Mummy's new boyfriend comes over

>Mummy's new boyfriend comes over
>they're play wrestling in her room
>fucking normies
>i'll show them!
>start slamming on the door with my body
>"WE WANT TENDIES WE WANT TENDIES BE THEY CRISPY AND FROM WENDY'S"
>"user please don't start this"
>I can hear the desperation in her voice, I have already won
>"TENDIES TENDIES NOTHING LESS, GIVE ME OR ILL MAKE A MESS"
>her boyfriend starts yelling at me to go away
>"user, please, I'll give you 100 GBP if you go play in your room quietly"
>we are past the point of no return, it's time to teach this bitch a lesson
>"POOPY POOPY ON THE FLOOR, NEXT IT COMES UNDER THE DOOR"
>pull down my diaper (I taught myself how to do that trick) and take a #2 the floor
>begin cramming it under the door with my foot
>Mummy's friend starts going ballistic, opens the door and pins me to the wall like he's going to punch me
>start fake crying while screaming "TENDIESTENDIESTENDIES"
>mummy pulls him off me and tells him to leave
>he says he's never coming back
>go take my bubblebath
>finish and towel off
>tendies are sitting on my desk

Heard mummy crying later that night. I swear normies are so fucking easy to break. I have enough GBP saved up to go to LEGOland, I think I'll make a poopy in the middle of the park just to watch her squirm. She knows I own her.

I really lost at tendies 10/10 m8

>i wake up for another sing-songy sunshiney funday
>i stretch and yawn as I rip my daily wakey gas, the feeling of liquid splattering against my Magic School Bus undies makes me proud
>i haul myself out of bed, kissing my Rinoa Heartilly body pillow good morning, but my legs buckle out from under my generous frame
>oh well! I guess I'll have to be a Roly Poly from now on
>i roll over to my GBP chart and check it
>I've saved up a whole 5 GBP! That's a new record I'm SURE mummy will be proud of!
>i roll down the stairs to see what mumsy is up to this wonderful morning
>i slip and crack my nose against the stairpost
>mumma gets up shocked, "user are you okay?!"
>i'm bleeding from my nose and it has a weird shape, but I don't care, "mummy mummy, where's the yummy chickie tendies for my tummy?"
>"what?"
>i lift my shirt and begin slapping my tummy like a bongo "your precious little angel has saved five GBP, make some chickie tendies, and make them all for me!"
>"user, you know the price for a tendie meal is 20 Good Boy Points. And after the Legoland incident you should be grateful that you still have 5 left."
>i freeze. This BITCH, has the fucking GALL, to deprive me of my well deserved poultry cutlets.
>i sit up and begin slamming my feet on the floor angrily and punching my head
>"YOUR SPECIAL LITTLE BOY HAS BEEN GOOD FOR FAR TOO LONG, TENDIES NOW YOU BITCH OR I SHALL DO YOU WRONG"
>she closes her eyes, "user, please calm down..."
>i begin screaming and simultaneously poopooing and peepeeing my pants, but my engine has been burned out and I curl up in my own waste, peacefully sleeping
>i wake up clean and tethered to my bed, a plate of yummy tendies on my tummy with a note from mama jama saying she's sorry for being so harsh and that she's proud of me for being such a good boy
Being a bad boy has its perks, but nothing beats the satisfaction of being mummy's good little boy!

Give me, give me, chicken tendies
Be they crispy, or from Wendy's
Spend my hard-earned good boy points
On Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints

Mommy lifts me to the car
To find me tendies near and far
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats
In comfy big boy booster seats

McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's
But of my tendies none remains
She tries to make me take a nappy
But sleeping doesn't make me happy

Tendies are the only food
That puts me in the napping mood
I'll scream, I'll shout, I'll make a fuss
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!

Tendies are my heart's desire
Fueled by raging, hungry fire
Mommy sobs, and wails, and cries
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries

My good boy points were fairly earned
To buy the tendies that I've yearned
But there's no tendies on my plate
Did mommy think that I'd just ate?!

Tendies, tendies, get them now!
You fat, ungrateful, sluggish sow!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I screech while hurling into her eyes
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise
For she who is unpooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders

Wow. Autism. Pure, autism.

