Anybody been through marriage counseling? Would love some input. Ass for your trouble

Anybody been through marriage counseling? Would love some input. Ass for your trouble.

Bump... I need help.

I'm at my wits end here... need some input.

>Anybody been through marriage counseling?
Been there, done that. Didn't work. Save your money.Go out and be happy.

What made you happy?

Yes. Ex wife insisted I go so she could convince everyone she really tried.

That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking it's over but " at least we tried" shit.

Bump.

>What made you happy?
Leaving that fat, lazy, apathetic, nagging, smelly cow and finding happiness with a 20 years younger chick.
>Ex wife insisted I go so she could convince everyone she really tried.
Exactly what mine did too. I tried to convince her that she should have tried the preceding 15 years and not only when I gave up.
>I'm thinking it's over but " at least we tried" shit.
If you are thinking its' over, then it IS over. Trust me. Save your money and time.

Counseling? Lol. It's over.
Counseling is just a bitch fest so she can feel like she was right before taking all your shit. Just end it and find another dumb wet hole to fuck.

Sorry to say but if you are at the counseling point it’s already over.

I have free sessions. Awesome issuance.
I know she's trying. But I don't know of I wanna play this game anymore.. it's hard.

How long have you been together? How long have you been married?

High school sweethearts. Married in 2002. 3 boys. Oldest is 15. Red head is 13. Little one is 7. We have history. Good and bad.

This. I went a few times. Every time I went I realized I didn't belong with her. I tried anyway, even moved across the country with her. 7 months later I was at home starting a new life. Happily married now. That shit seems so far away now. You either want to be on the same page or not. No amount of counseling will xhange either of you. Marriage counseling is a meme. Keep moving forward

To clarify. I moved back to MY home without her

The problem with marriage counseling, or family therapy for that matter, is that it is incredibly difficult for the counselor. Individual therapy is much easier because you’re only dealing with one person.

You have to find a GOOD marriage therapist . Otherwise it will probably just end up being a waste of time. I’ve even heard of co-therapists, one male and female working together to maybe see things the other misses and provide more of a balance. I don’t know how common that is though

Any chance you could stick out for 3 years? Might be easier on the kids when they are 18, 16 and 10 than now

That's what I was thinking... nothing one sided.

She wants what she wants... been sticking it out for years. Good times and bad. More bad than good lately.

>I know she's trying.
Oh she does? How?

Counseling is usually the therapist "acknowledging" the womans feelings and blaming the man. She probably already has a angle planned out for how to play the victim. Your choices will be to suck it up like a cuck or be the one who started fighting at counseling.

It's a lose-lose situation. If you go along and play cuck, she won't find you attractive and the marriage is doomed. She's gonna cheat. If you speak up against whatever bullshit the therapist and wife come up with, you'll be the bad one, she gets to say she really tried and she can divorce you "guilt free" and everyone will feel bad for her.

I hope you enjoy paying child support and alimony. I'm sorry man, I really am. At least now you'll be "red pilled" on women.

On the bright side, if the kids are really yours, then at least you genes live on. A few kids is really all you can hope to get from women these days. You should probably test if their really yours just to be sure, Get some of their hair now so you can at least test later. It might not be that easy after divorce. And try to be there fro your boys(If you're allowed)

Where are the problems in your relationship? Obviously after being together for so long I’m going to assume the sex amount and quality isn’t as good, and feelings you have each other are as intense. That’s fairly normal and unlikely to change.

What can change is if the issue is more of what roles you have in house, and how you work together as parents, and in some ways as more partners than a fiery romantic couple, in working together to build a financial stable and secure future

Feelings are less intense *

Bump, will reply if this thread status alive for 30 min, too busy rn

Been through pre-marital counseling. What's up user?

lawfag here, at worst going to counseling will help you in court so you can say that you gave genuine effort, care about the kids etc. On the other hand, be careful what you say in the sessions because it could come back to you

Will bump, looking for OP to answer.

Another father of 3 here, do this. You'll still get shit on in court, but it's leverage that we need every bit of.

