Anyone work in a hospital? Got any good stories?

Anyone work in a hospital? Got any good stories?

>work in hospital
>boiler guy
>work nights so have to take care of maintenance type calls as well
>plunging toilets
Pic related
>waking thru lobby one night going to get a coffee
>see mama June ham planet run into bathroom looking pretty freaked out.
>on way back from getting coffee, smell pic related from literally 50 feet away.
>smells worse than it looks
>peek my head in door
>see pic related
>gotta get a picture of this shit
>laugh all the way to environmental services office and tell them to clean it up

I got much worse if anyone wants to keep the thread going

Moar

There's several psych areas where I work. Was told at orientation if they attack you, you're supposed to curl up into fetal position. If you fight back you're fired. Nurses all sit in a nice enclosed nurses station. Wont get off their fat asses to accompany you to patients room.
>had to go into psych patients room to replace an electrical outlet he fucking ripped off the wall
>door closed so knock, wait ten seconds, no reply.
>open door and see a lunatic furiously jerking off on his bed
>let out an "ohmygod" and slam door.
>go back to nurses and tell them I can't go in because tard is pounding one out
>nurse says "oh he does that a lot. Just give him a few minutes"
>mfw I had to wait until a tard came to do my job

Keep em going user.

do the people who look after the coma patience frequently take turns in fucking the hot ones ?

"if you fight back you were fired".

I'd honestly rather be unemployed.

Boss had me install new AC diffusers in the morgue. Like vent covers basically in the ceiling. The smell in the morgue is unlike anything I've ever encountered. It's like bleach trying it's damndest to cover up rotting meat
>Was in there with a coworker
>he's a super religious man so he was cheerfully doing his work while I looked on in horror trying to avoid touching anything.
>the ghoul comes and tries making small talk (the mortician guy, I dunno the actual title, we just call him The Ghoul)
>he actually says "you probably won't see any bodies. It's pretty dead in here today"
>stupid churchy coworker lols his ass off as I look at him in disgust
>the ghoul actually goes to eat dinner in his ghoul cave.
>how the fuck can you eat with this stench of death fucking permeating your reality?
>go into room
>dozens of jars and lidded buckets with body parts and pieces of human in some liquid.
>the smell in this room is unlike anything I've ever encountered
>sick to my stomach
>finish working in there and go home several hours later. No dinner shall be had this night.
>while scrubbing myself off in shower I vomit on myself.

I've only been there twice after that. The last time I had to fix the hinge on the body fridge because the top hinge came off. Bodies were covered by sheet but it was still horrible.

I need to know the answer to this as well

>>mfw I had to wait until a tard came to do my job

Hey hospital staff fgts. Wgere do you store the opioids? Ive been into a palliative ward and ICU. I pretended to visit some relatives but i checked all the cabinets but no good sruff has been acquired by me cause i cant find where you store the oxycontin and fentanyl stuff.

Where is it please help an user bro out

Poor pupper in pic.

>sister worked in hospital
>dude claimes to have seen the devil when he almost died
>said to her she can see him too if she comes with him
>she said no
thats a bit boring but hey i wouldnt say yes to a psycho either

I've never encountered or heard of anything like that tbh. There are a couple creepy male nurses that I wonder about tho. The females are almost entirely miserable African/West Indies with some friendly Philippinas mixed in.
Yeah that part sucks. Cuz I am by myself and have found myself cornered by a couple psychos a few times. Mostly if you treat them like normal human beings, "hello, how are you, etc" they don't really attack or anything. Did have one guy cave in a little Asian doctors face one time tho. I wasn't there for that.

>patience

It's locked away in a computer activated safe you idiot

All the hard meds are stored on site in the pharmacy. I have keys to every place in the hospital except the pharmacy. And the meds need to be triple checked and signed out. They're pretty much impossible to scam.

Nice trips, pussy

>West Indian
Are you in Florida bro?