>Wake up at 8 PM after my nappy-wappy
>Remembered I've been a really good boy today
>Go to check my Good Boy Point (GBP) whiteboard
>30 GBP
>Enough to go in the playroom AND get a tendie meal with ranch dipping sauce
>Wade through my piss bottles and shit jugs to get to my door
>Waddle over to mummy's room
>"Mummy! Mummy! I've been a good boy and I want to go to the pwaywoom!"
>Mummy checks my chart and leads me to the playroom
>As she unlocks the playroom, she tells me that she'll get my tendies ready
>I quickly remind her, "Don't fowget the wanch!!"
>rush into the playroom and fall over headfirst onto the racecar mat.
>begin playing with my blocks
>One hour later
>Door opens and she has my tendies, except...
>No ranch dip
>"BITCH! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MY TENDIES. I NEED RANCH DIPPING SAUCE TO FULLY ENJOY MY TENDIES."
>"y-you never asks for ranch, sweetums..."
>"WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR NUMBER ONE BOY!?!?"
>"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL MOM!?"
>"d-don't worry user, I'll go right back down to get your ranch..."
>Throw one of my blocks at her and it hits her straight in the eye
>That's gonna leave a bruise.
>"SERVES YOU RIGHT, NORMIE BITCH! NOW GO BACK DOWN AND MAKE ME SOME MORE TENDIES!"
>Lean in close to her ear
>Shout "AND DON'T FORGET THE RANCH."
>She leaves crying
>Notice I made some wawa in my nappy.
>Mum comes back and changes me while I enjoy my ranch-dipped tendies
>She's still crying
>mfw

...

>be me
>wake up from ten hour nap, starving
>craving tendies
>saved up some extra gbp by helping mommy bring in groceries
>only problem is mommy's boyfriend chad is with her in their room making snugglies
>fucking hate that bitch i want tendies now
>yell at mommy through closed door
>"MOMMY! WENDY'S TENDIES! WENDY'S TENDIES! WENDY'S TENDIES!"
>"not now user ill get you some later"
>fucking bitch ill show her
>get my pissjugs from under my bed, along with my cum blanket, pretty much completely crusty at this point
>barge into mommy's room
>chad is on top of mommy
>take one of my pissjugs and pour contents onto them
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" chad screams
>mommy is sobbing
>"WENDY'S TENDIES ARE SO SPLENDID! NONE FOR YOU AND ALL FOR ME. IF YOU WANT SOME TASTY TENDIES, GBP WILL BE THE FEE."
>chad punches me, fall over, breaking pissjugs on floor
>piss is everywhere
>pee is a fetish of mine, get really horny
>take out my iphone 6s and type in my favorite hentai
>start using my cum blanket to jerk off my dick
>chad and mommy are staring in shock
>chad gets up and leaves, mommy chasing after him
>"CHAD, WAIT!" mommy is crying
>"I can't handle this anymore Stacy, you're son is a fucking freak."
>chad slams door and drives away
>finish fapping, cum buckets into my cum blanket
>drape freshly minted blankey over mum's head
>"ill go get your tendies now user" she says, sadly
>tfw I break her
>mommy comes home with spicy tendies fresh from Wendy's
>gobble them up while watching the littlest pet shop and fapping some more
>and i still have 50 gbp left.

Tendies, tendies on my plate
Never early, never late
At twelve o'clock its lunchie time
And mommy serves them on a dime

Mommy cooks them in the oven
To show me extra special lovin
Add honey mustard sauce to this
To send me into tendie bliss

Good Boy Points are thus required
To get the tendies I desire
And if I wish to go to Wendy's
I must turn in points to get my tendies

I turn in points that I've compiled
From huggies, kissies, and not running wild
"What a good boy you've been today
Let's go to Wendy's so that I may repay"

"But you've been eating way too much chicken
You're getting a salad, no screamin or kickin"
This makes me mad, this makes me bitter
This makes me unleash the contents of my shitter

I stuff it in her mouth and punch her in the head
Until I am sure my dear mommy is dead
I steal her purse so that I can have money
To buy tendies and mustard with honey

I purchase the tendies from the nice lady
(Although these tendies are nuggies, which I find quite lazy)
And as I devour my fried chicken treats
I realize that life has never been so sweets

>Be my birthday
>Mama got me the Littlest Pet Shop cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green paper in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me fresh chicken tendies with a side of pizza that night
>she didn't even charge my good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever

>be me
>530 Lbs of mummy's golden child
>sitting on toilet squeezing out a big poo that I've held for a day
>finally drops out along with a BRRRRRAPPPPPPFFPPPPTHTHTHTPPP
>look in the bowl at my masterpiece, skidmarks longer than the M6
>"Mummy, MUMMY, come and see what I did!"
>mum unlocks the door from the outside using the special key for emergencies
>proudly point at the toilet bowl
>wow! You've done so well, and it's all in the bowl too! That's 10 good boy points
>clap my hands because I've been saving my good boy points for weeks, finally at 150
>cash them all in for a special hour with my catgirl
>mummy phones up the people who send the catgirl and talks with them
>hear girl arrive at the door and sit on the end of my bed and take off my pants for the first time in 2 days
>can hear them talking downstairs
>"God, it's not him again is it? He's getting too large for me to do anything"
>hear mummy say "Please, we have a system and it's the only way I can get him to do anything"
>girl sighs and says "I have the catears headband too, I'll be wearing it again?"
>clap my hands because I can tell special time is about to begin
>girl comes into my room and meows and purrs
>have special fun time, she makes my peepee feel good
>the next 50 minutes are spent while I tell her about my comics and my video games
>she's really impressed
>eventually leaves after the hour is up
>mummy comes up with my snack of tendies for being such a good boy
>"enjoy your tendies, snookums, I have to leave now for my nightshift"
>eat my tendies in bed and dream about my waifu Mikasa-san afterwards

How can anyone diss the NEET life? Enjoy your long hours and ungrateful wives, wageslaves.

