Jail thread #2
Anyone ever been in jail/prison or about to go into jail/prison? Let's hear some stories, what's like inside, what were you in for, how long served? Did the sound of your farts change? What was it like being released? Ever been able to find a job? etc etc
con here. ask away.
i learned one thing in jail about niggers. they are physically unable to shave their faces.
huh...like superman?
enlighten us about the release and thereafter. Finding a job, what did you do on your first day out and shit like that. Do you still commit?
whys that?
they get razor bumps. like fucking harsh. like trying to drive a plow truck across a pumpkin patch.
I did a 7 year stint on a sexual assault charge. It was rough at first until I found some closet case Chad. Beat his ass with a toilet seat just once. The rest of the time he gave me b's on demand. Didn't know I could come from him eating my asshole but I did took him 50 minutes to get me off. He cried most of the time while doing it which was distracting. After he got used to doing it and quit I would come a lot quicker. Wasn't that bad after I set up this pattern of every day life.
went to county jail for 5 days after being arrested for alluding police officer, which turned into police chase (i ain't pulling over i dindu nuffin) and a marijuana charge which was entirely made up (no weed in the car, but they suspected i was on it cause i didn't pull over). got released cause the lieutenant officer even knew i didnu nuffin.
after that my dad picked me up and i went home.
got the felony reduced to misdemeanor and only 40 hours community service.
could have possible faced up to 5 years if i wasn't released on own recognizance and found a good lawyer.
but i still didnu nuffin
>what did you do on your first day out
parents drove me to the dmv to get my license
>ate $30 dollars worth of mcdonalds
>borrowed their car to visit with friends
actually normal shit i guess.
ooo. cancel all that.
took a hot shower that lasted more than two minutes, and shit on a toilet for the first time in 2 years with no one else in the room.
it's the little things :p
An user here mentioned the difficulty in job searches. This is probably the most detrimental part of going to prison because it will affect you the rest of your life. You'll work shitty labor jobs or on construction sites where they don't give a fuck about shit like that. If you're planning to be a teacher or dealing with people whatsoever, it'll be pretty damn hard.
I started my own gig. Took some courses in prison for fabrication and bought a truck.
Did you instinctively do a curtosy flush?
I'm White and I get these at work. You are required to be clean shaven at my job so it gets irritated by my coveralls.
Unless you're a weird feminine guy with no balls you'll be alright. The only thing you'll have to deal with is being lonely and bored. Don't talk much and don't act weird. Jail/prison isn't as bad as they make it out to be. It's awful but you're not gonna get raped or stabbed unless you bring it on yourself.
working or comiiting now?
This post made me cum.
Toilet seat? Nice try faggot
>An user here mentioned the difficulty in job searches
ya that's me.
>You'll work shitty labor jobs or on construction sites where they don't give a fuck about shit like that
i was turned down for jobs like that based solely on my record.
it's not that you can't find decent work if you have a felony.
you can't find any.
oh man that first shit with the door closed. It is indeed the little things.
Bet the fill of toilet paper had a crochet cover on it too?
>you're not gonna get raped or stabbed unless you bring it on yourself.
how do you bring it on yourself? Talk too much? Act tough? Be in a gang? Break the tv remote? Shit like what?
i don't. but i will tell you the single most annoyance to this day after being almost 20 years out.
no matter where i am, no matter what i'm doing, i cannot stand someone walking behind me that is within ten feet.
i will stop, move to the side and let them pass.
you have no idea.
I know that I'm not allowed to travel to certain countries because of my record. A guy I worked with got hired on and he had AB tats all over him. Definitely did time. He was a fab assistant for a black guy.
Did they blatantly tell you the reason you weren't hired was because of your criminal record? I've had the same job for a long time now and my record was never mentioned. I have to do urine testing on demand, though.
>I have to do urine testing on demand, th
what kinda job is that? Forklift driving or something?
I didn't have that problem no one ever gave me any problems. Made friends I was friendly and over all happy most the time. I have no idea why I was treated well or respected but I was. Blacks whites everyone was nice.
Piss test is a small price to pay for a good job
The term "Street smart" applies best here. Just keep a low-profile and ride it out. Mind your own business. If someone eventually fucks with you (for whatever reason) don't get pushed around. Don't go around starting shit just to impress others, either.
It's scary to enter jail for the first time. Depending on your crime, you might get shit. I went in for assault but if you're in for messing with kids or women some guys don't like that shit. Fags get a lot of shit, too, but some guys are alone with a faggot and then they're all friendly looking for something.
>Did they blatantly tell you the reason you weren't hired was because of your criminal record
no. that's illegal. however albeit 2 jobs, every other job i applied to i never heard from again when i was told they were going to do a background check.
did you see the story about the nig that pushed me aside to stap another nig?
i think that is where my cautiousness kicks in.
Question. Am I the only person who found stability and genuine happiness and friendship in prison?
