Hey, Sup Forums. I'm feeling particularly disillusioned tonight with just about everything. Not too sure why, tonight's just a bad night, I guess.
I learned how to tie a noose, I have one in my closet. I've been debating on whether I want to use it or not. I might, who knows, I haven't really decided.
Anyway, I guess I just want to talk. What's up, /b? How's everyone else doing tonight?
I've had the urge to cut up my face for a few months now. I'm sure it will happen eventually, but so far I've been doing well to fight it off.
Sorry to hear you're having a shit night dude, hope it turns around for you. Remember things generally feel better in the morning, so don't make crazy decisions at the end of your day.
Great job op. Now try tying it in a half windsor, and then a full windsor. Aim to get the the point where you can do it with one hand.
You're on your way to become a classy knot tying guy,
What's wrong OP? wanna talk about your night?
Any particular reason why you feel the desire to do that? I've just recently began cutting my arm with my pocket knife when I'm frustrated. Which is garbage because I've had to help people stop doing that and it feels really weird to think that I was more adjusted ten years ago than I am now.
Thanks, man. I try to keep that in mind, but it's hard when thoughts like this are becoming more and more frequent, you know?
This is surprisingly uplifting advice, actually.
I don't know though, tying a noose was a pain in the ass. I don't think tying knots is the thing for me.
Dubz OP an heros
I don't know if there's anything really to talk about. I just have these thoughts and feelings a lot, which is weird because I feel like my life is pretty okay. I feel like all my bases are covered for what the average person aspires for to be content, but I still feel deeply unfulfilled.
Hey user, if you're lucky, you might just get your wish!
That's normal sadly. What an "average person" may want isn't exactly what you need. We all feel that way while we find out where we belong. But hang in there, user. Don't do anything rash. Everythings pointless but that works both ways! Everything's pointless so fuck it do something and try to enjoy yourself more.
I have them thoughts too man. Hell, I hooked up with a girl last night, had fun, and I still feel depressed as fuck. Still feel like I'm missing something in my life. Maybe I need an actual relationship. Ever tried exploring spirituality? I'm definitely not religious, but I do believe in a higher power. It might help. Meditation and all that. I always thought casual sex would help until I had it and found out it's just not what I thought it would be. Still fun, but what's life without relationships, you know?
When you feel sad for no apparent external reason, you might be depressed
rolling
I legitimately hate every last thing about myself. I don't have a solid answer, but I assume it's because I'm disgusted every time I look in the mirror, and causing that image pain somehow makes sense in my stupid head.
Well, I mean, my life is okay. I make enough money to pay my bills, I have a stunning girlfriend, I have plenty of friends who care about me, my family life is good and just... there's no real reason for me to feel the way I do. Which I know is okay, people feel the way they feel.
I don't know if it's about a sense of belonging. I'm a nihilist, so I don't believe anything matters anyways, lol. And yes, I subscribe 100% to that optimistic nihilism view. Nothing matters, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy life and enjoy things!
Nah, I'm an atheist. Spiritually isn't really for me, I've tried before and I've seen what it can do on both sides of the extremes and a lot inbetween.
I've never been too big on casual sex. I consider myself asexual honestly because I just don't enjoy sex very much, if at all. I thing it's really gross and tiresome and I don't even like actually having it, but I do like feeling good and making my partner feel good.
Oh, I'm definitely depressed. I was diagnosed when I was 16.
Yikes, I know that feeling, I'm sorry. Why do you feel that way about yourself, user?
Yo OP i'm the guy that wants you to an hero, i've done a bit of soul searching with lucid dreaming.
It's legit hard but i write down what i see and i try to decipher it, my goal is to find this really hot girl in this strip club and talk to her.
I'll try to remember everything i hear from her and try to decipher what that means in my subconscious.
What i've deciphered so far is that i have a big ego, i crave attention and i can't let go of the past and that doesn't let me move forward.
I still feel no inclenation to NOT an hero, cuz i'm on the same boat as you.
But understanding my depression/psyche is VERY scary, sometimes in these dreams i see literal monsters or immense vulnerabilities, literal manifestations of my depression.
Idk if it could help me, but understanding myself is kinda cool.
