HIV STORY

HIV STORY

I've been sleeping with a lot of prostitutes lately. I'm a 30 year old engineering student and have a beautiful, intelligent, and classy girlfriend whom I have a healthy loving relationship with. However, there is a darker side to my sexuality that is truly insatiable and thus I see prostitutes from time to time. I always use protection and I make sure to wash off with plenty of soap and water before leaving followed by a good long shower at home. One time I used baby oil as lubricant with a prostitute and the next day I learned that baby oil is corrosive to latex condoms creating millions of tiny holes in the material which drastically decreases the protection. Upon learning this I headed to the nearby free HIV testing clinic for a checkup.

I knew I was being overly cautious as the aforementioned incident took no longer than 5 or 10 minutes, yet still I needed to be sure for my girlfriends' sake. The atmosphere at the clinic was not pleasant as the room was filled with societal degenerates. No one spoke to each other and the group had a concerned look to their faces. When it was finally my turn I was at the point of walking out, but I stepped into the tiny room with the clinician and proceeded to sign some papers and go over the procedure. The gentleman pricked my finger and drew several drops of blood into the testing vial and we commenced small-talk while we waited several minutes for the result.

The test strip was similar to that of a pregnancy test. One line for Negative, two for Positive.

The first line started to come in as expected, hazy at first but gradually with more definition. Just as the first line was fully developed there began to appear a very subtle, almost imperceptible, discoloration just below it. The clinician paused for a moment observing the test strip carefully and with a reluctant undertone said to me "Ya, it looks like you've got it.."

Immediately my heart rate shot up and I began to plead with him that it was too early to be definitive and to wait a little longer, despite having just being told during the briefing that any level of discoloration over the area of the 2nd line, no matter how indistinct, is a Positive result. My mind raced attempting to find a way out while also contemplating the immediate change to my life as well as the short and long term consequences. The strength from my body slid down and out through my feet into the floor beneath me. I whimpered and flailed and paced and thought out loud of how my wonderful life and relationship was over.

Even if I did find love again, it would be short lived as I would at some point have to share this information. I'll never have sex again. How would my family react? Is everyone going to find out about the prostitute? How would I even bring this to their attention? How am I going to tell my girlfriend? Will I break up with her first and tell her later or tell her straight out? When? How? Is there even a possibility she'll stay with me? How the hell would these conversations play out? Would my friends find out? Would this spread through my social circles if it got out? How would that stigma affect my life? And what about my long-term health and overall lifespan? All these things and more are now ahead of me and there's nothing I could do to get around this. I'll have to face this immediately; this very week, maybe even today. I'm not ready, I can't do this; I want to die. Can I just die instead and not have to deal with this? I don't want to die either, but right now I feel like I don't want both of those things equally and one seems easier than the other.

The clinician told me that although False-Positives are extremely extremely rare, they regardless still need a 2nd more formal lab-test to confirm the results. I begged and pleaded in the most unapologetically pathetic manner for a 2nd fast-result test. He replied that they're not allowed and that testing materials are carefully cataloged. Still I begged and even got on my knees until he finally felt sorry enough for me to abide, stating he'll account for the extra test by saying he dropped the strip and had to throw it out. As he pricked another finger on my hand and drew several drops, he told me of the astronomical improbability of a False-Positive result, though False-Negatives aren't that uncommon. Still, for the moment until the 2nd test was complete, I could at least justify some sense of denial which I desperately needed.

I watched the strip while hardly blinking at all. The first line slowly began to appear and sharpen in definition. My gaze was fixated in the area below it where the 2nd line would appear. My body was so still and tense as my focus on that spot was magnified to such a level of intensity that I began to sweat. Time was at a pace I had never experienced before and each second seemed to mock me by running agonizingly longer than physically possible.

After what seemed like both an eternity and instantaneous moment, the clinician broke my focus by reaching for the test strip and carefully examined it. I hadn't seen anything indicating a positive result in the allotted time, so as he quietly examined the test strip I was pressing him for a confirmation of some sort; as if the results were his decision and he alone could absolve or condemn me. He held his words for a moment before finally declaring 'It's Negative."

rip user hope u live a great life or you get tested again idk

What did that mean? I was rapidly and nervously deliberating the meaning of these conflicting results and asking for a 3rd test just to be sure, hardly giving him a chance to speak. He finally told me that we can be absolutely certain I don't have HIV, and that we can be certain that the first test was a False-Negative. However I was not at all put at ease here, I had more uncertainty and questions than ever before and though he was giving me answers, they were ultimately inconclusive until I had a formal lab-test done.

