Kirby has just absorbed you!

Kirby has just absorbed you!

What power does he get?

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youtube.com/watch?v=ccY25Cb3im0
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Overly high sex drive and depression

The inability to talk to anyone other than close friends

The ability to sit on Sup Forums for hours and waste every moment of his life

The ability to become Batman but without the money :^)

Courage

The ability to turn lesbians straight.
Seriously.

story?

Kirby is now stoned out of his mind

>1998
>be me
>be 21
>meet cool, cute, weird chick, 17yo
>think i caught feels
>commence relationship
>almost woman of my dreams
>13 years relationship
>finally married in 2011

>2015
>start new job
>first day there, meet literal 10/10 woman of my dreams
Well clearly as gorgeous as she is, she's probably a boring normie bitch
>soon find out she's anything but
>after a year, realize i have feels for her
>but lol she's gay
>both married
>my marriage falling into rut?
>no, i was married in a rut
>weeks at a time of no sex
>house is a wreck
>we get along, but spark is gone, feel undesired
>besides, im fat ugly 38yo loser anyway
>meanwhile, really really really feel like dream woman is into me
>but lolno she's gay
>still really good friends tho

Cont...

>2016
>leave a fucking note on her desk
>wtf is this, middle school?
"Some risks are worth taking."
>betamax to the max
>she asks if i know who left it
>lie at first
>finally admit
I'm flattered but I have a lot of emotional investment in my current relationship.
>interesting response......
>told her i was sure she was attracted to me
>lolno of course not
>agree to still be friends

>2017
>of course i still want to fuck her if nothing else
>meanwhile, nosex november at home
>all year round
>marriage is ok but kinda sucky
>talk to and hang out with dream woman more
>still just friends
>still can't shake the feeling she's into me

>dec
>dynamic starts to shift
>dream woman tells me she thinks about me a lot
>admits she schlicked while thinking of me
>!!!!!!!!!!
This doesn't mean I want to fuck you or anything. I don't want to lead you on.
>tell her i get it
>after all, we're both married
>and she's gay lol

>we walk more
>we talk more
>realize we're both attracted to each other
>says she just wants to fuck around
>ok why not?
>neither one of us are getting what we need at home
>we kiss
>we found more time to run off and do more "stuff"
>she realizes she has feels
>admit to myself i never stopped having them

Cont...

>it's been at least a couple decades since she's even been with a guy
>be me
>be first guy she has ever had feelings for
>holy shit
>she shows me something
>the note from last year
>she kept it
>she fucking kept it
>this is not just an affair
>this is huge

>we are going to leave our wives
>she goes to visit family
>i go home
>try to give my wife a really good day or two before i give her the news
>sat night, tell her i can't stay married
>expected her to be like, yeah i get it
>instead, i have just ripped her heart out
>she says she'll let me go
>because she doesn't want me to suffer
>she's suffering
>feel really bad, but figure it's just sympathy

Cont...

>sunday morning
>wake up and realize im making a "huge mistake"
>i had told wife that there was nothing she could do
>realize i had never tried to tell her what needed changing besides the sex
>start listing things
>she says ok
>why tf did i not communicate this shit before?
>decide to stay with wife
>realize i still love her so much
>she is "half my heart"

>call dream woman
>bad news
>she doesn't take it well

>next day explain in person
>she thinks im making a mistake

>be me
>be 40
>have two women who want me
>i was always the fat ugly nerd loser
>no idea how i got here
>realize im not so fat
>not so ugly

Drug tolerance and addiction

>my marriage has just weathered the biggest storm ever
>me and wife are communicating like never before
>but i led the woman of my dreams down a path
>it could have been great
>we really were in love
>she kept the note
>in the 11th hour, i turned back to my wife

>be me
>almost 2018
>xmas came and went
>new job
>met dream girl for lunch one day
>"we'll behave"
>walk and talk after lunch
>we're staying with our wives
>we do love them after all
>so better marriages
>much improve
>very sex
>still want each other tho
>she grabs my arm like no woman ever has

>finally have to go
>get to her car
>give her hug
>pick her up
>she wraps her legs around me
>grab her ass to hold her up
>tell her i always wanted her to do that
>tell her we better go before i kiss her
>she just closes her eyes and moves in
>we kiss
>oh fuck i've missed this
>ok
>fuck it
>we're having an affair
>probably gonna fuck next week

Kirby gets punched up the tits.

