How are you holding up, Sup Forums?

How are you holding up, Sup Forums?

My mom died a few weeks ago from brain cancer. Lost my job a few days ago. Living in a shitty apartament about to collapse (it's cheap as fuck, that's why). I've become an alcoholic and yeah, I'm not holding up well...

just smoke weed instead man, no homo get well

this guy's right. or mushrooms. don't let alcohol get you. you already know that eating right and moving around a little will make everything else easier. stay positive. it *sucks* to lose a parent. try to keep your chin up.
use all the advantages of modern society to help you succeed, don't let them weigh you down.
you're gonna be ok.

>essentially a teen alone in a foreign country
>sis broke her arm back at home so there aren't many nights where I can go out
>forming friendships is difficult
>Halloween meet up coming up, a few said they'd bring food
Cooking is one of my few talents, I'll try to make the most out of it. If I don't leave after 15 minutes anyhow.

I've been ok, not great though. Still having issues finding work and in general just under a lot of stress. I feel like shit all the time but it's a way I can feel numb for a bit and just forget things. My regrets, my problems, my parents, all of that's gone for a while. I know it's not healthy to be binge drinking and chain smoking. I just don't know what I can do with what I feel inside. I don't think I've ever been this depressed and hopeless in years. I know I've said it before, I just want a better life for myself. This isn't it.

Brandon I'm gonna lay it down for you.
1. Stop being so hard on yourself
2. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, search for liberation, the "promised land" if you will.
No matter what kind of perspective you have, apply to the way you want to, the way you see it.

All the people I know are getting gfs / bfs while I'm stuck with no one.

do you have friends to talk to?
do you live in a big city? When I did I felt horrible all the time. Moving away was more lonely but less stressful.
I'm no life guide but I just keep my head up and keep walking. It usually works out somehow, just don't let yourself get discouraged.

also fuck off tripfag

Good as always.

Honestly I don't understand the depressive attitude many here have. Or like I guess I 'get it', remember going through that a long time ago but once I gained perspective on things I've become incapable of getting depressed or pessimistic now. Everything just registers as interesting feedback, usually amusing in some way. Like, it's just a journey, with all kinds of fascinating lessons and the general sense over time is of discovering yourself and your value more while just learning to love everyone and life more.

Congrats

Not too bad. Just working, paying down debt, and trying to play/practice/record as much as I can in my non-working life. I really need to start reconnecting with friends as well as meet new people

It's been alright. I think my emotions are starting to flicker back to life, and random projects keep popping up in my mind. The main one is to start a youtube channel, but I'm embarrassed of my voice, and kinda low on knowledge. Still, I feel like the slog is almost over, and I look forward to starting again.

Thanks guys. Will do.

What would your content be if you hypothetically had a YouTube channel?

The big thing now is employment issues, I'm having shit luck. It was way easier to find work in RVA.
Not here, I felt the same way when I moved for a short time. It was a breath of fresh air, new scenery, new people, new social opprotunitys. Then things fell through with my shitty roomate and I had just found a job and had to leave. That's something that I'm pissed had to happen because I had always wanted to be out of NEwport News.

Shit, I'm so sorry. Try to hang in there man

yeah i mean good for you. i used to be like that in my teen years, but a combination of personal experiences and probably just general neurological malfunction took that away from me. on the plus side, it made it obvious that the stuff causing depression is all "in my head", since i've never been unsuccessful; the only variable that changed was my own headspace.

but for most of us, it's some combination of tragedy and our brains/bodies chemistry just fucking up. a lot of people just don't have the right balance of neurotransmitters, and it makes some of us want to kill ourselves. it's not rational, most of us know it, but that doesn't stop the very real suffering a lot of us feel more or less constantly.

Not so hot.

I owe a lot of money to various court facets.

My hours are getting cut at work because it's the slow season, and since I'm the newest employee, everyone else gets priority on hours.

I have 10 hours of community service I have to get done in the next two weeks and everywhere I check I can't do it (people on vacation, need background check etc).

And I'm pretty much alone through it all because I can't handle relationships with people.

I had a friends with benefits thing going with this chick, but she didn't want anything serious and I was catching feelings, so I ended the benefits side.

