So what're you're Pottermore's, guys?

So what're you're Pottermore's, guys?

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I'm Pottermore's, apparently.

kill youreself juan

the fuck is livermorny?

Uhhhhh, just the American school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, duh! And it's I L V E R M O R N Y, dummy. Jeez.

So are you a Harry, a Ron or a Hermione?

None as i wouldn't be caught DEAD in one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Not even give the copypasta a (You)

It really is sad how he has that so readily prepared. That's some sort of sick obsession.

The worst part is that since he's a shitposter he doesn't even realize it's sarcastic copypasta. That book ranking is /lit/ meme-tier nonsense and the review the text borrows from is literally factually wrong and is in fact nothing more than an old man ranting about children liking things he doesn't understand.

Fucking captcha is telling me to pick out houses but there are no fucking houses, just castles.

Call me Severus, mothafuckas.

how edgy

cuck n' proud

Every hero needs a past tragedy.

>snape
>hero

This is what cucks actually believe.

>spent almost 20 years being a double agent, working against the worst dark wizard ever
>saved harry more times than dobby could count
>gave harry and co the sword of Gryffindor so they could destroy the horcruxes
>killed his own friend and mentor to save Draco from being killed by Voldemort
>died trying to keep Voldemort from unlocking the true power of the elder wand
>not a hero
Y'okay.

>>spent almost 20 years being a double agent, working against the worst dark wizard ever

Didn't really do anything that we know of against him.

>>saved harry more times than dobby could count

Not really.

>>gave harry and co the sword of Gryffindor so they could destroy the horcruxes

Anyone could have done that, nothing heroic about it.

>>killed his own friend and mentor to save Draco from being killed by Voldemort

Dumbledore wasn't his friend or mentor, and he killed him as part of the plan, Dumbledore was dying anyway.

>>died trying to keep Voldemort from unlocking the true power of the elder wand

Snape didn't even know about the Elder Wand you dumb fuck.

He's the most overrated guy in the entire series. Take him out and anybody can replace him, while being much less cunty.

>thinks this pasta makes him seem intellectual

Slytherin pride worldwide

A

FUCKING

SEAL

>Didn't really do anything that we know of against him.
Dumbledore specifically says otherwise multiple times.
>Not really.
Yes really.
>Anyone could have done that, nothing heroic about it.
Anybody? Like who?
>Dumbledore wasn't his friend or mentor, and he killed him as part of the plan, Dumbledore was dying anyway.
Dumbledore calls Severus his friend multiple times and was grooming Snape to succeed him.
>Snape didn't even know about the Elder Wand you dumb fuck.
Yes he did, you idiot. He knew in HBP that is Draco succeeding in killing Dumbledore Voldemort would eventually kill Draco to gain full control of the Elder Wand.
>He's the most overrated guy in the entire series. Take him out and anybody can replace him, while being much less cunty.
That's retarded. He's an integral character, whether you like him or not.
I wish Rowling would flesh out the Ilvermorny houses more and give them some fucking personality already. The Hogwarts houses were instantly compelling to young readers but there's nothing to get you interested in the Ilvermorny houses.
Not him, but I got a fucking rat on my first attempt. I had to make a new account just to fix that nonsense.

>he hasn't heard about leopard seals
lmao

fuckin Sup Forumsmblr

I agree the stuff she's written about the houses is vague as fuck. Probably on purpose. I'd guess every new prequel movie is going to flesh out a different school.

...wat

>Dumbledore specifically says otherwise multiple times.

When?

>Yes really.

List the times he saved Harry. Go on.

>Dumbledore calls Severus his friend multiple times and was grooming Snape to succeed him.

If you really think that's what their relationship was like you're fucking retarded.

>Yes he did, you idiot. He knew in HBP that is Draco succeeding in killing Dumbledore Voldemort would eventually kill Draco to gain full control of the Elder Wand.

He didn't. Read the fucking books again instead of shitty fanfiction. Snape never knew about the Elder Wand and that's not the reason he killed Dumbledore instead of Draco.

