Stupid things you did or thought when you were a kid

stupid things you did or thought when you were a kid

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no

i thought it would be hard to get laid when i was an adult. i thought i would easily become rich.

your mom, op. your mom.

i thought a cemetery was called that because all the grave markers were made of cement.

I thought once I was an adult, things would get easier, and I'd be able to do whatever I wanted without anyone stopping me.

we all thought that man

Jerked off behind the couch in front of my family and literally no-one knew or knows i jerked/jerk off

Motherfucker looks like a klingon

Kids have no idea how much shit they could get away with if they play the situation right.

>trusted adults as being right 100% of the time
>was a Christian
>believed Pokemon was real, as evidenced by the abundance of animals in the world
>believed Mortal Kombat was Chinese history
>had a 'booger-wall'
Just to name a few.

I know.
Unfortunately, unlike most other people, I had to spend some time in the big house before the part about not being able to literally do whatever I wanted finally sunk in.
If I could go back in time 20 years, I'd smack the shit out of myself for being a dumbass and fucking up what should have been one of the best parts of my life.

I once got drunk and took E and I shit diarea into my own pants.
I then took them off and fell asleep naked.
I have a small willy, so it was pretty embaresing.

That black people, on average, were just as good as white people on average.

I grew up in an area with a black population less than .1%. In my high school of a couple thousand I knew of maybe 4. They acted "white".

I believed all the shit about skin color being the only difference. For example I thought that IQ was, on average, the same; despite all the scientific evidence with high macro predictability to the contrary, even with nature taken into effect.


Then I moved to Florida.

im sorry you went through that

>no-one knows i jerk off
You have a dad, right? He knows you jerk off.
Pretty much every man who is old enough to do it knows that pretty much every other man jerks off. It's what we do.

I think, before age 5, many people did.

I thought heaven and hell were real

Brother and a dad i pose as i dont care about sex or anything of that nature and when i jerk off i go to the bathroom for like 30 min and they think i just look at memes

I thought it wasn't the Jews, can you believe it?

i thought sex was illegal for a bit

>and they think i just look at memes
see this is your mistake

Same here, except I moved to Atlanta.
I was kind of racist before I went there, but the lovely African-Americans of the Jewel of the south seemed to be bending over backwards to help push me over the edge into full-blown, nigger hating racism.

Similar

I thought adults, by and large, were shit idiots who lacked basic common sense and were hypocritical af. I thought if I got into a good field like law or being a doctor, business major, etc. I could finally be with people like me.

Turns out a title means nothing, and every field has a very high chance of being stocked with idiots.

>they think i just look at memes
Trust me, they know what you're doing in there.

I thought my dad was black because he was tan af from being a farmer and I never saw his white skin until I was like 7.

My parents were Catholics, but weren't very religious, and we never attended church or talked about religion. But they insisted that every time I lied, it burned Jesus as if by fire. They'd look at me sternly and say, "user, are you lying, user? Because you know if you lie, you're burning Jesus."

I didn't know who this Jesus guy was, but with the amount I lied I was terrified that he was looking for me to kill me. "WHERE IS THAT LITTLE BASTARD WHO KEEPS BURNING ME?!"

I was lol so racist thanks to going to Sup Forums in early '05 (friend was a frequent user of SA). I was also 12....Anyway I was mostly insincere. I saw some good evidence but I thought people were being hyperbolic. I was proud of "seeing the truth" and not being racist like the generation before me.

Reality is a bitch.

Balrog?

Fucking kek.

My family is basically brain dead they lack a lot of common sense they haven't called me out for the 5 years ive been jerking off

shoenice22's kid?

>Be me
>Be 15
>The whole shaving a line in your eyebrow thing was a thing.
>I tried.
>I fucked it up so i shaved the whole bitch off.
>Rocked one single eyebrow for like 6 weeks.

>people like me
This is another mistake I made. I've only ever found one person I would consider "like me", and his mother and I had to create him.

>thought i would never have to work hard cause wunderkind
>believed the tv when it told me the hottest thing a dude could be is sensitive/fair/smart

ok with those out of the way here's some fun shit

>be ~14 sister is 12/13 neighbor boys are ~10 and ~9
>place opaque vessel over neighbors' heads
>wrap them up with ropes and scarves
>lead them to the woods
>"guys, we're on another planet."

