Secrets thread, I'll start. I'm afraid I'm a psychopath because I have little to no emotion at all times...

Secrets thread, I'll start. I'm afraid I'm a psychopath because I have little to no emotion at all times. I basically want to kill people too and i think people dying is hilarious.

Everyone, dumbass

Well, more of a feels post than secrets


I honestly am confused and hurt after this two day trip.

So, here's a summary of the trip

>Meet up in NYC at the bus stop
>For somereason she chose to sit next to me on the bus, instead of her sister.
>Pushed my phone down while we were sitting next to each other. A few minutes later she decided to jab me and get my attention about something, but never told me what.
>When we got to the hostel she decided to dance in front of me while kinda showing off her ass.
>The sister questioned it and she said she just wants to get a reaction out of me, and mentioned how I never react.
>Also sister convinantly took the front seat while leaving us in the back while taking am Uber back from a museum. (her boot fell apart. Literally. Sole completely came off.)
>Walked back across Philly to a restaurant the three of us shared dishes, her and I tasted each other's drinks. She also ate the little bit I had left in my plate
>Again, the sister made sure her and I were sat next to each other. She originally her and I were supposed to be getting drinks, but she called it early.

>Then she was kinda cold and distant all day Thursday.
>Later I mentioned how it was pretty funny with how I've known her for like 3 months and we went on a small trip together.
>But the she said I invited myself. Despite her saying it originally as something like "I'm going down to Philly with my sister, you can come if you want"
>Later I mentioned the thing about talking more another, and she quickly said were just friends and that she thought it was clear. But in what world is."well talk more about it another time" a definite, clear answer? Especially since she seemed excited to talk about it in the past

>When we got back to NYC, I just got off the bus, and left them both without saying a work. Havent spoken to her since, its been ~2-3 days already

I'm too much of a pussy to break up with my gf. I've never broken up with anyone before. Usually they dump me. But this one is dug in tighter than a tick in a Texas corn field in June.

I'm worried I will end up marrying her if unless something changes. I wish everyday she would just dump me.

If you're afraid you're a psychopath, you're not a psychopath.

??? Just do it, breaking up is way easier than getting broken up with. Just be honest and respectful about it and make sure she you don't leave her any false hope of fixing it

>gets mad
>emotional

Write her a letter, text her, leave her a voicemail who the fuck cares if you wuss the actual breakup part a little. If you want to break up with her chances are you both feel it so just rip that bandaid off ASAP

I said that but do at least 1) Be respectful and explain why you want to leave her and 2) No false hope; make it a clean break.

Just do what most men do in which you start being a dick on purpose and passive-aggressively drive her away.

During the holidays I walk around my neighborhood and find parties. I walk inside. Everyone just assumes im a friend of a friend or something and are drunk by then. I go into the bathroom and poop/fap to images of the guests.

i live in my car. i dont matter and it doesn't bother me at all. i have zero secrets.

LOL. Did attempt, was miserable from the fallout of that disaster. I wish I had just dumped her.

Getting dumped is way easier than this. I was always at peace, because I knew I did everything I could and the relationship ending wasn't on me.

But this would all be on me. And that's part of why I don't. I fear the regret if it's not the right decision. She has many qualities I like about her, including that I took her virginity and she's been more loyal than I probably deserve to be totally honest.

Also, I am slightly worried she would take to hurt herself if I leave. The guilt I would have if that happened would be absolutely unbearable

No, you do not

>be me
>22
>slowly working way up in marketing
>too slow
>start building websites for businesses for a few hundred, realized that they would pay more and on a monthly basis
>include how-to videos, marketing help and other things to help rank their site
>charge $199 a month
>get 10 more businesses signed up
>now making $1999 a month in basically passive income
>3 years later
>25
>have 102 businesses signed up
>everyone still thinks I work at a shitty marketing job

I raped a girl. Got her drunk and just took it she fought a good fight but I got my way. She then stalked me for years (4) and made me marry her. So i guess she fucked me in the end.

Yes I do. Been doing it for years.

I've done that before in a couple of relationships. Hence why they dumped me.

But this is different. We've been together for 4 years. I think I'm past the point where I could pull it off convincingly.

sounds pretty edgy Edgelord of Edgternia

hey, it's me. I had a girlfriend like that.

I'm ten years into the relationship now. It's not a healthy relationship.

don't be like me. do this now. if you can't see yourself with her long term, you need to end it.

