You all have Seacrest

You all have Seacrest.
Spill 'em.
Shit you'd never tell anyone face-to-face - say it here, say it now...


Protip:
> greentext by putting that little fucker at teh start

you first op. gimme something good.

i have a fantasy about my stepdaughter getting mouth fucked by 10 buck niggers. i even wrote fan fiction about it. that's exactly what that little cunt needs. hell, i'd hire the niggers to plow that fucking throat.

maybe you can tell, i'm not to fond of that little bitch.

> seacrest

>be me, 1,000 years ago in high school
>fairly non-descript kid, I think
>never had a gf
>seemed impossible
>one day, a girl a couple of years younger sort of boldly marches directly up to me
>starts chatting
>very polite and soft, demure voice
>straight A student
>very, very pretty
>always dresses like a sophisticated woman, not a teen, so I had always sort of ignored her as I thought she was "stuck up" (and probably "out of my league" if I'd ever thought about it, but I didn't)
>tells me we should go out together
>spaghetti.exe
>we agree to meet up and go to a movie
>figure this will be one "date " and done
>nope
she had meant "we should be bf and gf from now on"
>and we were
>turns out she's a model and flys off to shoots in cool locales and brings me back corny little tourist gifts
>demfeels.png
>she's a sweetheart with high morales and good values who later admitted she asked me out because she was afraid someone else would and she'd lose her chance
>my 1st gf was a model who made me start to value myself
I was basically rescued from a life a forever alone beta depression by a beautiful angel.
Believe me, it can happen to anyone.
I can't even imagine what other people, especially the chads, thought. I didn't think about it at the time, but they must been like WTF?! when they saw us together.

Hang in there brothers, good shit comes when you least expect it.

No one will believe me but I'll tell ya anyway.
> Me and four besties camping on an island on the harbour
> Besties are 3 guys and a girl who's a real tomboy, she's decent looking but pretty much a just a dude
> I kinda treat her like my sister
> We're on the beach, practically have the entire island to ourselves sitting by the fire drinking being idiots
> Scene is real chill
> Suddenly she jumps on one of the guys, start making out
> Wtf none of us expected that
> Maybe 30 later he lies her on the ground and they fuck
> Right there in front of our eyes
> Hardcore shit he is totally destroying her
> Never seen this before irl, or done it for that matter
> Feels weird to watch so I go walk out to the jetty with a bottle of rum
> Having a good time talking to moon listening to the water lapping when I see someone walking down the jetty
> It's her
> She sits next to me, we have a 'wtf was that all about' conversation
> says no idea why she did it. She feels bad because that dude has a gf.
> Says it her first real time, only other attempt guy came as soon as he stuck it in her
> Lol, ok, this is all tmi
> She leans in, we start kissing.
> Her head works it's way down
> I lean back enjoy my first ever bj while looking at the moon and stars
> she sits on top of me, stabs herself on my dick
> It's like he's gone into the warmest, tightest, swampiest place imaginable
> She rides me and milks my balls
> Gets off me as I cum
> Holy shit girl, what's gotten into you tonight
> Walk her back to the camp promise won't tell anyone
> No point because She ended up following another friend when he went for a piss
> Both came back 5 mins later smiling
> All think fuck it, she's gotta screw the last remaining guy
> He's not into it, is committed to his gf
> Tell him just fuck her, don't be a pussy we will never tell
> He gives in, walks her down the beach a little
> We hear them moaning
> Next morning reconfirm will never tell anyone. Ever.
> Secret doesn't leave the island
True story

Are you still together?