>Not him, but I got a fucking rat on my first attempt.

Makes sense.

the majority of patronuses aren't very threatening. Harry Potter had a deer ffs. Also I got Shark, Wildcat, and Eagle the other times I tried.

Patronuses reveal your character. Stags are regarded as noble so that's why Harry had one and why James was an animagus one. What personality does a fucking seal have?

Unfortunately Ilvermorny isn't going to be a focus of the new movies at all. They're using Newt Scamander and his travels to backdoor in the Grindelwald storyline. And Grindelwald is being played by fucking Johnny Depp. Yuck.
>When?
To Harry and other members of the Order in books 5 and 6.
>List the times he saved Harry. Go on.
He got to Harry first after Voldemort killed his parents, preventing Voldemort's followers from killing him.
He saved him in books 1, 4, 6 and 7, and tried to save him from an Azkaban escapee in book 3.
>If you really think that's what their relationship was like you're fucking retarded.
Dumbledore was a serious, calculating man with a dark past. He and Severus were practically kindred spirits. Snape was one of Voldemort's followers, but Dumbledore was devoted to Grindelwald even longer than Snape was following Voldemort.
>He didn't. Read the fucking books again instead of shitty fanfiction. Snape never knew about the Elder Wand and that's not the reason he killed Dumbledore instead of Draco.
That is the reason. Dumbledore knew everything about the wand and SNape was his right hand man. You think Snape thought Dumbledore asked him to murder his boss for no reason?
>Makes sense.
That actually made me laugh.

>Harry Potter had a deer ffs
Stags are dangerous as fuck, bruv. Do you think those antlers are for hanging stockings?

ravenclaw, but i would choose gryffindor
horned serpent
chestnut mare

11 1/2 phoenix core

>but i would choose gryffindor
You lame twat.
>11 1/2 phoenix core
And you're a manlet. Makes sense.

Damn m8 you're stupid.

>To Harry and other members of the Order in books 5 and 6.

WHEN?

>He got to Harry first after Voldemort killed his parents, preventing Voldemort's followers from killing him.

No he didn't fucktard, Hagrid got him and Sirius was there as well. Snape was crying like a bitch in Dumby's office.

>He and Severus were practically kindred spirits

They really weren't. Snape was Dumbledore's tool.

>You think Snape thought Dumbledore asked him to murder his boss for no reason?

The reason was that Dumbledore was dying anyway and didn't want Greyback to eat him, as well as thought it would be good to cement Snape's supposed loyalty to Voldemort.

Just stop talking. Read the fucking books and then come back, you dumb moviefag.

Kind of all three desu, though I was always sort of like hermione in school.

My snekbro

it might have been 12 1/2 i dont remember
desu

im choosing the house with the sword every time, my favorite color is blue even.

Grass Snake.
Gryffindor.
Thunderbird.
Pear wood with a Phoenix feather core 11" and Slightly Yielding flexibility.

A Grass Snake seems kind of lame... Oh well.

>WHEN?
I just fucking told you. What do you want me to do, speedread both books and give you fucking page numbers?
>No he didn't fucktard, Hagrid got him and Sirius was there as well. Snape was crying like a bitch in Dumby's office.
Bullshit, you stupid nigger. Snape was there first, Hagrid just took Harry to his Aunt's house, and Sirius wasn't there at all. Sirius didn't even know where the fuck they were since he didn't want Death Eaters to torture the location out of him. Snape found out where they were, but too late to save them.
>They really weren't. Snape was Dumbledore's tool.
That's your own headcanon, but it's not supported by the actual material.
>The reason was that Dumbledore was dying anyway
He wasn't dying right them, you idiot. He just had a bum hand and a sickness that was SLOWLY sprrading.
>and didn't want Greyback to eat him,
Oh, fuck off with your stupid shit. You're pulling this out of your ass.
>as well as thought it would be good to cement Snape's supposed loyalty to Voldemort.
Because it can't be two things?
>Just stop talking. Read the fucking books and then come back, you dumb moviefag.
You clearly shouldn't be talking about book knowledge, you dumb asshole.

