Yo Sup Forums, I'm bored at work and have nothing to do since it's the night shift (I'm a hospital security guard)...

Yo Sup Forums, I'm bored at work and have nothing to do since it's the night shift (I'm a hospital security guard). Anyone up for story time?

I'm night shift at a hospital too.. do share user.

...

just look for theguywithavoice in youtube or something similar, he has a lot of vidyas reading Sup Forums stories

I'll start with my stories about fuckface first (can't use real name because of gay regulations)

>be me (obviously)
>first shift in the dementia ward at hospital
>supposed to watch this old fuck for my entire 12 hour shift
>give him the nickname "fuckface" because he fucking annoys me (this becomes apparent in later stories)
>fuckface sleeps till 9am, so I was browsing the net on my phone.
>he suddenly comes out of his room and approaches the desk
>the desk I'm at has a raised front part, so only the top half of the wall across from me is visible
>stand up because I gotta walk around with the faggot
>immediately see his floppy dick hanging out, freely swinging in the breeze
>the guy was straight up naked
>wouldn't go back to his room
>had to physically escort him to his room

My first day with fuckface started with having to manhandle a naked old guy, and it only gets worse from here. More?

>be me
>19 year old loser, doesn’t go out much
>last weekend I go out with my friend who is 16
>I’m expecting a kid party, but I haven’t been to a proper party in over two years, so I’ll take what I can get
>get there and there’s a huge bonfire, and about 100 people
>mainly 18-20 year-olds, and college kids
>have a couple shots
>party gets busted
>go to a small gathering after
>about 10 of us
>everyone’s doing whip-it’s (stupidest shit I’ve ever seen) and shrooms
>I just keep taking shots while everyone’s drinking beer
>after about 4-5 shots, I’m completely hammered
>28 year-old chick keeps staring at me and doting over me, pay her no kind because I’m engaged
>someone says we should smoke a blunt
>agree
>smoke and then blackout
>can’t remember going back into the house, but I hallucinated a bed and passed out somewhere
>had the first and weirdest trip I’ve ever had
>genuinely thought I died, and became disconnected from reality
>woke up and started crying in front of strangers because I thought I died
>can’t remember the rest but apparently I passed out with my head in a bucket, cried in the bathroom, and made friends with some girl who was trying to keep the 28 year-old from raping me
>the hangover was fucking awful, but it was fun overall

Just thought I’d share.

More.

I'll post my next story anyway since I'm not sure what'll happen in a few minutes.

>day 2 with fuckface
>figure out the first reason they have me watching him
>in the first two hours after waking up the guy tried to escape out of the unit doors 12 times
>doors only open with proximity card keys, so his attempts are in vain
>gets visibly more agitated each time he tries to leave
>even tried to use the fire escape a few times
>fast forward to about noon
>fuckface is carrying his lunch tray and tries to open the unit doors again
>fails
>turns to me and attempts to launch the contents of his lunch tray at me
>only manages to move it up about an inch
>says "you'd look good in Apple juice" before walking away

Con't?

Moarrrr

>same day as the last post
>learn the 2nd reason I'm supposed to watch him
>after he tried to fling food at me he went to his room and everything seemed fine
>about an hour later he comes out naked again and I have to escort him back to his room
>get nurse to go in and dress him
>stand right outside door (for privacy)
>a few minutes later they come out and fuckface heads right to the doors again
>after failing to exit he comes to me, very agitated, and tries to push me (for the record, I'm about 5'9 and 140 lbs with my gear on) and fails.
>escort him to room and call for backup to restrain him since he's getting violent
>threatens to knock my head off on the way to his room
>I laugh silently to myself afterwards

>day 3
>fuckface walking around as per usual
>some old lady comes in
>turns out it's his wife
>after watching for an hour the nurse informs me that I don't need to constantly watch him when his wife is visiting
>fuckyeah.jpeg
>spend the next 2 hours changing the background on the computer at the nursing desk (they left it logged on)
>procede to sneak in multiple pictures of Nicolas cage, and save the background as multiple images so the faces are in different positions every hour
>after I finish I see this native dude in a wheelchair go around
>name him "dances with wheels"
>think nothing of it