It sounds like fun because you totally get to abuse someone for the keks until they snap, but Idk if I could do that to anyone

My secret...here we go...

>be me
>1/16 nigger
>fuck

I'm 1/32 black, people can't really see it on me or notice it through my behavior.

I wonder a lot about the girls, you know? Like I mentioned, I really like a lot about her including her loyalty, but I don't have that feeling I think I probably should for someone to spend the rest of my life with.

I want to find someone that I fall so deeply in love with, they would destroy me if they left. I want that kind of love.

Are you married now?

other girls*

nope. I like her too, but I cant bring myself to marry her. She's got things I like but things I cant live with. I'm in a ten-year relationship with somebody I know I cant be with long term, I'm a fucking idiot.

but as with yours, there's a decent chance she'd become an hero if I left. that doesn't get easier either. better to do it early.

Well b if you want to kill people, atleast put that to good use and become an executioner.

I feel dead inside after so many heartbreaks. Ive also become quite sadistic, enjoying manipulation and fucking other people's wives gives me a raging boner. Also I always dream of dying in a pool of my own blood, edgy I know.

So you want to join the military or be a cop?

Go get some help user, you don't have to be like this.

I try to see girl's nipples in public down their bra, it's an addiction.
Doesn't matter what age, if they've got an oversized bra I'm there trying to see in.

Too late user. I've been talking to psychologists, reading self help books and listening to Jordan Peterson and nothing is working. The damage is done, there is only so much you can take before you snap

Every time women breastfeed I can't help but stare

Jesus fuck it's like looking into the future. It's depressing.

I know I need to do it. I just don't know how to do it in the best way possible. At this point the odds are probably better than 50% that I will end up like you. I wish I wasn't such a pussy

How about cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness meditation?
I really hope for you that you aren't permanently damaged.

No it wouldn't be on you, either you love someone enough to be with them or not, can't really control that. Staying together with someone out of pity is way worse and if they ever find out you were together with them without wanting to be they'll feel way worse afterwards.

Do you do it secretly or obviously?
I always look too, hard not to.
Wearing sunglasses helps a lot.

Abandon the thot!

if you're like me your caring instinct is just too fucking strong so you'll sacrifice your own happiness and chances at living the way you want in order to keep somebody else happy/alive.

If you can avoid it, I'd avoid it. it leads to an unpleasant time, growing resentment, and probably some cheating. yes, I know you're not the kind. neither was I.

Both of you guys need to realize that you can't other people unless you take care of your own needs.
If you martyr yourself, you're not much more than an enabler.

Eh, IDK, Maybe I will have to, but given the fact that shes got a mild medical condition that causes some irritability and stress. Soo that can potentially explain it to a degree. Its also thought that maybe her sister said something, and that made her get a bit embarrassed

can't help other people*

Like I said I tried everything. I was bullied a lot, even got sexually abused by another man, no penetration but it was still very traumatic. The girl I loved cheated on me, called me a pussy and then disappeared without a trace. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming. I was depressed for months and then one day I just snapped and started laughing at all the shit, my mind simply snapped. Now I feel nothing, I only crave power and dominance

self sacrifice is what I like in a relationship dude, I just a partner who is less liable to take advantage of it. who has limits as to what they'll take.

nothing can change the fact I've lost a decade at this point though.

>but given the fact that shes got a mild medical condition that causes some irritability and stress
let me guess. anxiety, depression, maybe some paranoia?

You colossal, grotesque faggot. Dump that skank at once, soldier.

t. dumped many chicks and always enjoyed it.

If I thought it would do anything for you, I'd offer you a hug user.
I could've been you, that's why I don't want to believe you can't be redeemed.
There is self sacrifice and then there is all out ego rejection and negligence for yourself.
I used to bend over backwards to comfort others, paying no regard to myself.
A nervous breakdown cured me of that though, I still want to and do help other people, but now it's on my terms.

I'm afraid I may be a carbon-based entity. This means I may not be a living entity. Darn it!

My oldest brother did very bad things to me and our little sister when we were growing up. He was in charge of us while our parents worked, he was a sick bastard.

Both me and my little sister are messed up in the head thanks to him.

Well, the condition is hyperthyroidism, which is known to cause some emotional problems. And in her, the problems seem to be the tendency to become very stressed, very easily, and some mild moodswings at times. Nothing too much, but enough to keep in mind

I'm going to kill myself within half a year before I turn 23. Going to call for a lyft to drop me off close to a particular bridge. 6 years of being suicidal.