Fast forward 3 weeks (and I'm assuming its because I didn't want to be physical) and our conversations are half the length they used to be and she seems like she uses excuses to not talk so I tell her hey I can't be friends, it's killing me with the stress, making me lose sleep, etc.

Upon telling her as much she never responds, which in my mind, solidifies my guess that she didn't really want to be friends it of itself after all and only wanted sex.

So not so great

Spoiler:

You're in control of your feelings, and can gradually train them to be a fine-tuned engine of amazing emotions and productivity.

There are of course all kinds of outside stimuli that would like to impress whatever it could but you're in control of what you let in, what you filter, how you process everything and what you put back out.

I've been really bad but I have no one to talk to so my emotions just well up inside of me and then come out in strange ways at night time. I've also been really paranoid and have been seeing things recently which is worrying. I also have my first piano lesson ever tomorrow so I'm sort of nervous about that.

you know there are inside stimuli too, right? like that's why antidepressants and shit exist, and why people have phantom pain and panic attacks and shit.

mindfulness helps and is generally good, but it's not enough for everyone.

sounds rough.

not to be alarmist, but you consider seeing anyone about the paranoia/delusions? best to take care of that early in case it ends up being something serious like schizoid tendencies or something.

>You're in control of your feelings, and can gradually train them to be a fine-tuned engine of amazing emotions and productivity.
Still waiting on that one.

Analytical content that focuses on several bands per video (or an entire genre) to examine things like the limits of artistic expression, how people convey emotion through songwriting, and so on. The "pilot" that I've thought up is an exploration of slowcore, and the sorts of things artists do with the freedom to be 100% vulnerable. That's an extremely shoddy outline, but hopefully it sounds interesting.

Fairly well. Trading my gaming interest for a music one. And for the first time in a hobby standpoint I’m really enjoying myself. I’m interested in starting up a CD or vinyl collection but it just seems ridiculously expensive and just sticking with Spotify might be the best option. School is kind of a drag but I’m gonna stick it out. Not working while I’m here but I feel like I should be, not sure why. I’ve got a goal to listen to a new album a day in my free time. Ive got a couple lined up so far but I can see it getting out of hand pretty fast, just having too much fun with music for the first time.

i get you user but people who don't just won't until they do.
be glad you were lucky enough to break out
others: you can be happy too one day

I was a somewhat moody but generally positive kid, then got kind of how you're describing because hey when you're growing up you face a lot of challenges. But a lot of that neurological malfunction comes from attitudes you develop do to the reactions you continue to have to things, and how that wires a dysfunctional, toxic psychology with of course an exterior experience to match. Like many people who succumbed to bad attitudes I had some bad mental habits to break, and some of the improvement was definitely gradual, but I definitely reversed it all.

A lot of it was gaining the perspective that so much of what is registering as 'this is not okay, things are not okay, I am not okay' are just arbitrary flickerings that you are in no way inclined to have to perpetuate and absolutely always bring your functionality and energy down. Except realizing that it's all just negativity based in essentially things that aren't real - like how darkness is just absence of light rather than a thing, you get to the point where such moods can't root themselves anymore because it's impossible to even buy into their 'reality' anymore. I could be subject to an endless procession of negative bullshit but it couldn't affect me because I know it's empty.

It's definitely something I've considered more and more as the paranoia/delusions have progressed. They've become markedly worse over the past couple of months. I'm reluctant though, because my entire life I've been told by my family that I overreact to things that are't a big deal, and I don't want to make a big deal out of something that could be nothing.

>jamming music 24/7
>playing in a band
>wanting to date a girl
but I always have that same feeling that nothing is going to be the way how I want it to be

Sounds right up my alley.
I think you could give it a shot, user.

Thanks, man, I'll definitely consider it now.

I've been feeling better. Few weeks ago I was at a lifetime low, tried to sell some extra shit around my place to buy a gun but the plan fell through. Just feeling OK at this point- I've been trying to keep busy by constantly reading, watching movies, working out, and actually responding to people's invitations to go out. Being with my friends is nice but fuck sometimes they're the most cynical, pretentious, hard-to-please assholes. I feel like I'm rotting when if I'm around them for too long. Somehow I think girl started to show interest in me for the first time in a while and I really have no clue what she'd see in me (if I'm not interpreting the situation completely wrong). Just the thought of someone being attracted to me is nauseating. Finally, I dropped 3 out of my 4 classes this term.
God I really hope I don't wake up tomorrow.