Kirby gets the ability to enjoy this up his whatever. Does he even have a butt?

Yey! Now kirby can watch any horror movie without being scared.
But that's all.

Chronic IBS.

Kirby gains the ability to pic related.

pic of "dream woman"?

can get a punhc on the head wihtuot geting eny dummur

He becomes sleep kirby.

Time. Sauce ?

>Inb4 user's marriage gets fucked from the affair

>month goes by
>dream woman and i still talk
>only a matter of time before we leave them for reals
>not sure how to execute
>one day, come home and wife wants to talk
>says she feels dream woman is competition
>want to save marriage?
>cut off all communication with dream woman
>don't have to decide tonight
>also, time apart from both
>pack some clothes and head down to family house

>week with no contact with wife
>also no contact with dream woman
>first time in my life, enjoy being single
>sort things out in my head
>realize i have never been able to admit to myself:
I'm not in love with my wife.
I haven't been for years.
>cry guts inside-out
>last bunch of years have been great
>marriage was solid and sound
>but the relationship it was built on was over years ago

>after a couple of weeks, talk to wife
>tell her i want to leave
>she handles it better this time
>still tense
>still awkward
>afraid taking to her will hurt her more
>finally figure out talking helps
>trying to be friends
>she's still grieving
>surprises me with her strength and fortitude

Cont...

The ability to infect others with Chlamydia. Seriously I’m on treatment for that shit atm, bag up kids!

Chlamydia is the best sickness ever! You just can't have childs! That's not a sickness, that's a benediction.

crippling social anxiety.

Marriage already dying a slow death. Might be better to put out of misery? I could never give advice on this. Breaking up sucks.

Kirby gets married to a sexually abused woman with PTSD who can't have sex and live a cuck life for years on end because he refuses to cheat!

>dream woman finally tells her wife
Gonna leave out the details here.
No pictures either.
>lez wife behavior drives dream woman into my arms even faster
>dream woman and i, first date last night
>finally find out just how "compatible" we are
>lemme just say this
>staying would have been the mistake
>the future is unknown
>but holy shit it looks bright
Some risks ARE worth taking.

Why did you marry the abused, PTSD, asexual chick? That's almost asking to be a cuck

This

Trent Reznor?
youtube.com/watch?v=ccY25Cb3im0

dang

>Breaking up sucks
user? YOU AIN'T KIDDING!!

I had only ever been broken-up with. I had never done it. And I spent so many years not wanting to break up with her because I didn't want her to feel the way I had felt when broken up with.

That was emotionally immature of me. And I did technically cheat on hey. I am not proud of that. I'll own that shit.

But I finally stopped lying to myself. She's doing as well as can be expected. She had friends who are supporting her. And she's stronger than I ever realized.

I did the scary, hard thing. The price was high, but the payoff is fucking worth it!

Kids, never let to yourself, no matter how much you think the world will hate you for the truth. Never fucking settle, even if she's the sweetest woman in the world.
If you aren't really in love, you'll be hating life down the road.

I'm just thankful we don't have any kids.

Crippling erectile dysfunction.

Dick still works, but I'm a permavirgin so it doesn't matter.

Diabeetus.

Same here man. Know how to hit every good spot when its working, but it hardly works. On top of that chad-ish with social anxiety.

Fucking kmn

Didn't know (she didn't show signs) until after we were married. Didn't fuck before marriage but she could make out like a sex fiend.

Joke's on me!

Power to want to kill himself

>Didn't fuck before marriage

Oh...... Oh user.......
What..... What were you thinking?

>imma buy this car
Wanna take it for a test drive first?
>ya know what......? NAAAAAAAAH!

He's a pedo now

Religion. Still a believer, but now I'm a big proponent of premarital sex.
Also, don't believe God loves me. I said I believe, not that I worship.

God doesn't want you to suffer.
Consider an annulment if not divorce.

I was kidding honestly because it sounded funniest to me... sorry for your penis woes penis/b/ro.

You still have time to turn half your life around.

Suicidal tendies

Things got better: I used to be bipolar 2 (the sequel). Went on mood stabilizer, haven't had months of crippling depression in years. The side effect is that I have almost no interest in sex.

Everything about our relationship besides sex was wonderful, but the sex part poisoned everything.

Our relationship isn't perfect now, but it's a hell of a lot closer, so I'm cool with it.

