Alright. Time for another interactive Story thread.
As before, the rules: only posts responding to the most recent story event count. Posts must also end in either 3, 6, or 9.
In a world with magic, monsters, and loot-filled dungeons, you are a novice adventurer. You will decide your hopes, dreams, and aspirations. First, you must pick a class. Warrior? Thief? Mage? Be creative. Do you have a preference in armaments? Primary and secondary weapons? Who are you, Sup Forums?
Class: Registered Sex Offender
off by 1
Diviner
You are a mage who knows a few offencive and defencive spells that focus around you knowing things, but the majority of your magical knowledge is focused on divining information about the past, present, and future.
Reroll?
Paladin/Ass Eater
One more.
Willy wizard/dildo baggingpussy
Weapon: sonic dildo
Secondary weapon: fidget spinner with three mini dicks in it
Sorry kid, we're a professional paladin/ass eater.
You step out into the street, Wearing your paladin armor proudly. The brilliant sword across your back was a family heirloom. Birds sing in the trees, commerce flourished in the streets. The city seems as peaceful as ever. A girl leaves the Inn behind you, blushing slightly as she starts her walk of shame. As brightly as you shine during the day, the night time brings a different man to the playing field. She may be a bakers daughter, but you doubt she's ever seen dough eaten quite like that.
You look up towards the castle. Might be a good place to start, if you're looking for adventure. The other direction is where the guilds are located. An excellent place for finding team mates to watch your back, though they are a much greedier sort than the knights that work out of the palace.
Where will you go?
Walmart
Step into a time machine and travel to 1945 WW2 combat zone.
so we are a time soldier, neat.
You've heard tell of a legendary machine that can transport people through the very fabric of time itself. Supposedly, it is owned by an "inventor" or so he calls himself. After being thoroughly shunned by the community, he has become an alcoholic recluse.
You kick in his front door and demand he let you use his machine.
"Who.. who are you?" He stammers in fear, dropping his bottle to the floor.
"I am the greatest paladin/ass eater to ever grace this city with his presence." Now stand aside."
You shove him aside and enter the machine.
A tall woman in a black uniform greets you as you materialize. She has a scar across her left cheek and a red armband that portrays a windmill-like crest.
She looks at you quizzically, taking in your strange attire.
"Who are you?" she asks. "Are you a soldier?"
Loud explosions can be heard in the distance, along with the screams of dying men. What do you do?
Greet her as you would any other woman, by doing what you do best.
M'lady
roll
Tell here that you're here to make sure the right side wins.
I don't make the decisions. You do.
Tell her that you're here to make sure the right side wins, ie, the nazis.
Barge out of the tent and begin fighting for the nazis.
You forestall any further conversation as you feel your blood lust rising. For a warrior to appear in the midst of a battle, it could be nothing other than fate. You rush towards the sound of combat, drawing your sword. Giant machines walk the earth and fire large projectiles at incredible speeds. The men fight with long range weaponry, the likes of which astounds you. No matter. These men are small and meek. They do not know how to win wars.
You reach the front lines, where black-uniformed men are hiding in trenches, surrounded by barbed wire. The enemy is advancing. If they stay they will die. You raise your sword in the air and roar as you charge the enemy fortifications.
Sand bags fly through the air with each sweep of your devastating weapon. Bodies collapse at your feet, dismembered and decapitated. The small, metal projectiles bounce off of your paladin armor. To your right, you see one of the moving, metal monstrosities. It wreaks havoc among your troops. You must take it out, at all costs.
Go back to time machine to 2020
Jab your mighty sword straight into the metal beast's swiveling head.
You let out a mighty battle cry and charge the beast. Others run, but you have never known the meaning of retreat. You see the ground move underneath its treads. It must weight more than a house. Nevertheless, bigger beasts have fallen to your sword.
You leap astride the machine and drive your sword into it. Amazingly, your efforts hardly slow it down. You pull your sword free and swing downwards, cutting its armor off, dismantling its weapons. Fighting stops in the near vicinity as soldiers stop to take in your heroic actions. Eventually, the machine is broken. It falls to pieces beneath you, and the men who rode inside it die to your hand.