>be ~13
>female neigbbor ~12
>saw hypnosis on daytime talkshows
>talk to friend about hypnosis
>"hypnotize me user"
>closes eyes
>"you're lying on your back floating in a stream"
>user totally hypnotizes her
>goes home

>be ~13
>same friend
>only kid on block with a PC
>windows 95
>windat
>record speech
>reverse
>record again trying to say it backwards
>reverse
>endless lulz

>be ~14
>steal $5 pots/pstn flip phone from radioshack
>spray paint black
>2 AM
>open phone can down the street
>run twisted pair 40 feet into shade of tree (streetlight)
>make prank phone calls all night on someone else's phone line
>discover three girls' porch slumber party 200 ft away
>try to impress them with 1337 phreaking skillz
>nope.jpg

Very fuckin edgy

Also you're retarded.

>called me out

What? Why would they? What?

Me too but TBH I wouldn't change it if I had a time machine.
I also suffred the same fate on a boat.
I was drunk as fuck and i'd bought this lad beer.
However I'd recently kicked one of his mates in the face whilst he was on the floor.
We was in rooms next to each other and whilst I was putting my key card in the slot he cold clocked me and knocked me out.
I was passed out in the corridor and they pulled my trouses down.
My mate found me and took me inside.
I didn't know eny of this happned untill the next morning.

Well shit. I found a few. 1 pretty close (friend I met in 3rd grade. Still live by him) and a small handful close but not so close.

But I am about to have a son so that's cool.

>Reality is a bitch.
Yes. stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.
And when you live somewhere with a bunch of niggers, they absolutely will not hesitate to prove every single one of them true.
I moved back up north after about a year of dealing with that shit, and we have niggers here, but they act so much different than the southern niggers, you'd think they were a different species or something.

I said.... "SAO is good."

Have you ever met black people from the suburbs? Or from rich neighborhoods? Black people in the hood act ghetto because to them that is normal. Blacks from affluent or well off neighborhoods don't act that way. I really truly hope you and that other user will learn soon enough but Sup Forums has already bent your brains so who knows

>every field has a very high chance of being stocked with idiots
And, surprise surprise, this is not only true, but is also not age-restrictive.

...wat?

>"Or from rich neighborhoods?"
You mean rich *hoods*

Well and the fact that i jerk it at like 1 am when everyone is asleep but they would call me out because im white and white people like drama

>i thought i would easily become rich.
yes! didn't even really sink in until my mid twenties..
>Turns out a title means nothing, and every field has a very high chance of being stocked with idiots.
yep. i've interviewed like 80 "software developers" and only like three of them had any idea what they are doing
>...wat?
to which part?

>Black people in the hood act ghetto because to them that is normal
yeah. there are white neighborhoods like this, too.

that would I git gud

Horseshit
I live in a town of 2500 in nowhere Oklahoma, and niggers still act like niggers out here, other than they love to ride horses.

>you'd think they were a different species or something
if you were a pre-modern human who believed the earth was flat and gods made earthquakes

>affluent
>nowhere Oklahoma

Black people were really monkeys trying to live a more civilized life.
Man was I wrong

You clearly don't live around them. I'm not saying all, or even most are utter shit. But at least 1 in 5 are far worse than the vast majority of white people.

Example: I need my lawn mowed. Guy offers to do it. My only condition: Be here after 12 am because neighbors have night shift. Fucks up twice, I tell him each time to stop that shit. On the third I only pay him half. He cut my water lines.


Another: I go to a park. One is fishing under a no fishing sign. I say hey, you're not supposed to be fishing here.

He pulled a fucking gun. Hell, brandished it in his waistband but still wtf.

All the time they park in handicapped spots/fire-lanes in front of stores. 80% of the time when someone is walking in the wrong door, it is a black person. If you ever get annoyed they either call you racist ("I don't see you giving shit to any of the white people here"! Well no shit, they arn't doing it) or threaten you. An advanced autoparts store down the road has been robbed 19 times in the last year. 100% black. Black population here is about 18%.

Friend worked at winn-dixie. I can't tell you how many times parents tell their kids to take the pre-cooked fried chicken and eat what they can before they are done shopping. Most of the time they leave half eaten food on the shelves. He's the manager. 128 caught incidents (not that they can do anything. 4 were white people.

Many times you see black moms drop their infants and pick them up without missing a beat.

Over 70% are raised in fatherless homes.


I can go on and on and on.

The first two bits.

>Well, brandished it*

>128 caught incidents of theft*
Fuck.

Bummer.

The guy that trained me for my first on paper job was someone I went to high school with but never seen or met.

I will die for the that fucking guy. Got along great, experienced the same stuff, had similiar personalities and interests; and we both worked hard. Great stuff.