I have a friend who is getting married later this year. She is having trouble with her fiancé and say they must get marriage console and he get a job before they get married. Sounds like a doomed marriage?

yes most likely but it hardly matters if they arent together all that long and one doesnt stay home for years while the other works

Yes. But heres the thing: most men (not all) who get screwed in divorce court didnt do the things their lawyer advised them to do. Trust me, Ive seen it dozens of times. Jump through those hoops, no matter how angry it makes you, or the court wll see you as a deadbeat who doesnt care

Both of you should do individual counseling...way more helpful regardless of the outcome. If she won't agree, she isn't really willing to work on anything and is just looking for justification for her behaviors as others have said. Take it from me...similar situation, high school sweethearts, similar timeframes. It saved our marriage and we're happier both together and individually.

Thats bullshit, ive been there, not marriage counseling but with a long term gf and there was absolutely no siding, no blaming, you name it. The poor women (!) was actually trying very hard to be neutral, although that meant moving slowly.

Got divorced from a girl that I was with for 7 years.

The long and short of it is even though I'm in a quantifiably better place now, and even though I can't stand the sight of her to the point I feel physically ill from seeing her, if I could go back and fix everything I'd still do it. The words I said on the alter actually meant something to me even though they apparently didn't mean shit to her.

I say that to illustrate a point, I knew that if I was going to get a divorce, the only thing I could do to be able look myself in the mirror every day after that was to do everything I possibly could to make sure I knew that I couldn't have done a damn thing to stop it. I had to try everything. By the time she informed me things were bad enough to want a divorce her mind was already made up and she wouldn't agree to counseling. That didn't stop me from beginning to go.

This, 100% this. The one session I got my ex wife to go to (told her it was just for my counselor to know where she's coming from so he can better help me) was totally him pushing on her and telling her that she's wrong and things can be fixed. She didn't like it.

That was also the first session with him I'd ever done, so there was no pre-existing side to take.

This guy's just seen too many movies.

Psychotherapistfag here and this guys has no idea what he's talking about. Successful couples counseling is not necessarily resolving conflict leading to "being happy together forever and ever." Frequently, it's about finding a way to separate without anger and fury and destroying the kid's live in the process and aftermath. Also a good clinician can help you learn to not make the same mistakes that got you into a bad marriage again

That was me too. Except first 2 sessions were all about me and how much of a shit I was. 3rd session and the counselr said "OK Linda, now it's time to unpack some of your junk". I felt vindicated because the counselor saw a bunch of the crazy shit she did that she wasn't owning. My wife cried for thrity minutes straight afterward and informed me she was never going back.

So I took the red pill, starting being a man. Shit is fixing slowly, but our marriage is 100x better than it was 5 years ago. I stopped being a pussy, took her pussy off the pedestal, started persuing my hobbies again (which I had sacrifieced for my fam (bs excuse)). Once I decided I was going to be happy no matter what, I started acting like it. She started coming around.

I fucking believe it.

I guess the good news is I like who I turned into after the divorce *way* more than who I was before, and I've got some hard won perspective that I can be proud of. The only bad news is I've still got baggage I'm lugging around from it all (and the relationship after) that my new girlfriend is putting up with, but she seems really motivated to work with me to get through it and I've seen nothing but that from her, she's a real trooper.

The only thing that I outright regret is not being able to see the ex's family anymore. I'm from a small family and she is from anything but (she was 1 of 7 kids) and I loved that family. I kept in contact with one brother for bout a year afterwards but she wont reply to texts anymore. She told another brother of hers to stop talking to me, so she probably did the same with the one I spoke with the most. Can't really blame him for putting family first, but it still hurts.

I'm doing this now fam. I went from my wife being a total bitch and not even wanting to look at me. To me coming home and shes waiting naked on the bed for me.

your wife already left you (in her heart.)

treat em' like dirt and they stick to you like mud

Op here is my take

1 if you are mad with her marriage counseling will not help. only after you can tame the anger if you could should you attempt to go to counseling.

2 if she is the type of woman to not take advice going to counseling wont help.

3 if you don't care about child support/cant get custody then you may have a lot to pay.

4 i think the kids are at an age where you can co parent

5 your happiness should be first then kids