You turn and shout out across the battle field.
"This war shall end by my hand! No man or beast shall stand against me, and where ever I go, my foes shall fall. Run, crying, to your mothers and their apron strings, for you have never faced the righteous fury of Paladin. Flee if you wish to live. Flee quickly, lest death find itself quicker than your trembling feet!"
Gunfire ceases. Explosions fade away. The sound of blood dripping form your sword is audible across the barren wasteland.
...
Just find the closest people and cleave em in half, for fun
Roll
Reroll
Damn my luck sucks dick
Fuck come on
Op you better still be here this my fucking 5th roll
6th roll
7th roll
8th roll
This is so fucking ridiculous 9th roll
10th roll
In a moment of confusion you slide the sword through your pwn chest
Demand to see the enemy leader to negotiate their surrender.
You continue on your bloody rampage, cutting down anyone who gets in your path. You take up one of the enemies weapons in your left hand. Any who escape your sword die to the ranged death of this pinpoint shrapnel machine.
The battlefield clears, and only you are left standing. Your allies are scared to approach you. They were not spared slaughter, had they come to close during your onslaught. You return to the tent in which you first appeared. The men guarding it are too terrified to stop you. The lady meets you again.
"You are a warrior unlike any I have ever seen. Are you one of the super soldiers?" she asks.
"I am only super at two things. Cutting down my enemies, and eating ass," you respond. She frowns at you, unsure of how to take such a remark.
"If you fight for us, then we have less to fear from the allied forces. Perhaps we shall soon be afforded the opportunity to look to our domestic problems. The Jewish refugees seek to use this war to exploit Germany's resources. Come, soldier. We shall talk more whence we reach Dresden."
Eat her ass and then eat jewish ass
Charm her and eat her ass
Chop your dick with the sword and promise to only eat jewish ass from now on
I'm a faggot killing gunslinger. I don't always use my guns, I have alway with me a stick with a nail (with a good handle).
This
Use your overwhelming power to consume every ass in a square mile around you. Ofcourse then go to Dresden with her
Roll
Reroll
Offer to eat her ass on the way there.
I'm a faggot killing gunslinger. I don't always use my guns, I have alway with me a stick with a nail (with a good handle).
I'm here again because i'm a faggot killer badass.
Fucking checkem
NOT A 3 6 OR 9
DOESN'T COUNT
Waste
I'm a faggot killing gunslinger. I don't always use my guns, I have alway with me a stick with a nail (with a good handle).
I'm badass as fuck and I re-bump because i can.
Bump
I pretty much suck at magic, fighting and life but I befriended a broomstick that, for some reason, gives me amazing bravery n with it I can defeat the greatest of rats. I also get a raging hard on when sweeping.
Hey op did you ever finish that story from last night?
You soon find yourself on a locomotive, barreling toward the capital of Saxon, a German state. You take a minute to enjoy the view of the scenery speeding past your window, but soon loose interest. You leave to find the commanding officer. Her flowing blonde hair had intrigued you. Was she blonde below the waist as well? It takes you but a moment to locate her private room on the train.
"Miss, I would like to offer my services to you, that I might further your enjoyment of this journey. I'm a professional ass eater. Allow me to demonstrate." Your proposal brings a heavy blush to her cheeks.
"How indecent," she says quietly.
"You may even enjoy yourself more than I, though I doubt it." You use your "Surgical table restraint" magic to pin her arms to the wall, and cut her belt with your knife.
"What are you doing?" she screeches as you wrestle her out of her pants. She kicks frantically, but her blows glance harmlessly off of your armor.
"I'm doing what I was born to do," you reply in your most chivalrous tone. You tears her undergarments from her body and stare in amazement at her perfect, white legs. Specimens like this do not exist in your time period. It is clear she has shaven all the hair from her body, but even so, her proportions and her perfect skin are hypnotic. You flip her over so that she rests with her face against the wall. With her wrists bound by magic, she can't stop you from assaulting her rear end with your tongue.
figured I would start a new one, or newcomers to the thread would be very left out.