Pt. 1 of 2

>an hour goes by and I figure out why all the hand sanitizer was removed from the dispensers in the unit
>I hear shouting and immediately recognize the voice
>rush over and see dances with wheels throwing plates at a nurse in his room
>immediately call for backup, rush in, and get the nurse out of there before leaving myself and closing the door
>backup arrives and they take his wheelchair away and leave him in bed
>ask nurses what happened
>turns out the guy wheeled into another patients room and got drunk off of hang sanitizer since that stuff was only removed from the unit hallways

Pt. 2 of 2

>day 4
>fuckface doesn't have his wife with him today
>fuckmylife.jpeg
>tries escaping for almost the entirety of my shift
>10 fucking hours of walking next to and old fuck that smells like shit
>hour 11 and he's very agitated again
>tries the unit door and fails, turns to me and tells me to fuck off before punching me in the shoulder
>take him straight to his room and restrain him again
>half an hour goes by and the nurses remove the restraints
>wtf.png
>he exits the room, says "is your name poopy?" And goes straight back into his room and goes to sleep

I didn’t know you could get drunk from hand sanitizer. Old demented people have the most fun

That shit is Like, 70% alcohol, so it's pretty common for bums to get drunk off of it. Mouthwash is another alternative.

Damn.

>day 5
>get another patient to watch
>call him bird man
>the police in my city found him in his trailer that was filled with dead birds and (human) shit
>ohboy.gif
>high risk of elopement
>now I gotta watch 2 runners
>fuckface walking around the unit while bird man sits right beside the unit doors
>found out later that this is a bad thing
>fastfoward 2 hours
>spent my whole shift basically running through the unit in order to keep track of these guys
>nurse is approaching unit doors from the outside
>for reference, nursing staff are instructed to not open the doors when patients are near
>realize nurse can't see bird man
>wave my arms like a tard and cross them to let the nurse know not to open the door
>he does anyways
>bird man books it to the door
>get there just in time to stop him
>hold him back for a good 3 minutes while the nurses stare and do nothing
>bird man easily had a weight and height advantage, but I push him back

Pt. 1 of 2

>be me
>19
>friend tells me she bought a couple boxes of wine and some snacks and was inviting about 15 people over on a friday night, expects about 10 to show up
>had no other parties going on, so fuck it i'll go
>go there with another friend she had invited
>get there and there's a hugeass bong on the table with dabs
>I have very little experience with weed at this point (I've maybe had it twice? and not enough to affect me much)
>tell the guy who brought it I want a hit
>he scoops up some and puts it in the bong and says "go slow with this one I packed it pretty heavy"
>start inhaling
>not tasting anything or feeling anything in my throat yet
>start to feel a slight burning and pull away
>starts to burn more and more
>start coughing immensely
>ImSuchABitch.jpeg
>AtLeastThereArentAnyCuteGirlsHere.rar
>coughing nonstop for fucking 5 minutes straight
>drink as much water and wine as I can get in between the coughs to try and stop it, but to no avail
>eventually start thinking I'm gonna throw up due to all the coughing
>keep in mind the whole time it's hitting me more and more, within the first 30 seconds I was eons beyond where I had been before and it just kept going from there
>eventually the coughing subsides and I start getting super lethargic
>can barely fucking walk, let alone walk straight
>conversations happening only 5 feet from me sound distant and distorted, like they're traveling through 2 walls and coming from a 1980s TV
>recall someone telling me that I look like I'm going to pass out and that I should sit on the couch

part 1 of 2

>end up falling into this sort of trance
>friends tell me I passed out, but I fully remember hearing them talking, and I even remember that they were making fun of how I passed out
>wanted to reply to them to tell them I was just resting my eyes, but can't move
>while I'm fully listening in on them, I'm also having these visions
>can't exactly describe the visions, because they weren't of anything in particular, but everything I saw, I had major deja vu, like I had seen it a million times before, but at the same time, I knew I hadn't
>was probably the weirdest feeling I had ever had
>after this time while "passed out" I started sobering up a little bit and regained control of my body
>ended up taking control of the apple TV and playing chill songs the rest of the night and slowly sipping wine
>was probably the best experience with weed i've ever had, and after dozens of times smoking, i'd say that was my best

not him but most sanitizers got something that will make you puke EXACTLY to avoid people drinking the stuff