> old man comes with dick trapped inside pic related
> call every available staff just for the lulzs while pretending to help the oldfag
> finally decide to call maintenance guy and ask him if he "may have some kind of tool to get it off"
> oldfag wants to die
> maintenance guys leaves angry "I told you not to call me for this kind of shit".

Have to go into the Operating rooms to make sure the ORs are under a positive pressure. That means we have to push more supply air into the ORs than we exhaust through the returns in order to keep the rooms sterile. Usually have to check to make sure all the doors are closed to ensure a proper air velocity reading. Looking into ORs I've seen some pretty horrific shit. Saw doctors working on an old lady vagina. I think it prolapsed or something and they were putting it back to normal. I've seen a leg being amputated. A man's face folded down off his skull, open chest cavities, brain surgery. But seeing all of that shit is nowhere near as bad as the morgue smell. No idea how the ghoul does it.

My buddy works at a psyche place.
He tells me all kinds of stories, like shit happens on the daily.

Two separate people were convinced they were Jesus.

One time two patients got in an altercation, and mentalfag1 tried to karate jiu jitsu ninja flying kick mentalfag2, but had the hamstring flexibility of a McDonalds enthusiast and it didn't work out.

One patient played pocket pool 24/7, very obviously, and accidentally flashed everyone.

Another alcoholic patient tried popping pills of some kind in his room, so my buddy mentioned it to a nurse. Pillsfag then later beckoned my friend after his shift into his room, and told him, "never fucking rat on me again."

That shit is dried on you liar

>Earlier today
>Me, trying to do an epidural on a pregnant wildebeest with a back pannus.
> Pannus = fat roll

Op here. They call us to the ER for bolt cutters or snips for situations like that. I've seen several guys with broken hands swelled up so they couldn't get their wedding ring off. I don't cut that stuff tho. That's for the ER doctors to do. Insurance reasons. My coworker on the midnight got a guy with his cock stuck in a master lock. They had to use pic related to cut the lock off.

>this dude was checken into the surgical ward
> he had stuck a pie sized apple up is asshole
> had to be surgically removed, the damage was considerable
> mfw he had to tell his wife and family the reason he needed a colonostomy

ICU Technician, in the Air Force. Our hospital is a training facility, we get the kinds of greenhorn idiots you might expect. This is the result of one of those idiots.

Someone decided that instead of just going to find the receptacle that actually goes under a bedside commode, they'd use one of those flimsy-ass emesis basins. Guy's blood-poops filled up the whole damn thing, an the edges curled in from the sheer weight of it. Bottomed out, and splattered the floor of the whole damn room.

That's the dude's feet, still sitting there coated in his own shit and blood. I figured he didn't really know what else to do, at that point.

He's not a massive faggot like you.

LOLOLOLOL

WTF is wrong with people?

I once went into a patients room with an old lady on the bed. She looked like the old lady in Ernest Scared Stupid. Said she could see people's Auras. She told me mine was a beautiful orange color. Asked if I wanted a psychic reading. I declined cuz I was weirded out.

> work for tv
> had a gig at the morgue where they perform autopsies.
> producer gathers up at the door.
> "now guys, let's act in a respectful manner in there, right?"
> go in
> find all staff chasing each each other around the autopsy tables, screaming and laughing around the dead bodies as if it was some kind of party.
> bodies open like meat at the meat store

someone tell this faggot where to go and lie in wait

I worked housekeeping and my supervisor was a grimey spic. I liked that job because i got to talk to veterans and I could have spent the rest of my life doing it humbly and happily but I quit because mexicans are garbage people to work with and for.

How do you get away with snapping pics in a place like that? I'd have assumed they would ban phones, cameras, etc. from the premesis?

That looks like the trauma bays we have in the ER. Gunshot victims leave a bloodbath like that. Kinda crazy how much blood we have in us.

Also in ER's stupid fuck doctors mix cement for casts in the sink and then call us when it soidifies all the way to the main line. All the pipes under the sink are filled with dried cement.