Details? What are you going to do about it?

What did he do?

ages when this happened?

Want to talk to more people and be around others but hate being around others irl and get nervous. wtf

>I could've been you
How?
And life just happens, I was relatively sane, then shit just started going downhill, nothing is worse than traumatic events. They forever change you. But if it makes you feel better I feel stable, I can act normal and I have a girlfriend now. I'm just simply not the same person, I don't feel joy sadness or anger like I used to. Just a Hannibal Lector or Dexter Morgan type of mindset. I feel no guilt when I do something evil now

That shit will make her fat. Get out now

Social anxiety, go get a cognitive behavioral therapist user.

Aside from the sexual assault, I went through many of the same things you did.
I was close to ending up like you, if it wasn't for the intervention from the few people who considered me a friend.
I'm glad that you are stable though.

Booze made me like that. Quitting made any anxiety disappear

I've been crossdressing since I was a kid, like we are talking full girly outfits by 12 and I crossdressed all through my teens (I'm 21 now) and I stole clothes from relatives, girlfriends, friends sisters/mothers, sometimes even off washing lines. I still do it today and I've had a steady gf for three years whose clothes I wear and she doesn't know and I've cheated on her with men on a few occasions and as much as I love the feeling dressing gives me I get insanely guilty for doing it, have done since I was a kid, I wish I wasn't like this but its like an addiction I can't shake. In the past id just throw my clothes away (Even though I'd end up getting some again) but living with my gf now and having constant access to her clothes means I do it almost every day and I'm terrified I'm gonna get found out but I can't stop.

20k a month is pretty good, proud of you user

>be me, go to high school full of preppy assholes
>only kid there whose parents don't make a six figure salary so treated like shit
>senior year rolls around, put in a "super difficult" class
>at least that's what the preppies say, it's not difficult work, simple shit but a lot of it
>jackass who was semi-friendly to me mentions how this should a breeze for me
>class is med focused, and that's what I've been super into for a long time
>almost half of the class has asked me to do their shit for them
>agree, but take payment in advance
>closing on $700 and these fuckers are still coming in
>I plan on getting them caught for plagiarism and expelled one by one, school has zero tolerance policy for that sort of thing
>don't fuck with a poor nerd with nothing better to do

Well, Hyperthyroidism tends to lead to weight loss and increased appetite. While Hypothyroidism tends to lead to weight gain and a poor appetite


So I think I'm pretty good for now with that. Also the fact that she eats absurdly healthy doesnt hurt really

Yep, you are me. Fuck

I'm glad, and unfortunately I was alone, the thing that affected me the most was the fact that a person that I loved so much simply abandoned me like trash after so many happy moments. And on top of that she called me a pussy after I begged her to stay. That is truly evil mix that with a past sexual assault and you lose faith in humanity

Highschools are shit. ALL of them are shit. Your parents are wasting money.


Here is golden advice: Get an AA-T before graduating highschool. Nough said.


I had an easier time passing 26 units at once than passing a singl 3 unit ap test in highschool. Highschool = pointless as fuck ges. Take college classes at your nearest Cc instead.

Well you've got my empathy user.
Even if you can't see good in humanity, at least know that some of us are trying.

Used us a punching bags, made us eat insects, rape us, make us give him blowjobs, make us beg for food and then make us eat off the floor/heat it too much and then force feed us/put chilli on it.

I help people occasionally, and I never hurt good people unless I really want something they have, (a hot wife, or other things) just don't expect friendship. And unfortunately my sadistic side comes out sometimes so you can never really get too close to me or you'll end up hurt. Just protect yourself user, there are some bad people out there.

Well u are a female but i personally would have kicked his ass.

I know there are, which is why I've vowed to be one of the decent people out there.
All of the shit I went through, is something I'm actively trying to work against when it happens to other people.
I wouldn't wish stuff like that on my worst enemy, much less regular decent people.

Responded to wrong person

I got a scholarship because they needed a token poor kid so they aren't paying for it.

what's an AA-T?

Can you tell me your story? What did your friends tell you to make you not fall into the abyss?

He is 7 years older than me and 10 years older than my sister.

He left the house when he was 24. I was 17 and my sister 14. It had been going on since I started school at 6, he was 13. He picked me from school and my sister from daycare. He only started hitting her and stuff like that when she started school because he knew that at daycare they'd see the bruises. Before she started school he only let her go hungry and touched her.

