Be me

>be me
>at friends house
>live next to asshole neighbors
>have a campfire in my backyard fire pit
>neighbors call fire department
>FD says no problems here
>umm ok.jpg
>two weeks later
>calls animal control on my dog in the yard
>get dog inside
>animal control says no problems here
>ffs.docx
>this Christmas morning
>see them throwing deer shit over their fence into the yard
>tells us they “lose sleep over their yard”
>fuckthisshit.gif

How should we retaliate Sup Forums? They are just becoming the neighbors from hell from fucking nowhere and they’ve lived next door for the last 10 years.

Other urls found in this thread:

jewsforjesus.org/subscribe/
twitter.com/AnonBabble

>hoodie up
>find payphone
>call 911
>SWAT neighbors

Buy gasoline and set their lawn on fire

That has been considered trust me. Need something more psychological. Like it just adds shit to their day.

gather the deer shit or preferably horse or cow shit, put into a box and dump on their porch?

Their lawn does look like shit. Gasoline might make it look nicer.

>see them throwing deer shit over their fence into the yard
Report to HOA if you have one
Otherwise collect video evidence and press charges
Fight fire with fire, pisses them off the most
Also watch your dog outside, sometimes these assholes will go as far as poisoning pets

release mice/rats from pet store into their house or garage

do the piss disc

What’s that

A man of culture I see.

Do this OP

you piss into a frisbee, freeze it, then slide the frozen disc under their front door. itll melt and turn into a puddle of piss

Post a note on their door that says
>We know all about you, pervert, it'll come out soon

or something along those lines. Guy doesn't know what's happening. Wife goes apeshit. Don't leave any prints on the note though.

to clarify: you ditch the frisbee but only slide the piss under the door

I'll give ya some real advice user.
They like their lawn? Fuck with it. Not gonna spoon feed you but theres hundreds of ways to kill their grass. You can get creative and draw things in their lawn that wont grow again. How will they like a swastika on their front/back yard forever.

Look it up. Just make sure they cant prove you did anything.

Throw rock salt into their yard at night. Next rain, yard dies.

report for running a meth lab in their basement

Is there literally anything they do that is illegal/frowned upon? Loud cars? Call the cops. Parties? Call the cops. They have a pet parakeet? Guess what OP that parakeet ripped your fucking dick off so call animal control and smear it with dick blood. We can do this user. It's as easy as pissing in a vagina.

Topkek Honestly might try that

can also use plates

It's funnier if he secretly was a pervert

Rock salt. Spell out FUCK or similar.

Get yourself some crickets, you can buy them in huge packs on the interwebs because people use them as lizard food. Wait until they leave a window open and leave and just dump all the crickets in there.

That’ll be a while it’s fucking cold where I’m at. No way they’d have a Window open

Honestly this is my favorite by far.

just break the window. if commit to the idea,one window is very little

True. And all the crickets will make it seem that they broke in. Good call user.

It would be like A FUCKING PLAGUE OP THIS IS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP

Pic related

Look into convicted pedophiles if there are lookalikes and print warning posters (with case number) around the neighbourhood.

Do they have an air conditioning? You may be able to put them in there.
Some other options include
1. buying a shitton of wind chimes
2. Leaving some sugar in their yard to attract ants (Might not work while it's cold)
3. Placing a telescope at an unused window facing their house, best with curtains closed so they only see the telescope and not if someone's sitting behind it.

Even better... Just photo shop his face onto one of those. People don't need much convincing. Once rumor gets out even if proven false it'll never be the same. They may even move

>Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam, said Cato the Elder
>Rome sends the ocean to Carthage's fields.
>Carthage never grew crops again.
(You won't need the whole ocean, just enough salt to draw your swastika or Magen David.)

Get an old LP album sleeve, or make something similar with cardboard. Wait till 4am or so. Make napalm with styrofoam peanuts and diesel, fill sleeve, slide open end of the sleeve under their front door, stomp on it to spray the napalm throughout the front room. Light napalm-saturated sleeve. Run like hell. Laugh uproariously from safety as their house burns down.

Leave a couple of condoms around their house, strategically in places where they might have fallen out by mistake, like near the car. Individual condoms still in their wrappers, maybe a bit wrinkled to look like they've been in a wallet or a purse for a while. Husband and wife will each assume the other is responsible.