I concur.
I run an auto repair shop, and you would not believe the amount of people I've had come looking for a job who said they either had experience or training fixing cars, only for me to find out they didn't know anywhere near as much as they claimed.
I mean, fixing cars isn't exactly hard, and with the right amount of training, just about anyone can do it, but Jesus, were some of these assholes stupid.

What? You honestly sound 14.

Are you high?

Nope, im 18 im just a fat body with no big titty goth gf

No really a kid but when I was like 15 I used to bore holes into watermelons and fuck them, done this once a week for like 3 years till I lost my virginity at age 18.

>to which part?
Everything honestly.

Different user.

I didn't personally do this but a close friend did.

He would always repeat literally everything he said in a whisper back to himself to make sure that he didn't accidentally swear.

I didn't get high or drink until my early 20s.

I think I just had an overactive imagination.

youtube.com/watch?v=bCTj0TgyGH8

I'm black and I live in a majority black neighborhood that is middle class and not the hood. I know what I'm talking about. Some people are shitty people, and you blame it on them being black because their skin is the first thing you see, and therefore have prejudice about anything they may do.

And you're on Sup Forums which is just an echo chamber of racism. You're sleeping your whole world view here.

Also don't you think growing up in fatherless, impoverished homes has some effect on people's actions? It's a cycle user. It's not literally because we have dark skin

Since the turn signals would always come on without my mother's hands leaving the steering wheel, I thought the car knew where we wanted to go and my mother just turned whenever the turn signals told her to.

Kinda ironic that's actually how most people drive these days.

I'm not saying I don't have any good friends, just that I've never met anyone that is truly like me, until my son came along.
He's 14, second oldest, and he is exactly like I was at his age, in virtually every way. And I worry about him the most, because I know what's in store for him if he continues to walk the same path I did, and it ain't good.
I try to guide him in a better direction, but at the same time, I feel like I'm alienating him, because I know how I felt at that age, and I don't want him to resent me like I do my dad and the cunt he's married to.

How is it?

Describe it in detail.

I "punched" a window for my cat

Where is your shop?

After the holidays I'm done being a butcher with my shit ass manager.
I know a bit about cars and the way around a toolbox.

thank you

explain

why do black people commit the majority of violent crimes?

>yep. i've interviewed like 80 "software developers" and only like three of them had any idea what they are doing
I'd also like to point out I'm not THAT smart. IQ was ~ 145. Which is good, but not great. But I'm talking basic stuff.

For example my mom who lives states away had painful spots. I said it was probably shingles. Two weeks she sees 4 doctors. All run tests. Can't figure it out.
She goes to a 5th and before even asking her name asks what she is doing for those shingles.

Her husband had long-term bleeding with stool (bright), diet had no effect. I said warning sign of cancer. 3 years of doctors later, they have no clue. A few months ago he was in so much pain he had to go to the ER. He will be dead within 3 years if he's lucky.

And not even shit like that. I had some medication. It was supposed to be 60. I got 6. Twice. On the 3rd time the head doctor (not the nurse practitioner) double checked it himself.

I got 4.


I said some shit to someone, someone overheard. This was in HS. Anyway some guy took offense and punched me, so I punched him (In a state where you can't do that unless yo've attacked 3 times while fleeing) Got an lawyer (well attorney was his preferred title). He met with the state. HIS account was "I told them he attacked you first, but then they told me you said something mean so I had to ask for a plea bargain.". Fucking faggots the lot of 'em.
Oh, last one. My wife had a partnership LLC.

PARTNERSHIP. 4 "tax professionals" (including one of mine), 3 of the "block advisers" branch told her partner she could file as a sole owner (schedule c). OF A PARTNERSHIP. So she wouldn't give her info for the 1065. Now he have 23 thousand in fines and a legal battle. Oh, and H&R blocks "peace of mind" does not cover business taxes, despite what we were told.

damn nigga you old
windat gave me the feels...

Northwest Ohio. But we're full up at the moment, my stupid boss decided to put his stupid nephew to work, and I know he won't let me fire that fucker, even though he's more retarded than all of Sup Forums combined. I'm seriously thinking of finding a different job after the first of the year.

Used to think girls peed out of there butts

This.

I grew up in a multi cultural neighborhood. White's being the minority so I had black friends because you need friends.

I for about a year I worked with a horrible black coworker and mexican coworker directly.

They were so shit by the time I quit I was a full fledged racist.

