If it makes you feel better, most people who claim to be Catholic are actually faithless apostates just like you. They are ethnically, culturally "Catholic" but they have failed in holding the faith, so really they are just Godless apostates that superficially do the things Catholics tend to do.
Pope Leo XIII, Satis Cognitum:
>The practice of the Church has always been the same, as is shown by the unanimous teaching of the Fathers, who were wont to hold as outside Catholic communion, and alien to the Church, whoever would recede in the least degree from any point of doctrine proposed by her authoritative Magisterium. Epiphanius, Augustine, Theodoret, drew up a long list of the heresies of their times. St. Augustine notes that other heresies may spring up, to a single one of which, should any one give his assent, he is by the very fact cut off from Catholic unity. "No one who merely disbelieves in all (these heresies) can for that reason regard himself as a Catholic or call himself one. For there may be or may arise some other heresies, which are not set out in this work of ours, and, if any one holds to one single one of these he is not a Catholic" (S. Augustinus, De Haeresibus, n. 88).
Most American "Catholics" support birth control, so as a matter of fact most American "Catholics" are outside of the faith and alien to the Church, regardless of whether they continue to go to Mass or do whatever things they do.
Vatican 1, Dogmatic Constitution
>Since, then, without faith it is impossible to please God [21] and reach the fellowship of his sons and daughters, it follows that no one can ever achieve justification without it, neither can anyone attain eternal life unless he or she perseveres in it to the end.
You 100% will go to hell for your faithlessness.
Considering that faith is above reason, and a supernatural grace, I recommend in the first that you pray for faith. Pray the hail mary, pray the rosary, and ask God for faith.