So I cut the fuck outta my right arm...

So I cut the fuck outta my right arm. Which is of course embarrassing and it hurts quite a lot (It will for a week or so.)

My question though: Should I tell my therapist about this? I don't know what I would say. I don't know the feelings I had when I did it, I don't even know why I did it, and I don't want to end up in the crisis unit in ER just cause I might "Harm myself or others."

Not really sure what to do. Seems like a good thing to tell him cause it should theoretically help my progress but what if it fucked me way hard. I'm just not sure.

Don’t say anything if it won’t help, smoke some weed and do a line and figure yourself out man. Oh and check em

I can't smoke weed cause I actually...work in the ER. That's especially why I don't want to end up there. They do random drug tests (even for the lowest rung of the ladder) so I can't do anything but drink until I'm almost dead.

That's what a therapist is for. If you aren't willing to be open with them you're just wasting your time. Tell them.

Get a different drug, I don’t fuck with alcohol it’s the worst drug for me, actually made my heart stop for three minutes, got defibbed at the hospital, shit is poison

I know but I'm already so ashamed of it. I wasn't in a good state of mind when I did it. Usually I am when I talk to him and so I don't want to make them think things are bad when maybe they aren't really.

This is the second time I've fucked my arm this bad but it only happens occasionally.

Make sure you're bleeding and cut and do it when your therapist is at home. During their normal hours they don't take anything serious and are usually drunk. Find out where your therapist lives and show up bleeding at 2AM when they're most open to listening. Make sure you rub any blood all over your face and kick their door in to excentuate the emergency nature. Also let them know you're giving them the your full attention and appointment by screaming "you're next in line."

Yeah but you aren't alone in this. Your therapist most likely talks to cutters on the daily. They aren't going to judge you. That's like being embarrassed to tell your doctor you have a cold. You can do it!

There's literally nothing else I can do but that. I know I'm gonna die early because I drink too much but that's all I can do because apparently weed is evil.

I just don't even know anymore. It's almost too much y'know? Knowing that you're killing yourself makes things somewhat worse.

I don't have the strength to just end it all but I can do it by drinking myself to death.

When my grandparents die I'll be okay to finally go away. They are really my only attachment to earth honestly.

I can't tell my therapist that though. I might lose my job and I might be thrown in a bad place where I have no freedom and then I'd have no money. It's all just...maybe bad.

I can't lose my whole life (It's a shitty one but It coulse always be worse) just because I told somebody a thing. That could be really really bad.

They're supposed to keep everything confidential unless you say you are going to harm someone.

I thought that if you presented a percent chance of hurting yourself they would say something as well.

I have to be careful cause I think about killing myself daily. I can't say that though cause then he'd report it...then I'd be fucked.

Only if you say you seriously intend to do it. Just don't say something like "I'm going to kill myself next week". Instead say it like "Sometimes I feel like lifes not worth living"

mushrooms buddy

yeah that's pretty much what I thought. I need to keep this shit inside because 1) Nobody cares, people have it harder than I do, I need to buck the fuck up and just keep going. And 2) Nobody gives a shit if I do it or not. I can't get that out of my head though. I need to do things the way other people want. I'm not an individual. I need to do things you want me to do. I'm a robot or a monster, not a human.

Or maybe try the suicide hotline if you seriously aren't going to tell your therapist.

do you feel like you may harm yourself again in the future? then tell your the-rapist. you might get committed, but that's what happens when you're fucked in the head and a danger to yourself. if you don't really want help, then just get it over with and an hero.. don't hurt any other innocent people, but hey if you manage to take some evil fuck(s) with you on your way out, good job user

Imagine life where you don't even consider that you have favorite things. Where you don't just speak your mind, or say what you think right off the bat. Imagine that magical day when you realize you DO have favorite things but god FORBID you tell other people. They don't give a shit. You can't scream and shout it because you don't deserve it. Stop talking. Nobody cares. You aren't good at anything. Seriously just stop. Why would anybody give one shit why you care about this thing. Just stop talking.

It's literally a torture that I feel like (yes many here can understand) but the general public. I mean JESUS It's easier to just go away. Couple that with the fact that you want to be creative..it's just no. it's all no. Everything is no. You are constricted. Fuck you for thinking this story everbody has done it. Stop it. You suck, there's nothing about you, stop. It's just...god damn.

I'm far away from the original thing though. I understand that they are supposed to be confidential but still. What if though.

Also Mushrooms might be detected in a hospital environment where I couldn't try it.

nice trippy-dips but no I've heard hotlines don't even give a one fuck about you. Mostly bored teenagers.

nah but fun stuff though. Nice thought.

No. They will report things if they suspect you will. The bar is far lower. IE, if a pedo goes to a therapist and mentions being one for help, they will contact authorities asap, because they view it as implicit. Therapists are not safe spaces to discuss high risk problems. They are a non safe place that helps deal with low risk problems.