>Mom died right when I was born
>Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before i was born
>Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister
>Be 17 or 18
>Notice that my sister is a hottie
>Accidentally found a video that she made of herself
>I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice
>Would have watched it a lot more, but crazy shit went down and I had to leave home
>At this point, totally lusting after my sister
>She was also having bad trouble with the law
>Actually in custody when I left home
>Friend and I go to pick her up
>I Just wanted to fuck her brains out
>I think she had feelings for me too
>Kissed me when we picked her up
>Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss
>Friend told me he wants to get with my sister
>jealous.jpg
>Not much happened between me and my sister for a while
>At this point, we were all wanted and moving around a lot
>Serious sexual tension between my friend and sister
>I get hurt badly and almost die
>While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss
>We spend some time apart
>I get really religious, try not to think of her that way
>I was totally over her
>We go sailing a year later (nothing romantic)
>She's in the hottest fucking bikini ever
>All those feelings come back
>She ends up with my friend from before
>After all this, we were at a party
>Sister and I were outside alone
>Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him

>be me
>have a gay man under my bed
>man was gay
>man was man
>mfw i have corps under my bed

cool story bro

eminem looking more like michael jackson every day

believe you.
that is a fucked-up girl.
wonder what made her that way...

You deliciously cheeky fuck

Starting to catch feelings for my old best friends ex gf. Me and him barely talk anymore and I've always wanted to fuck her but Im not sure if she's into me. We spend a lot of 1 on 1 time together but Im not sure if she likes me like that or she sees us as nothing more than friends. wat do?

I'm a guy on female hormones who had my I'd changed and birth certificate legally changed to female and then I moved across the country to start my life basically passing myself off as a girl, and no one knows.

I'm seeing a guy rn, we've gone on 6 dates and all I gave him was a bj because I don't want him to find out I have a cock

No idea because she seemed normal enough. Never acted slutty, or at least not with us. But then I was pretty slow on the uptake back then and probably missed any signals she might have given.
None of us ever fucked her again. Didn't seem right to even try.
Stayed friends with her for a few years later when we all moved for uni. Introduced a dude to her, they went out but he got real obsessed and she screwed around on him. She ended up earning money playing pool in a pub, wearing lingerie.
Never saw her perform, friendship had pretty much ended by then.

No. I went off to university and we started to drift apart. We were still friendly and all, but I was kind of taken with the big world in front of me, and wanted to explore. After university I moved to London, lived and worked in various countries, dated some unbelievable women and had some unreal adventures.
Likely little or none of that would have happened if not for her making me feel as if I had something to offer.
I kind of realized that most powerfully when I wrote that post up just now. Am now thinking of getting in touch and basically telling her what an impact she had on my life, and thanking her. She's a great person, it must sound weird that we didn't stay together, but it just kind of happened. Life, I guess.

>She ended up earning money playing pool in a pub, wearing lingerie.
yee. sounds about right tho.
sad.

i guarantee he can tell, just come out to him.

Make a move faggot. If you dont you'll regret it later

Doubt it, he took me to see his parents and they are conservative Christians and didn't even guess

>25 M
>consider myself bisexual
>love women
>like sucking cock/being fucked
>have dildos so i don’t have to fuck dudes

Seacrest?

What would be a good way to get the gears in motion? I dont necessarily want to be in a relationship with her but we're really close friends and we're both single so I just want to occasionally hook up with her

I'm a 30 year old man who's been luckier with women than you'd expect. never any trouble picking up, dating, lots of fun kinks, a few years poly, and currently know three nice girls who'd jump at the chance to be with me.

And like a 16 year old boy I'm sitting here constantly checking to see if the one girl I've finally fallen for has messaged me back. she hasn't, and probably wont.

Life is strange sometimes.

I killed a man in Reno
Just to watch him die

How often do you hang your head down and cry?

we already burnt secrets down

Get drunk and steer the conversation in sexual direction and see what happens

I’m fucking a woman in her marital bed who lives around the corner. She messages me to go round as soon as he leaves the house and I’ve bumped into him on the way on a few occasions.

I’m also seeing a married woman who tells me she loves me. Can’t wait to get my hands on that skinny tiny little slut.

I wonder if she was easier then you wouldn't want her so bad.

Do NOT "confess your feelings".
That's a guaranteed ticket to the Friendzone on the Betamax express.