>mummy says she can't afford to look after me and pay for all my tendies and my WoW subscription
>tells me I should apply for thta part time job at Lickin' Chicken to help with the bills
>start hyperventilating, going extremely red like a tomato (YUCK!)
>who does that bitch think she is
>hit her in her stupid old face with my fists and scream at her until she stops talking and leaves
>flash forward several weeks
>mummy hasn't talked about me getting a job since then
>she gets dressed up in fishnet stockings and very red lipstick and goes out all night, every night now, leaving chicken tendies in the microwave that I have to go all the way downstairs to heat up myself
>mfw
>later I find out mummy sent in an application to Lickin' Chicken for me and I got an interview
>I'm sitting in my swimming shorts on my big meowth cushion (MEE-OWTH THAT'S RIGHT!) trying to play WarioWare Touched on my Nintendo when she tells me about it
>MUMMY SHUT UP. SHUT UP MUMMY I'M TRYING TO BEAT ASHLEY
>fucking cunt hole tries to reason with me so I tell her
>WHO'S THE GIRL NEXT DOOR LIVING IN A HAUNTED MANSION YOU BETTER LEARN MY NAME CAUSE I'M ASHLEY
>jump up and down stomping my feet
>at the interview mum tries to stop me playing my DS
>I keep headbutting her until she lets me carry on
>the stupid man interviewing me asks me what I could bring to Lickin' Chicken
>keeping my eyes glued to the screen, I stand up and start a one-man conga around the small office singing I LIKE CHICKEN TENDIES. THE FLAVOUR NEVER ENDIES.
>anyway I didn't get the job, whatever, fucking normies said I would only earn 200 a week, I can make that just by staying in my bed all night and not getting into mummy's bed. Ka-ching!

>be 32 year old beautiful, happy bouncy baby boy with a bright future ahead of me
>6pm, just woke up, getting my morning ceweals
>enter mommy, she sits down in front of me as i happily pick apart the marshmellows in the cereal and eat them with a spoon full of milkies
>"honey, your dad and i have been talking, and we think its finally time for you to get a job..."
>i stop her immediately after that
>"mommy...what are you...?"
>an incomprehensible rage takes over me, i quickly lash out at mommy
>grab the poopy diaper that she hasnt fucking changed since last night
>throw it right at her face, makes a big splat sound and she falls back from the force and velocity of the poopy diaper smacking her
>as she is stunned and wiping the poopies off, i stand over her with my fists clutched, she is cowering with her hands over her face, stupid fucking bitch
>i remind her that baby doesnt like it when his diaper changing bonding with mommy time is forgotten
>start peeing all over her, she probably wants to be washed off by now
>give her a black eye just for good measure so she doesnt tell anyone what happened
>later that night, she comes in with a plate full of fresh wendys tendies and a new diaper, kisses my forehead and tells me to have a good night at 10 am

>29 year old bouncing bundle of joy
>on road trip with mommy
>laying in backseat with new 3ds
>get hungies
>mommy stops at this one buffet place
>we both go in
>"hello there" says cashier lady
>hold mommy's hand cuz nervous
>we get to our table
>"go get whatever you want, user"
>see this huge basket of tendies fallowed by dipping sauces
>go back to table with 3rd plate
>"don't you want to try something else, user?"
>give her the meanie eyes
>she shuts her whore mouth
>no more tendies in the basket
>see other kid with tendies on his plate 3 table away from us
>walk over and quickly grab his tendies and run out the door
>see him crying on the way out
>mfw
>mom comes out
>"user!, get back in there and apologize NOW!"
>slap that bitch with the fury of a thousand suns
>she gasps and starts crying
>we both get back in the car
>shes driving with tears in her eyes
>enjoy my tendie treats while trying playing mario cart for rest of ride

Is this Boogie2988 posting stories about his life?