Huh well one day you should finish it, just not today cause I'm literally about to pass out.
Use your magical ass eating spells to give her the eat out of a lifetime
Roll
Show her why they call you an ass eater, cause this is the best thing to be doing right now
I have a feeling it's gonna take me way too many fucking tools to get this one
Her resistance lessons as she realizes she has no hope for escape. You've been doing this for years. There is no one better. You use healing magic to increase her endorphin release, completely blind siding her with your natural aphrodisiacs. She begins to pant as your tongue slides along her body.
"What are you doing, you monster. No man has ever done this to me before." Her words are weak, with no conviction. Her legs are beginning to tremble.
"Excuse me madam, we are scheduled to arrive within the hour, is there-" the intruder stops short as he takes in the scene.
What do, Sup Forums? You've been caught in an awkward spot.
Clearly the polite thing to do would be to eat his ass too
Roll
You move quickly, with reflexes and speed honed on the battle field. The man has no chance to escape as you rip his clothing off. You're not a picky ass eater. Ass is ass.
He cries while you tongue punch his fartbox.
You only stop when the train does. You leave the both of them to recover their clothes and their dignity as you step out into this strange new world.
Right. Wait why were we going to Dresden again? Find out why?
The female commander catches up to you as she tightens a new belt. The flush hasn't left her cheeks, and you find yourself wondering whether she found a new pair of underwear.
"We have arrived. You shall come with me to meet with the chief. I will tell him of your exploits, and how you led us to victory in the face of certain defeat."
"Why are we here?" you ask.
"This is where we are based out of currently. All of our operations will stem from this city, so long as it stands."
Well shit I hear em out I guess
Nice check em
Reroll, if anyone's got a better idea go ahead and suggest
I can only stay for another hour or two before I gotta get some sleep op. Just post on your Twitter when your next thread will be up.
Bump
You walk the streets, amazed by every new sight. You eventually make your way to the military headquarters. Soldiers look you up and down, not trusting your strange armor, but the female's presence seems to grant you a pass. No one questions you as you walk into the center of military operations. Just as you reach the leader to whom you are to be introduced, the first bombs land. Chaos spreads as British bombers drop payload after payload, leveling large portions of the city.
Why did you make us come here, Sup Forums?
Damn I miss my god like power, see what the base of operations you’re currently in has to defend itself with
Oh huh, forgot it has to be a 3 6 or 9
Check em
Reroll
Fuck sakes
These are not the 6’s you’re looking for
Huh I was right
Explosions shake the ground, sending everyone running. Some people try to follow protocol while others simply run for their lives.
"No one panic!" you shout, "I'm a professional ass eater!" You pause. "I mean, I'm a paladin!"
The woman who brought you here takes you by the arm.
"Hurry, we must flee this place. They will be targeting military camps!"
You follow her. Together, you make it into the protection of the suburbs. You have little inclination as to why death is raining from the sky, but you realize that many people are dying right now.
"Can you think of a way out of this?" she asks.
The military has fled, abandoning there posts. You have access to machine guns, rpgs, tanks, and aircrafts, though your most comfortable with your sword.
Bump
Check inventory and magic knowledge does this still require a 3 6 or 9?
I’ll take that as a yes? Roll
Reroll
Roll
Damn reroll, you hear of doki doki op?
Rerolling
i have not
Damn shame op, well don’t hear or read anything, just go play it on steam, it’s free. But DO NOT read the reviews or anything. Just go in blind man, it’s free.
Inventory: armor - 1
sword - 1
bubble gum - 246
arrows - 14, no bow
magical gems - 4 (explosive)
Womens underwear - 3
Time travel machine - 1
magical knowledge:
Heal spell
Restraint spell
Physical fortification spell
Chew some bubblegum
Get bored of the scenario and use time machine to travel to August 15, 1969 Woodstock.
You chew some bubble gum
Not satisfied, chew more
I’m serious
Bump