OH MY GOD:

yes yes yes lol :D

Depends who you're working with. This was on a night shift, so we didn't really have anyone around anyway. Long as you're careful to make sure there's no PII involved, and you're not violating HIPAA, then you should be fine.

What do you mean?

You literally lack sense of humour faggot, that was a good joke, i lol'd too.

I wish it had been something as interesting as a trauma. This was just a pretty legit GI bleed.

yeah moron
hopefully you'll join him and get fucked too

Fuck you, asshole

>worked in elective surgery center
>see 10/10 blonde 18yo girl in lobby
>check schedule
>yep
>was right on age
>she's getting tits done
>shame
>hope she doesn't have decent tits
>check in on her while she's on the table
>bare tits out
>literally perfect b-cups
>going to be fucking ruined
>oh well
>guess dumb bitches like this do keep me paid

A shit ton of women have fake tits. Our one center would average 3-4 a day. So many decent tits ruined. Have never seen fake tits that didn't look fake.

a-hole is as underage tard and /b does
kys junkie faggot/wannabe

Be me

Let me tell you about the time I, a lowly boiler guy, saved a patient's life.

>working a midnight shift
>get a call from nurse saying their patient isn't getting oxygen and is going to die.
>run up to ICU
>shit is going crazy. Doctors running around yelling. One doc is manually pumping air into patient with an accordion looking thing.
>while assessing situation I ask nurse "this is a job for respiratory, where are they?"
>guy in lab coat next to me says "I'm from respiratory. I don't know what to do"
>turns out doctor walked into oxygen regulator in wall and snapped it off.
>I run into next room over and take new one off the wall and hook it up.
>doctor says "thank you. You may have saved this lady's life"
>way to go fucktard respiratory guy. I'm going back to sleep in my locker room recliner.

Would love to hear stories of experiences from the morgue guy.

These are my boilers. There are many like them but these ones are mine.

why are mexicans garbage to work with and for?

I'm on the floor now. There's two inmates here that caused each other to be at ER but are in the same room. 3 armed guards with them

jesus thats a fucking shame

>be me
>first year of residency, still getting used to the toll
>haven't slept in 32 hours
>have to deal with a patient who's lying about shit just to get a doctor's note and skip work
>get frustrated because they literally had me waste time and resourses until I suspected it
>I'm on a brink of a psychotic break at this point
>Cry for 10 minutes in the bathroom because I'm so tired
>Sit them down and ask them "are you just doing this for a doctor's note?"
>they admit it and tell me they drank a little bit too much the night before and they are hungover. They proceed on trying to victimize themselves and convince me to feel sorry for them by saying "I work 12 hours a day monday thru saturday. I'm tired"
>At this point I'm controlling myself not to yell at her. It's been over 35 hours since I slept.
>I take a deep breath and I say "Did you know that while you are here wasting my time and resourses, there's probably someone on the waiting line, thinking they have indigestion, but they are actually going to have a heart attack and die because of you? Because there's nothing wrong with you and you are here wasting my time, making them wait".
>Can I have the doctor's note though?
>iwanttokillthisbitch.jpg
>Yes, you can.
>I write her the doctor's note and feel like sticking my pen in her eye while I do it. Give her a big smile and let her walk away.
> about 10 minutes later bitch is admitted again, she got hit by an ambulance outside.

I can't tell you how many times I've had to cut handcuffs off a guy in custody cuz the dummy cops broke the handcuff key. One time they had a guy in the cancer unit handcuffed to the bed. He's fucking withering away but still they got the bastard in cuffs.

what are those for? how do you take care of them?

Yea ameriscum is that degenerated and deserves death by toilet

Well it's a good thing the world isn't made up of people like you or we'd be completely fucked

Fucking nice. Medical work is probably shit but at least you get to save a fucking life every once in awhile god damn.

We go through a ton of soft restraints on my floor

COMFY
O
M
F
Y

Thats awesome good job logic bro

I do, I do not.

