Be me

>be me
>24yo femanon
>meet guy off tinder
>he's super cute
>possiblebf.jpeg
>he arrives over to my place with two bottles of wine
>he pulls a can of diet coke out of his jacket
>"for you" he says
>"oh... thanks"
>he walks in and starts rooting around in my kitchen for a corkscrew
>"do you need a corkscrew? it's in the drawer here"
>he opens a bottle and starts drinking from it, turns on my tv and starts watching Countdown
>i get a bottle of wine out of the fridge and pour a glass
>"Shared, 6" he says
>"Crashed, 7" i say
>"oh, well done" he says sarcastically
>i get both numbers rounds and the conundrum and by the end of the show he's opening the second bottle.
>we go the off licence when he finishes bottle two and he buys a bottle of jameson
>we're walking back to my place with him drinking from the bottle and handing it to me every few moments to swig
>we end up ducking into the park and kissing on a bunch
>some guy walks by with his dog off leash, who runs up to us
>"CONTROL YOUR FUCKING ANIMAL YOU FAT TWAT"
>he tries to punch the guy in the face but misses
>the guy runs off and my date sits down and puts his hand up my skirt
>"i'm gonna eat your gash off bitch"
>he gets down on his knees and pulls my knickers down
>starts eating me out, not very well, like a toddler eating an ice cream or something
>he suddenly vomits all over my crotch
>mfw

sounds awesome, mebbe we could tinder a bit, I promise I will wait and throw up on your face while I put my limp dickie in your nasty hole

My vagina isn't nasty

show tits

Proove its not nasty then OP
Also dont you vet your dates before meeting them on tinder? Or just go blind

he was cute

>femanon

fucking lol, more like this

I hope you learnt from the experience, he sounds like a massive self centered faggot. Cute or not

Fucking pepsi? You should have kicked that cunt out then

kek

/thread

OP you're from West Aus arent you

Sounds like marriage material, OP.

Good date, now u know the rules.. Tits or gtfo "femanon"

Where the fuck does this cunt get off like. Kik me. I would eat your pussy and not vomit all over you.

kik: PaddyJackOff

#ChivalryIsntDead

lurk moar
this thread is posted on an almost regular basis with different ones
i applaud OP if its all just one but at this point pretty sure its all just some good ole pasta

show bob and bagene

>shared 6
>Crashed 7

what did she mean by this?

She wouldn't care that you don't write well, if you were cute, post a selfie.

Don't you watch Countdown Sup Forumsro?

Shared is a 6 letter word
Crashed is a 7 letter word.

She beat him.

Tits or gtfo

Sorry I don't speak schizo

What the fuck is this? Facebook?
I don't post my face to chan because it's full of fags.

And yes I am including myself in that.

newcastle, england

Come to London, we can date

i hate london. last time i went to london i accidentally had sex with a girl

it is now that some degenerate alcoholic puked in it

Well bring her along.

And there are other places we can go.

don't be a sore loser, loser

>accidentally

...

i had a shower

>1998
>be me
>be 21
>meet cool, cute, weird chick, 17yo
>think i caught feels
>yeah i caught feels
>commence relationship
>almost woman of my dreams
>13 years relationship
>finally married in 2011

>2015
>start new job
>first day there, meet literal 10/10 woman of my dreams
Well clearly as gorgeous as she is, she's probably a boring normie bitch
>soon find out she's anything but
>after a year, realize i have feels for her
>but lol she's gay
>both married
>my marriage falling into rut
>weeks at a time of no sex
>house is a wreck
>we get along, but spark is gone, feel undesired
>besides, im fat ugly 38yo loser anyway
>meanwhile, really really really feel like dream woman is into me
>but lolno she's gay
>still really good friends tho

Cont...

wow you are really easy huh?

>2016
>leave a fucking note on her desk
>wtf is this, middle school?
"Some risks are worth taking."
>betamax to the max
>she asks if i know who left it
>lie at first
>finally admit
I'm flattered but I have a lot of emotional investment in my current relationship.
>interesting response......
>told her i was sure she was attracted to me
>lolno of course not
>agree to still be friends

>2017
>of course i still want to fuck her if nothing else
>meanwhile, nosex november at home
>all year round
>marriage is ok but kinda sucky
>talk to and hang out with dream woman more
>still just friends
>still can't shake the feeling she's into me

>last month
>dynamic starts to shift
>dream woman tells me she thinks about me a lot
>admits she schlicked while thinking of me
>!!!!!!!!!!
This doesn't mean I want to fuck you it anything. I don't want to lead you on.
>tell her i get it
>after all, we're both married
>and she's gay lol

>we walk more
>we talk more
>realize we're both attracted to each other
>says she just wants to fuck around
>ok why not?
>neither one of us are getting what we need at home
>we kiss
>we found more time to run off and do more "stuff"
>she realizes she has feels
>admit to myself i never stopped having them

Cont...

anymore drunken slut stories?