>going to be accepted into specific health program where only 60 people are allowed annually
>have to wait 10 more months until it starts

finally I can move on and continue doing something thing is I have to wait...I fucking missed the deadline last year by one class literally lost a spot because I didn't even have all classes down for my gpa checklist even though my gpa was higher

haha i know that feel all too well

it's my third year at college and i still pretty much have 0 (zero) friends, i even joined the campus radio this semester but since my luck is complete shit i got the weekend show where it's completely deserted. all i really do is sit in my room and study, shitpost or sometimes go out to the bars or whatever with my roommates but one of them is super boring and awkward and the other one just abandons us immediately to go try and shove his dick into ugly girls. i do everything i absolutely have to like go to class and appointments but other than that i try not to go outside

i am incredibly fucking lonely

Doing ok. I had surgery to repair some ligament damage in my leg so I’ve been out of commission for awhile. It’s a bit frustrating but I’m getting by. Surprisingly my depression isn’t that bad lately.

Life is okay, still staying in uni. Grades are good. Started collecting vinyl records last Tuesday which is fun. But the dark days are coming, my grandma on my mom's side has stage 4 lung cancer that's also in her breast and her COPD is progressing rapidly. My grandpa on my dad's side also has stage 4 lung cancer, he hasn't smoked a day in his life either. I'm afraid dark days will fall on me in the next few months or so. I'm trying to not let those fears hinder my will to succeed.

Found out my ex is a narcissist. Too young to see the red flags before. So essentially all the times I thought were happy were one sided.

Starting a new job but I'm working 12 hour days half the week.

Pretty good. I've got the office closed and locked.

it never gets better
but as you get older you realize the value in having just one good friend

great

>Found out my ex is a narcissist. Too young to see the red flags before. So essentially all the times I thought were happy were one sided.

Holy shit same. What made you realize this? What red flags did you see? I'm asking so that I can be sure as well. It's difficult to tell honestly when your head is clouded by interest in someone from the opposite sex

Pretty terrible. I graduated with a degree that I hate and have been locked up by anxiety and depression in face of what I've set to be ahead of me for the rest of my life. I've spent the last 5 months doing absolutely nothing and I hate every fucking second of it. Hell I've spent the last 3 days straight basically locked into Sup Forums shitposting in every thread I can because I have literally nothing else to do, and don't know how to make myself even start to figure out how to fix things.

Tip to everyone currently in college: if you aren't passionate about what your studying drop out or change majors, it's not worth it, even to stay in a "high wage" major, please pursue something you love doing, it will make everything much better for you down the road.

What did you major in?

go find a find manual labor job, like picking strawberries or landscaping

that was very sweet, thank you user

I'm alright. I have an exam tomorrow in US History and I'm gonna stay up to study, and I have to finish a short essay due tomorrow also. I got some anxiety putting a damper on things, and I haven't seen a lot of my friends in months, but I've been pretty happy for the most part.
Thanks for asking OP

>Girl I hit it off with the other night wont respond to my texts

I know its literally nothing to be upset over, its just disappointing as fuck, I actually really liked her.

>never had more money in my life
>enjoyable, fulfilling, respectable job that will probably set me up for a decent career
>lofty but not unrealistic hopes and aspirations all round

>best friend hasn't spoken to me properly in weeks
>still live with mum
>no gf

it's aiite

you have some old habits and mindsets to break. alcohol's a depressant too

do you want to talk to anyone?

engineering. Parents and teacher encouraged it because I was good at math/science and if course the money, but I honestly don't think I ever wanted to go into it, I just never stopped to think and went with what people around me said would be best

I want to do this, but am scared that my family and people I know won't be able to accept or understand why I'm going into a job so far "below" me

why the fuck do girls give out their numbers if they're not interested? like just fuckin say no not like i'm gonna start crying

I'm lonely and crushing a girl at work.

I'm good at cooking and I unintentionally gave her my best dish- pizza.