So a False-Positive is extremely rare but a False-Negative isn't? What if the first test was a legitimate Positive result and the 2nd test was a False-Negative? Wouldn't that be more likely? What are the actual statistical probabilities of these results? Have you ever seen a False-Positive before? What's the science behind this test; how does it work? How can I be certain of anything and how do I proceed from here?

The clinician advised me not to worry, and to see my doctor for a formal lab-test which could take 3-5 business days. I asked if I could have that test done there the free-clinic and he told me it could be done but if the results were Positive my name would be entered into a database of HIV-Positive people. A scarlet letter, I thought. So I accepted his assurance that I was not HIV-Positive and he signed my Negative test result and handed it to me. I left the clinic a nervous wreck and drove home in tears and quiet contemplation of all my fears and uncertainties. On the way I called my doctor and made an appointment first thing Monday morning; it was currently a Friday afternoon.

At home I could think of nothing else other than what this all meant. I spent hours upon hours reading about what kinds of HIV tests there are and how they work. I read about time-frames and chemical processes and viral processes and immune responses. I learned that a False-Negative is common within the first 3 months of infection due to the virus being in incubation and not having a chance yet to incite a antibody response from the immune system. I learned that the immune system creates antibodies in very large quantities specific to the virus it is attacking and that rapid-result HIV tests work by sensing this specific kind of antibody. I learned that antibodies work like sticky keys that only stick to specific locks (the virus they're attacking) and they don't stick to anything else. They stick to the virus in large numbers completely covering it rendering it ineffective and then they take it apart.

If the rapid-test I took worked by sensing antibodies specific to the ones the immune system produces to fight the HIV virus, then how the hell could any False-Positive be explained? I kept reading and learned that, although highly unlikely, sometimes an antibody could stick to a unmatching virus by accident - or more accurately: unintentionally tangled to the virus by chance. Much like how a random key might fit into an unmatching lock and though it fits in all the way it won't turn. But then that begged the question: given the explanation for a False-Positive, wouldn't that mean that I must have a heightened antibody presence in my blood? If there wasn't a heightened antibody presence then the probability for a False-Positive would be unfathomably improbable, thus it could be reasonably deduced that I had a high antibody count in my blood; but why? I didn't feel sick, maybe tomorrow I would start feeling sick and this was all just bad luck on bad timing? Either that or the first test was accurate and the 2nd was not - but based on my research it didn't seem likely.

The antibody presence in blood is always in such large quantities that the only explanation for a False-Negative is that the virus is still in incubation and the body hadn't created any antibodies the test could detect. This logic supported the False-Positive test, but my lack of symptoms for any sickness supported the False-Negative test.

My mind was spinning and I had learned too much in too short a time to properly synthesize all the information. Ultimately I felt no better. I figured if I had the HIV virus but my antibody count was still too low to be accurately detectable, there could be strength in numbers. I decided to head to the pharmacy and buy my own rapid-result HIV tests. I bought 4 for $60 each and I lined them all up on my desk when I got home. I read the directions and proceeded to take all 4 tests at once. Again, time was at a standstill as I waited for the results. Negative, negative, negative, and negative. This may have cost me some $250 of money I didn't have, but it was enough to hold my anxiety at bay until I could get the formal blood test done by my doctor.

That Monday I was the first through the door when my doctors office opened. I had my blood drawn and through the next week I called in every day to see if the results were ready. That week I was not myself. I could barely speak with anyone, I felt truly tainted. I didn't feel like myself anymore; I was someone else entirely, and not because of how I was acting - but in a fundamental sense. I felt like I had physiologically morphed into someone different and the similar appearance to my former self was merely a clever deception. I felt that anyone I spoke with I was lying to; even if it were a total stranger and about something utterly insignificant like ordering a coffee. I avoided my girlfriend and couldn't look my family in the eyes. For that week I was a walking/breathing lie incarnate living the biggest lie of my life.

Then finally the results were in. I left work early to see my doctor, and through the week my nervousness and anxiety had accumulated to the point that I felt I was about to burst. If I could just hold it together long enough to see my doctor, then that's all I'd need. Positive or negative, I could finally let go of this uncertainty. If Positive I could justify all the anxiety and bad emotions; if Negative I could finally breath a week-long held in sigh of relief. If Positive I could begin planning for a new life and could come clean about the lie I'd been living, regardless of the repercussions. If Negative I could rejoice in having won the horrible lottery of chance that is a False-Positive HIV test.