It's gonna suck for her but she will fucking survive and one day she will feel nothing when she remembers you.

Don't be a pussy and do the right thing you dickless faggot.

Touched her in what way?

Basically an associates degree to transfer.

Long story short, you should have done the first 2 years of college while in highschool at a Community College. Same classes only MUCH cheaper than in a university.

Personally I believe all highschools should be eradicated from the face of the earth. They are a waste of time. People should start college as 14 year olds.

Sadly even half a bachelors is a waste of time (half a bachelors consists of a rehash of highschool aka general eds).

Sexually.

She is not that into you but she is jealous at her sis. The pussy wont be worth it and the relationship will stsrt bad and grow worse. Bail!

it wasn't what they told me, it was the fact that they cared.
Some people that I at that time wouldn't even consider good acquaintances, turned out to be loyal and steadfast friends, with a moral and emphatic character that surprised me.
They were the first non family people, to tell me that no matter how fucked up I felt, they still liked me and wanted to be around me, because I wasn't my problems, I was a person they liked with problems.
I went through years of childhood bullying, making half of the life I had lived a living hell, when I finally got my nervous breakdown at 25.
Add a bunch of failed relationships with women who had BPD, poor working conditions at my then job and close shave my mom had with death a little earlier that year and I was ready to go Cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
The only thing that saved me from my pit of despair, anxiety and agoraphobia was a few buddies of mine, sending me the occasional text that said "Hey, haven't seen you for a bit, come out and see us user".

Like let me give you one example of how utter shit the u.s. schools are (probably all schools innthe world have this problem). I really did expect more from a first world nation. What a joke.

Anyways,the example:

Say you want to get certified for HVAC.
Normal schooling =1 year to get certified.


Now I know a guy who got certified for HVAC in FIVE days. Not a freaking YEAR, just 5 days. He was trained in a union.

Long story short, schools are inefficient (sadly). Schools LOVE wasting time for who knows what reason.


Also, a year long for a highschool class is retarded. I've passed 9 units in the winter and 10 in the spring before. 5 weeks per class is pretty good. Even the summer was too slow. Too bad the u.s. does not offer accelerated custom programs.

Good for you. Save and invest

Why would she be jealous with the sister? I haven't really spoken to the sister until the trip. (Despite knowing her face for years)

The girl I am interested in is the one who initiated originally with asking to go to an art museum together, and from there we hung out constantly, with her flirting alot with stuff like Teasing, playing with my hair, and playfighting. Aswell as making some blatant sexual advances like

>saying she "wants to ride something" when commenting about something in an arcade
>or her saying a chair reminds her of a dominatrix one
>or her motioning for me to follow her into a small bar bathroom
>or her telling me that she's clean of stds
>or her rubing her hands up and down her torso while eyeing me
>or telling me of naked photos she's taken under a tree we were at.
>Or puffing her chest out while looking at me

10 in the summer i meant. Ive passed 26 units in a 16 week time period

i found some pics of my ex posted online recently. some of the pics that were online were when we were together but she never sent me those pics. i have mixed feelings on them.

Despite your dubs, your argument is literally the worst argument I have ever seen.

You'rea fucking moron.

Fuk man. I want passive income.

*Tips fedora
Ah I see you are a man of culture as well, tell me good sir, do you only wear black and tell all your friends how overpowered your pokemon are and how they would never be able to beat you in a duel?
Are you a freethinker and think that all women are thots?

You ex was even worse than you thought, good riddance I say.

You know what ? Same situation, feeling like shit atm. Your post made the final decision easier, I'll fucking do it

When I was young, 5 to 7 yo, I was a fucking demon, I had sexual relations (touching and licking because I was a kid) with my sister, male cousin, female cousin and female cousin with sister. I don't have a good memory but even don't remembering the past clearly, just with the little I know if I could go back on time I would beat the shit out of little me

yeah i guess you're right. still sucks though

Glad you still have a heart user...never let yourself get hurt again

Lost 10/10 post, but be careful he might smite you with his blade of shadows and darkness

Twister fucking psychic path

I was also a really horny kid. Thinking back what exactly was wrong with us? That shit wasn't normal

Of course it sucks, but be mindful not to blame yourself for her shitty actions.
You can't live without hurting, but I will do my best to avoid the hurt that isn't inevitable.
I have a heart in spite of things though user, I do this because I don't want to let the people who fucked with my life win.
I'll do my best in any and all ways to be better than them and trying to outweigh at least a bit of their evil.