>be me
>playing club penguin trying to hook up with bitches
>my mum comes in and says that after I lost her her job I should get a part time job
>I tell her to fuck off
>she sighs
>"I-i-t's okay, user. It's not your fault you're special."
>Stupid bitch. Why does everyone need to tell me that?
>Ffwd 1 month later
>now she just wears really red lipstick, fishnets and short skirt and goes upstairs every night with a male friend to play 'games' with a locked door.
>lying bitch, how can we still be poor and she can still play around?
>sometimes I hear beating and her crying.
>note to self: buy noise-cancellation headphones with GBP.
>my tummy is hungry
>I go upstairs and knock on the door
>"MUMMY YOUR BEST BOY IS HUNGRY. I WANT TENDIES."
>no answer
>I put my ear against the door
>hear them exercising
>faggots must have put in earpiece and listening to music
>no one fucks with my tendies
>go to backyard
>climb up tree outside mummy's window
>am big-boned but tendies motivate me
>see their silhouette behind curtain
>he's helping her do sit ups
>I am Enzio Auditore
>swing like pendulum and crash through window
>I roll gracefully and crash into mummy's drawer
>don't know why they're not wearing clothes, it's not that hot
>her friend is spilling mayonnaise on her face
>her male friend goes wtf
>he storms out and says he'll never "spend money on a stupid whore again"
>mummy just sits there and cries
>I bang on my chest and scream "I WANT TENDIES"

Tfw when she already left cooked tendies on the dining table before all that.

These stories are so cringe I can't read them.

>Be me, mummy's number one boy
>sitting in dark room illuminated only by my computer
>reach out onto my plate for a tendie
>nothing
>"Mummy, your big boy needs more tendies!"
>no response
>"Mummmyyy, I'm getting hungreeEEEE!!"
>silent
>fuck it, ill get my own tendies
>lift myself off the ground
>Mummy doesn't get me a chair because i keep breaking them
>i'm a growing boy get a stronger chair cunt
>i'll get her for that later
>wade through the sea of poo jugs, piss bottles, and cum rags that litter the floor
>don't bother lifting my feet off the floor, tip over dozens of jugs and bottles that sink into the stained carpetry
>finally make it to the stairs
>each step makes me sweat
>make it to the top
>waddle down the hall, the kitchen is at the very end
>fuck
>slowly make the trek across the sahara desert for my tendies
>get to Mummy's room
>it sounds like she and new new chocolate daddy are wrestling again or something
>hear Mummy crying
>door is wide open, look through
>Mummy is tied up and chocolate daddy is using his third thumb to play tag with her
>Mummy sees me
>"user, help! Call the police!"
>phone is all the way in my room
>fuckthat.jpg
>continue my journey to the kitchen, ignoring her screams and chocolate daddy's primitive whooping
>finally get there
>get my tendies
>waddle back to my room
>Mummy's screams are still loud
>put on the noise-cancelling headphones I bought with GBP and go back to playing minecraft

i dont get to see her anymore

I know this is Sup Forums, but go back to Sup Forums or /r9k/ with this unfunny shit.

i want to die

>be me
>29 years old
>literal manchild
>3 am
>lying in bed, have to take a shit
>don't want to get up, so shit in my bed
>its getting too sticky & stinky for my liking
>get out of bed and start stomping on the ground as hard as i can while shouting: MOMMY!!! POOPOO!!! POOPOO!!! at the top of my lungs
>stop when i hear my mom walking up the stairs
>She comes in my room and sees my shit covered bed
>sighs deeply and cleans up my mess
>ask her if she can take me to Mcdonalds
>''user, its 3 in the morning and i have to get up early''
>throw a tantrum, take off my pants and start shitting and pissing on the floor
>''ok ok user, p-please just stop''
>she cleans up and off we go
>make her buy me 3 happy meals
>want a balloon
>they tell my mom they're all out of balloons
>start screaming and nagging until she gets me a balloon
>BALLOON, I WANT MY BALLOOOON!!!!!
>only thing open this late is the gas station store by the highway, 30 minutes away
>we get home
>my mom looks exhausted
>go to my room to play with my happymeal toys and balloon
>hear my mom crying downstairs

Using cringe as an adjective is cringe inducing as well.

>sitting in room
>finish plate of tendies mummy made just for me
>hmm, I want some more!
>decide to play a prank on mummy (might cost some gbp, but fun is fun)
>rig one of my pee pee bottles to pour on whoever opens my door
>position my wittle bottom towards the door as well and pull down my diaper
>bang my steel drum to get her attention (at 30 gbp I simply had to!)
>MUMMY MUMMY, I WAS HUNGRY, NOW I'M FULL SO RUB MY TUMMY!
>Hear mummy coming
>A grin grows across my face as she draws near, my eyes crinkle and a "teehee!" slips out
>Mummy enters the room
>my pee pee pours in a steady stream on her head
>At the same time I begin blasting her with my nasty poo poo, coating her in a thick baby waby green layer!
>heehee! messy mummy messy mummy I say rhymically as she is covered in my nasty
>She doesn't say a word as my prank plays out
>finish my poo, turn and sit bare bottomed on the floor, leaving a wittle poopy stain
>mummy, did you wike my joke? ga ga goo goo!
>I begin giggling and drooling while slapping my wittle feetsies together as applause
>She does say anything
>Mummy, waugh at my wittle joke!
>I can see tears running through my pee pee and poo poo on her face
>Mummy, you don't want to upset your perfect wittle boy do you?
>She is still fighting
>My eyes sharpen and I drop my voice do a gravely, gutteral tone
>Listen you normie cunt, laugh at your sons prank or I'll kill you and kill myself, I'll drag you into the bath and slit your wrists while I fuck your fat whore ass
>Punch her in the face for good measure, hard enough to leave a black eye
>Mummy sees reason and lets out a chuckle
>heehee! I think that deserves 20 gbp for being such a funny and creative prank, don't you mummy!?
>She does a sort of weird nod and walks out of my playpen
Good Boy Points is too easy to get, even when being a naughty boy! She even took me out for more tendies that day, at no cost!