Do it like this: tell her you're going to a museum/concert/movie/star wars convention/whateverthefuck (somewhere you'd go by yourself anyway, whether or not a chick was with you), and that if she wants to go with you, for her to meet you at XX:XX o'clock on YY day.
Afterward, you go to a cafe/ice cream place/popcorn boutique/street food cart and chat, but not for too long because you are about to go for a little walk, preferably somewhere nice or interesting, but right nearby do NOT drive somewhere, too serial killer-ish.
Now, lean in and kiss her.
There will never be a perfect moment, like in the movies, so just do it.
(But not if she's eating something.)
Nature should take it from there: the kiss will either continue, or the date will end with a "user, I like you but not in that way".
Either way, you've solved the situation - and if things don't work, she'll still be your friend because girls never want to be seen as the bad guy. It'll be important to her, if she isn't into you, that you can continue being pals, cuz that'll mean she's nice.

So you really have nothing to ose.

Not a bad idea, Just gotta find an excuse to get drunk alone with her

you don't tell and you could end up bludgeoned to death, as ha happened before.
if you tell him in person, do it in a crowded place.

You are lying by omission. Not a really great way to start a relationship.

meaning what?

Good advice but Im not sure if that would work. I think it would kinda freak her out

I was a local MJ lord, no one knows to this day.

some dealers even threaten me "you don't know who I am, better fuck of" not knowing they really work for me, and I know what they are.

no longer have the place, 3 years now.

once I went to my fem friend house with 200g to make 420 coockies, so no one im my house can smell it. of course i said i make them for a friend but i can take 20% for doing it. left her happy with 10%. im respected programmer no one would believe.

decent idea for a chad, terrible idea for this guy.
Anyone who has to ask is not going to do well in that situation.

>i'm a respected programmer

Come on, bro, it's not the '90's anymore.

Idk I think it could work out

post face

I wish I had seacrest

I can't travel to Osaka, Japan anymore because I drunkenly beat the shit out of some heavy tattooed guy in an onsen and got followed by 3 suits afterwards.

Hes going to punch your face in.

if followed but nothing happened, why would you be worried to return?

The worst is when you finally meet one better than the rest and you tell her she's really special,and you think the world of her, but she's so used to hearing that shit from other dudes it's just white noise and she doesn't place any value in what you're saying.

This is so tired. Fucking stop it.

Show man tits faggot

>be me
>married as fuck
>15 years with her, tho a break around 8 years ago
>loyal and faithful
>just today kissed a colleague
>groped her up good and proper
>pure crippling guilt now.

Wat do /b?

Kill myself?

Few guys stayed in front of my hotel for the last 2 days. When I ordered a cab at the lobby and got in, they pointed at me, shouted and where calling someone.

I've been staking a girl I saw working at Subway for 3 months. Have successfully followed her home twice now at night. I spent 2.5 hours outside her house hiding in large overgrown garden. Have seen where she hides the house key.

Oh fuck.
Ya, don't go back.

Get over it and start fucking. They key to a successful marriage is guilt free fucking sluts on the side. Been doing it for 15 years. 30% chance she's doing it / done it anyway.

get some help man
shit's not going to end well for you if you don't

What? For that? How did you manage with no balls? It's totally up to you. Keep your fuckingmouthshutand you'll NEVER be caught

If you feel so bad about it now, how did it go that far to start with?

It's ok she will like me

I have to go back to Japan this year, but I'll keep a great distance to Osaka.

But until today I wonder who it was that I beat up. I am certain he belongs to a criminal family but I'd love to know his rank.
He had his back completely tattooed, legs too, neck and sleeves where missing.
Back was a large Bird. legs where waves, a woman with a knive and a manly figure with a mirror.

I wonder if they even would remember, this was 3 years ago.

Don't fuck with Yakuza mate.
I was in Kobe when some dudes shot a businessman in the lobby of a top hotel. Japan tells you they have no crime, and by our standards thats kinda true, but when it comes to organised crime it's a whole different story.
They'll remember you. Sure, Osaka is a big city and all, but gaijin stand out. Word will get around. All it takes is for one scout to recognise you, he's in for a good ¥ reward.

good grief

doubt that they are looking for you and have pictures and shit but if they see you like face to face they might recognise you highly doubt it though

Get help fag

I know. Organized Crime doesn't count into their crime statistics and they have deals with local police and store owners.