>bird man leaves area after the struggle and goes to the other side
>sees cleaning lady leaving other unit door
>makes a run for it
>I intercept
>as soon as he sees me he starts sprinting and tackles me, but I stay upright and hold him back
>as soon as he realizes I'm still up he immediately stops resisting and I end up pushing him over by accident
>ends up hitting his head on the floor
>lead nurse comes running and yells at me for being to violent
>what the fuck
>other nurses told her what happened and she apologized
>bird man goes back to room, defeated, and I return to watching fuckface
>an hour goes by and bird man goes to the staff bathroom
>think nothing of it, I can hear water running from the door and the nurse sees nothing wrong with it
>comes out 4 minutes later and everything seems fine
>20 minutes later a nurse is shouting at another nurse asking wtf I was doing
>head over and get the scoop
>turns out bird man ripped out the faucet of the sink with his bare hands
>they couldn't find the faucet and thought that he had it on him
>called for back up just in case
>turns out he just threw it out
>turns out this wasn't the first sink he fucked

Pt. 2 of 2

Sorry for the delay, shit happened with the patient I'm currently watching

That's a good idea, the ones at my hospital don't have that to my knowledge though

it could be a european thing or people who drink it really dont care

what kind of place is it exactly?
sounds like a mental ward to me, hell i have been in such a place for a few months at a time

>day 6
>bird man has gotten a lot better
>don't have to watch him anymore
>fuckface with his wife
>fuck yeah
>wander around unit and encounter this old lady
>we'll call her bitchface
>has the worst case of resting bitch face I've ever seen
>she's yelling at a nurse, and only responds with "bullshit!" To whatever he has to say
>eventually she walks away, so I return to my station
>all of a sudden I hear barking
>I go to the closest nurse and ask if there were any dogs on the unit (pet therapy is pretty common)
>nurse just sighs and points to bitchface
>she barks like a goddamn dog

How did you get the job I applied for and got declined? Also any training?

The hospital is new, I think it's only about 6 years old. The rooms are pretty nice, with closet space for clothes, personal bathrooms, television (satellite), and large windows since the rooms face outside. There are also common areas with kitchens on each unit. It's almost like a dorm in a sense

are you licensed? generallyhospitals want experienced officers since Like OP, your going to be dealing with shit on day 1

In Canada you need a security license which requires training from a relevant training place (I took my training online though). As for why you didn't get a position, availability and transportation are huge since work starts before the buses are even running (in my city at least)

Security cert and license but no experience since nobody will hire me without it. Fucking lame!

Nurse here, feel your pain. Used to work at such a fine establishment myself until:

>Doing rounds checking on patients
>relatively new nurse so stuck 3rd shift
>one patient with severe schitzophrenia is having bad positive symptoms (these are the bad ones, hallucinations, out of touch with reality, etc.)
>he's pretty doped up to help control everything (at least I thought)
>about time to give him some more meds
>hear security yell at me somethings wrong with him
>run over, he's sitting up, wheezing and grabbing his throat
>dunno if he's choking, in some kind of respiratory distress or having a bad reaction to meds
>run over to assess
>guy socks me in the left eye HARD
>it drops me
>security and other nurses take over
>go to the ED, have a hairline fracture in my left orbital socket

Apparently he had slammed his throat down on the end of the bed rail. Still work mental health, but at an office where people come in to see their clinician on the regular. Props to you for sticking it out, just watch yourself.

Also it may seem redundant, but work some retail. People skills are way more useful in security than people realize.