Just tell them you'll be happier.

hey buddy if you dont like your friends, start being more of an observer and those traits are rampant around here

>I had a friends with benefits thing going with this chick, but she didn't want anything serious and I was catching feelings, so I ended the benefits side.
>Fast forward 3 weeks (and I'm assuming its because I didn't want to be physical) and our conversations are half the length they used to be and she seems like she uses excuses to not talk so I tell her hey I can't be friends, it's killing me with the stress, making me lose sleep, etc.
>Upon telling her as much she never responds, which in my mind, solidifies my guess that she didn't really want to be friends it of itself after all and only wanted sex.

I feel you user, it sucks to go from talking every single day for three months straight to not saying a word in a week (so far).
I honestly regret telling her that we have to stop the benefits thing.

We broke up pretty recently. Blamed myself for it for a month. Finally felt like I moved past it and by chance stumbled on some Youtube videos about it. It was like almost every little thing on the checklist matched up.

>relationship moved pretty quickly (look up Love Bombing), we hung out only a few times and were in a serious relationship
>constant compliments from her in the beginning, felt confident as hell
>eventually started making little criticisms about the stupidest shit
>would start arguments when I stood my ground, thought it was just typical female shit-testing
>felt like I was walking on eggshells, suddenly everything offended her but as soon as she'd say something I didn't like she'd tell me to "Get over it"
>I was always apologizing for my mistakes, she rarely if ever did
>irritated by her but stuck around because I was a low self-esteem idiot and shes attractive, and I try to work things out with people anyway
>found out some highly suspect things from a friend of mine who talked to a friend of hers, pretty sure she was cheating on me
>confront her, she mentions we spend time together all the time so how can she cheat. Essentially guilt-trips me.
>Logically she's right, but Narcs will run around no matter what and my gut feeling was off
>began feeling stressed the fuck out
>got into one final argument and she broke it off
>too blindsided to realize all the bullshit I was putting up with

Narcs have a sneaky way of making you feel like the asshole and like somethings wrong with you. Looking back I was acting like a cuck and should have dropped her long ago. Got over the break-up but finding this out and realizing it was all false hurts more. Feel like a fool.

Your major doesn't define your future. Rowan Atkinson and Dolph Lunderson are actors who have degrees in Engineering.

If your family is not okay with where you want to go, then they need to deal with that. Do what an user said, go work as a Farmhand in Montana to get some clarity or work in Japan as a Teacher.

Go do something instead of sitting on your ass.

Yeah I know, my anxiety's make my drinking worse. I've been on anti depressants before but they didn't do much to help me. I hated the side effects, I hated taking shit to deal with a shitty situation and life. I felt like all of my emotions were fake.

> Feel like a fool.
Don't. If it's any consolation, it's not your personal failure in being unable to see the signs and putting up with all this. Happened with me too and pretty sure would happen to anyone who has low self esteem and more willing to be thoughtful, caring and forgiving towards someone who is showing any semblance of affection or liking to them.

Self esteem is a pretty important thing man. Without it we become okay with things that are beneath us and we don't realize we deserve better because we don't feel like we deserve better.

But at least it was a lesson. Now you know what to avoid in the future. Here's to better and more mature relationships in the future.

surprised the mods didn't take this down yet

pretty lonely n sad if anyone is up for a chat feel free to shoot me an email
[email protected]

fuck that guy talking about picking strawberries LOL
user, I was you.
you should get into online retail. don't fall for the flipping meme (or do???? doesnt work for me)
incorporate and talk to wholesalers (not alibaba)
get the process started NOW!
make spreadsheets. remember that you will have to pay taxes and find out when and how much.
this world, this system is fucked. the way all the goods people need are distributed is SHAMEFUL. it's your right to suck a living out of this horrid system all way staying snuggled between your couch and your laptop
you'll feel way better when you're "accomplishing something"

Thanks I really appreciate it

I think what I need to do is just let go of my past, and let go of the things that have gone wrong in my life.What could have been, That's all I seem to think about. Instead thinking about what can be better, how I can be better, and the good things that'll come from it.

plus, everyone knows that I have weight issues that are tied into my emotional issues. I feel like getting the weight off will help me have a better image of myself increasing how I feel about myself and helping me in my confidence. My weight, and how I look has always been a damper on my life.