First time I saw some was back in 2008 in Tokyo, when two guys where beating up some guy in public for money he owned them. No one stepped in. I was about to say something, because I had some sense of justice back then. The girl I was staying with gripped my shoulder with maximum strength pulled me away and told me afterwards that I was one step away from ruining my vacation.

It is a difficult topic, since they are deep entangled in japanese culture

...

unrelated to organized crime:

>be in Tokyo
>be 6'2" Canadian former hockey player
>2 guys around 17, 18 in school uniforms get on train
> start fucking with a retarded guy who is by himself
>no one does anything, all pretend nothing is happening but it is a big loud scene as these fuck laugh and hit his head, etc
>me: "not my country", "not my culture", "don't do anything"
> they keep doing it
>can't stand it anymore
>walk over and stand in front of the retarded guy and tell the other two to sit the fuck down tho I doubt they spoke English
>they stop, kind of stunned, and go to the other end of the train car, where they stay until the next stop where they get off
> retarded guy gets off later, greeted by two older ladies, he gives them big hugs
>was about all the affection i saw in 3 weeks in Japan

Japs are weird man

This is how my daughter cleans her bathroom. It aroused me so fucking much.

They don't show much affection and mobbing and cruelty among teenagers is a big deal too.
And racism. Damn they are even more racist than anyone here in Germany.

Girl I stayed with wasn't allowed to see me for a while because grandpa thought I was american. Literally called me white devil once.
But everythin was fine when I told him I was German and then he proceeded to show me his nazi stuff collection while blasting wagner.
But I got into playing Shamisen, Noh-Plays and Butoh-Dance.because of him.

But in their home: no hugs, no kisses, no cuddles. Just back and head pats.
The youngest daughter was 9 back then. Is now about 17 or 18. She had one hell of a schedule and was drilled to perfection...

Japs sure are one of a kind.

Did you drill the 9yr old to perfection? I know I would.

Here's my Jap story.
> Visit Fijian friends
> He plays professional rugby, she teaches english
> Both cool AF people
> One day she's showing me the sights
> At shinkansen stop at 7-11 for Pringles and shit
> Friend puts items on the counter
> Store clerk stands there awkwardly staring at the floor
> Ten seconds later, nothing's changed
> Friend says loudly 'sumimasen'
> Staff member won't look at her
> It's uncomfortable af, like dealing with a show room dummy
> Friend sighs, tells me 'come on we are going' leaves the items on the counter and storms out
> Ask her what that was about, she says often people completely ignore her and her partner, she doesn't wanna play the race card but 'obviously it's a black thing'
> She asks me to go back into the store and buy those things she just tried to
> Umm, ok, feels weird after what just happened, but no probs
> Get drinks and chips, rock on up to the counter. The same girl who completely ignored my friend is beaming and smiling at me 'ohayo gozaimasu katanakanaka kore wa wakanakaji desu'
> Complete purchase like normal while friend waits outside

Haha even japs hate Niggers kek

fucking hell

they hate you too, kid.
they might sell you something, but they don't want you in their country.
even if they're nice to your face, they aren't saying nice things behind your back.

How old is she?

22

When was the last time you saw her pussy?

>Shit you'd never tell anyone face-to-face
I bit a dry fig, i swallowed, and i saw that the dry fig was full worms. the fig was in the middle of my throat

Uh... looks kind of old to be living at home, tBh.

I was in Morocco once. Bough a paper bag of nuts from a street vendor, and stood there in the shade eating them while my Muslim host fucked a prostitute inside.
Hot af.
50 C.
After a while notice that the nuts are shot through with squirming tiny white translucent white worms.

Yeah.

Shiiiiiiiied that quads...

Go and thank her for everything blessed one.

Yeah they are racist sons of bitches BUT niggers are causing major problems in the bigger cities. Mugging people, stealing from stores, assaulting high and middle schoolers.
They raise the overall crime rate, are known fpr disrupting social order and keeping tourists away.

So many japs are either scared of em or just dont wanna interact with them.