They're boilers. They make steam for heat and they also use the steam to sterilize surgical equipment. We keep them running and fix any issues with them that arise. For the most part the modern day boilers are autonomous but the computerized shit goes haywire some times. The old manual fired boilers were built way better and ran like a dream. They call my position a "fireman" because back in the day I woulda been the poor soul who shoveled coal into the boiler to keep her going.

Pussy. Wasted trips, get the fuck out of here.

I respect your taste in tit size good sir.

...

Why did a nurse call you about a dying patient?

why'd they switch to shittier newer ones then?

Cheaper in the long run.

LOL

...

Because we handle the supply of medical gasses. It wasn't a supply issue that was the problem. It was respiratory therapy's equipment that broke but the guy was a dumbass.

text
confusing

Gatcha then gj user hope you didnt save a nigger

My kinda morgue.

>pie sized apple

What kind of an apple gets that big?

Pussy not even half chub in a room of dead bodies.

that is a nice boiler, user.

>18 yo
Yeahhh okay bro

The new ones run off a computer brain basically. It monitors the boiler's operation and can shut down if something goes wrong. Boilers have lots of safeties on them because they're a giant pressurized vessel that can violently explode. YouTube boiler implosion. They're fucking crazy. Also high pressure steam can cut you in half.

...

First time I removed a catheter I forgot to deinflate it

I hope you make the pigs feel like the stupid worthless sacks of abortion waste they are when they pull stupid shit like this.

you're a monster.

Sorry high pressure superheated steam can cut you in half. And you can't see it. They check for superheated steam leaks with a broom. If the bristles of the broom get shaved off where you stick it, you have a superheated steam leak.

>justice
not really, she probably got a multi-million dollar settlement

God damn. And that dumb sack of shit makes six figures. Hope you make him consider suicide on the regular for being such a dumbass.

Not sure if that happened or not, all I know is I found the paramedic that did it and bought them a beer every time I saw them at the bar next to the ER.

OP here. Can I ask u a question doc? I deal with a lot of doctors daily. Why are most of them social weirdos? Like they have no people skills at all and many of them treat you like a house slave, if they even acknowledge you exist at all. There are exceptions to the rule but I'd say 85% of doctors have the people skills of a cantaloupe

Kek

Amber lamps of justice

I don't blame you. It's fucking disgusting.

what about that is unbelievable?

It's not about social skills. Most of them think they are better than people who are not doctors. They see this hierarchy not realizing that even the janitor is important to a hospital's function. I'm not like that, but I was like that when I first graduated. Didn't see others as equals.

Gotcha thanks doc. I thought that was the case. The "God complex" or whatever. But some of them seem borderline autistic.

REEEEEEE

holy shit.

I once saw this really funny thing happen to this type of doctor you are referring to. They didn't let the nurse draw blood from the patient and spent like 30 seconds trying to find the vein until the nurse literally said excuse me got him out of the way and found it in 3 seconds.
I chuckled.

Hey anons, im a tard from spic country
>be psychologist
>work for mental health (psychiatry)
>not really how you would see on tv. Actually really nice folks, a little smelly, talks crazy 50% of the time.
>actually serving as a tuto of these people (like 25 of them)

Some of the things i hear everyday
>old lady 1: "No mr, i cant do what you ask me, the commander told me to stay here and smoke my cigarette"
>old dude 1: "when i put my glasses on, i can see everyone naked" (i knows its a delution)
>young dude 1: screams in random times like a little girl
>old lady 2: looks at you nicely, then tells you "im sorry for saying that, im not really thinkin that" (and she never spoke)
>dude about mny age can recite every cartoon of the 90' with the theme song included


i have tons of these little stories, really great place to work

I work in a telemetry unit so I didn't think that we would see too much crazy shit.. but no. The first day.. a man had his buddy bring him PCP and he stormed through the halls, punched a nurse in the face, busted 3 walls, took 5 police to take him down.

Ever dealt with personality disorders?

Thats fucking awesome.