I still can't get over how gay Radiohead sounds

Not good. I wish I wasn't born to be honest. I have glimpses of happiness here and there but they merely serve as reminders of what I won't have.

>tfw no (you)s
>tfw not even Sup Forums wants to talk to you

Have a (you)

A (You) for your thoughts

I'm crushing hard on this girl in my class but I don't know how to approach her. I think she might like me back too, which makes me more nervous. I really don't wanna fuck this up.

thanks for bringing some music discussion into the thread user

Weird, most of their music sounds more melancholic than happy to me tbqh. To each their own I guess.

I have depression and strong suicidal urges. Things or people no longer interest me. I don’t care about getting further in life anymore. I’ve had enough time.

picking strawberries sounds sick. do you really do that for a living?

Just walk up and ask if she wants to get a coffee later or something, or say that she looks cute. If she says no, then that's the end of it. Plenty of fish in the sea, my dude.

Keeping it somewhat Sup Forums related:
Listening to This Is Hardcore atm, and it really strikes a chord in me. You can feel Britpop dying on the album; all the optimism replaced by cynical, bleak depression. I used to be happy, I used to be strong, what fucking happened to me?

maybe you should try getting some sleep too.

Find a fun hobby that strays your mind away from those thoughts. Something as simple as reading or collecting records could be beneficial. Going to a record store and crate digging is a great way to chat with others about music, hobbies, etc.

How do I handle that type of rejection if I've never experienced it. (ive never asked out a girl, you can probably tell)
Also, we sit next to each other for two hours two days a week. How do I make it not weird if I ask her out and she says no

no i landscape. picking strawberries is hard as fuck

I have no clue what to do with my life. I'm a terrible human and I fail at everything I do. I'm terrified of dying but I don't want to be alive anymore.

same user from earlier. how hard is it going to be to get a landscaping job or something similar with winter coming up soon

Is it even a good idea to fuck with your coworkers?

Generally no, but most rules go out the window when it comes to love in my book. I have a crush on one of my coworkers right now but it's probably never going to become anything.

>How do I make it not weird if I ask her out and she says no
just get over it

i asked some girl out last year i sat next to, she said yes and gave me her number then decided that she wasn't interested and started with the excuses

Pretty good. Only thing is I keep finding less & less music I like. I don't know if I just formed really specific taste or what. I keep listening to new music but nothing seems to stick like it used to. I listened to White Pony the other day though, really liked that.

I've lost my motivation to listen to music. I used to listen to 2 or 3 albums a day but now I just don't listen to anything or do anything

i slept in until 1 pm today and i maybe said a total of 30 words to my roommates over the course of the whole day. the only thing i did to get out of my house today was go on a solo hike for a couple hours. now i'm drunk for like the 3rd or 4th time this week.

i wouldn't say i'm unhappy. just numb.

There there user, sometimes you need to take a break. It's okay to repeat the same single over and over again, no matter how much Sup Forums thinks

you are like a little baby. I haven't woken up before noon in 2 weeks (and I really want to) I haven't had a meaningful conversation with anyone sense a phone call with my mother weeks ago, and I only left the house today, for the first time in 3 days, to smoke a cigarette and because I was out of food

wow are you me

...

I showed my gf Death Grips and she left me

It's okay. Things are changing too drastically. I feel like I've drifted away from everyone I was close to or the other way around. That being friends and family. I've cut out shitty people but I still look for the good in them snd think there's another chance, And I started having dreams with my ex in them which is fucking me up. I'm not sure but for like a week I went into a depressed slump. I'm hanging in there though.

Im at a college i have little motivation to be in, and it shows through my effort and attendance in class. i feel like im here to appease my parents who more or less forced this on me. fortunately ill be taking the next few semesters off and living with some friends, working as a chef in a restaurant and continuing to take jazz bass lessons. im a little torn though, since here at college ive been in a little band that was put together and its the first band ive ever been in outside of jazz ensembles and it feels really good to be able to make music i like the sound of. i have friends, hobbies, and all but general depression doesn't help my mood. it hasnt really been this bad for a couple of years. i was on meds before but don't particularly want to go back on

probably not but it's reassuring to think there are other people in the same boat

how do you live? does your mom pay for your rent/groceries?

What are you at uni for?