You nurses are waaaay more patient than you're given credit for. I don't think I could handle having to deal with some of the shit I see you guys do (including wiping literal shit from a tards ass) on a daily basis

>day 7
>have to watch fuckface and a new old guy
>call him strider since he walks all the bloody time
>doesn't try to escape though and responds to verbal redirection when needed.
>first half of the day goes by without a hitch
>then striders meds start wearing off
>constantly thinks people are out to get him now
>is constantly very hot (or cold)
>comes to me for help since I've been with him all day
>took me an hour to get him to stay in his room to eat his dinner
>suddenly hear shouting
>dances with wheels got drunk from sanitizer again
>starts chanting at me in his native tongue
>I'm pretty freaked out, but I manage to trick him into going in his room while backup is on the way
>the take his wheelchair while the dude is shouting and calling them all honkeys
>meanwhile bitchface is yelling at the nurse again and strider is back to walking around, all while fuckface is trying to escape again
>had to literally run in order to stop shit from going wrong

>be me
>work in nursing home as a CNA (Nurse’s Aide)
>work on our memory care unit, which more often than not is flooded with psych patients because we’re not a very good facility
>have a patient down there who’s a bit loopier than the others (not batshit, but dopily staring at a wall either)
>we’ll call her Fat Aileen Wuornos (self explanatory)
>go in to her and her roommate’s room to check on them
>roommate looks scared shitless
>open the door a little more to reveal Fat Aileen Wuornos taking heaps of toilet paper and dumping them on her roommate’s bed
>took everything in my being not to laugh my ass off
>made her clean it up

>day 8
>the day fuckface snapped
>he's been looking worse than usual since he woke up
>constantly agitated
>about halfway through the shift his bed alarm starts going off
>triggered the shit out of him
>comes barreling out of his room and tries to grab me
>I push him back and call for backup
>immediately he goes into another room and I have to physically escort him out
>turns around and hits me in the side of the head with a right hook
>ohshit.jpeg
>keep him away from the staff and escort him to room
>tries to punch me twice more on the way
>backup arrives and we get him to his room
>he's given meds and another guard is called up to replace me (I didn't want to risk him getting mad again just in case I was the cause of his aggression)
>he was ok from that point on from what I heard

>Have also caught her scratching at doors and meowing like a cat
>She had a big ball of toilet paper that she told one of my coworkers was a bomb, and then tried to throw it at the fire exit
>has ‘shot’ me numerous times with her toilet paper guns

It takes a lot not to laugh

OP here with a relevant side story

>on same unit with fuckface
>new lady got transferred in
>was a real cunt to the nurses
>slid a bit to far down Into her chair
>blames nurses
>looks at me and asks if I'm going to shoot her in an accusatory tone
>tell her frankly that we don't have guns, so no.
>walk away and see the only nice old lady on the unit
>peeks out of her door and points a finger gun and me and makes a quiet "bang" sound
>I smile and we both laugh quietly

Shit like that makes my day a whole lot better

I see you got tagged by a patient too lol. Also yes, the poop, so much poop, always. It takes the right personality to stay calm, just goes with the territory. Was a bit much for me, why I changed places.

Does Strider do a real stiff legged walk? Always wandering around, shaking his hands, shit like that? The antipsychotic drugs cause that a lot of times. Sometimes they'll be super restless in their bed, constantly moving their legs around like a little kid.

Yeah that describes strider pretty well, but he doesn't shake that much. I think he's on a lower dose of antipsychotics though. Fuckface on the otherhand got his dose raised, so he can barely walk a lap around the unit without almost falling over

Bump for more stories, this some good shit

Well if he attacked you, that's grounds for keeping him calm. Feel bad for them honestly, cause there is such a bad trade off with meds. On hand it keeps them under control, on the other they're a fucking zombie and get really bad side effects. You might see someone thats been on meds for a long time have this disorder called tardive dyskinesia. They'll constantly smack their lips or stick out their tongue. Once they have it, its there for good, even if they (doubtfully) stop taking meds.

Honestly, for your own sanity, posting here is probably a good thing. They can get to you after awhile. At least you'll have stories to tell about work haha.

Omg, I see this all the time. I’ve always thought it’s really weird. We have one chick that smacks her lips all the time, sticks out her tongue and spits.

Just finished my shift so I'll post more in a few minutes

Yeah, it's weird alright. Gonna go cook some breakfast, thanks for sharing, have a good one!