Hey! That's pretty great user. Like user said maybe you should look into depression. Even if you feel pretty good a legit therapist can help you deal with minor depression/being in a slump. Its good to hear you're in a pretty good place but if you're practicing nooses while you're happy-ish I'm afraid for you if things get stressful.
seems like you lost your self there. talked yourself in too deep.
i don't believe it to be as bad
I've locked myself in a room for the past 12 years and don't have a single accomplishment to my name. The only time I leave is for doctors appointments, which are about 3 times a year. I'm a financial drain on everyone around me and for some reason I can't "just change" as everyone suggests. I really do deserve to die, but I'm way too scared of everything (especially death) to actually rid my friends and family of this burden.
Understanding oneself is the coolest! I struggle constantly to do so, so I understand where you're coming from. I consider myself a pretty self-aware person, for the most part. I think that's part of why I feel the way I do 'cause like... I know I feel this way but I don't know why, besides just depression. But I want to know WHY I'm depressed. What makes my brain this way?
As for dreams, gosh, I wish I could lucid dream. I've tried so many times but I can never quite figure it out. I have a dream journal, I try to always write down my dreams but I can't always do. Especially lately as all I've been having is these really shitty dreams. They're not QUITE nightmares, but they're definitely not pleasant dreams.
"Why do you feel that way about yourself, user?" He is depressed, which is an chemical imbalance in the brain. There is no external reason for feeling sad.
Why your self, why not project that outward. Possibly politically.
but there is an internal cause
I've considered therapy, but I honestly just don't think there's anything a therapist can say to me that I haven't thought of myself a thousand times, a million times, over.
Aha, I wouldn't say that I practiced making a noose while I was happy, I was actually having a shitty day that day. It was about a week ago and it's just been sitting in my closet for... you know. Just in case. I used to keep a gun in my room for the exact same reason, but I moved elsewhere and couldn't bring my gun with me because where I live no isn't very gun-friendly compared to where I used to live.
Also, I definitely have depression.
I do that a lot, actually. I think too much and talk too much and... yeah.
Yikes. It sounds like we have quite a bit in common actually, user. I really, really feel you and I'm so sorry. That's the shittiest feeling.
honestly OP, if you're under 30 years old you haven't even experienced life. Better strap that ass lube on nice and thick because it gets much, much, MUCH better. Especially if you're white and male.
Yes, the chemical imbalance in the brain
I'm 25. I don't know, I've experienced quite a lot in my life, good and bad. I know there's a lot more to experience too, I just don't really know if I care enough to want to experience them.
What are some things you want to do user? I didn't do anything for years, after my gf left me I've been trying to go out of my way to see and do new things. Because what I've been doing for so long didn't work. Even if its hard its best to try to live and enjoy it.
No, seriously I shit you not its different. When you think it vs saying it to someone, especially someone whose trained in how it works mentally. I really think it might be good for you user.
Maybe you're right.
I don't know, isn't therapy expensive, too? I don't really have the money for that. I make enough money to pay my bills, but really not much else. I'm looking for a new job, but it's so much more difficult than I thought it would, even moving to a new, bigger city.
Lucid dreaming is frustrating and very scary sometimes.
You have to know how to discipline yourself, you should look at some videos about it.
For example i'm a novice but i lucid dreamt the first time i tried, then i failed for 5 days straight, i only had 2 and i think a couple of semi-lucid dreams were i had control but my conscious was not aware.
The first dream i saw the girl in the strip club (girl in pic) and she said she wanted to get to know me, i figure she's my desires.
But i got too excited and woke up.
The next lucid dream was weird because i stopped a shootout and there was this black girl who turned into a sheep cotton/a super fluffy dog, her dad was holding her with a gun and police tried to stop her.
I disarmed the gun and told him to stop because of his daughter, the cops arrested him, but the cop saw me trying to rearm it, he had a look in his eye like "don't do it".
I took the little girl home when i saw a crossroads with only a left and right road, there was a moon on both sides and its sides shifted as i looked either way, i looked to the left and it was a small moon,the right same thing.
Then i looked to the right and it was a HUGE moon, like literally touching the earth.
I tried to fly away or teleport like i did in my first dream but my powers were gone.
I woke up shortly, i still can't decipher that one.
I've been trying to lucid dream lately and the main thing is keeping a dream journal, but what I've found is that you need to do state of awareness checks during the day. That is, during the day, you just take a moment and ask yourself, am I awake or am I dreaming? You have to actually think on it for a second, and the best way to do that is read something, look away, then look back and if it's the same as it was before, you're awake. That's how I induce lucid dreams is I look at something in my dream and read it and I'll look away then look back and it changes, therefore I know I'm dreaming. It's pretty cool. I was flying and shit. Marijuana is terrible for lucid dreaming though, in case you're a smoker.