I microwaved cotton candy and then touched it. it burned a hole in my finger

hahaha... yeah people DO drive this way!

seriously, I used Uber + Lyft ten times a week for two years for work commute.

I live in a house on a corner and my driveway connects to both streets my house is adjacent to. I think the machine vision algorithms identify the wrong side as the "driveway entrance" because on that side it's closer to a regular driveway width.

The front of my house CLEARLY points toward the more accessible of the two intersecting streets.

Even if I am standing in my driveway, drivers will go right past me and pull onto the OTHER street of this intersection, which is a dead end.

This happens more than 3/4s of the time.

What happens about 1/4 is even funnier.

When they get to the EXACT spot the computer told them to get to, then they finally look up, and because they are literally responding to their navigation program the way a fish brain robot to light sources, they go "I am not exactly in front of a house. I will press the gas pedal now until I get in front of a house." And then they are in front of another house, which isn't my house, because my address isn't even on that fucking street.

Kek. I used to think it came out of their vagina, until I got a gf and started asking questions.

No, I blame it on them because MOST of the time, even in Naples, when someone fucks up it's almost always black people. Again, it was moving around them that made me this way, not Sup Forums.

Mind you I do not think it's entirely genetic. The lower IQ ON AVERAGE is a genetic factor, but the rampant "anti-white/thug" culture is likely a much bigger one.

This was a severe culture shock vs. Colorado. This wasn't a minor thing.

Thought drugs looked like spiked shells from Mario.

...and so does the lord.

That's what you get for getting your taxes done by a walmart cashier at H&R Block.

Real genius you are.

Because ghetto culture is pervasive and impossible not to grow up in and be raised by if you're born in it. A bunch of kids with broke families, no money, and surrounded by drugs and gangs, and you expect them to turn out like you did? To those people, violent crime is normalized.

Statistics are nice and all. But If you don't see how this is as a complex, violent cycle, and would rather just call people niggers on Sup Forums then this issue is going nowhere.

i thought things would get better as i grew up, what an idiot...

You sound retarded

It was actually really good, it's similar to a pussy except tighter because I was making the hole to perfectly accomodate my cock, I'd imagine if I had heated up the watermelon it would feel fucking epic, to this day I can't look at a watermelon without feeling extremely ashamed, cringey and just a tiny bit turned on all at the same time

>Also don't you think growing up in fatherless, impoverished homes has some effect on people's actions?


Yes, which is why I mentioned it. I do not think having black skin (something alone I don't think accounts for anything) is the only reason. Race is A reason, but not THE reason.

ha

The best thing to do is take an empathetic tone saying; I know how you feel, I felt the same things you do, I know you think things will be different for yourself but I want the best for you and I know the world. Hobbies are important-- teaching him things you know will build a bond that if it doesn't fruition immediately will leave a resounding impact. I honor my father for that.

have another go at it for old times sake

maybe we can do it together user and give eachother a sick high five while we're doing it

>be 8 or 6
>get obsessed with any subject after watching a film about it
>watch jurassic park, obsessed with dinosaurs.
> One day watch signs.Get obsessed with aliens I took this obsession to a next level. I mean i start to pretend that i can see shit in the sky and hear them when i go to sleep.
> one day decide to make a device to talk to them
>get a busted up headset from my dad and tape them to a busted up cheap cellphone
>stick a bunch of wires, coins and batteries to it, to make it seen futuristic and cool
>go to my room and put on the headset and tape the wires on my chest and forehead
>i start to pretend that i´m talking to the aliens and start making noises as if i´m talking in another language
>for a moment i actually believe it. I start making weird noises and moving my eyes all crazy and spitting as if i´m having a seizure.
> the device falls apart.
>i try to put it back together
>i can´t get it back to it´s original state
> aliens won´t answer anymore
> go the living room and throw it against the wall
>start crying
>mom comes in and hugs me and asks me why i´m crying
>can´t tell her, this must be kept top secret
> Tell he "Because nobody loves me" and cry even harder.

Never said I was a genius. In fact I was saying I am not that smart compared to many people. And again, this was at the block advisers (the business) branch which had as good of ratings as any other "tax professional" in my area for small to large establishments (so not personal taxes). The Walmart people (who are not even H&R), like the normal H&R people are as trained as turbotax.com

That I'd be able to just quit smoking any time I wanted to. 20 years later, I finally did, but only by switching to vaping, which I'm currently trying to quit, because I don't want to be associated with the vape "culture" faggots. If I'd have known about that shit, I'd have just kept on smoking.

Meh, don't care. I just wish people who had jobs deserved them.