>another story from the other night
>two really old sisters in the same room
>the oldest is really sweet and pretty sane, and the younger sister is a little out there
>last week she kept complaining that we were forcing her to work (I assume PT was trying to work with her).
>The other day I woke her up to check if she’d had any accidents during the night and she begged me not to get her out of bed and make her work
>I assured her I wouldn’t, and told her that she could rest
>while walking rounds with the next set of nurses, see her in bed doing exercises with her arms, giggled a little at the absurdity of it
>then last night she got a little out of hand
>take her back to her room after dinner, and she starts screaming that I tricked her, and she hates me
>kinda left her to it while I put my other patients into bed
>come back a little later and ask her if she’d like to go to the bathroom and go to bed
>she starts screaming that she can’t go to bed unless she knows the truth
>ask what the truth is, and she tells me that she’s actually been dead for years, and she needs her sister to know that she’s been dead
>then starts screaming at her sister to tell her the truth, the sister is just as confused as me and asks what the truth is
>’the truth about dying, tell me I can die’
>oldest sister ends up yelling that she wants her sister to die
>I’m at a loss and call the nurse in
>nurse gives the younger sister something to make her calm the fuck down
>about 20 minutes later, their light is on, and it turns out that the younger sister slid out of her chair
>it takes four of us to hoist this 90lb woman up into her chair because she’s flailing and kicking around so much
>wants us to leave her on the floor to die
>continues telling us that she’s been dead for 5 years and we’re preventing her from finding peace
>end up having to sit her at the nurse’s station
Cont.

No more stories about fuckface, so I'll tell some from other patients

>first day of work (fuckface's tales didn't start till a few shifts in)
>watching a patient it the adolescent care unit (all the patients are under 18)
>the kid seems alright
>hear him (or her, I could not tell the kids gender for the life of me) talking to the nurse
>nurse asks about the drawings in his room
>"I draw the things that talk to me in my dreams"
>glance inside while walking around
>they're all creepypasta tier shit, like the images you see in the thumbnail of a creepypasta YouTube video
>except I've never seen these images before
>on edge for the rest of the shift

That was really spooky coming from a fucking 14 year old

>I end up getting booted to another wing for the remaining 8 hours of my shift
>still go back through a couple times to check on the original wing
>she’s still sat out there screaming
>by the time my shift was over she was still sat there, but with her head on the desk, zonked out
>I wish I could have known how first shift dealt with her tho, or if she ever got into bed.

>4th day on the job
>was told to go to adolescent care unit (we'll call it unit 56 from now on) for a patient watch
>arrive on unit and see two other guards and a peace officer (basically cops, but they don't carry guns) standing by
>turns out the guy in watching has a history of meth use, and has drug induced psychosis (basically a complete disconnect from reality caused by drug use)
>had escaped from another hospital and was found eating sand under a bridge by his mom 3 days later
>stabbed himself in the thigh with a screwdriver multiple times
>stripped naked and layed down in the middle of the road and proceeded to fight with paramedics when they arrived
>kept saying that he was the next reincarnation of Jesus
>had a history of abuse towards his mother
>needless to say I was on edge for the whole shift
>guy started walking towards the common area where the kids were
>nurse wanted me to stop him, so I do and call for backup since I wasn't able to move him
>we get him to the seclusion rooms and engage the magnetic locks
>as soon as he realizes he's locked in, he starts banging his head against the wall
>give him a butt injection to calm him down while we restrain him
>he's spouting gibberish and claiming he could break out at any time, but he didn't want to break the expensive bed
>spoiler alert: he didn't escape

I always hate leaving other people to deal with patients like that. Even though I know I don't have to deal with them, knowing that someone else does makes me feel like shit. That's why I hate the night shift, most of the time I only deal with them for a few hours until they go to bed, whereas the day shift people spend the whole day with an energized, awake patient.

I feel you. A lot of the people on nights say we have as hard a job as day shift, but we really don’t. We have the 4 hours after dinner time, that’s insanity because everyone is still awake, but the remaining 8 are relatively calm. Day shift has to do all the meals, and deal with everyone at full force. Props to them, for real