Negative.

some user tell me if this is worth screen capping for later reading

Moral of the story is don't use baby oil as lubricant while wearing rubber fucking hookers.

You wont get an accurate result within 24 hours of contact. It takes 6 months.

this.
also FAGGOT KYS

You're absolutely right - I don't exactly know why I wrote "the next day" there - I've been writing this for about 2 hours now and maybe I just thought it would make more sense in continuity. It was actually about a little over a month and a half after the sexual encounter when I learned about the effects of oil-based lubricants on latex rubber. What I meant to say is I went to the HIV clinic the next day after learning this.

Well seems like you went through a crisis.

More importantly, will you come clean with your gf and cherish what you have or will you continue to play Russian Roulette and risk the chance of actually getting it? You could also stop, but by not being held accountable (ie not telling your gf) you're just going to fall right back in to your addiction

Stop cheating on your gf you mongoloid.

This happened about a year and a half ago and I've not spoken of it to anyone other than this post right here.
I regret to admit that in that time I've seen 1 prostitute and immediately experienced crippling guilt. I don't know if I'll stop completely; I sincerely hope so. What I do know is I'll never ever EVER speak of this to anyone.

maybe you shouldnt cheat on your girlfriend if you "love" her as much as you say you do mate. See a shrink and get some help if you really cant stop banging hookers, Then you wont have to go through this shit again. I feel for you, but at the same time I dont. I dont know what Id do if i was put in that position. Luckily you didnt off yourself before you found out you weren't HIV positive. Because I probably wouldnt, on the other hand, I wouldnt cheat on my girlfriend with a dirty hooker and put myself in that position anyways...TLDR; See a shrink and stop fucking hookers. Be faithful to your girl

I probably would've*

I've never seriously contemplated suicide, but at that moment it was a real option for me and I'll never forget what that feels like.
I feel like I could write a lot about the circumstances that led me to see prostitutes, but ultimately it would just be an excuse. I understand fully that I'm the villain that got away in this, and this is a realization that deeply hurts. Some people have posted that I should see a psychiatrist, and I'm actually considering it. I love my girlfriend very much and we've been together for a long time, but if any of this came to light our fairy-tale love-story would be over. The one time I saw a prostitute post this event I consider a relapse in an otherwise successful attempt at controlling this vice. I hope I don't relapse again and as for my future plans, I intend to continue fighting any urge for the rest of my life while remaining silent about these events.
My eyes are open to this horrible disease and my heart goes out FULLY to those who suffer from it.
Even after all this time I don't know if I should feel lucky or unlucky about this whole thing. I feel this ambiguity will follow me the rest of my life.
What I do know is it's an interesting story, no?

India be happy to take ya girl off your hands. And also not cheat on her. This is of course if this ain’t a mades ups story

So........it's aids fan fiction

good lord

nice

fucking newfags talking to copypasta make me want to go on a killing spree

And so this is the end of my story
And everyone is dead from AIDS
It took from me my best friend
My only true pal
My only bright star (he died of AIDS)

Well I'm gonna march on Washington
Lead the fight and charge the brigades
There's a hero inside of all of us
I'll make them see everyone has AIDS

My father (AIDS!)
My sister (AIDS!)
My uncle and my cousin and her best friend (AIDS AIDS AIDS!)
The gays and the straights
And the white and the spades

Everyone has AIDS!
My grandma and my dog 'ol blue (AIDS AIDS AIDS)
The pope has got it and so do you (AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS)
C'mon everybody we got quilting to do (AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS)

We gotta break down these baricades, everyone has
AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS! (aids)

OP:

I had a similar scare to you 10 years ago. false positive st first then negative. it happens but what I learned from the doctor is that it's actually pretty hard to get HIV as s guy having vaginal intercourse with a woman. I recall him telling me id have to sleep with an HIV positive woman two HUNDRED times to have a statistically significant change of getting infected.

but your right. the two week wait for formal result was torture.

is this a new copypasta?

Do you always talk like a fucking retard?

Well I don't know about those figures, there's many ways to equate the probability in regards to circumstance - like how a person is far more contagious in the early stages of infection. What I do know is you're right about it being very unlikely. Moreover how unlikely it was in my case as the sex was lubricated and short and although the condom was compromised it still worked in my favor.