Sign them up for newsletters, free magazines, and other spam you find in your area. It doesn't take long and it'll be difficult for them to cancel everything.

Bear in mind, OP:
1. You'll be the prime suspect for anything that looks like vandalism.
2. Anonymous tips are not anonymous. Don't use phones or IP addresses that can be traced back to you.

jewsforjesus.org/subscribe/

report to moa

Put something smelly or dead in their a.c. unit. Something that is formed in your region.

Maybe picture related?
They are really nasty and hard to get rid of once they built a solid population.

Why dont you just man up dress yourself decent use some cologne and go over to your neighbors and talk things out. I bet your neighbors are older than you and you and your friends are the punks in that neighborhood. Loud music and constant flow of vomit from your house because drugs and booze orgys. You are too blame get the fuck outta there

I like the way you think user

Maybe picture related?
They are really nasty and hard to get rid of once they built a solid population.

What kind of 3rd world shit hole do you live in where you can fit a frozen disc of piss about 1/2 inch thick under the door?

In my country you wouldn't even get a piece of paper under the fucking door!

Oh, god, dude. I don't think they deserve bed bugs just because they threw some deer shit over his wall.

>Oh, god, dude. I don't think they deserve bed bugs just because they threw some deer shit over his wall.
Only the best for those neighbors from hell.

This x100. OP is the shitty neighbor with the loud drunken parties at all hours and the fucking dog left out all the time barking constantly. Probably renting a house with his minimum wage buddies in a decent residential neighborhood and treating it like a frat house.

Weather strips at the bottom of exterior doors are intended to keep out water and crawling bugs.

Bad neighbour thread?

>Live in condo for 10 years
>new neighbours move in, husband, wife, toddler girl
>I worked nights at the time, 11pm to 8am shift
>first day they live here, neighbour man (after this referred to as Guido) asks me not to slam the door when I leave bc kids are sleeping. Ok sure no prob
>next day, go to sleep at 9am, their toddler is screaming and crying up a tantrum when mom takes her to school
>note this literally happens every day, EVERY day the kid is screaming from the second she leaves the door and goes back inside
>mom ignores it while fiddling with her phone
>I dont really give a fuck, I'm practically immune to noise but a kids crying has a certain shrillness to it that triggers something in our caveman brain

This continues for a couple weeks, kids screaming up a storm, me remembering not to slam the door

>some months later
>switched jobs, working from home now
>everyday on the clock Guido goes out to clean his 20x15 backyard 'estate' with a gas powered leafblower
>mfw theres like 20 leaves tops
>he takes half an hour every time
>at noon hear some ruckus in backyard
>Guido is climbing the tree with a chainsaw
>said tree is on both our property with a fence dividing it
>He starts vigourously chainsawing away at the branches on his side while giving me the stink eye
>I go outside and ask whats up
>He says he's sick of 'having to clean up leaves everyday' so he's trimming the tree
>I say alright have fun and give him the thumbs up
>I honestly didn't give a fuck

>some weeks pass, taking a nice nasty shit in the evening and flush
>few minutes later, neighbour is knocking on the window
>mfw I have a functioning doorbell
>open door and ask whatsup
>he angrily asks me not to flush the toilet because its late
>mfw it's 8pm
>tell him a man sometimes has to take a shit

cont

This looks good. Go on.

That's true. Only the finest for our unfortunate friends

Hurry up

>he gets red and tells me to 'show some goddamn respect', then goes into a tirade about how I'm a weirdo hermit who walks around with a backpack
>it's true I walk around with a backpack... to the store across the street to get groceries erryday
>he leaves in a huff
>Guido wasn't satisfied with the chainsaw job he did on the tree
>he climbs back up to cut down the largest offending branch
>he's huffing and puffing away for a good half hour while I work on my pc (it's on the 2nd floor)
>he keeps looking thru the window at me and I wave and smile
>the branch finally breaks free, swings underneath, knock him off his ladder and smashed a square foot hole in my shed
>goddamn my shed
>I walk over and politely ask him wtf
>he tried to blame it on me for allowing the tree to grow this tall (it was like, 25 feet, tops)
>I politely inform him these are rental homes and he's not even allowed to chop of branches anyway
>I also politely inform him there's now a square foot hole in my shed roof and I want it fixed
>mfw he actually appoligizes and offers to fix my roof
>It took him 2 weeks to actually get to fixing it, but I didn't complain, there's nothign important in there and he did eventually fix it