>What do you want me to do, speedread both books and give you fucking page numbers?

Yes. Provide actual examples.

>Bullshit, you stupid nigger. Snape was there first, Hagrid just took Harry to his Aunt's house, and Sirius wasn't there at all. Sirius didn't even know where the fuck they were since he didn't want Death Eaters to torture the location out of him. Snape found out where they were, but too late to save them.

Holy shit you fucking moviefag kill yourself, Snape was never there, Sirius and Hagrid came to the scene first.

>He wasn't dying right them, you idiot. He just had a bum hand and a sickness that was SLOWLY sprrading.

Yes he was. He had about an year left from the previous summer.

>Oh, fuck off with your stupid shit. You're pulling this out of your ass.

This is an actual quote from the chapter "The Prince's Tale" in DH, where Dumbledore tells Snape he prefers a quick death instead of Bella and Greyback tormenting him.

>You clearly shouldn't be talking about book knowledge, you dumb asshole.

Except I do because I actually read them multiple times, unlike you who only watched the movies and read fanfiction.

Don't ever reply to me again you literal retard.

Everything you say is bullshit. Sirius had no idea where the Potters were. Pettigrew was the one who knew. That's how Voldemort and Snape knew.

Look idiot, I'm not sure whether you're trolling or really that fucking stupid. In the first fucking chapter of the first fucking book Hagrid tells Dumbledore that Sirius Black gave him the motorcycle, and in PoA Hagrid tells Fudge, McGonagall and Rosmerta how he came to the scene and how Sirius wanted to take Harry.

Why the fuck do you think Hagrid was there right away? He was only there to collect Harry.

What was his fucking problem?

He belonged on Sup Forums.

One of his twin sons died. And like everyone else no one knew or cared which one it was.

>He was only there to collect Harry.

Yes, and? he was the first on the scene. That's a simple fact that anyone who had read the books should know. Sirius was the second on the scene. Snape was never there, unlike the dumb movie scene.

How the fuck would Hagrid be the first on the scene? He didn't even know where the Potters were. Only Pettigrew knew.
>Pettrigrew tells Voldemort
>Voldemort goes there
>Snape finds out, gets there too late
>Snape tells Dumbledore
>Dumbledore dispatches Hagrid
>Sirius is told
>Sirius arrives
That's how it went as that's the only way it makes sense.

Stephen you are the edgiest nigga on Earth.

Listen fucktard. I'm not going to explain to you why. The fact is that Hagrid was the first on the scene. Stop wasting my time with your shitty fanfiction.

I miss fanfic user

>i can't tell you why youre wrong but just believe me anyway
lol
Cursed Child isn't enough terrible fanfic for you?

>just believe me anyway

I don't care if you believe me, I'm done with you retard. I just hope you're not going to try and say that shit irl and embarrass yourself. Seriously, read the fucking books, it's all plainly there, in the first fucking chapter no less.

Fuck w me

>talking about deepest harry potter lore in public isn't embarrassing
>getting details wrong is

>autismspeaks.png

>houses are both cats
>patronus is a bird
ow my autism

>considering basic facts from the first chapter "deepest harry potter lore"

Yep, you're a moviefag. No wonder you like that cuck Snape. The movies totally whitewashed him.

I don't think you know what cuck or whitewash mean.

Imaginative, supportive and playful. I'm a fun guy, user :^)
Seals can be dangerous too. Leopard seals and Elephant seals will fuck your shit up.

>youtube.com/watch?v=Zxa6P73Awcg

Shut the fuck up retard.

>s-stop making fun of me...!

Is this good?...

Did you try to be terrible?

i know youre being ironic, but seriously though is that a fan thing or is it in the books? i stopped reading after halfblood prince

> We’ve produced the fewest Dark wizards of any house in this school.
but
im a gud guy

The concept of it is int he books, sort of. There are wizard schools all over the world. But the American school was never even named in the books afaik.
You sound like a fag to me.

>repugnant
>repels women
>autistic
>terrible at life
Ron's my man

i hate jk rowling so much