I'm not easy. I only go home with qt boys mostly

No date for me then? I'll be qt

post pic

I live in gateshead

Tl;dr
>Be wamen
>Find guy on Tinder
>Get drunk
>Walk in the park
>He tries to punch a fag walking by and fails
>Then he procedes to eat my pussy like an idiot
>He vomits in my cunt

>it's been at least a couple decades since she's even been with a guy
>be me
>be first guy she has ever had feelings for
>holy shit
>she shows me something
>the note from last year
>she kept it
>she fucking kept it
>this is not just an affair
>this is huge

>we are going to leave our wives
>she goes to visit family
>i go home
>try to give my wife a really good day it two before i give her the news
>sat night, tell her i can't stay married
>expected her to be like, yeah i get it
>instead, i have just ripped her heart out
>she says she'll let me go
>because she doesn't want me to suffer
>she's suffering
>feel really bad, but figure it's just sympathy

Cont...

>sunday morning
>wake up and realize im making huge mistake
>i had told wife that there was nothing she could do
>realize i had never tried to tell her what needed changing besides the sex
>start listing things
>she says ok
>why tf did i not communicate this shit before?
>decide to stay with wife
>realize i still love her so much
>she really is half my heart

>call dream woman
>bad news
>she doesn't take it well

>yesterday explain in person
>she thinks im making a mistake
>she only knows the selective truth i told her

>be me
>be 40
>have two women who want me
>i was always the fat ugly nerd loser
>no idea how i got here

>my marriage has just weathered the biggest storm ever
>me and wife are communicating like never before
>but i let the woman of my dreams down a path
>it could have been great
>we really were in love
>she kept the note
>in the 11th hour, i turned back to my wife
>who the fuck even am i?

Not on here.

Kik? Throwaway?

please don't call my vajayjay the c-word

Stay with her user.
But you're going to have to open up about the cheating to have a true honest relationship.also if wife decides you can fuck yourself just fall back on side hoe. Win win.

I asked her to take a risk.
And she took it.
And then I betrayed her.
No matter who I betray, I'm still at least somewhat of a dick.

exactly how did you clean your cunt?

Wife knows everything. She even figured out there was someone else and who it was. And she was like, "I don't blame you. She's really hot and she's a really awesome person. I'd understand if you ran off with her!"
But I really don't want to. Okay, that's not true. I do want to.
But I want what my wife and I have more, especially now that the lines of communication are open like they've never been.
There was so much I was afraid to talk to her about that I can now.
She loves me, and is still in love with me.
We have 19 years together.
I told dream woman, "If I'm the kind of guy who can piss away 19 years, am I really the guy you think I am?"

quit being a whore you slut

i'm just an ordinary girl looking for a qt bf

Then quit fucking on the first date whore

Post pic OP

Then get in touch!

Got a family? Else go with dream girl or the younger one of the two

Well you got the gold then honestly. Never leave that woman. My wife and I struggled for years with communication. But I'm glad we stick it through. I don't know what I'd do without her in my life now. (Even though there were times I wanted a do over so many times with someone else)

No family, other than unofficially "adopted kids" who are all college age at this point.
Wife is actually younger. Dream woman is about my age.

Disappointing, you should've had kids (assuming you're white).
How are the kids adopted?

Kids we've met through different activities. All teenagers when we meet them over the years, all either over 20 or approaching it now.

With the dream girl you could maybe have threeways. Hell marry both of them

Haha yeah no. Not gonna happen.

Take it from a married man, that triads are literally the best relationships out there, and this sounds like the perfect set up for one. Or are you larping?

Seriously, you have a wife willing to communicate your needs... and you have a hot lesbian that needs love and attention from a male and or female.

Bring up the possibility with your wife first, then go from there. Talk to your hot lover tell her you have real feelings for both of them, ones you've never had before slowly angle it to, your wife isn't jealous at all things she's as you said "super hot"- this will put a twinge of excitement into your new bitch.

Have her over for dinner and drinks. (Nothing greasy or messy) And a bottle of tequila.

You're fucking welcome amateur hour.

not with that attitude, you're fucking up the situation

This has literally been discussed in the past, with both women and in unrelated situations.

I'll be honest, the thought does appeal to me. And when I was trying to get dream woman to cheat with me, I lied and told her I was in an open marriage.
I later admitted that was a lie.

But the topic of threesomes has come up and I've genuinely never been interested in one.

That being said....... Fuckin A..... It would be pretty fucking great.

I know my wife wouldn't go for it. If you saw the two of them, you'd think my wife was the lesbian, but she is 100% hetero.

I like the idea, and maybe I could broach the subject with them. I mean, everything today l else that's happened was so far out of reality, I guess this could happen.