fast forward to winter
>tree looks like shit now, I still don't care
>it starts to snow a little
>Guido now in his backyard every evening melting 1/4 inch of snow with a fuckhuge noisy blowtorch
>I still don't give a fuck
>one day the inevitable happens and the fence catches fire
>I rush outside to fetch my fire extinguisher while he fucks around with a frozen shut garden hose
>I extinguish the (small fire)
>immediately Guido yells at me not to spray that 'toxic shit' around because his kid plays out here
>he then blames me for not using 'fireproof paint' on the fence
>I just say you're welcome and go back inside
>I really, really just don't give a fuck

more coming up, it's gonna get weirder

user hurry, I Need morr.

moar

has potential, we are waiting

bump

Hahahaha this is gold, why would he fucking melt snow everynight just buy some proper shoes and walk over it. In a way it's kinda sad.

Also how can he be upset about you flushing your damn toilet if you have a garden and fence dividing your homes?

They could be town houses that share walls but have seperate yards. Either way the story must go on

Confront them, stop being such a little bitch about it.

Moar,

Dude you live in a condo, call the association on him. That’s why you pay fees every month.

Things continue as normal, kid screaming up a storm every day, leafblowers and blowtorches at night, new lawnmower in the morning (all noisy and fuck and gas powered of course) mom not giving a fuck
>they spawned a fresh new crotch goblin
>vying for screech domination with his sister
>seriously I've never heard kids scream as loud and as long as these little bastards and I used to live next to a daycare
>me still not giving a fuck
>spring comes around, neighbour has a bbq with his fambly in the backyard
>there's like 20 loud ass drinking hicks, bad music, kids naturally crying throughout the day into the night
>I have to pick up my bro from the trainyard at 11pm and bring him to his house
>come back home at midnight, party still going on
>shut the door and go to do whatever
>few minutes later, loud banging on my window
>sigh
>open door, Guido yells I TOLD YOU NOT TO SLAM THE DOOR M'KIDS ARE SLEEPING
>politely inform him there's still a loud ass party in his backyard so wtf
>he makes up some shit about 'continuous noise' like a flock of drunken hicks isn't as annoying as a sudden loud bang like a door shutting'
>I consider informing him of how retarded that is but instead tell him I can clearly see his kids wrestling with their dog under the table in their backyard
>he starts yelling at me for being a pedo and STOP LOOKING AT MUH KIDS
>I (actually) slam the door in his face this time and go inside

some more coming up

bumpidy

>going inside and try not to think about it
>then again Guido knocks the door with him now two bad ass guys with foreign accent
>they immediately grab my ankles and drag me to my bathroom
>i said Guido stop what you doing
>dickunzipped.jpg
Guido says thats for being a gucking autistic pain in my neighborhood
>rams is dick in my ass and i scream
>actuallyfeelsgood.exe

Cont

gib mor

holy fuck bro I would have made it my life's mission to trigger this guy in every way possible after this shit.

...

Yeah story lost its credibility, if he is having a party he is not going to care that you are slamming doors.

Its a buildup to some pun I'm sure. I was having fun at first but now I'm just waiting for the dinosaur or something.

Maybe hes drunk and has an aversion

Also feeling empowered

This honestly once the rumor is out there its game over. People wont look the same at him again.

best way to fuck with people that you are connected with... make a subwoofer or better still an "extremely low frequency device". Ever hear ringing in your ear you just can't get out of your head? Yeeeeeah. :-) Have it to go off at different times of day and night... tell 'em you hear it too and it's upsetting to you too. :-) You're welcome.