What about insurance user? Mental health is covered by a lot of plans now. Also depending on the job they may have something in place.
Even if its a bit pricey trust me, these feelings sneak up on you. It slowly twists and builds up. Help is proactive, its helping you think and feel more healthy.
oldfag reporting in. disregard this cocksmoker. it does not get better.
YOO thanks for that advice! that's actually really helpful user!
i usually try to just lie still and it's usually when i notice something in the dream that's off, like for example that little girl turning into a sheep/fluffy dog, the funny my first dream i actually felt being high, and the thing about it was that the dream weed made me realize i wasn't really high lol, then i woke up and ran and flew accross buildings.
I told this guy "YOOO I DID IT I'M DREAMING" and he looked at me like "you're dreaming user?" and i said "yeah..." then he tried to choke me, i kicked him and flew away.
That's when i went to the strip club, shit man lucid dreams are cool, the reality check is really cool man, i'm definitely gonna remember that.
This just makes me want to lucid dream more!! I think I might look up some videos on how to do it 'cause I'd really like to! I honestly think it would be healthier for me.
The place where I work doesn't have medical insurance. I think I've worked a grand total of one place that had medical insurance and I had to move states and away from that place.
All I have is basic health care that everyone has because I'm a poorfag.
I've been battling my depression basically by myself for years. Most of the time I can do pretty well, but it's just... this is a tiring battle. I know I can keep going, but the question is, do I really want to?
You can always try therapy. If however the chemical imbalance is severe, talking wont fix that.
>Do I really want too?
That's the problem man. Therapy, meds, if you think its pointless it'll just keep going. Be proactive man. I had poorfag insurance too until my current job. Look into it, figure out what your options are bud. Be proactive!
I'm not sure how severe it is.
But I mean, if it means anything, I'm not too concerned with how much my death would hurt my loved ones.
Don't get that twisted though, it's not like I WANT to hurt them. I lost a very close family member a few years ago and it still hurts. I understand completely how bad losing a loved one hurts, but I also know that you can live through it. Perhaps not pleasantly, but you do. Mostly because you don't really have a choice.
I think it's just that my desire to be free from suffering outweighs my desire not to hurt my loved ones.
I'm aware that suicide is an incredibly selfish thing to do, but I don't necessarily consider it a bad thing. I understand why people do it and I don't blame them, but I do wish they hadn't.
And yet, at the same time, I'm sitting here contemplating it myself.
I've been proactive enough to survive this long. It's just getting more difficult...
I think you're right though, user. Maybe I should get some help. I don't know if I will, but I probably should at least try.
Depression sucks I’ve been there. It gets better then worse then better then worse again. Getting fresh air, staying busy, being healthy, and time.
Life here is ok now, the year started off really shitty including detox and a broken foot. It all passes eventually.
It'll do you a lot of good, I think. It's not just good for your friends, gf and family, its good for you. You got a good thing going user, and you deserve to be happy.
may you provide some examples fine sir
Gotta day I agree. I’m this guy and I forgot to mention I got meds and a therapist and those made all the difference.
"It all passes eventually." Most people with depression do not automatically get better.
Ups and downs, user. Just like riding a fucking dick, lmao.
I think I get enough fresh air wafting through my fucking window. Honestly, I need to get some insulating things to put on my window so it's not so cold in my room, holy shit.
Eh, I'm not the kind of person who believes anybody deserves anything, good or bad. Part of my nihilistic philosophies, I guess.
Not that I tell anybody this if they're feeling down. I can bullshit my way through making people feel better. I considered being a therapist myself for a long, long time. Part of me still wants to.
Yeah, it's a process. And there are a lot of set-backs.
You're alive. And time is precious. Of course we all deserve to try to be happy. Also it sounds like you have a knack for helping people.
No not automatically. I did add meds therapy exercise and staying busy. I never said it was easy. It’s a motherfucker in fact. But treatment works and it does pass eventually.
Yeah, but I don't know if that necessarily means I'm - or anybody else is - entitled to happiness.
I like to say that helping people is all I'm really good at. It's mostly true. I've always enjoyed helping people and I try to do so as best as can as often as I can. My friends think I'm weird when I pull over and try to help people with the car issues (I'm not mechanic, so I'm not much help) or buy food/drinks for may-or-may-not-be people who ask me to outside of stores.
I'm the same way bud. Lifes hard enough so its good to do what we can for others.