ATTN: Alcoholic Fags! I need your help, though everyone's input is welcomed

ATTN: Alcoholic Fags! I need your help, though everyone's input is welcomed.
A couple of facts:
>I can't drink liquor because I instantly loose control and wake up in strange places having pissed myself repeatedly
>really not a fan of beer anymore as it's so filling and I need to drink like 12 to feel good
>hate wine
>need to drink some form of alcohol or I'll loose my mind
So the question is: What do I drink toniight Sup Forums Hurry too, the store closes in an hour.

Absinthe? Moonshine? 4 Loko?

Drink your own pepe juice faggota

Cider?

Drink high alcohol beers like imperials. 9% and up shits cash

thanks but Absinthe and moonshine are both liquors, which I already stated I can't drink. 4Loko is nigger tier, but I like the idea.

this could work... any good ones to look for?
same problem as beer I'm afraid

...

He'Brew Bittersweet Lenny's

buckshot

Thanks I'll see if I can find that or some other imperial.
It sucks I wish I could just drink measured cocktails but literally every time I try it devolves into just sitting down with the bottle and doing shot after sshot after shot after shot and then I have absolutely no memory of what happened and I wake up covered in piss lol. I wish there was a locked machine that just dispenses 3 or 4 shots an hour. I used to be able to handle it too

You're looking for the Arrogant Bastard brew.

Drink chuhais. They are the best option for someone in your predicament. Do the research.

This looks like it has a lot of potential but I'm an amerifat... are these available in the US? I've never seen them but I've never looked either

Ever tried port?

Strong whiskey should help pace yourself too.

Else, pic related.

I am not sure. I am American, never seen them before moving to Japan but I am assuming you can rush order them online. Gonna have to cope with some piss-ridden sleepwalking nights before they come in. Struggle is almostover, user. Glad you looked it up.

1. It's lose, come on man.
2. Drink coolers, it's for little girls so you should be able to handle them.

lime a ritas

harder lemonade big cans

they didnt have any chuhai necessarily but they had "spiked seltzer" thats marketed towards chicks but im pretty sure its the same shit. fruit flavored carbonated water with 6% ABV. Looked like a roody poo buying it but i dont give a fuck

There are one or two brands that sell them. You can probably get it online. Lookup Takara or Sangria brand. It's pretty expensive though. In Japan these are cheap ass drinks.

Lots of craft beers have higher percent. I like lots of Ballast Point flavors, which are from 7-8 percent, but there are stronger ones out tere

kek found the title for my autobiography:
"Piss-Ridden Sleepwalking Nights"

This, or grain alcohol and cum

Seen some up passed 22. Few of them and sorted

my great uncle Bo used to make basically that
He called it "daddy's shine" but it wasa mix of grain alcohol, urine, and ejaculate. I remember beause any time Bo caught us jacking off or pissing he'd whoop us for not doing it in the bucket