>a man sometimes has to take a shit

Dude he fixed your roof hes not like...that much of a shitbag. Still a shit bag it seems but not THAAAT bad. Some people would just tell you "Its your shed not mine"

And then they would get a prosecution

This. Don’t let them throw a bacon grease soaked sponge in your yard.

collect spiders from around your yard or surrounding area do this for several months, you will have a a thousand spider farm in your garage, this is good, now you will let them bread for a month or so when that is done you will put them all in jars,
wait until they are on vacation then
you will crawl into their house
it isn't crime if they deserve it, now wheelbarrow the multiple jars of spiders into their house, now begins the revenge part
release the thousands of spiders into their
house just spend the next multiple hours releasing spiders after spiders, put some in the walls, stuff some spiders into their pillows and their childrens toys for good mesure
do this early so they can procreate
and multiply, place a cell phone jammer into their yard so they can't call an exterminator
immediately and when they are scrambling to get their phones working then
pop the tires of their cars,
do this and they will either
leave you alone and fear you
either one

I'm just saying him saying "Yea I'll fix it" is way easier than trying to sue a motherfucker.

basically
the door slamming might just be a trigger for him

>subwoofer
>high frequency notes

Righto

>it isnt crime if they deserve it
LOL

>crotch goblin

Fucking kek I’m interested

If he is so severely triggered, to the breaking point of which he decides to confront user then he is nuts. Especially considering the setting where he is celebrating with a party playing music and shit outdoors. Sounds downright absurd and unlikely.

dont do anything too their yard, trust me they will call the cops on you and put your ass in jail.

bump

>he is nuts

You consider this absurd and unlikely

oooookie dokie

Mail slot.

If they care a lot about their yard try to pour vinegar all over it. It will be expensive but worth it lmao

Green text didn't finish...

Pull a pineapple on shitgut

I too am waiting on the green text. I assumes hes autistic and didnt type it all out before hand.

>be me live in ghetto shit hole
>have autistic neighbor with speech impediment
>say hey too him once in awhile encourage him to keep trying to get his career when i talk too him
>one day im walking around my shit hole the guy has a black eye me and someone i know ask him what happened
>he says his room mate (nigger) punched him in the eye he doesnt know why
>talk too him about calling the police he declines saying that he doesnt want trouble
>fast forward the next day
>his mom is standing near his apartment freaking out a bit
>ask her what happened too user
>she says user is in the hospital his room mate (nigger) stabbed him and took his shit shes trying too see if anyone is in the apartment still
>wake up the next day
>look outside the police is there the nigger is standing on the porch
>police draw weapons
>nigger reaches in his side pocket
>police open fire
>nigger dies
>it airs on the news later about nigger being shot and nothing about user being stabbed

Not that he is nuts, but his actions are absurd. Google critical thinking, we live in a very informative age and it is hard to filter fact from fiction without some basic tools or principles to apply.

You wait that long and you "assume"?

Well he just abandoned it as he has a hard time to continue his bogus story

Sorry for the delay I was taking a shit (it was a double flusher)

Yes obviously he is such a rational ,calm cool and collected human being
No dinosaurs either

last story for now

>Things continue as their noisy selves
>actually for the next few months had no direct enounters with guido
>one evening have 2 friends over for a few drinks and shit shooting
>Guido comes home an noticed the extra car in front of my house
>this is weird because i'm a shizo hermit who walks aorund with a backpack
>to be fair I rarely have people over because face it I'm on Sup Forums
>he comes a knockin' and asks if I'm having a party, yadda yadda, don't be too loud
>he's actually really polite
>well that was pleasant
>friends and I just talking about how shitty our lives our and have a few drinks
>my friends leave at 10ish
>one of them accidently slams the door
>oh shit
>sure enough Guido came a knockin' right after
>open the door
>get on the floor

Just kidding, Guido didn't came a knockin, instead, it was the police

>Hello sir noise complaint yadda yadda
>neighbours reported yelling and illegal drug use can we come in
>sigh
>let the two cops in, they're quickly notice the place is pristine and there's just 5 empty bottles of beer on the counter
>instead of ransacking the place looking for drugs the cops hear me out, ask me questions about my neighbours etc.
>one of them looks into the backyard and notices the fucked up tree
>I should add, over here, even if a tree is in your own backyard, if you rent the place you get fined up the hizzoo if you fuck with municipal property
>I finish my story about Guido and his weirdness
>cops thank me for my time and go over to Guido's to see whats up

Final coming up, yeah it's no epic story but at least it's not made up bullshit or some some log posting faggot like this am-I-funny-yet-guys tier reject

by wait I really mean browse other threads with this one on auto refresh

Bats dying and sadly this is the most interesting thing on Sup Forums rn.

bump

...

4/10

Started good then rapidly went down the shitter. You havent shit out your brain by accident have you?

>letting cops inside your home
>ever