The worst are Nigerians, South Africans and Those niga from Mosambique

I thought Japan basically said NO to almost all refugees

I got jerked off, got head, fingered and spanked/was generally rough with an old high school friend a while ago. She's a total slut normally, but she's in a relationship with this conservative guy and she actually wants to be loyal to him and said we shouldn't talk anymore cuz she doesn't want to cheat again. He just isn't as kinky/rough with her as I am. I feel bad, but I also want to fuck her more. I've contemplated trying to break them up but at the same time it just doesn't feel right ya know? Idek anymore man...

Gay

But you can apply for working visa, get together with some ganguro-style thot and sell bootleg shirts by day and robbing people by night. Also there is a foreign “exchange“ program financed by some US agency tp bring in the filth. Guess what, there are several turkish kebap shops now in Tokyo.

One in Asakusa close to the Kaminari-mon

I used to date over the internet, I would meet up with them if I could but never happened, the last 2 times I found a relationship they were underage and lied to me about their age, most resent one was 13, a little after I found out and stopped it she killed herself... on my 18th birthday, I started my adult life by killing a 13 year old

>Im a deranged sociopath, and nobody on this board will probaly never bealive me.

Writing up my own story in a few, but to follow up the jap ones

Got a friend in Osaka rn, 21yo white girl, cute and kinda fits right in there otherwise. From the moment she touched ground she's been stared at, followed, acted weird around. Guys grabbing at her and walking on like she shouldnt be surprised.
It sounds totally alien to me, dunno if its racism, their attitude towards women, or both

Sounds horrible man

Don't be a faggot, keep the memories precious and leave it at that.

my best friend is raising my kid cause i knocked up his gf

>Be 21 white kid in Navy and in best shape of my life. Not huge but pretty muscular.
>walking through Yokosuka with my best friend's gf, who we called Shortcake
>She use take us all to cool places since she was a local and could speak Japanese.
>Two scrawny Japs are walking past us and saying stuff I can't understand
>Shortcake tells me they were basically calling me a bitch and claiming she was a whore for walking with me.
>Baltimore mode engaged
>Ey yo wtf did you just say?
>Corner them like rats
>Dudes start acting submissive and speaking Japanese
>Shortcake tells they're saying they're sorry.
>Shortcake tells me we should leave because the police will side with them and I'll be fucked.
>Fake a punch at one of them and kid flinches like a bitch
>Walk away with shortcake, get on train and visit some cool spots in Shibuya.

Most Japanese people are cool but the racist are beyond annoying. Especially since they're like 5"2 - 5"7 and won't talk shit to your face.

I'm looking to buy a Labrador for the strict purpose and having it fuck my girlfriend.

I've been actively trying to fuck my SO's sister. I feel like a piece of shit, but there's something wrong with my wiring.

Her baby-daddy is a freeloading dweeb that doesn't do shit for the family. He can't even watch the kid by himself. I make sure I'm always on call to help her with projects around the house and play with her daughter while he sits and watches t.v.

When he's there the day goes on as normal and she thanks me for the help. Then I leave. There's almost a script when he's not around though. She says she should get showered (to the point that I now jokingly say "you going to get cleaned up?" and she'll say, "not a bad idea").

She'll take the gremlin in and shortly after call for help getting her daughter ready. She's always unabashedly naked, and I always try to be polite and avert my gaze as I wrangle the kid (still invariably get a glimpse of thigh or butt thankfully). I dry her daughter off and she comes out with a thigh-length nightshirt and no bottoms. She bends over too much as we cook lunch and then we eat.

Every. Single. Time.

It's like the best Groundhog Day. I hope it means progress but I'm not sure.

Thanks for spreading the word. Get all the girls hooked on that stuff, I love it!

When I was a 13 I walked in on my sister (16) having sex with my second cousin(28). They let my watch if I promised not to say anything. And I got my dick sucked. A year later I used that information to fuck her to.

First started with mates at work, now doing it online, making a side buck by selling videos of me cumming on my sleeping teen daughter to whoever has drugged/sleeping/incest fetish

sounds good. just make sure she'll keep her silence.

Next time, don't look away. If she gets all awkward then she was just being chill before, go back to how things were. If she's happy for you to look, then progress is being made.