Did 3.5 years in Arizona, white guy, ask me anything.
No I didn't but fair enough man.
Which prision/prisions?
Florence, then Winslow. 99-02
this is his story from the other therad
I'll simply say that where I work has very expensive components and someone on drugs could reasonably me expected to be a potential cause of an extremely serious hazard. I like the piss tests because I know the guy working and potentially responsible for my life isn't all fucked up.
Ok may I ask for what reason?
Always wondered if all the assrape was true. If you believe the stories jails are nothing but rape everywhere 24/7.
So is it?
No sorry must have scrolled past it.
You're a faggot.
Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Dude was trying to rape my friend.
Friends from prison? Nope. Happiness? Somewhat. It helped me find myself again being sober. Stability? Definitely. My whole life changed for the better when I got out.
I remember a lot of people not wanting to get out on probation/parole b/c they knew they'd fuck up, and their "street time" wouldn't count at all, or they'd be resentenced dragging out the overall sentence. They wanted to stay in until the end of the sentence.
No. It's more like someone says "hey let me fuck your ads and I'll give you a bj when I'm done" then you don't get a bj. I call that being a maggot Chad but if you go by rape standards of lib fucks then it's rape. It's not rape its being a closet factor and a dumb ass.
Did your friend testify that you were defending them? Or was it one of those bs "within reason just enough force to submit" things?
I went beyond what I should have, 19 and dumb.
employment drug tests aren't supervised. so you're safe only from drug users too dumb to stick a bottle of clean piss or fake piss in their pants.
I remember a guy the cell over from me was planned for release so he started acting up. Got thrown in seg then I never saw him after that. Apparently he was getting released and didn't want to go.
>went beyond
as in?
>toilet seat
Tell me more lies
Can confirm. Guys I work with are fucking creative with this. Hot water bottles full of their wife/mother/whoever's piss taped to their chest/leg was probably the most common
That sucks, user. How much time?
I used a sword on him...
3.5 years
oh right. I didn't read the thread.
No not a fag. I let guys blow me yes why not? Never fucked anyone's ass never had mine fucked either. It's an odd place lots of folk hating themselves. You want the most faggot part of prison is to close your soul in fear. That is weakness. To listen to folk and to bond by knowing life showed me to end up here and relating is a real thing. To think you will only get fucked in your ass when you end up in holding...you sir are under homosusicption
what? he was raping your friend, you ran home, grabbed your sword, came back to stab him?
He deserved what you gave him, excessive or not.
Nope, chased him out of the apartment, high speed chase, he spun out, grabbed a sword from my backseat and went for him. Not my finest moment.
I was in jail for all of like 60 days but i came close to getting killed.
>get hella light time
>the cushy jail is booked so get sent to some med security prison
>FUCK IM GONNA GET RAPED!
>no one fucks with me
>i dont start shit
>some people like me because i love playing hearts and was almost always up for a game to pass the time
>there is one guy there that has extra attention from the guards
>some crazy ass looking white guy who is here for a short stay before being moved to a supermax
>go out of my way to avoid him because i dont want to die
>like, i keep an active eye out for him then move whenever i see him
>playing hearts one day
>insane guy comes up and asks to play
>guy sitting in the chair he was standing behind gets up
>it was this 6foot 8 gorilla of a man whos face was as white as a ghost
>pokerface.png
>cant leave, must play
>start to deal
>holy shit this guy is good
>actually enjoy the game
>he wins the final hand by nailing me with the queen of hearts
>big ass smile on my face as i say "you lucky punk good game!"
>Everyone in room quiet as shit
>several people staring at me with jaws wide open. one guy has his gum fall out
>OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK
>crazy guy glares up at me and tells me that if his own mother called him a punk he would slit her neck and watch her bleed to death
>I.......AM.......GOING.......TO.......DIE
>appolgise and explain that i did not mean it in any disrespectful way and that i have only been here for a few weeks and did not know what calling someone a "punk" ment in prison terms
>he fold his hands up around his mouth and gives me death glare
>what seems like 457 years pass
>apology accepted
So yeah. that was fun. prision sucks and is full of retarded children who use it as a place to network and in general we would be better off if we just hung most of them.
You're a faggot.
Still a good story. Guy probably deserved it
>>appolgise and explain that i did not mean it in any disrespectful way and that i have only been here for a few weeks and did not know what calling someone a "punk" ment in prison terms
would love to have seen that scene
what other words/phrases did you have to learn?
I learned that in the Army. Niggers always need shaving profiles due to their skin breaking out.
but then there's that white guy with a shaving waiver who still shaved his head. and talks like a black guy all the time
Well for starters i heard about people "bustin cheeks" which i assumed meant they were beating the shit out of someone...... i was wrong.
Had no idea what splitting wigs was either.
There was this huge long unwritten list of codenames for fucking everything and you were instantly expected to know everything.
Its been several years since i was in so i dont recall them all.