By "cringe" I mean they are literally so bad they cause physical pain. IDK why people write such shit. You can write about pathetic people without making the caricature TOO over the top.

>wake up at noon
>tum tum wants num num
>top off piss jug and stumble outside my room
>hsss the sun is too bright
>close door and begin punching my wall
>MOMMMY TUM TUM WANTS NUM NUM
>MOM MOM MOM MOM
>she yells and tells me to calm down
>hiss at her through wall
>TENDIES MOMMY, GIVE ME SWEET CRUNCHY TENDIES
>tell me to do it myself
>get mad and fling my door open
>wildly flailing arms and screaming
>NO MOMMY, I NEED TENDIES NOW
>mommy walks away and tells me she's calling daddy to deal with me
>UH OH daddy is gonna hurt me
>rush to room and open the floor board and hide in the crawl space
>daddy comes home and starts yelling at me
>HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS TENDIES, MOMMY WONT MAKE THEM
>tries to get down but he has bad knee
>user GET THE FUCK OUT
>HISSSSSS TENDIES
>dad walks away
>i stay down in the filthy dirty covered crawl space for three hours
>mommy eventually brings me a plate of warm crunchy tendies with my favorite dipping sauce
>tfw this is the bullshit i have to put up with

>be me
>Mummy's perfect little 36 year old
>Daddy passed away a few years ago from a hurt chest after yelling at me to get a job
>before he died he put a little me inside Mummy's tummy
>Mummy starts talking about how nice itll be to have a baby around again
>"But aren't I the baby?"
>"user, you know I'm going to need help raising the baby, you're going to be a big brother and that means responsibility."
>i get mad and tell the whore that I'm not going to share her with that thing inside her
>"user, its time to grow up."
>Mummy gets fat and starts asking me to do shit around the house
>changing my own diaper, answering the door, whatever
>"user, could you throw some chicken tenders in the oven for me and get me a prenatal vitamin shake, I've got a craving!"
>TOO
>FUCKING
>FAR
>go upstairs to Mummy's room and grab her nail polish remover off the nightstand
>go downstairs and pour it into stupid fucking healthy-baby drink
>grab her cunt-face
>"Open wide!"
>Mummy chokes down nasty smelling smoothie and starts to scream and cry
>I keep telling her itll be better this way but she wont stop trying to hit me
>shake all gone so I decide to head back to my room for a nap
>she can make up for everything shes done when I wake up
>Mummy calls 911 screaming about bleeding from her piss-flappy downstairs parts
>I stomp on her phone and tell the bitch that if she calls them again I'll put rat poison in the next smoothie
>Mummy lays on floor for a few hours before she drives herself to the hospital after I fall asleep
>Mummy disobeyed me but baby is gone now
>all is well

Wow, you must be super fucked up. Inb4 get off Sup Forums. I've seen gore. I've seen rekt threads. This is another level of horrible. YOU need to FUCK OFF. NOW.

Copying posts from /r/Sup Forums and /r/greentext today are we?

>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>user you're 33, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>user please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of piping hot chili
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my still-erect big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>mfw I always get my way.

Hurry up and die, stupid thread with one faggot posting.

>wake up at 5pm with tummy grumbles
>been saving up my GBP to have a real tendy feast
>shuffle as fast as I can to mommy's room
>she's sitting in her chair looking at an old album of my baby photos and crying
>I break out in my favorite song
>"TENDIES ARE MY FAVORITE TREAT! NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO EAT!"
>she looks up dejectedly
>"A-user, I'm not really up for getting tendies right now. Can't we get them later?"
>can't believe what I'm hearing
>I even passed up getting Amiibos with my GBP in anticipation of this meal
>"MY INTESTINES ARE FULL AND MY ANUS IS WET! A DAY WITHOUT TENDIES IS A DAY YOU'LL REGRET!
>"Wait, user I-"
>I can see in her eyes that she already knows her words are too late
>"TENDIES WERE MY ONE DESIRE! NOW BEHOLD MY FECAL MIRE!
>liquid ex-tendies pour from my body and start to fill the room
>mommy's screams are drowned out by the caca-phony being emitted from my rumpus
>fast forward an hour and I'm eating all the Wendy's tendies my heart could desire

The key to dealing with normie moms is making sure that they know their place

...

> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> mfw its 03:00am
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> challenging me at this hour?
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric wheelchair.
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> victory.ogg
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies
> puts hot plate of tendies in front of me and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.

Dumb nigger story like all the rest in this thread. Faggot should end it all. Get out.

Baby wakes up in the morning hungry for his tendie meal
He starts shouting for his mummy, and so loudly it's unreal
"Wanna eat my chickie tendies, so please give them to me now,
And don't forget to bring the ranch, you fat, ungrateful cow"
Mummy comes in with a smile on her face
"Just a second hun", sounds like she knows her place
After just a minute comes my favorite food in bed
And I sit there eating chicken, happy baby has been fed

Mummy comes back later for my dirty dish and plate
And now I need more tendies to properly satiate
So I throw the plate at mummy and I tell her what I need
But I threw the plate so hard at her that she began to bleed
Mummy took my good boy points away
And she told me that I will be grounded for today
This is an injustice for the good boys everywhere
Time to release plan B inside of my underwear

I sit in my bed and then I have to concentrate
And release manifestation of my overwhelming hate
And when all is said and done,that is when I begin to bawl
Mummy comes back in, because she's at my beckon call
I watch her face when she smells the smell
"This is it dear mummy, this is my personal hell"
"Baby made a poo poo and needs mummy to change"
"Don't forget my good boy points, cuz I yelled out your name"

The morally of the story is that baby's always right
Gotta put mummy in place when she puts up a fight
She will try to ground you, but try as she might
When she messes with baby there is no end in sight
Cherry Coke Zero is such a joy
To go with chickie tendies for mummy's little boy
And in the morning we will do this all again
That's why daddy left us, because his is not our friend

>Wake up at 9pm after a particularly exhausting Minecraft session
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY MAKE ME BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up locked inside the basement bad-boy cage next to a plate of hot tendies
>new daddy is gone

great success

Take a break and do something worthwhile, you spacker.

>34 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me 10 Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But user, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need ten Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert

The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!

>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>*vroom-vroom*
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"user, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"user stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room, rubbing her fresh bruise
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.

If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.

Why can't you be a normal 30 year old virgin? Why be a pseudo baby? You weren't this wacked out as a 13 year old, so why be this wacked out at 30? Be mature to some extent. You don't have to be a "man" like everyone else says, but have some dignity.

I know you're "meming" but fuck you anyway.

>playing CoD3
>my belly starts to rumble
>"Mommy I need some Tendieeeeeessss."
>"user, for the last time, you're on a diet and can't have fried food!"
>"But momeeeeeee! I have enough GBPeeeee!!"
>no response
>wait a few minutes
>Hear the "bump bump" of mommy walking down the stairs
>a tray slides through my flap-flap on my basement door
>mommy had it installed because "she couldn't bear seeing me"
>remove the neck of my poop jug from my anus
>been sitting on my poop jug as a chair all day
>it makes my peepee feel tingly
>wobble over my bedroom door
>look at the tray
>so taken aback by the horror on my tray that I fall over
>THE BITCH MADE ME BAKED CHICKEN
>clench fists hulk-style and start yelling "IM.... ANGRY"
>"user SMASH!"
>just like my hero saitama knock the basement door off of it's hinges in one punch
>start hobbling up the stairs
>have to stop on 5th step because exhausted
>take a nap on the stairs for about 30 minutes
>continue making my journey up the last 3 steps
>get to the top, reminds me of rocky
>roll up to mommy, poopy butt leaving trails on the carpet
>"hello user how was your dinn-"
>roll straight into her legs, knocking her to the ground
>"MOMMY FAILED TO COMPLY, NOW SHE ten-DIES"
>Start rolling on her like a steamroller
>hear her bones cracking from my beautiful curves
>"user NO PLEASE STOP!"
>activate "Muddy Lemonade" protocol
>start pissing and shitting as i roll over her
>"user ILL MAKE YOU TENDIES JUST PLEASE STOP!"
>I halt
>she crawls to the kitchen her broken legs dragging behind her
>see her pull a handful of what i think are tic-tacs from an orange bottle and put them into the milk for the breading
>I hate mint flavor!
>slither up behind her like a snake that has just eaten a elephant whole
>"PUT MINTS IN MY TENDIES, YOUR SPINE GOES BENDY"
>get mommy's head and bend it backwards so the back touches her butt
>she's limp
>have peepee fun friction time with her mouth
>roll back to basement and start playing CS:GO
>8hrs later still no tendies