The fact that I know the people who would be treating me and also the fact that I could never get a job in medical again really freaks me out. Even though I don't care about medical but my family does. I need to be a nurse. I need to get a degree and get nursing and if I get commuted goodbye that.....

if you're unstable and self harming you don't really belong in the medical field. sorry but that's the truth. i was an emt, then paramedic, then worked as an RN for awhile. the medical field is a high stress environment, which you know already if that is your job, and it will break someone down even further if they already are suffering from depression , anxiety, etc..

not to mention you will be putting other people at risk if you make a mistake / fuck up from your inability to focus or manage a situation due to mental issues.

the idea is to fix it though. Plus I never EVER bring my problems into work. I'd die before I do that. I will always be kind and respectful to people and do whatever I can to make them feel comfortable and well. I will do anything possible to do my absoulte best. Which means leaving my problems at home because I'm worthless and other people are worth everything. I would never do anything to hurt anyone or make them feel bad. I will always strive to make other people feel good and worthwhile because I believe they are.

Just not the other way around. Imagine it a robot worked for a Disney theme park...that's me.

See?! I get it. It's fine to be this forgetfull. Thank you for reassuring me. I won't be telling him this shit. Becuase if you guys think I belong in a clinic who KNOWS where the fuck he wants me.

no one's innocent friend. Most time those who die in murder suicides are people who have deeply wronged the suicidal.

...

on one hand people are valuable and awesome. They have potential and can do wonders for the world. On the other, fuck 'em. They are nothing. Selfish and needy, they make me so fucking mad. They can die for all I care. Don't care about blood or friends or whatever. I'd kill 'em if I had to or needed to. I have no attachements. I can stop talking to anyone and not give a shit. Fuck it all, it's worthless. I don't give it. Give me some alcohol, let me blur it into oblivion. Sadly no weed but yes to the effects. I'm done done done done done done done done. I hate it. IT's all a huge lie and fuck it. I'm done.l

If you are sincere about what you said then the world needs you. You're a good person and your like are hard to come by. However, hiding your feelings and your problems is not good, you need to heal, to improve yourself so you can help people more.

You are also contradicting yourself, you can't call yourself worthless when you're working for the benefit of people.

Look people are only bad on the surface, youre thinking too much and your mind is filled with these fallicies.

that's a nice intention, but you're telling yourself fairy tales. if you have a serious mental health condition, it's not something you can just turn off or on when you go to work or leave to go home. don't lie to yourself. that being said, mental illness can be treated and overcome, best of luck with that. however it sounds like you are hiding your problems from your therapist and not seeking the treatment necessary to improve.

That's all I know. That's how I was raised. It's not but that's what my mind says. It's wrong, but it knows best y'know?

I know but the mind wins in the end

No I won't ever betray the way things need to be. If someone said to contain all of it for the next 50 years for this one person I'd do it. I don't care about myself. Other people are so much more important. They need to empowered because life is so hard and can suck, they need to know that everything will be okay. Life doesn't have to be endless suffering, there's other reasons to go on. There's good things all around. I just don't want anything to do with them really. And the world won't miss me all that much. My department for a few months but then things will go back to normal. It's fine. I personally can go away because I don't think andybody really cares. They'd go to my funeral and say "He was a hard worker." But that's pretty much it.

That's fine right. I can leave with that right?! But my grandparents would be destroyed so I have to wait for them to leave..

if you want to have any progress in your mental health, you need to be honest about self-destruction like this.

you need to try to let go of any shame when seeing therapy. if you keep things hidden from your therapist, you're keeping them from doing their job and you're hindering your own growth.

p.s theyve seen damn near everything and if they're competent and compassionate they'll work with you, not shame you.

the butterinesss of the removal is so satisfying.

What happens if I tell him and I end up in bad land and lose my job and now everyone hates me and It sucks cause I can't move out of new-baby aparmtent.

That wouild just be bad bad bad. Yes It's good normally bnut right now no. I'm healthy. Wanting to die is healthy im done fuck it im done im done im done im done im done ive always been done fuck you fuck you fuck you im done fuck you im donme no fuck you im done no more. fuck it she is cool yeah thats cool but not im done fuck it the dogs yeah yes feed but no done yes im done no the dogs you must stay the dogs yes done yes no the dogs yes the dogs dogs dogs yes the dogs fegbuaray you ca n be done

you have to be a clear and present danger to yourself or others to be committed.
self-harm like cutting isn't usually seen as that.

but about those dogs tho.

This.
This will fix you up. :)

nah the dogs are fine. I would never hurt them and taking care of them is the only thing other than doing a good job at work. Nothing else compares


I would REALLLLLy like to die though. That'd be neat.

I cut myself but it was nothing big because I'm a pussy. I told my therapist and didn't get reported because I didn't really want to kill myself while cutting. I was just really stressed. Yeah it was along the vein but pretty shallow. if you need medical attention for it, you might be reported just because he wants you to get treated. I've been in a psychiatric hospital after overdosing and it wasn't the nightmare I expected. I've heard of lower quality ones but I got to go to a pretty good one. it actually helped me a lot because I got a better suited prescription and got help getting insurance. but I didn't have a job to go back to.

I will care if you choose to end your life. Depression or whatever you're suffering from distorts thinking. your view of the world might be inaccurate, even if it seems certain.

you have value. every person has value. it's not just because you help other or care about your grandparents, but you matter because you have worth as a human being.

it can be hard to believe, but your life is precious.