But each one has said things to the effect of "I'm selfish, and I want my partner/lover all to myself."

But she was willing to cheat with me, so..........

Fuck, I'm so confused.

*everything else that's happened

No idea what my phone is up to right now.

>But the topic of threesomes has come up and I've genuinely never been interested in one.
are you gay?

Stale bait fag

>be me
>don't want dick
>only want pussy
>just one pussy at a time
>somehow gay

Nah, I get what you're saying. But....

Threesomes aren't that geat tbh.

On the other hand, as another user suggested, if you can get both women and manage a triad, you might be able to make everyone happy and not regret anything. But i'ts probably going to be hard as fuck to figure out. I mean, you know how hard a "normal" couple is to really figure out, and we've been prepped for that shit since we're kids. If you feel up for the challenge and they agree with it, go for it.
If not, stay with your wife. Time is important, especially if you're happier with her now.

>who the fuck even am i?
See: >i was always the fat ugly nerd loser

youza lil bit, you had the chance to start a relationship with a new person you liked instead you stay with the woman you don't even love
>looks for change
>it happens over years
>takes but the last step to start journey but pulls back

>no timestamp+tits
>70 replies
>the new Sup Forums btw
also sage

>threesome
Oh dear god, my poor poor boy-er 38 year old man child.
Okay, ok, just take a deep breath... clear your mind. Never used the word threesome again okay? Like ever, it's like a warning flag to a sober females brain.
Learn this word,
>Triad
>TRIAD

You got it? Say that word. Learn about it, learn about interesting stupid little quips and facts females would like to learn about, and COMMUNICATE honestly with your wife about it, saying you were looking for guidance and this came about online and you felt some comfort from it, ask if she could look into it herself think of some pros and cons about it, talk with you about.

That's how you go about that. Make it a real thing, not just some one of fantasy you mook.

Failing that, and if you're going for broke, tell your lover you want to fuck her infront of your wife, see if she's down for some good old fashion cuckqueening. But it might be a bit advanced for you.

Love my Sup Forumsros, so I'm trying to help you here man.

This

Make a kid or 2 you twat

This relationship wizard just got a run of doubles. What could it mean?

"I don't blame you. She's really hot and she's a really awesome person. I'd understand if you ran off with her!"
Clearly a inferiority complex, this girl needs a lead, but you fatfuck, ain't providing it, so just let her go man, get dream girl wtf

>the woman you don't even love

But that's where you're wrong.
I do love her. I always have.

Dream woman loves her wife too.
We have had this discussion.

And I am still IN love with my wife too.

Things don't stay fresh and magical for almost 20 years. You have to work at them.

But honestly, you guys who have been talking about triads, etc, you've seriously for the wheels in my head turning for the first time in like..... Ever.

i love countdown

>implying i couldn't have left out any info that would change your opinion
>implying you grasp the entirety of the conversation based on the few lines i gave you

y tho?

You morons are so sheep. Net neutrality is an awful thing and should be done away with. It's hurting companies that want nothing more but the best for you idiots but instead you bitch

Take my advice, I got double dubs. Even if it doesn't work out, it'll help you out with your communication issues. If she's not for it at all she'll shut it down pretty fucking fast.

If lesbian is into cuckqueening or triad she might jump on something new and exciting. Best of all if dreamgirl wakes up to be a nightmare or moves on, you and your wife will be stronger for experiencing that together.

>implying i couldn't have left out any info that would change your opinion
>implying you did

>>implying you grasp the entirety of the conversation based on the few lines i gave you
>Implying i did

Dude.... Been here since '07.
I have never been so influenced by the words of one of my Sup Forumsros, but holy shit........ I'm actually considering this.

>implying an onslaught of meme arrows will change either of our minds

>talkin on some shit
>off by one
AHAHAHAH

These are by far the best threads on this site now

Guess I'll just go listen to Lincoln Park...

what,s there to continue you ungrateful fat shit.

This can't be fuckin real, if it is, you need to show how ugly you are or buy a fuckin gun

I'm just a normal girl looking for a qt bf. It's hard out there

enlighten us, what's the right way to eat pussy?

Either that or: tits or gtfo

Well what the fuck do you use tinder for? That shit's full of cancer, you need to actually physically meet someone, like at a house party or even at a casual bar NOT A CLUB. You can't bother with guys that are all over you once you first meet them either, you need to take it slow, and actually get to know someone before you actually try to get make them boyfriend status

Your pussy stunk so bad he puked lol.

fuck off seth rogan, we dont like you.

>ordinary girl
>triplechins

>NOT A CLUB

Exactly. The club isn't the best place to find a lover, so the bar is where I go.

Fucking wtf? I'm confuse.

i'm dead

That reminds me of the time with me and my friends at the table doing shots, drinking fast and then we talk slow.