>5:45 PM
>Wake up from a particularly intense visit to tumblrs paw-fetish tag
>Even managed to stretch over my belly and reach my peepee long enough to cum with out mummys help
>Awake now, I feel the need for about 50 tendies and an extra large glass of chokie pudding to wash it down
>Press the intercom I had mommy install for my birthday last year
>"TENDIES TENDIES AND CHOKIE PUDDY!"
>If this cunt is too stupid to decipher THAT, then she's beyond all fucking help
>Mommy sprints up the stairs 20 minutes later with 2 50 piece nuggets from mcdonalds and a large jug of puddy
>Nuggets
>"Do it again or I'll fucking kill myself and light the house on fire right before I pull the fucking trigger."
>"Wha- Oh right! Tendies, not nuggies! I'm so so sorry honey..."
>"Honey'
>Fucking HONEY
>Mommy knows I like to be called her sweetpea
>Roll out of bed and lunge at her, the poopoo from last weeks Poofap party in hand
>Smash it into her fucking face as hard as I can while screaming "POOPOO POISON PAWNCH!!!"
>Mommy falls backwards into the radiator, but this has happened so many times her skull is calloused enough to tank the shot, she scrambles to her feet and rushes back to the car
>By the time she returns, I've eaten all the nuggies and puddy
>She has the 50 tendies
>But no new puddy

Guys, I try to be understanding but this is borderline child neglect. How do I show her that this is unacceptable? It's obvious my gentle reminders won't be as effective now that her skull doesn't crack on the radiator anymore.

Pfffttt...

>be a 27 year old NEET
>wake up at 6PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy Leroy and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicken tenders, just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungry for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable one and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let losse my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to Jumanji
>mummy and new daddy are in the front row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "...tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicky tendies again"

And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points

>>playing club penguin trying to hook up with bitches

kek

You're so sweet to me mom. Will you make tendies?

>If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
Agreed! All our mothers used to be slutty normalfags bitches. We wouldn't have pity with them typically. Ironically the only reason we do pity them is because they forced us into existence, which is the same reason we should hate them even more

I really fucking hate these threads

I love how yesterday everyone was raving about this thread being the funniest thing on Sup Forums in ages, and today everybody is taking it super seriously and flaming it to oblivion.

Keep posting OP, these are gold.

And as for you Sup Forums, never change x

Yeah give this guy more bananas and logs

>Be masturbating to family photos of my mom from when she was in middle school
>Mommy comes in and sees
>Asks me to stop
>Stand up, still masturbating (Slowly, dont want to cum yet, but dont wanna have to start over)
>Explain that incest was just invented by normies to make it harder for robots to get laid, and that only a fucking freak wouldn't be attracted to viable pussy when available
>She sighs and leaves, her eyes tearing up
>finally able to finish up, want some spaghetti
>Go downstairs and see mommy in kitchen
>Cooking roast chicken
>Screech at her and ask why she didn't make spaghetti
>Her answer is the final straw
>"What? You didn't ask for spaghetti."
>Lunge at her and punch the shit out of her
>She's out cold
>Shit on her whore face when she's down
>As she lays there, her pants ride up quite a lot
>See her ass clearly through her pants
>Mutter "Only a freak wouldn't be attracted to viable... viable pussy..."
>Don't want to lose virginity yet (saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years, still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
>Jerk off onto her ass instead, then write a note on the white wall of the kitchen in my own shit
>"Spaghetti. One hour. Or next time, I'll do it worse, then kill myself and blame you in the suicide note."

>wake up at 2pm
>30 year old NEET
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>causes me to have another accident
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
>I just sit there on floor, in my own filth, thinking about what a disappointment I am
>mfw

Ahahahaha bitch will watch cats set on fire and beheadings all day but if someone writes a pretend story about mummy then he gets all weak in the knees

>Mommy gives me $20 and tells me to go walk to the movies so she and New New Daddy can have some alone time
>"For tickets alone, this sum shall suffice. But I must eat too, and that begs a higher price!"
>Jesus user, when are you going to stop talking like that? It's really getting on my nerves
>bitch still gives me another $20
>"Mummy, upon leaving the theatre, the hour will be late. A ride I demand, and I don't like to wait!"
>user, the theater is a 5 minute walk away. Get home yourself
>"Neglect of your child is the worst of my triggers. Do you wish to see me set upon by unruly niggers?"
>user, don't use that language! We live in a safe neighborhood, now go
>"The march to the theatre looms long and unfriendly. To maintain my stamina, I require Tendies!"
>mummy is visibly mad at this point
>user, I'm not making you more tendies, you had two cases earlier. Your body doesn't need any more!
>"Ah, i see it's a matter of my digestive capacity. The solution, I assure you, is not beyond my sagacity!"
>stick thumb down throat
>puke all over mummy's special Just For Daddy dress
>"My stomach is emptied, it demands to be refilled! Now cook up more tendies, the only task in which you're skilled!"
>mummy starts crying
>walks toward bathroom
>I pull her back into the kitchen
>she cooks me tendies while crying silently
>I wolf them all down, smiling brightly