I should type out a green text of this. It comes up every once in a while.

Well, whatever works for you. Me and the new gf both have high sex drives, but I know a couple who are in their fifties, and neither has a sex drive anymore and they're both fine with that.

I actually used to have an overactive sex drive and it kind of sucked. I could spend hours a day fapping and still be able to do it again the next day. Now I have more time to do other things.

I still like certain kinds of porn, weirdly, but it's like an academic interest. I hardly ever fap now (maybe once a week) and it's more for health reasons and it kind of feels like a chore.

Alcoholism and opiate tolerance.

A strange ability that makes you extremely nervous if something doesn't change overtime. Also an intense fear of video game glitches. We're talking about punching the screen and getting in a fetal position fear.

I enjoyed your story user. I'll remember it. Thanks for sharing

You'll love the Poochee and Pansy game of they ever finish it.

Until then, try Doki Doki Literature Club. :-D

>"hey user how did you get such weird fetishes"
Porn addiction.

loneliness

Strangely enough my favorite games are all buggy, glitchy messes and made or published by Bethesda. Kind of counter-productive to said fear.

The ability to start drinking at 9 in the morning to drown out the depression.

I'm still busy playing the Sims 3 and Skate 3. Also buying a new monitor every few months.

You're welcome. That being said, might I ask a favor?

If you remember that story, please also remember this advice:

Don't settle for not being happy. And if you are stuck being comfortable but not happy, look at what you have to do to change it.

It will be the scariest fucking thing you've ever faced.

That means you MUST do it, or waste away in unhappy comfort.

And it will suck and it will hurt. But once you are on the other side, you'll wonder why you ever hesitated.

Leaving my wife was the scariest fucking thing ever, mainly because I was so worried about her. And the first time I tried, I pussied out, which just prolonged things and made them worse.

Do the scary thing, user.

the power to reply to stupid fucking threads

fucking mad skilled Ash rushes in siege

I will I'm glad you found happiness

I don't get it. I don't really have weird fetishes. I do enjoy pics of extremely passable traps, though. I think the art of Incase and Ulrik made me bi in my receding sexuality.

big dick

I take it back: Now that I look at it objectively, that pic counts as weird fetish, I think.

Oh well, I don't care. It's such a small part of my life now.

>small part

So you're saying you only like feminine penii?

suce?

I'm not into manly men, if that's what you mean. And by "small part", I don't mean small penises. I like traps with big sturdy cocks. My fantasy would be to bottom for one like a total fag.

>says doesn't have weird fetishes
>literally the next sentence confesses about a trap fantasy

I guess Sup Forums has inured me to that. I don't even see traps a a weird fetish anymore.

Thanks for nothing, Sup Forums.

Trust me, it's weird. Tell a normal person that you're into chicks with dicks and you'll get a strange look

Ah know what you meant.
It was a joke, Ah say a joke, son!

Fuck, incase is the only thing that makes me question my sexuality. His redheads are out of this world with or without dick.
There is nothing wrong with it, but remember that most people would find it weird.

>goes for the obvious joke
>doesn't look literally one post ahead to see user already fucking called himself out
>slowpoke.mp4

Erectile dysfunction

Yeah, that's what I said. It's objectively weird. Depends who I'm telling, though. If I told anyone I know in real life, yeah, I'd get a strange look. But if I told anyone I know online they'd take it in stride, or at most call me a colossal faggot, which would be stupid because I always follow it up by saying I know it makes me a colossal faggot.

Kirby because a suicidal and kills itself.

I fucked that sentence uo so bad

Sheeeeiiiiit

*up

Extremely high sex drive.
And socially awkward enough to just barely get a autism stamp next to my name.

the ability to see himself as a failure to everyone around him as well as the inability to do anything meaningful with his life.

We're all worthless here. No worries.

You wouldn't be such a failure at life if you weren't a fucking skeleton.

Clackity bastard, pls go.

Not me. I'm semi competent at best, thank you very much.

fuck they're on to me

the hability to cope with crippling depression

>cope
>crippling
So what does it look like when you're not coping?

...

Suicidal depression.

dont think so high of yourself

it looks bad :/

Chronic internettus piratus

Hey, fuck you and your anti-skeleton propaganda! I'm a fully competent skeleton and I can even play the fucking guitar, you hateful fucking fleshbag.