.

youtube.com/watch?v=-34zQJbG-VQ

easy

youtube.com/watch?v=PRskvLyCoU0

>spanish
jumpo overo theo bordo familio

You should quit

You have two ways out:
>embarrassing yourself in front of the rest of the employees
or
>going up to your manager's office and spilling the beans
You're getting fired either way so you might as well choose the more honorable way out.

Rosetta Stone is stupid and, in this time frame, unusable.
That said, many municipal libraries have it for free.

This is why you don't tell lies. Every lie that you tell holds the risk of someone calling you on your bullshit. Furthermore, once you've been branded as a liar, getting people to view you as someone who can be taken at their word again is pretty difficult.

If you absolutely MUST lie, then do it rarely, and use the truth to hide it. By this standard, claiming to know a foreign language that you don't know is always going to be a stupid lie, because there is no truth to obscure your lie.

If you want to put Spanish and French on your resume, then go learn Spanish and French.

Why would you need to lie to get a job at a call center? I thought in America parolees did that anyway

>rosetta stone
Michel Thomas audio lessons is the best. I listened to disc one of their French and Japanese lessons and I could build basic sentences afterwards.

See for yourself

>Speak Japanese
youtube.com/watch?v=CcJ8KuuhvBw

>Speak French
youtube.com/watch?v=GiIPO5cK2wo

This OP. Commit seppuku.

This

I don't know why but Spanish people legit understand you if you just put an o on the end of every word

You mean sudoku right?

China, why are you so rare?

I don't know how the job market is going in China, but in here, it's so shitty, you can't get any job without a least 1 year of experience OR having done a shit-ton of volunteering OR being black. Thanks affirmative action.

all you need to know is bonjour, fromage, baguette, hola and tacos.

this mano gots it

based beaner quads

I'm serious about Michel Thonas Language Builder. It's a barebones syntactical phrasebook that gets you straight to very basic yet correct things like This works this way, I can't do that yet, tell me more about that. Get a U of Chicago dictionary for Spanish and a Larousse for French, and look up relevant buisiness words, and, in addition to serious drilling with the MTLB, you will have a chance at surviving.
This or give up.

Lied about having worked with various intelligence agencies regarding corporate affairs.

Got hired with corner office.

Boss kept calling me asking if I'd heard anything about this and that from my friends.

Panic.

Start reading up on topics and doing investigations on my own.

Feed my boss info like it came directly from Blackwater HQ. Basic shit that could be easily researched but I make it sound like I used MK Ultra to get it.

Boss looks at me like I'm from the Illuminati.

Three years later I have 5 CEO's calling me for coffee to talk about "recent news".

Most of my free time gets spent reading every news source, conspiracy theory and /biz/, Sup Forums and /x/ thread I can fit in my head and making up plausible yet controversial fiction and stick it to as many truthful details as possible.

A lot of if never gets used in anything, mostly just so these guys can feel like they know top secret shit, simple shit that's easily predicted often turns out to be true.

I always get cash, gifts, paid holidays and other shit for my work. I recently got a Porsche as a birthday gift, from one of the bosses.

Right now, apparently Russia is waging a secret economic war against China that NOBODY talks about since the US is somehow okay with it and it's driving up the price of gold in order to offset the rare earth market and weaken Chinese military production.

Now my clients are investing in Russia.

LOL

>lying about something that is verifiable

Here is a post about things that never happened

I half believe this because white collar people are dumb as stones. They believe very strongly in symbol rather than verification because that's their whole life (of course I'm qualified, I have this office; of course I belong here, I have this badge).

There's fudging and there's claiming to speak 2 languages you have no clue how to speak
dumb nigger

why would they hire you instead of a hb1 a brazillian or portuguese also what job was it >?

>starting on memorial day
6/10

Absolutely underrated. This should be the test for newfags.

Wow. Way to go Austria.

Honestly this. You could probably off shore your job somehow. Ask for a remote situation hire out the job and collect your paycheck. Once you have the method figured out basically start a company that will do this for other companies. Then go ndependent and tell your current client that you would like to bring them on as a client

They will know within the first hour, OP.

You can't fake linguistics bro, no shortcuts.

God damn it I'm jealous

I wouldn't call them dumb, they're just pampered to the point they're naive and most of all, incredibly fucking bored.

They don't even need the shit I tell them, they just want to know so they can feel like they're part of some kind of spy adventure, or so they can have something to keep their minds distracted from the constant static noise that fills their lives.

I do use my powers for good though, they're getting red-pilled and none of them or their employees are voting Hillary, that I can guarantee.

>Just graduated high school two weeks ago
>Applied to a grocery store today
>Interview on Monday despite having no references or experience
>No idea what I am in for
What do lads? Never had a job interview in my life, I don't even know what he'll ask.

>youtube.com/watch?v=CcJ8KuuhvBw
If you say so...

Kek

Kek

I'll take things that never happened for 400

google (captcha) is banned there

just look him square in the eye and give him a firm handshake

just b urself sport! ;)
worked for me 500 years ago during a economical boom so it will work for you today in the middle of a eternal recession!

It's a grocery store, the only requirement is being on good terms with the owner and if you have a good personality you're halfway there.

I'm french speaking, and judging by the quality of US french services you will fit right in.

If they ask you what your greatest weakness is, tell them "None that would apply to this job" or something along those lines. It's what I said when I got my first job in junior year of highschool and I got hired on the spot.

You are good. Just be clean, respectful and friendly. No one is expecting a big show and dance at a grocery store.

You brought it on yourself

I feel towards you the same way I feel towards brogrammers who bullied a smart person for code or women who abused their beta orbiters, at the detriment of their own education. Except in my case these types are preferred over types that actually excel in STEM, so the schaudenfraud is greater.

Tough shit, I hope you get outed and your name spread around communities as someone not to hire.

I love hearing about affirmative action babies get roasted by real life. If you profiteer pathological altruism, you deserve it.

-Don't act like a bitch.
-Don't act like you're bored of life.
-Keep a form face, smile when you have to smile, frown when you have to frown.
-Show optimism.
-Firm handshake.
-Speak clearly, loudly, like an adult.
-You don't have to wear a suit, just come dressed like a responsible person. (no t-shirts, no flip-flops, no fucking baggy jeans)
-Look people in the eyes and answer honestly.
-Show no embarrassment.

For a grocery store job this is actually very sound advice. Pretty much just did this for my first job, which was at a grocery store, and got hired stocking shelves.

These people are used to hiring retards to do this work. You have to try hard to fuck up an interview for this kind of job.

Op, you dolt! You lie about work experience, not fucking skills!

>hey, i'm an robotics engineer that designed the powerful xjW2; a prototype smart engine that can recalibrate its values based on data it's fed from sensors.
>doesn't actually know robotics

>says he uses his powers for good
>uses the term 'redpill' unironically

that's what so hilarious about your posts. it makes the claim that you're the best at being full of shit, yet you want us to believe your fantastical stories although you provide no real evidence.

>hey guys, i'm a liar
>pls believe me

It's always important to remember names and use them, even if only at the very end when you're thanking them for speaking with you and saying goodbye.
And be sure to close it at the end somehow, if not by thanking them and saying goodbye then some other way. They usually have no idea how to close a conversation and you don't want them to remember how awkward the end of the interview was.