>Mummy walks in the door holding bags of groceries
>"Looks like mummy got some groceries, and she looks friendly. I wonder perhaps, did she pick up my tendies?"
>Yes, user, I got you your tendies. They'll be ready in time for dinner.
>"Methinks, perhaps, they'd best be made now; Lest ye become burdened by poo poo somehow..."
>user, I don't have time. I need to go pick up your sister from school.
>"Sissy can wait, but poo poo cannot. The tendies will be here and they will be hot."
>Please don't do this again, user. We can't afford to keep buying you new diapers.
>"You've forsaken me whim, let the poo poo commence. The contents within will be quite immense"
>What are you... OH MY GOD, user. THAT SMELLS TERRIBLE
>"I warned you, dear mummy, most surely I did. This is what you get for neglecting your kid!"
Then I played CS: Go for 26 minutes before taking a lengthy nap. Upon my awakening, a clean diaper and warm plate of tendies. Life is comfy.

At first i thought gbp meant sterling lmao

>Stepdad Chad took me out for "bro's night" cause i overheard mommy telling him to
>Mommy said I needed male bonding and that she wanted Chad to take more of a father figure role
>It wasn't until we were in the car that Chad dropped the bomb that we weren't going to Wendies but to a new restaurant, Chad's favorite restaurant
>I reeee'd and stamped my feet and punched the dash. Chad told me to shut the fuck up or he would kick me out of his car and leave me in the snow
>I didn't bring any shoes, and I was really hungry from all my reee, so I decided to humor Chad until tendies were delivered
>I slide the back of my sweatpants down and made a little poo smear on Chad's cloth seat
>It was dark, so Chad had no idea my 300lbs+ was permanently grinding the runny poo deep into his car upholstery
>Chad rolled down the window and told me to stop farting in his car
>As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot i saw it was called Hooters
>Not a good sign. Tendies come from chickens, not owls
>"Order me my tendies", I told Chad
>Chad said he would also order me a beer too since I was over 30 but I said "no, choccy milk".
>He told me the don't have choccy milk so i reee'd a weak little reeee cause I was extremely famished and anyway they had Mountain Dew. Maybe this place wasn't too bad.
>WRONG.
>The tendies promised weren't tendies at all. THEY HAD BONES!
>I flung the nasty bonies and began to reeee and reeee harder than I had ever ree'd that night
>"I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES!"
>"TAKE ME TO WENDY'S NOW OR I'LL TELL MOMMY YOU TOOK ME TO A STRIP CLUB!"
>Someone said "Get him out of here. He stinks like shit and he's not wearing any shoes"
>They were talking about Chad, but Chad was wearing shoes. Even the people at this restaurant were stupid
>Chad put me in the back seat and took me home, but not before going through the Wendy's drive through
>Checkmate. eating my tendies right now as I type this and I can hear mommy and Chad yelling at each other upstairs

>at new daddy's country cabin for the weekend while the house is fumigated
>him and mummy go out for the day, leave me in my race car bed that mummy carried all the way here on the bus because she can't afford gas any more
>noon rolls around, get hungry
>get out of bed, unlock the baby gate they set up (she doesn't know I know how, dumb bitch) and go into the kitchen/hall area in search of din dins
>NO FUCKING TENDIES
>just spam and jerky and soup in the cupboards and frozen deer in the freezer
>pile all the spam cans up and go pee pee on them to show what I think of this
>fucking normies don't have the first clue about nutrition, this is a fucking outrage
>go into new daddy's bedroom, maybe he keeps an emergency stash of tendies hidden like I do
>look under his bed
>nothing there but a load of magazines with pictures of ladies wearing no clothes and some men too
>there fucking MUST be tendies nearby because the magazines are covered in ranch
>notice a shoebox a little further back
>grab it and bring it out, it's heavy. These must be his tendies, quite a few of them too
>open it
>it's a gun
>looks like a Glock 17, I can tell from extensive experience in Counter-Strike
>take it out and pretend I'm in Wanted, making the bullet curve around the doorway and hitting Chad on the other side
>"HAHA FUCK YOU CHAD YOU SHIT I BET YOU REGRET THOSE WEDGIES NOW-"
>suddenly there's a loud crash in the hall and a man's voice shouting
>fill my diaper and start shaking
>the gun goes off, I go deaf and drop it
>crawl under the bed and squeeze my eyes shut
>work up the courage to check things out after a few minutes
>peak around kitchen corner
>new daddy is lying in a pile of spam cans, ouchie-juice leaking from his abdomen
>mummy is crying over him and on the phone to the police

this is going to cost some hefty GBP