>i dont recall them all.
any that you recall?
Wait. So you went to prison for merely swinging a sword at a guy? Not even actual bodily injury/maiming him?
why do you carry a sword in your car?
PC Up - Head to protective custody
Heart Check - Check a fellow inmates commitment to the gang/race.
Punk - Sexual servant to another inmate
Bitch - Faggot basically
Don't Bust Ass - No farting in the cell
I'm high or I would remember more. These are from Arizona though.
In the state of Arizona, if someone feels in danger for their life, aggravated assault. I should have just let him go.
i would like to think i kept my poker face but i know for sure as hell on the inside i was shitting my pants.
>bustin cheeks = doinin up the butt
>splittin wigns = getting a beat down
>elevator ride = guards kicking the shit out of you
>each racial group had a code name i cant recall. i guess it was not ok to call the mexicans mexican so they were called beans or some stupid shit.
I knew going in to not accept anything from anyone. some guy gives you a candy bar and a week later you owe him $1,000 and are working it off by sucking his dick every night.
never use the terms "pussy, bitch or punk" when talking to someone. dems fightin words.
if you get into a fight its better to fight till you get knocked out then it is to run when you cant win.
If someone calls you out you either fight or are his bitch. again its better to fight till you cant.
never snitch. even in the med security i saw a guy get the shit kicked out of him and bones broken for snitching..
It was near Halloween, coworker wanted to be a ninja so I said he could borrow my display katana.
Cellie (your bunkmate), cell soldier (tough in his cell, pussy when confronted), chow (meals), Strapping (carrying a shiv), shiv (makeshift blade), "cowboy" (green CO), birds (jail vets), fresh meat or greenies(new inmate), hole (segregation), Jody (guy who is fucking your girl on the outside), kitty kat (woman CO), kites (notes), Shakedown (guards search all the cells for contraband), punk (faggot), pruno (booze made from fruit), lock-in-a-sock (self-describing)
Did you call black guys Toads where you were?
nice thanks. What are conjugal visits like? Do they onnly happen in movies? Or only for low security prisons?
Well it's pretty fucking scary that you can do hard time just for 'threatening' someone. Anyone can feel threatened for their life. Hell, I've probably made people feel for their safety just by me walking up to them (I'm 6'1" 260lb, bear mode).
It's bullshit. Were you able to afford a lawyer and fight that charge? It seems that a common theme is that only the poor do time, and the rich get off (with murder sometimes). I myself caught possession, burglary, trespassing charges as a teen. I had to eat those up and take a plea deal, suspended sentence type thing, once I realized that my family didn't have the 20k to go to trial.
"Justice" system is bullshit, man.
Do they look inside the foreskin and anus for contraband?
How're you supposed to not fart in your cell?
Aren't you in there the fucking majority of your "time"?
Nah it's a thing. Usually more for guys with longer sentences. Never had a conjugal because I didn't have an old lady in the time I was in.
Still, a faggit.
Basically the same, took a plea for a year of probation, judge rejected it, sent me to prison. And I understand you, I'm 6'5", 320lbs. Needless to say, nobody fucked with me in prison.
You're supposed to bust ass through the food slot and into the corridor so it doesn't piss off your cellie.
money walks, bro
Why do you think those millionaire fuckers go stay at a prison resort for 8 months? Corporate burglary is apparently different. There's justice for the rich.
Oh, and rape doesn't happen as often as you think.
you dont know how to shave. you use cheap disposables with 5 rusty blades stacked on each other complete with a plastic bezel. Might as well shave your face with a butterknife and icy hot.
Right into the path of a CO i'm guessing hah.
Also semi-related: How common is a private beating or extra punishment from guards who've had enough of a particular guys shit?
Kind of rare, really only happens when the inmate beats up a CO and gets caught. Lot of COs get beat up, hardly anyone caught.
so you found out you were a faggit.
I was in prison for 15 months for groping an underage girl. All I thought about before prison was not getting raped. They put you through a class when you first get in that tells you how everything works. They tell you not to take an favors even how the illegal stuff works, like barter, sitting with your own race and stuff. I was so fucken scared. After the first few days nothing happened. But I knew it was coming. I'm a little bitch and skinny and scrawny so I was expecting the worsed. I made a few friends. It was cool. I may have been saved by this crazy white guard they called "The Rape Slayer". The story was he somehow had a rape sense and stopped a dozen or so rapes from happening then would beat the rapist half to death. He did this so many times the rapes stopped. I was lucky I guess.
How true are depictions of inmates being stripped butt naked in front of everyone and left naked in solitary confinement?
yeah wanna know this too
Haven't been to jail.. but if i ever do, i hope i find a fuck buddy in a corrupt guard.
any sex between the inmates and the guards?
Surprisingly yes. I've heard about more than one time this has happened.
Like a male guard and male inmate or male inmate and female guard?
how about
A ded rat would make you orgasm, you retarded freak.